my skinny husband just doesnt get it

__freckles__

I've learned the hard way that I cannot discuss health and fitness with my husband. He has his own thoughts on it and I have mine. We have agreed to disagree and are much happier for it.

elainemorris1982

Just smile & nod, don't let them get to you. You have the right attitude you can't go straight into clean eating you will just crave all the bad stuff and end up binging. At the start I still had a small bar of chocolate each evening its what kept me going. You will learn alot after a few weeks on this. The calories in some food will make you change to healthier options e,g brown rice/pasta instead of white, more veg to fill you up, steaming/baking chicken instead of frying. I'm 7 months in took the first 4-6 weeks just to get my head around the calories. You will get there. Losing the weight slowly is better than quickly. Its not a race. Good luck xxx

ThriceBlessed

My husband doesn't always understand either, though he's getting better over time... He really doesn't put on weight easily, and on the rare occasion that he manages to get an extra pound on his body, he will do some extreme thing like juice fasting for a few days to drop it and then go back to eating whatever he wants.

Do what works for you. Explain the TDEE method, that if you eat TDEE exactly you would maintain, but TDEE -20% will result in a loss. Also, something I try for unsolicited advice is to say, "Well right now what I'm doing is working for me, if it stops working I'll consider changing it to your method."

LaurenAOK

No offense, but you're husband's friend sounds awful haha. Calling people liars just because they say they found success with a different method than he recommends? Sounds like some serious ego problems.

I use TDEE, as do MANY people around here. All you have to do is go to the "success stories" forum and you'll see hundreds of posts by people who lost weight not eating clean. But it sounds like you already know that

You're always going to get lots of advice when you start a weight loss plan, and a lot of it will be bad advice. Just do what works for you and ignore the people who try to tell you that you HAVE to do it a different way. (That being said, don't be one of those people who ignores serious, accurate scientific advice just because it's not what you wanted to hear... but it doesn't seem like your'e one of those people at all )

KnM0107

People will always throw advice at you. Learn to filter through it and just continue what you doing. I use TDEE method and it works for me. I like to keep things as simple as possible. Eat at a cal deficit to lose weight and exercise to stay healthy ( great stress relief for me). This works for most ppl who are generally healthy.

Ignore and do what you need to do.

This is pretty much what I did (still do). It works for me!

I work with with a guy who is really into paleo (which is fine btw), so I have gotten my share of advice recently. You have to know your body and find something that is sustainable for you. Take all the information you receive, use what you need to and ignore the rest.

If what you are doing is working, keep it up! Good luck OP!

FoogooFish

As long as you maintain YOUR feeling of pride, then you will achieve your goals.

Everyone has advice to offer. Some of it is good, some of it is bad, and most of it falls somewhere in-between. Expressing appreciation for the advice (aka "smile and nod,") researching anything that seems dubious or interesting, and then doing what YOU feel works for you will be what gets you to the place you want to be in your life. You are the one in control of you!

sweetpea03b

1) Absolutely you can lose weight without eating 100% clean. 2) Skinny people don't get it. My hubby is the same way. That's why we don't discuss it. I buy what I need to eat to hit my goals and he can either eat it or go hungry. Same goes with workouts. I follow the NROLFW and he's always trying to give me "pointers" and I just say... you do you, I'll do me. 3) Some of the measurements on MFP as far as how much to eat are a bit off. It wasn't until I got a fitbit and based my numbers off of it that I started to lose. For example: I started out doing MFP's stats eating 1380 for 1lb/week loss. No loss. For some time, I went by the TDEE -20% method (according to several different measurements I got at various sites). No loss. I set my goal just at BMR (for me is 1500) and stick with it (up 100cals here or there depending on workouts), according to fitbit I am burning 1900-2100 cals/day and I'm losing 1lb/week.

But... like you said... different things work for different people and you just have to keep tweeking until you find what works. I've been working at it (this time) since April and I didn't start consistently losing until November. Good luck to you!

ThriceBlessed

"He eats a whole bag of chips sometimes 2 every night and doesnt put on weight."

This is the biggest lie you can tell yourself. Metabolism never varies to the extent that people scoff mountains of calories and dont put on weight, while the person in the corner has a cup of rice and piles on the pounds.

That's funny, my husband literally can eat all he wants and doesn't gain, until he hit 45 he would have to actively try to gain weight in order to not look sickly.

I realize its not all simple metabolism, he is also the kind of person who never sits still, so his constant movement is part of why his calorie burn is so high... but his metabolism plays a part too... he's always been thin and wiry and likely always will be.
He could eat two bags of chips a night and not gain weight. So why you would assume the OP is lying to herself is beyond me. She didn't say he could eat like that and do nothing and not gain, just that he could eat that much... its very possible he burns off the extra in activity.

fannyfrost

So i have only started on here about a week ago.. and i was very proud of myself. Untill my oh so skinny husband desided to discuss my trying to lose weight with a health nut at work (no offence to any health nuts on MFP). Anyways an explosion of info about how all the measurements from this site are wrong, how i am eating all wrong. That i shouldnt be using a TDEE at all cause then i wont lose weight. His friend is a clean eater which is nothing wrong with that but i know myself and i can just jump off the deepend and eat completly clean right off. i have to build up to it. But he doesnt understand. He eats a whole bag of chips sometimes 2 every night and doesnt put on weight. Just frustrating to hear your doing it all wrong in my first week. I tried explaining that different things work for different people. That not everyone has to eat clean and they still lose weight.. and my husbands friend said then they are all liars. Well i dont think you are all liars. And i am not giving up. Ok so that is the end of my rant.

OK it sucks and my husband is thin and doesn't get it either. He is a very unhealthy eater and doesn't exercise. He sees me with a large plate of veggies and says you can't lose eating that, um this plate only has 150 calories and is healthy. But my answer when my husband says or does stupid things like this is "if you want me to eat clean you have to do it too, no soda, no chips, no candy, no ice cream for you either" I guarantee you that will shut him up quickly.

sweetpea03b

"He eats a whole bag of chips sometimes 2 every night and doesnt put on weight."

This is the biggest lie you can tell yourself. Metabolism never varies to the extent that people scoff mountains of calories and dont put on weight, while the person in the corner has a cup of rice and piles on the pounds.

That's funny, my husband literally can eat all he wants and doesn't gain, until he hit 45 he would have to actively try to gain weight in order to not look sickly.

I realize its not all simple metabolism, he is also the kind of person who never sits still, so his constant movement is part of why his calorie burn is so high... but his metabolism plays a part too... he's always been thin and wiry and likely always will be.
He could eat two bags of chips a night and not gain weight. So why you would assume the OP is lying to herself is beyond me. She didn't say he could eat like that and do nothing and not gain, just that he could eat that much... its very possible he burns off the extra in activity.

Agreed. My husband's family are all thin... and let me tell you his parents eat TERRIBLE. The junk outweighs the healthy stuff 4/1. So, he obviously inherited a fast metabolism. But, he also has a very physical job working in a warehouse and I sit in an office all day. That being said, for some time we worked at the same warehouse side by side... he lost weight always and I didn't lose a thing. Metabolism plays a HUGE role.

KnM0107

I tried to explain that his friend is extremely healthly and i obese.. so for me just starting a program is a big step. Counting and weighing everything is step and an eye opener to what i put into my body. So i am proud of myself. I am my own work in progress.

I love your attitude!!! It sounds like you are on your right path!

rml_16

Just do your thing and tell your husband to shut it. My fiance used to tell me all I had to do was pushups and situps and I'd lose. This from someone who eats half a gallon if oce cream a day and doesn't gain.

_John_

ironic title is ironic...

WickedPineapple

Okay I have some advice for dealing with your husband, because he needs to be your support system in this. Have a frank discussion with him. First, I would suggest saying you need support and encouragement from him, not advice. Mention that any criticism on what you're doing to improve yourself is counterproductive and discouraging. Second, shut that co-worker down, indirectly. Tell your husband that discussing your current endeavor with people you don't know is not acceptable (personally, I would be highly embarrassed if my husband discussed my trying to lose weight with a stranger to me). Finally, follow through with what you say. If your husband tries to criticize/comment/whatever, remind him that that is not what you need and feel free to tell him exactly what you want to hear to help him learn. If he's incapable of all this, then I'd go elsewhere for support (like here!). I'd also suggest telling him to refrain from commenting on whatever you eat (I had an ex do that and it's just not cool).

Anywho, I completely agree with you. You can't go from eating one way to eating 100% healthily overnight and it be maintainable. I would recommend looking into health and nutrition on your own and revise your goals as needed. Getting bloodwork done and talking to your doctor about it is a good idea too. I revised my MFP goals based on these, plus just what makes me feel better. (I discovered MFP had my protein too low, that I feel way better eating more.)

Don't give up! You can do this. It's VERY important to remember this!

_Waffle_

my skinny husband just doesnt get it

Would he get it if he was fatter and not skinny? Make him some huge meals all the time and they you two can lose weight together.

Of course you could just keep doing the right things and not worry about they naysayers.

lavaughan69

I think it's important to remember that losing weight is a very individual thing. What works for some doesn't work for others. You need to craft an eating plan that suits your lifestyle and is realistic in the long term. If you try to give up all the things you love then you will really struggle with maintenance as we tend to gravitate back to our bad habits. Instead, find a way to incorporate your favorite things (which probably don't fall under the category of clean eating) but in moderation. Once you've worked out how many calories you can eat in a day in order to lose weight it's just a matter of choices. You can choose to eat chips along side your husband, but if you do so then make sure you've saved room for them and weigh them out. You'll probably find that you want these foods less often because in order to have them you may have to skip a meal and suffer through hunger pains to do it.

That's the approach I've take for the past 10 months and have been very successful...but as I said...it's very individual. You have to find out what will work for you as a way of life and not just a temporary eating state in order to lose weight.

Quieau

"Clean" eating and chocolate or hamburgers are not mutually exclusive! You can eat chocolate or hamburgers or pizza that are made with fresh wholesome ingredients without a lot of synthetic chemicals added and get all the health benefits while still enjoying your treats! Don't confuse 'clean' with 'low-calorie' ... totally not the same!

While there are a bazillion definitions out there of what counts and doesn't count, you can still make 'cleaner' choices like eating potato chips that have only potatoes, oil and salt on the ingredient list instead of 30 items you can't pronounce, or eating organic ice cream made with actual dairy products and minimally processed sugar.

It's really about food quality , rather than having lists of what is or isn't clean. Anything can be clean if prepared from fresh, wholesome ingredients that have been minimally processed.

chopper_pilot

do not fret.

it is not for him to 'get it'. It's only you that has to 'get it' since it's you that is about to have a personal revolution.

kk?

:flowerforyou:

danimalkeys

"He eats a whole bag of chips sometimes 2 every night and doesnt put on weight."

This is the biggest lie you can tell yourself. Metabolism never varies to the extent that people scoff mountains of calories and dont put on weight, while the person in the corner has a cup of rice and piles on the pounds.

That's funny, my husband literally can eat all he wants and doesn't gain, until he hit 45 he would have to actively try to gain weight in order to not look sickly.

I realize its not all simple metabolism, he is also the kind of person who never sits still, so his constant movement is part of why his calorie burn is so high... but his metabolism plays a part too... he's always been thin and wiry and likely always will be.
He could eat two bags of chips a night and not gain weight. So why you would assume the OP is lying to herself is beyond me. She didn't say he could eat like that and do nothing and not gain, just that he could eat that much... its very possible he burns off the extra in activity.

I have a friend like this, he's 51 and still has no problem staying thin. He eats huge amounts of food. When he was lifting with me he was actively trying to gain weight and could never get past 190lbs at 6'2 tall. I bet he eats well over 3000 calories a day. He's not super active on a daily basis, he does a lot of stretching and bodyweight things like pushups, but he's not walking miles or anything like that. He just has a faster metabolism than I do. People are different, regardless of what those who say we all process foods the same way will say.

Mr_Knight

That i shouldnt be using a TDEE at all cause then i wont lose weight.

For a great many people, possibly a majority, that is sound advice. The problem is too many folks are unrealistic about their activity level. If you're going to do the TDEE method, and have a lot of weight to lose, I suggest setting it to sedentary, or at absolute most "lightly active".

Just frustrating to hear your doing it all wrong in my first week.

Is it more frustrating than potentially going down the wrong path for 8 weeks and accomplishing nothing?