44 Years Old, but feeling older...

honestmango2013

Hi. My name is Chris, and I'm fat. I wasn't always fat. Growing up, I was very athletic and never thought about my weight. I'm 5'10", and I probably weighed 180 when I graduated from high school, and a lot of that was muscle.

At some point during my 6 years of college (I was in no hurry, apparently), I went gradually from a 32" waist to 38". I remember this, because when I had to buy 38" pants, I told myself there was no way I was going to get bigger. This is maybe 1992, and I did some kind of fast. "Slimfast," maybe? Is that still a thing? Anyway, I did that for a couple of months and of course lost the weight, and since I had zero plan for living AFTER the fast, I eventually put all of it back on with some extra.

About 10 years ago, I got up to probably 250 lbs, and I decided to do Atkins. In a few months, I lost 70 lbs and the remembered that pancakes are awesome, so over the years, I've gradually gotten bigger.

Last October, I saw some pictures of me that made me realize I wasn't just big, I looked ill. I weighed and I was 286. Within a day of that, I had a good friend who had a cardiac event, and he is about my size. He's 10 years older, but that doesn't seem that far away to me. So I made a commitment to myself to do better forever.

I started out with the mindset that this was no different than when I quit drinking 16 years ago...it had to be a daily lifestyle change. I got sober with the help of people who understood alcoholism, so it makes sense to me that I have a better shot at losing weight and maintaining weight by getting input from people who have done it, so I read here quite a bit. I don't remember ever posting here before, but maybe I have.

When I started in November, I weighed 286. I've lost about 40 lbs, and I'm not really sure what my goal is. I had to put a number in, so I put 200, but it's not super important to me. I have the assistance of a supportive spouse who cooks and also wants to do better, so that has been an enormous help. She's an accountability partner, and I really can't overstate how important that seems to me.

I started running and got up to a couple of miles three times a week when an injury sidelined me, but that's ok. I'll run again when some bones heal. In the meantime, all I have to do is log everything and have the discipline to say "no" when I want 2 quarts of ice cream at 10:30 at night, lol.

I'm not that worried about losing the weight, honestly. It's happening, and it will continue. I've lost large amounts of weight twice before, so I feel like I can be successful at that part of it. The difference, I hope, is that when I get within a normal weight range, I'll just keep making the same types of decisions that got me there. That's the goal, anyway.

Or I'm going through a midlife crisis and I'll bust over 300 lbs in the next year. I just never know!

Stripeness

I've lost about 40 lbs, and I'm not really sure what my goal is.

I'm not that worried about losing the weight, honestly. It's happening, and it will continue. I've lost large amounts of weight twice before, so I feel like I can be successful at that part of it. The difference, I hope, is that when I get within a normal weight range, I'll just keep making the same types of decisions that got me there. That's the goal, anyway.

It's fantastic your wife is supporting your efforts! And wow, forty pounds since November. That's really impressive. Looking at the quote above, why not spend a little time picking at that? Maybe talk it over with your wife or a close friend? I'd bet there's a bigger picture behind your repeated gains, and it might be helpful (if uncomfortable) to identify it.

As you say, you've done this before and you can/will do it again. I'm just suggesting that maybe some soul-searching might help you stop the cycle. And wishing you all the best!