Some of my thoughts on emotional eating

joan111582

Fantastic post! Bumping so I can keep referring back to it.

stroutman81

Good good good analysis Steve I honestly appreciate it. I am going to start a journal for sure, like today. And I hear what you are saying about I have to communicate when Joey (my husband) frustrates me or he will keep on doing it and I will keep on eating. You’re the best thank you :flowerforyou:

My wife has the habit of asking questions that, to me, have very obvious answers. She'd likely punch my head if she heard me say this. She's magnificently smart though... so I used to have the habit of responding with a tone. This tone always rubbed her wrong and at one point she walked away from me in what I could tell was complete anger.

We never fight, so it was very noticeable from my end. And I honestly had no idea I did anything offensive.

She was obviously frustrated and likely hurt. Her coping mechanism was to walk away. And truth be told... she would have cooled off and we would have both went on our merry way. Until the next time I copped that smart aleck tone, of course. This vicious cycle would have continued and I imagine it would have dug in deeper and deeper each time I did it.

Thinking along the lines of how I think with my clients and their issues with emotional eating, I confronted her immediately asking, "What was that?"

From there the rest is history.

I learned how frustrated she was getting which I honestly had no clue about. Hell, I didn't even realize I was being such a smart *kitten* - it was so natural.

And what had the potential of being a real rub in my wife's perspective of our relationship wound up being a non-issue.

Only good can come from communication as far as I'm concerned.

In our case, I learned something that about myself that I'd like to improve as I don't ever want to make people feel stupid (well sometimes but that's a different story) and she a) didn't have to deal with the frustration going forward and b) opened her eyes to her weakness of confronting her emotions... especially the uncomfortable ones.

Really really simple stuff... obviously. But it's so simple that most people just write it off.

stroutman81

It's been my experience as a former "emotional eater" that my emotions had nothing to do with my overeating. I changed my diet and in a matter of weeks I had a normal appetite -- no getting in touch with my feelings needed. So my advice for "emotional eaters" is to look at your diet for the cause. That need to stuff yourself with food is a physical problem brought on by the food you're eating; not a mental one or a poor relationship with food. Just something to consider.

Then I question your definition of emotional eating. I'm sorry but that makes absolutley no sense.

I could binge on 5 bags of carrots. Shoving food in my mouth was the only way that I thought that I could deal with what was eating me.

Emotional eating is about soothing yourself, regardless of the food used. Granted, I personally tended towards carbs and refined sugar but I binged on healthy food too. But it's not the healthy food that got me to 300 pounds. It is never about the types of food you eat. It just isn't. It is self-medicating the same way that an alcoholic does. The addictive patterns are exactly the same.

Feeling crappy...why think about it? Eat whatever you can to fill the emotional emptiness inside.....feel like crap afterwards, guilty....why even try.....depression....I'm going to try again...healthy breakfast.....bad meeting at work....hit vendoland....i've blown my day....get junk food on the way home.....have a huge dinner, maybe 3 portions....eat 2 pints of ice cream after.....go to bed and get up at 1am to keep feeding and hating myself.

Rinse and repeat.

I finally found an amazing therapist that helped me realize it was actually OK to feel my feelings! To learn that it wasn't about the "types" of food I was eating but what was eating ME. Two years later I am finally losing weight because I had to get real and deal with signifanct truths in my life.

Everyone is different but i guarantee you that is true emotional eating in the worst possible sense of the word. And I would never, will NEVER go back to that. Every day and I mean EVERY day I am mindful of what I am eating. And I eat ice cream still and refined sugar and I am losing weight and never feel guilty about what I eat.

Thanks for sharing. This is exactly what I'm talking about.

holliebevineau

Thankyou!! Thankyou so much.

stroutman81

Thanks Steve,
I am defo an emotional eater (binger rather) and I have struggled with that the last 5 years and I seem to either be on an extremely rigid 'diet' or on a binge fest.
Your post is definitely food for thought

This brings up an interesting point.

You claim to be an emotional eater... and you very well could be for all I know.

However, you also claim to either be "on an extremely rigid diet or a binge fest."

It just so happens that very rigid diets tend to fuel binges. Depravity and consistency are inversely related. So I'm left wondering how much of your "on again, off again" relationship with food is fueled by you're unnecessarily rigid perception of "how to eat."

Related to this, if you haven't checked out this post I made elsewhere on the forum, take a gander:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1091357-a-random-thought-on-rigid-dieting

stroutman81

Great post! I wanted to add something as a former emotional / binge eater. I OBSESSED about food constantly. It was ALWAYS on my mind - When I would eat... What I would eat... Planning menus... Buying cookbooks... Cutting coupons... Thank GOD Pinterest wasn't around back then or that would have been a pure food escape!! I wasn't overweight when this was happening in my 20's. But I was sickeningly obsessed with food and binging was terrible. I tried to be bulimic but I could never make myself throw up (thank you God).

The food obsession drove me, literally, nuts. It was the constant, obsessive hum in my mind. Then one day my therapist recommended a book called "Healing Through Dark Emotions" which I can't recommend ENOUGH to anyone who stuffs their emotions by replacing them with other things to obsess about (not just food here - cleaning, working out , OTHER people's crap, booze, drugs)...

After reading the book and deciding to heal, the next problem for me is that I literally did not even know how I felt about anything. Emotionally I was totally numbed out and shut down. It helped me to get a list of emotions, and just like a person with a brain injury having to relearn a skill, I had to relearn emotions, be able to identify them, label them and most important - FEEL them. I would literally read through the list deciding which one applied. If you are a person who has suffered severe emotional trauma (as I had, obviously) this was absolutely TERRIFYING and really should be aided by either someone you really trust to be vulnerable around, or a therapist. The vulnerability was so absolutely, utterly raw - I felt naked and exposed. I developed terrible anxiety and my therapist put my on a low dose of Xanax so I could function at work.

The fact that I can write this is a testament to what serious introspective work can do. It's not as easy for someone with a severe emotional eating disorder to "just acknowledge your real feelings and don't eat." I was on Xanax for about 6 months before I was able to not feel like such a scared freak (I felt like a freak). I felt like I was the only one with feelings lol. Hard to explain. I only saw my therapist for about a year total but I have personally never stopped being introspective and never stopped learning about the power of the mind, and how to harness it!

One day it dawned on me: I haven't thought about food! I have now been free from an eating disorder for 15 years. It still can trigger though! When something really emotional happens (usually my response to a "negative" emotion) I will immediately want something sweet! But I recognize it for what it is and I am loving to that part of myself that created the food obsession in order to cope with emotions, and then deal with the emotions accordingly.

I wanted to shere is a list of emotions that may be helpful to someone going through serious emotional identification problems. It's a journey. Emotional eating can be difficult and scary in severe cases to overcome. I hope this is helpful.

Standing ovation to you. Seriously.

And I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said... thanks very much for sharing your story.

wordpainter09

I think this post can also apply very well to other coping mechanisms besides emotional eating. I tend to avoid my feelings by zoning out with TV or alcohol. Or shopping. Thanks for the great information.

getfitformeee

You need to write a book if you haven't already! I would buy one, and highlight and underline the whole thing! Then, I would buy a hundred more and pass them out Keep doing what you're doing!!! Thank you for passing along your words of wisdom!

stroutman81

I think this post can also apply very well to other coping mechanisms besides emotional eating. I tend to avoid my feelings by zoning out with TV or alcohol. Or shopping. Thanks for the great information.

Most definitely. I only focused on emotional eating since it's a daily part of my career.

stroutman81

You need to write a book if you haven't already! I would buy one, and highlight and underline the whole thing! Then, I would buy a hundred more and pass them out Keep doing what you're doing!!! Thank you for passing along your words of wisdom!

Thank you! That comment means a lot to me. I'd write a book but I'm too busy working and when I'm not working I'm chasing rugrats around. Someday maybe.

redredy9

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

aprilslusher

Bump

proudjmmom

Bump to read later!

msf74

You were not a full fledged emotional eater. The emotional eaters I'm talking about are borderline binge eaters. They've tweaked diets and tried time and time again. They've even hired people like me or dietitians to put them on a "proper" diet and there's still no relief.

It's because the last thing that these people need is a traditional diet. Food, any food, is simply a vehicle to achieve something else. It is no wonder many people go into an almost "trance like" state when they eat - they are not savouring or tasting it - but rather using it. They cannot even remember exactly what they have eaten sometimes. A normal person stops eating when they are full, a binge eater stops when they hate themselves...

In reality another diet based upon restriction and deprivation is exactly the opposite of what they need because it sets in place a destructive cycle for the person's self esteem. They start out wanting to be perfect. They crack because they are human. They binge. Their self esteem lowers. They tighten their restrictions because hey, not only do they have their existing weight to get off, they have that binge to contend with. They crack. They binge. Round and round it goes until you are left with a person who feels entirely powerless and helpless to change. It is a nightmare.

Can you imagine if we spoke to our children the way that some dieters speak to themselves mentally? Say if your beautiful child was taking their first steps and fell over and instead of lavish praise and high fives the parents said "Are you stupid? You're such a failure! You can't even walk!" Now imagine that scenario repeated over and over again with that child every time they tried to walk. Now further imagine that scenario with millions of children. What would you be left with? A nation of people who have grown up housebound and afraid to take a single step.

And so it is with millions of dieters....

Thanks for this thread. It is very thought provoking.

stroutman81

You were not a full fledged emotional eater. The emotional eaters I'm talking about are borderline binge eaters. They've tweaked diets and tried time and time again. They've even hired people like me or dietitians to put them on a "proper" diet and there's still no relief.

It's because the last thing that these people need is a traditional diet. Food, any food, is simply a vehicle to achieve something else. It is no wonder many people go into an almost "trance like" state when they eat - they are not savouring or tasting it - but rather using it. They cannot even remember exactly what they have eaten sometimes. A normal person stops eating when they are full, a binge eater stops when they hate themselves...

In reality another diet based upon restriction and deprivation is exactly the opposite of what they need because it sets in place a destructive cycle for the person's self esteem. They start out wanting to be perfect. They crack because they are human. They binge. Their self esteem lowers. They tighten their restrictions because hey, not only do they have their existing weight to get off, they have that binge to contend with. They crack. They binge. Round and round it goes until you are left with a person who feels entirely powerless and helpless to change. It is a nightmare.

Can you imagine if we spoke to our children the way that some dieters speak to themselves mentally? Say if your beautiful child was taking their first steps and fell over and instead of lavish praise and high fives the parents said "Are you stupid? You're such a failure! You can't even walk!" Now imagine that scenario repeated over and over again with that child every time they tried to walk. Now further imagine that scenario with millions of children. What would you be left with? A nation of people who have grown up housebound and afraid to take a single step.

And so it is with millions of dieters....

Thanks for this thread. It is very thought provoking.

Couldn't have said it better myself. Thanks for your contribution... very wise words.

Cranquistador

:flowerforyou:

afat12

Thank you that was awesome. :flowerforyou:

I've been putting how I feel when I eat in my food notes if I overeat. It kind of helps me keep perspective.

tibby531

tagging to read later

stroutman81

Thank you that was awesome. :flowerforyou:

I've been putting how I feel when I eat in my food notes if I overeat. It kind of helps me keep perspective.

That's definitely a start!

Schlackity

Bump to keep in my topics.

I just searched "emotional eating" because I had an all out binge when I came home from work today. I was a machine for a good 30 minutes of shoveling food into my face. I wrote it all down and logged it, because I want to be accountable for what I eat, but I realized as I was shoving the last bit of food into my mouth that I was angry and frustrated and I know that was the reason for my binge. I regret eating all that food now. I will likely skip dinner because I will probably still be full, and I'm so far over my daily calories and macros, that eating anything else just adds more damage.

It snowed here yesterday. A lot. I wanted to go outside and shovel, because I knew I wouldn't get out for my regular walk because it was slippery out there. I knew I could burn some calories shoveling and wanted to use the opportunity to at least get a little bit of exercise in. I know if I don't exercise, I tend to want to eat. The exercising is almost like a mental cue to me to stay on track with my eating.

I got home from work early and shoveled the first couple of inches of snow. Then my husband came home and took over shoveling. I wanted to go back out last night after the snow plows came through, because our driveway got plowed in. My husband didn't want me to go out because it was still snowing hard and he said we could just deal with it in the morning once all the snow was finished (and it was about 5 degrees outsides). So, annoyed, I didn't go outside. I kind of resented him for telling me he wanted me to wait. He KNEW I wanted to shovel for exercise, yet he didn't seem to want me to do it. I got up this morning, and was about to go outside to start digging out, and again, my husband asked me to wait for him because (he said) I would walk on the snow and make sticky spots that we wouldn't be able to shovel through. I'm not an idiot and I know to shovel before I walk so I don't tramp the snow down and make it stick to the driveway. Instead, he got up and went outside and shoveled and used the snow blower for two hours. I stayed inside and worked on my laptop. I was thoroughly annoyed with him for taking away my opportunity to exercise and yet I said nothing to him. I should have spoken up but didn't. Instead, I kept my anger to myself, went to work, and then came home to unleash my anger on a large amount of leftover birthday cake, some potato chips, an apple with peanut butter and chocolate chips, some trail mix, some Oreos, some leftover cashew chicken, and some chocolate chip cookies. I did about 2500 calories worth of damage when all was said and done. And what did that get me? Remorse for binge eating and continued frustration with my husband's inability to understand my needs.

I'm sitting here with tears running down my face because I know I need to do something about the emotional eating or I will never be able to maintain all my hard work. I feel like I have been losing control over my eating since the holidays.

If anyone knows of any books I can read to help myself work through this, your suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Sorry if this is so long.....I type a lot when I'm venting. :-)

happieharpie

Emotional eater for 50 years here. Since that hasn't worked too well for me, looking for Plan B. Appreciate OP AND everyone's comments.

Springfield1970

Very timely for me. Maintaining feels like hell, it's harder than cutting. I'm really seeing my emotional eating for what it is. I realise I've been disordered about it for decades. I've got no idea what's going on right now with my hunger and cravings. I'm staying right here to figure it out. Bit by bit, with help from you MFP lovelies.

JustMeee333

If it isn't hunger, food won't fix it.

:flowerforyou:

JaelynSmith89

bump to read later. beautifully written. I'm hoping this thread will help me. Thank you

IsMollyReallyHungry

bump!! Thx!

janesmith1

I have BED for forever. I'm from a dysfunctional background. I've been in OA (helpful sometimes, sometimes not), I appreciate everything you wrote OP.

IDK if this will help anyone here, but I'm back eating fiber rich superfood air popped popcorn. Yesterday I had 3 unpopped tblsps of the stuff and it totally helped me lose weight overnight, I put a popcorn seasoning (kernel seasoning) on it, & spray it with water from a spray bottle so the seasoning stays on. As of yesterday, that is helping me. I'm not eating trigger foods, or any other foods for my "snacks", which seem to derail all my weight loss efforts.

I still have BED, but for now this is a helpful solution for myself.

Thx again to the OP.

stroutman81

You're welcome!

Hearts_2015

bump

stroutman81

bump

WendyTerry420

Great post! Our emotions are not food, so we shouldn't eat them! A journal is also a great idea.