Guilty Working Mom

mlauraa

i has a 2 almost 3 years old
I work in a office where i sit down all day, from 8:45am - 5pm

and go to the gym 7pm-8:30pm

Am i bad for going to the gym? i feel horrible

Followingsea

Your child will use you as a model for behavior as s/he grows.

Would you rather your child learn the importance of self-care, or would you rather model that a mother's duty is sacrifice and her needs are not important?

That said, if your only time with your child is those evening hours, maybe you could switch to going to the gym before work, either all the time or just sometimes?

JesterMFP

No, you're not bad for going to the gym. You're good for taking care of the health of your children's mother. I'm assuming they're being taken care of during this time? I'm also presuming they're in bed when you're at the gym so don't even know you're not there?

That said - is that every day? If you wanted, you could easily cut down on that, you don't need to work out 1.5 hrs every day. I mean, that much isn't necessary for weight loss and general fitness.

PaulaRicco

"Would you rather your child learn the importance of self-care, or would you rather model that a mother's duty is sacrifice and her needs are not important?" - THIS!!!

The fact that you are having this concerns already speaks worlds about what a great Mom you are!!! As your kids get older, they'll be able to do more and you can get your exercise in with them - family bikes rides, hiking, all that good stuff.

The happier and healthier you are, the better you will be to all those loved ones around you. You're doing great!

mlauraa

Your child will use you as a model for behavior as s/he grows.

Would you rather your child learn the importance of self-care, or would you rather model that a mother's duty is sacrifice and her needs are not important?

That said, if your only time with your child is those evening hours, maybe you could switch to going to the gym before work, either all the time or just sometimes?

I try and go at least 4 times a week. And most of the times put him to sleep right before i leave..i still feel bad tho

mlauraa

Thank you all so much, since i do go to a 24 hour gym, i can just go a little later and spend that extra time with my little man :-)

myprana

Thank you all so much, since i do go to a 24 hour gym, i can just go a little later and spend that extra time with my little man :-)

That sounds like a win. Sometimes it feels like I've blinked my eyes and all of a sudden my kids are 5 years older. Where did the years go? Get whatever time you can to spend with your son. Those are the best memories. :-)

And kudos for staying committed to fitness!

happysherri

NOOOO! You should come first! Because if you're not well (mentally and physically), then you won't be able to give much to others around you. I went through years of therapy because I thought any time spent on myself was selfish when my kids were little.

Everyone needs 'me' time!!!

Lizzy622

I understand. When my kids were little I would drop them off at 6:30am be at the gym 7am - 8am shower change and get to work by 8:30. I was lucky my mom watched them so I was able to drop them off that early. It was horrible sometimes getting them up and in the car in the morning. You need to do what is necessary to keep you at your best.

devilwhiterose

I wait for the kids to go to bed. I get home from work at 6:30, they go to bed at 8/8:30. After that, I do a workout dvd or hit the gym.

If mama doesn't feel good, no one does. :laugh:

BinaryPulsar

No, not bad, don't feel guilty. :flowerforyou:

You go when he is asleep, and you are talking about leaving a little later to ensure that. Great solutions.

Seajolly

Thank you all so much, since i do go to a 24 hour gym, i can just go a little later and spend that extra time with my little man :-)

I think this is a very smart solution!

Harrisonsauntie

NOOOO! You should come first! Because if you're not well (mentally and physically), then you won't be able to give much to others around you. I went through years of therapy because I thought any time spent on myself was selfish when my kids were little.

Everyone needs 'me' time!!!

Well I don't agree that "you should come first"

Your kids should. How much time you spend with them is a personal thing. If you're at work when she wakes and at the gym when she sleeps & only see her at weekends then its up to you to decide if that's enough. Maybe you could try going to the gym once at the weekend so you have an evening with her

pamelak5

Why would you feel bad? He's in bed when you are going. He doesn't care if you're just sitting there waiting for him.

My daughter is 3 as well. I work out five times a week pretty consistently. Sometimes I go during lunch, sometimes on weekends in the morning, sometimes before anyone wakes up, or I put her in the jogging stroller and run with her. My daughter is always imitating our exercise, and I think she'll have a positive association with physical activity growing up. She sees her parents enjoying physical activity daily!

__freckles__

Your child will use you as a model for behavior as s/he grows.

Would you rather your child learn the importance of self-care, or would you rather model that a mother's duty is sacrifice and her needs are not important?

That said, if your only time with your child is those evening hours, maybe you could switch to going to the gym before work, either all the time or just sometimes?

I try and go at least 4 times a week. And most of the times put him to sleep right before i leave..i still feel bad tho

Wait, you feel guilty for going to the gym AFTER your child is asleep? Why?!

pamelak5

Well I don't agree that "you should come first"

Your kids should. How much time you spend with them is a personal thing. If you're at work when she wakes and at the gym when she sleeps & only see her at weekends then its up to you to decide if that's enough. Maybe you could try going to the gym once at the weekend so you have an evening with her

"you should come first' means you need to take care of your own needs before taking responsibility for others. Why not save time by not eating? Because you need to feed yourself. It sounds like she's already putting her son to bed before she goes, why on earth wouldn't she go to the gym if she feels like it? Martyr moms who don't take care of themselves burn themselves out and invite a host of stress-related health problems.

lina1131

I have a 7 year old and a 2 year old and as a mother i can tell you, I always feel bad about everything. Last night I felt bad because I put the girls to sleep in the bed and didn't lay next to them until they fell asleep (I am trying to break this habit because by the time they fall asleep, I pass out and it's hard to get up and spend time with my husband). I feel bad after they go to sleep and start thinking of all the things I could have done better to be a better mom. Should you feel bad? No. Absolutely not, but you're a mom and mommy guilt exist. Go to the gym and take care of yourself. Your kids need a happy and healthy mom!

I work full time and I go during my lunch break.

happysherri

Well I don't agree that "you should come first"

Your kids should. How much time you spend with them is a personal thing. If you're at work when she wakes and at the gym when she sleeps & only see her at weekends then its up to you to decide if that's enough. Maybe you could try going to the gym once at the weekend so you have an evening with her

"you should come first' means you need to take care of your own needs before taking responsibility for others. Why not save time by not eating? Because you need to feed yourself. It sounds like she's already putting her son to bed before she goes, why on earth wouldn't she go to the gym if she feels like it? Martyr moms who don't take care of themselves burn themselves out and invite a host of stress-related health problems.

Exactly!

Harrisonsauntie

Well I don't agree that "you should come first"

Your kids should. How much time you spend with them is a personal thing. If you're at work when she wakes and at the gym when she sleeps & only see her at weekends then its up to you to decide if that's enough. Maybe you could try going to the gym once at the weekend so you have an evening with her

"you should come first' means you need to take care of your own needs before taking responsibility for others. Why not save time by not eating? Because you need to feed yourself. It sounds like she's already putting her son to bed before she goes, why on earth wouldn't she go to the gym if she feels like it? Martyr moms who don't take care of themselves burn themselves out and invite a host of stress-related health problems.

Jesus, where did I put she shouldn't eat?!

I read it as she was away from her child all day and doesn't seem him until the weekends. She didn't explain it clearly.

But yes your kids come first end of.

mlauraa

Your child will use you as a model for behavior as s/he grows.

Would you rather your child learn the importance of self-care, or would you rather model that a mother's duty is sacrifice and her needs are not important?

That said, if your only time with your child is those evening hours, maybe you could switch to going to the gym before work, either all the time or just sometimes?

I try and go at least 4 times a week. And most of the times put him to sleep right before i leave..i still feel bad tho

Wait, you feel guilty for going to the gym AFTER your child is asleep? Why?!

Because i know that i am leaving him, even tho he is sleeping (maybe a 30 min nap) when he wakes up to find mama i am not there, that is why i feel bad.

pamelak5

Well I don't agree that "you should come first"

Your kids should. How much time you spend with them is a personal thing. If you're at work when she wakes and at the gym when she sleeps & only see her at weekends then its up to you to decide if that's enough. Maybe you could try going to the gym once at the weekend so you have an evening with her

"you should come first' means you need to take care of your own needs before taking responsibility for others. Why not save time by not eating? Because you need to feed yourself. It sounds like she's already putting her son to bed before she goes, why on earth wouldn't she go to the gym if she feels like it? Martyr moms who don't take care of themselves burn themselves out and invite a host of stress-related health problems.

Jesus, where did I put she shouldn't eat?!

I read it as she was away from her child all day and doesn't seem him until the weekends. She didn't explain it clearly.

But yes your kids come first end of.

I am not saying you told her not to eat. I'm saying that, even if it detracts from time with your kids, you have to spend some time on yourself to maintain your own health. You have to *balance* your needs along with those of your kids. Otherwise, you can use your kids to justify any behavior.

Can I ask how old your children are? Before kids I probably would have thought kids first, no matter what, but it is much more nuanced than that. I know now that you can't take care of your kids unless you are taking care of yourself. Put your oxygen mask on before helping others, and all that.