is it just me, or has this happened to you too? (bit of a ra

MissSusieQ

I recently lost 38 pounds (woot!! 10 to go!!), for which I'm very pleased with myself, but as the weight's dropped, I've noticed this strange phenomenon among my colleagues.

when I started, there were polite 'good for you' kinds of comments, but as I lost more, the questions and comments, while well-meaning, got really quite rude!

since when is it ok to ask an acquaintance (not friend, just someone you see at work and say hello to in the tearoom) how much they weigh, what they used to weigh, what clothes size they were, what their goal weight is... All in one session, with barely a hello to prefix it?

and why, once someones lost a bit of weight, is it suddenly ok to tell them how fat you used to think they were??

I'm a pretty private person, and even when I'm blushing and melting into my seat they keep going. just because weight loss is something you wear on the outside doesn't mean it's automatically up for public debate!

I may have actually knocked it on the head now, having gotten a bit ****ty and replied to someone that unless they thought we were good enough friends that they'd tell me if I was putting weight ON, what I've lost and how I managed it is really none of their business. I hate that I had to be rude back, but damn it felt good!!

so, is it just me?

kristinlough

I HATE the you used to be so fat stuff!! Even if it's 100% true. I mean, I'm *still* fat! But I'm working on it. Some people haven't noticed my weight loss (though I've gone from a 16/18 down to a 12/14), which makes me mean, too.

But that's what MFP is for. We're all here, struggling and suffering and pushing and succeeding together. And so when a skinny person looks at me and says I used to be so fat, I come here and realize that this is just part of my life journey, and it's making me a better person every day. (Gosh that sounds like a Hallmark card, excuse me while I make myself sick )

But CONGRATULATIONS on losing 38 pounds!!! You're awesome. And if you're 400 pounds or 120 pounds, we love you here. You're one of us and that makes you fabulous!

donnak7

Don't listen to the people that have negative things to say. At one time, I was much heavier than I am now (and I still have about 20 lbs to lose). When I started losing weight, people had all kinds of great things to say, but when I got to a significantly smaller size, I heard people say I had an eating disorder, or that I had to be ill to lose that much weight.... It is very hard to hear that, but what is important is that you love the person that looks at you in the mirror!!

You are doing a great job! You lost 38 lbs!! Celebrate your achievement with those who can appreciate the real you!!

Voncreepy2

They may have issues with their own body image or just be the kind of people that like to keep you low. I have known too many of those people in my life. You know, the ones that only make snide comments or start trouble or gossip about everyone. Some people are only happy if everyone around them is as miserable as they are. Don't let 'em live rent free in you head.

sbilyeu75

It doesn't bother me at all. But I'm a very open person. I was and am still fat and I own it. It was (and is) no one else's fault but my own. It's not like people couldn't see that I was fat. I just chalk up negative stuff to jealousy and other comments to maybe they are really interested and inspired.

blankcanvas

I agree, people can be rude. Wonder if it's jealousy perhaps? I remember at the beginning of this season, I went shopping for a new bathing suit. I was so excited when a large was too big! Who'da thunk it??? Anyway, i was so excited, when I came home, I called my fav sister in law, to tell her I had lost weight and my shopping day gave me such a high because all of the large sizes were too big now! I was stunned when she said, "Well, how is that possible when I wear a medium, how could YOU possibly fit into a medium? How much do you weigh now??????":grumble: When I didn't tell her, she was actually put out! I think she was afraid we would be close in size or perhaps I'm smaller than her now! She's one who always thought she was God's gift, perfect bod, perfect hair, yadda yadda....(all she was missing was the personality! lol) Anyway, since we live in different states, she's planning a trip here in the fall so I can't wait to see her turn a very nice shade of green when she sees the difference in me after 27lbs. I haven't been taking pics to send her or telling her of my progress since that day...hmm, maybe I'll box up my larger size clothes and ask if she'd like to have them:bigsmile:

mkmckenz

It's straight up rude to ask "How much did you used to weigh?" or something like that. One of my friends who was entirely too skinny (naturally, though, not a disorder or anything) gained the freshman 15 and got a lot of comments like "you look so much healthier" which was so true, she didn't look sickly anymore, but it's still kinda awkward.
It can go both ways, but I think the best comment to hear is "You look great!" If the recipient of the compliment wants to share their success story, then so be it. But i don't think there's any reason to pry.

jvjlpenn

I personally don't care to tell people how much I weigh, or weighed. I guess I am like a previous poster, I own it, I know I got me there and I got me away from there. But I totally LOVE to tell people how I did it and why. I am so proud of what I have done and since losing weight have gained some confidence. Which I guess that is why I signed up to be a beachbody coach. I love talking to people and helping them reach there goals. But I will say that if people are only asking you to be rude or nosy I would just politely tell them you don't want to talk about it.

But I would never just come out and ask someone I don't know how much they weigh, Now I might tell them they look great, and then if they begin to talk about how they did it I am all ears. But I don't just ask. Now there have been times when I am talking to a friend and they are complaining about their weight, and then I have said like "If you don't mind my asking, how much do you weigh", but I usually follow with "its totally none of my business, so if you don't want to tell me that's OK! I won't be offended or anything like that". I would never want to offend someone that I love, and especially not someone I barely know. I think for me its just that I am so proud of others when I see that they have done something great for themselves. I guess I need to remember that not everyone is as excited about it and open as I am. You have totally given me something to think on, for sure. I don't ever want to be taken the way you described your coworkers.

sabrinalg

Congrats on losing 38 pounds!! Don't sweat the small stuff. Maybe they are really asking because they are looking for some type of motivations themselves. When I start losing my weight I will be more than happy to tell them how much I lost, what size I was before, etc. The only thing that will matter is that I took control over my life, and my health and I made it happen for me and only me through my willpower, and determination!!

AnnaPixie

You've come a long way, dont let other people ruin it. Some may be rude, but others may just be curious. Just say you dont want to talk about it if you dont want to discuss details. Nobody's business anyhow.

I think I'd be more offended if they didnt notice?? :laugh:

Good luck :flowerforyou:

erinmg45

First off congrats on your weight loss! That's an awesome accomplishment!

A couple of things came to mind. Maybe the people that are stopping you to ask you how much you weigh and what clothes size you used to wear, and how much you've lost are just curious about your success....and just have a crappy way of bringing the subject up. I am always fascinated by people that have lost weight, and I will usually tell the person that they look great, and ask how much they have lost. I never thought it might offend them. However, that being said...I would NEVER ask how much they used to weigh and how much they weigh now. I think that is just plain common sense to know that people do not like to share this about themselves, and it's socially unacceptable to ask this of someone (especially a woman). The clothing size question could be taken either way. I have asked people that have lost weight what clothing size they were....and I was not doing it to be rude or to offend them. I was genuinely curious. Sometimes I feel like the goals I have are unreasonable, so when I see someone with a similar frame that has lost weight, and who I think looks really good now...I'm curious what size they wear. Mostly because I want to try to get an idea of what I should be aiming for myself. However like another person replied to you, when I asked I know I followed it up with something along the lines of "If you don't want to tell me, I understand and won't be offended"..or something similar so they didn't feel like I was interrogating them or something.

I would say when people ask you these questions, try to take it as flattery. If they ask for specifics and you are not comfortable giving them out (i.e. weight, and clothing size) maybe you can just say well I've lost 38 pounds and have gone down 4 pant sizes (whatever the case may be) and leave it at that. If that is still too personal for you, just be honest and say you are not comfortable talking about it. Or why not throw it back at them? "Why, are you dieting too?" or "Why do you ask?" ....I really think that most people are probably asking because they think you have done a great thing, and are maybe trying a find a way to talk to you because they want to lose weight as well, and just feel weird asking you how you did it. I could be wrong though.

As far as people saying things about how "fat you used to be"...etc. That is just plain RUDE!!! That is never ok to say to anyone, no matter what. No matter how true it might be. I think some people do this to try to diminish your achievement in a passive aggressive way. If you ever call them on it their response would most likely be "What? I'm not saying you look fat now, just that you used to be!" or something to that effect. But they know what they are doing. It's a backhanded compliment...meant to be an indirect way of insulting you. I don't care for that one bit. It's just about as rude as someone pointing out that "you used to be so thin!" I've heard that comment before and it really made me feel bad. One time I was at a concert with my boyfriend and his friend and his friend's girlfriend (who was just an acquaintance to me). I hadn't seen them in a while. She made a comment about how she had just lost 25 pounds. I asked her how she did it and said that I needed to try to get on some sort of program again because I have gained weight and have been feeling bad about myself. She said "Yeah I noticed that. You have gained a LOT of weight. I was going to say something when I first saw you but didn't want to be rude". Ummmm...so do you think you are not being rude by pointing it out to be just because I said I wanted to lose weight?!?!?!?! I just couldn't believe someone would actually have the nerve to say that right to someone's face!!! Some people just have no manners and are jerks!!!

sbilyeu75

But I totally LOVE to tell people how I did it and why. I am so proud of what I have done and since losing weight have gained some confidence. Which I guess that is why I signed up to be a beachbody coach. I love talking to people and helping them reach there goals.

I love doing that too. Maybe it's being just a bit cocky. ;-)

Cytherea

Wow, I have not had this happen to me at all. A few of my close friends, when talking about the fact that I had lost weight, very cautiously asked me how much I weighed before and if I minded telling them. Because I have lost so much at this point, and I'm totally proud of it, I WILL tell just about anyone how much I started at and how much I weigh now! So I did tell her and a few other friends how much I weighed and what size I was, and how much I am now and what size I am now. But nobody other than close friends have asked me (even my family hasn't!) and certainly nobody has said anything like "you used to be so fat!"

When I went home for a visit, I did get from my mom "oh my gosh you're so skinny now! Look at how skinny you are!" exclamations when trying on clothes, but I took it as a compliment. Told her thanks, even though I'm NOT skinny!! LOL. Still got a ways to go here!

I think you need to surround yourself with better people!! I know that it is the work place and there isn't much you can do, but geez!

You know what? If they ask you how much weigh or how much you weighed and your size and all that, I'd respond and say oh, so how much do you weight? What size are you? Turn the question around instead and see if that doesn't make them think!!

MzBug

I hate it when people do that. One snippy little twit I used to work with (10 years ago) kept pushing and pushing... I got fed up one day and told her I was sacrificing a newborn every full moon. She got pissy and started a rumor that I was on crack. I got pulled in and put on leave pending drug test results. When the results came back negative for ANY drugs the little twit got suspended for 3 days without pay for creating a hostile work enviornment!

When seeing a friend that I haven't seen in a while and they have lost a bunch I just congratulate them and tell them that if they like they can tell me about it.

crobinson3

I've been reading the posts and there is a theme running through most of them. People always have plenty to say don't they? It's funny because in the past I've lost weight, put it back on and repeated the process. People haven't really commented although I've had a few friends tell me in a jokey way that I've been putting the weight on.

This time when I actually lost a decent amount of weight and went past what I'd normally loose people started to notice and make comments. The comments started off nice, but soon changed.

Most people were very nice about it and to be honest it was nice to have the fact I've lost weight actually noticed.

Just before I hit my goal I was at a friend's birthday meal and the subject of my weight loss came up. Somone asked the question was I planning on loosing any more weight. My response was that I was only a couple of KG away from my goal then I'd be aiming to keep the weight there. Surprisingly a really good friend jumped into the conversation and added that I'd lost quite enough weight and told me that people had been commenting that they thought I had some kind of serious illness because my face looked thin.

It made me quite uncomfortable for a while so on my next trip to the doctor I asked if I had lost too much weight. His response was that quite often when you loose a lot of weight your face often changes fairly quickly and people take a bit of time to adapt to the change.

I've been at my goal weight now for about 6 weeks and the amount of people noticing my weight loss has reduced, but I've no doubt there are some people chattering away about me. Sometimes you've got to just forget about what everyone else is thinking or saying and just be proud of what you've achieved yourself.

erinmg45 summed it up by suggesting you turn round any rude comments back to the person saying it. I'll keep that in mind myself!

RoadDog

99% of the people are not intentionally trying to be rude. They're just trying to show that they are paying attention and showing support.

We are the ones sensitive to the comments. I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. And...truthfully, when they ask how we are doing and we have positive results, we love to let them know. When we have less than stellar results, we wish they wouldn't bring it up. I guess that means it's up to us to control the feedback.