My family eating schedule sucks for me

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Replies

  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    5 or 5:30 is pretty early for dinner.
    Not when you're up at 5 a.m.

    On weekends when I sleep in, I usually don't eat anything at all until at least 3. But during the week, when my day starts between 5:30 and 6 a.m., I'm STARVING at 5 p.m.

    Anyway, I say either try spreading your daytime meals out a bit more, leave room for a snack, choose foods that fill you up better and longer and wait that extra half hour or don't and don't worry about him eating with the family. He'll adjust or he won't.

    Yeah I'm going to have to work harder on spreading my food. It's just been tough lately!
  • KrazyDaizy
    KrazyDaizy Posts: 815 Member
    Ultimately it comes down to what is best for the kids.

    I do understand that he can make choices to get home earlier if he did "x", but he doesn't do it and he may never do no matter what you say to him. You DO need to discuss it with him and tell him how it makes you feel, but in the meantime think about what the kids will remember when they are older. Will they remember eating dinner around the table with the entire family making memories or will they remember their mom making a big deal about 30 minutes to prove a point when she could have spaced out her calories and meals a little better?
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    Ultimately it comes down to what is best for the kids.

    I do understand that he can make choices to get home earlier if he did "x", but he doesn't do it and he may never do no matter what you say to him. You DO need to discuss it with him and tell him how it makes you feel, but in the meantime think about what the kids will remember when they are older. Will they remember eating dinner around the table with the entire family making memories or will they remember their mom making a big deal about 30 minutes to prove a point when she could have spaced out her calories and meals a little better?

    Bingo. The only thing I see happening here is that the kids learn to disrespect their parents over arbitrary and meaningless matters because that's the lesson being taught. That, and immediate gratification is good and self-control is bad. As silly and ultimately inconsequential this whole thing is, the lessons being taught aren't.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    5 or 5:30 is pretty early for dinner.
    Not when you're up at 5 a.m.

    On weekends when I sleep in, I usually don't eat anything at all until at least 3. But during the week, when my day starts between 5:30 and 6 a.m., I'm STARVING at 5 p.m.

    Anyway, I say either try spreading your daytime meals out a bit more, leave room for a snack, choose foods that fill you up better and longer and wait that extra half hour or don't and don't worry about him eating with the family. He'll adjust or he won't.

    Yeah I'm going to have to work harder on spreading my food. It's just been tough lately!
    I also suggest you do some research and see if you can maybe eat more calories. If you're eating the MFP default, it may be too low and you can probably get away with eating more (a mid-afternoon snack, for example).
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    Ultimately it comes down to what is best for the kids.

    I do understand that he can make choices to get home earlier if he did "x", but he doesn't do it and he may never do no matter what you say to him. You DO need to discuss it with him and tell him how it makes you feel, but in the meantime think about what the kids will remember when they are older. Will they remember eating dinner around the table with the entire family making memories or will they remember their mom making a big deal about 30 minutes to prove a point when she could have spaced out her calories and meals a little better?

    This is a good point.

    Also, sit down and talk to your husband about it. Emphasis how important family meals are to you. Ask him nicely to try a little harder to be home just before 6 so you can have dinner at 6. It's amazing how well simple polite expression of feelings and communication can work.
  • ShellyBell999
    ShellyBell999 Posts: 1,482 Member
    Didn't see the part where he works 7 days a week so,
    How about making his days off the family sit down time while adjusting so work nights might fit in occasionally.
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
    i fail to see the dilemma here.
    if you need to eat dinner at 5, then go for it. when he gets home, why not sit with him and have a glass of wine or a snack and talk then?

    tbh i envy your situation....between my sons activities and my getting home at 730pm at the earliest (no choice in that matter), my wife, son, and i only get to really eat together on tuesdays and weekends.

    you should budge a bit and hold off eating dinner, and he should budge a bit and try to be home at a consistent time so the family can eat together.
  • chopper_pilot
    chopper_pilot Posts: 191 Member
    You are in charge.
  • da_bears10089
    da_bears10089 Posts: 1,791 Member
    You feel really hungry in the morning because your body is trained to eat that early. Your body can be re-trained. If you want to have family time around the dinner table, then you either should request that he comes home earlier, or push dinner back to when he "usually" gets home.

    I ate breakfast all the time, but then i felt like i was depriving myself for dinner because I like to eat large meals. I don't eat anything in the morning anymore besides drinking my coffee, then i have a larger lunch and dinner.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    Have you ever tried intermittent fasting. Not the crazy 24 hour fast either before anyone goes crazy. I myself like having calories at the end of the evening instead of early. I drink water all morning and eat my first meal at noon. I eat all my calories between 12pm-8:30pm. Then I fast till noon the next day. That is a typical 16 hour daily fast. For women it is recommended that they don't fast for more than 14 hours. You could hold off till 10am and have your first meal and go from there. Now you have calories to eat later. Just a thought.

    weird. I usually do not eat from 6 pm to 7 am. So is that a 13 hour "fast"?
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,078 Member
    These pesky men just don't seem to do what their women tell them to do . . .

    If you can't wait until 6:00 for dinner then there's something just as wrong with you as there is with your husband staying up late. Grow up and learn to discuss your issues with your spouse and find a compromise.

    Perhaps you should grow up and stop being rude telling people there's something 'wrong' with them because they have different schedules.

    OP I used to give my kids dinner at 5.30pm and eat later with my husband. But he likes to eat really late, and our meal got later and later like 10pm! So I now eat with the kids
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member

    Ultimately it comes down to what is best for the kids.

    LOL I will add this to the hundred of reasons I'm so glad I am childfree by choice.
  • SexKittenlovesitrough
    SexKittenlovesitrough Posts: 486
    ok wait...cliff notes...

    hubby sets his own schedule for work, hubby CHOOSES to sleep in and get home later thus making everyone else HANGRY...hubby also doesn't feel its important to have a family meal time and usually isn't hungry when he gets home either...

    so why are you pushing YOUR ideal of what YOU want on him and everyone else?

    seems like it's just making everyone miserable.

    so run that by me again..why are you doing this?
  • rsclause
    rsclause Posts: 3,103 Member
    5:30 is a bit early for dinner and sleeping til 10:00 is a bit late. Out playing at night til 1:00 0r 2:00 is a bit too much play. I think he needs to reset his clock to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier. If he doesn't he will end up missing some of the best times to see you and the kids. He will probably feel better too.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    6 or 6:30 pm dinner hardly sounds unreasonable. In fact I'd say that's still fairly early in the evening! I don't know the dynamics of your relationship with your husband, so I could be wrong here but - if he's a hard working sole provider to the household, and it allows you the privilege to stay at home and raise the children (single Moms everywhere would love this opportunity!)...........then I think you're being selfish....and spoiled. Geez we're only talking a 1/2 hour here...it's not like he's showing up at midnight. Hey...but maybe he's a lyin cheating drunkard? Not deserving of his family waiting a HALF HOUR so you can eat together. Jeessh....FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS SUCK.
  • KrazyDaizy
    KrazyDaizy Posts: 815 Member

    Ultimately it comes down to what is best for the kids.

    LOL I will add this to the hundred of reasons I'm so glad I am childfree by choice.
    Tru dat for some people.

    And I add this to the hundred of reasons I'm glad to have children by choice. :smile:
  • nilbogger
    nilbogger Posts: 870 Member
    So I don't have any kids, but I used to be one... isn't it normal for them to be hungry at 5:30? Don't they go to bed earlier than us grown folks? And hubby doesn't even let OP know when he's going to be home, so the kids wouldn't even know what time they'll be eating from day to day.
  • redheadmommy
    redheadmommy Posts: 908 Member
    Honestly , It seems that neither of you are making much effort to actually spend time together as a family. Lots of marriage go down on the drain because of this. I have 2 small kids( 5 yr old+ 1 yr old) , plus I work, so I completely understand that things can be extremely busy at this stage in life. However if you guys do not make an effort to spend time together now, you are not going to make it as a family and as a couple .

    You should sit down with your husband and talk about this. Depending on what his work situation, he may or may not able to change his work schedule.

    However, his schedule is not that terrible 6:00-6:30 pm dinner is totally normal , that what we do despite that my husband gets home by 5 pm. If your kids and you get hungry a half an hr or an hr earlier , time your afternoon snack time for an hr or a half hour later, problem solved. You are a stay at home mom, you are free to adjust to your eating schedule whatever way you want.
  • Beata375
    Beata375 Posts: 68 Member
    Why not sit down with him and explain how important the family time is to you/the kids- and how you would like for him to join you. And then ask if he would prefer to make it work for breakfast time or dinner. Then let him figure out how to make it work. You can explain your side, but you can't force another person to do what YOU want... but maybe with some discussion you guys can meet 1/2 way to a happier family dynamic :)

    Also, maybe alter the food choices you make so you can spread out the calories better so you can have a snack in the afternoon, and maybe a 6 pm dinner will be more likely to have everyone happy?
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    So I don't have any kids, but I used to be one... isn't it normal for them to be hungry at 5:30? Don't they go to bed earlier than us grown folks? And hubby doesn't even let OP know when he's going to be home, so the kids wouldn't even know what time they'll be eating from day to day.
    Very true. Waiting until 7 or 8 to eat dinner does not work with children. Five or 5:30 is a reasonable time. But then, 6 isn't an unreasonable time, assuming he makes it home by then.
  • kbella67
    kbella67 Posts: 37 Member
    I eat with the kids, my husband eats alone at 7:30 when he gets home.. I am in same situation. I am starved and blow it if I wait..othewise I eat at 5-6 and am fine rest of night.. it's ok treat yourself right. We eat together on the weekends.. and my kids and I sit down and eat and talk about the day so I feel that's a win.
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
    Take care of yourself, I would feed the kids and yourself and like the others have said, you and the kids can sat with your hubby later. He probably doesn't care. Or eat a healthy snack and eat with him but really Moms need to take care of themselves and not always put ourselves last.
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
    These pesky men just don't seem to do what their women tell them to do . . .

    If you can't wait until 6:00 for dinner then there's something just as wrong with you as there is with your husband staying up late. Grow up and learn to discuss your issues with your spouse and find a compromise.

    This is overly simplistic. I don't wait until 6:00 for dinner most nights either and there isn't anything wrong with me at all. I agree that OP needs to find a compromise with her spouse.

    However, this: "hubby is not making any effort to go to work earlier in the morning so he can go home earlier at night (it's flexible, he could totally do it, but he stays up until 1-2am, then sleeps in until 8am, then doesn't leave for work until 10am sometimes)" is a load of crap. Either (A) he gets to work earlier or (B) he misses dinner with the family. Quit enabling him.

    I'm pretty damn sure that there are two sides to this story, and 30 minutes isn't exactly a long time. I said "just as wrong" but not sure you got that . . .

    There are two sides to every story. And yeah, I got that. Or did you not read the rest of post where I said her husband's lack of effort is crap? It's ok. Sound out the big words, chief.

    Another poster confused by real jobs telling those of us with them about big words. Well done

    Lol. I have a great job and it is a real career (not just a job) for a Fortune 500 company. But thanks for assuming something you know nothing about.

    There there. Don't pout. I'm sure you can white knight another day.
  • missbp
    missbp Posts: 601 Member
    I basically could have written your post myself a year ago. A lot's changed in my life on a personal level since then. But I won't get into that.

    I will say that for a long time, I did just what you are doing. I held dinner until my spouse made it home. And that was anywhere from 6 - 7:30PM. He too could have gone into work earlier and come home earlier. But, he had zero interest in that.

    When my daughter made the volleyball team, and was coming home from practice at 5:15 each day starving, that is when I made the executive decision to make 5:30 our official dinner time. I didn't want my daughter snacking so close to dinner. The earlier time was more suitable for my son and myself. When my spouse balked about it, I explained all of the above to him. And that if he really wanted to eat with us, he always had the option of starting his day a little bit earlier and likewise coming home earlier. I suppose it wasn't worth it for him, because nothing changed.
  • missbp
    missbp Posts: 601 Member
    [/quote]

    Haha no. I have to wake him up before I take the kids to school.
    [/quote]

    Yeah! I definitely could have written your post.
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
    Ultimately it comes down to what is best for the kids.

    I do understand that he can make choices to get home earlier if he did "x", but he doesn't do it and he may never do no matter what you say to him. You DO need to discuss it with him and tell him how it makes you feel, but in the meantime think about what the kids will remember when they are older. Will they remember eating dinner around the table with the entire family making memories or will they remember their mom making a big deal about 30 minutes to prove a point when she could have spaced out her calories and meals a little better?

    Bingo. The only thing I see happening here is that the kids learn to disrespect their parents over arbitrary and meaningless matters because that's the lesson being taught. That, and immediate gratification is good and self-control is bad. As silly and ultimately inconsequential this whole thing is, the lessons being taught aren't.

    ^ agreed. I just don't get the upset over what appears to be 30 minutes. OP, talk to your spouse.

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