I'm scaring myself...

funkyspunky871

I'm getting seriously obsessive, especially over the last month or two. All I think about is food and calories. What am I going to eat for dinner? How much fat, how much sugar, how much sodium? When I first began, I ate the recommended 1200 or more. Now, I average about 1000 calories a day. And, if I go over on sugar, I restrict my calories. If I go go over on sodium, I restrict my calories. I'm scared to death to go over 1050 calories. I have this overwhelming feeling that I've eaten too much. I obsess over calculating daily deficits and add them all up to see if I'll get a total of 7000 or more. And, if I don't? I restrict my calories again and exercise excessively. Like today, I've only eaten maybe 950 calories, but I feel like even that is too much. I'm sitting here stressed, deciding whether or not I should give up my efforts of not stop stepping on the scale every morning. (I just started obsessing over the scale in the past few weeks too.) I don't eat fruit anymore because I'll go over my sugar. I don't eat above 25g of fat when just a few weeks ago, my limit was 35g. I'm scaring myself; I feel like I'm watching somebody else do this to herself, and I don't know how to stop. What can I do? My biggest fear is not losing anything on Saturdays.

Mindful_Trent

I would recommend that you find a therapist/counselor that you can see, if you have the means to do so. Most larger cities have sliding-scale places. I've been seeing a therapist for other issues for over a year, and as long as you find one that you "click" with okay, they are VERY helpful in giving you perspective and helping you figure out how to effect change in your own life. There is no shame in seeing a therapist - I think EVERYONE could benefit at one point in their life (or many) from having someone who is a neutral, removed party, help them get past problems/obstacles.

I hope things get better for you! The first step is admitting that there is a problem, and it looks like you're taking that step now.

ejschantz85

Oh hun, that is scary. I used to have an eating disorder in high school and the way your are describing your behavior reminds me of those days. I do suggest talking with someone either a family member or friend or a counselor. You don't want this to be something more serious.

First off. DO NOT weight yourself everyday...thats a big no no when doing weight loss. I would do it once a week or every two weeks. Have a scheduled weight in. Don't worry so much about sugar from fruit because those are more complex and are healthier for you then eating skittles lets say which are simple sugars that make you gain weight.

Try to eat as healthy as you can, but don't stress about it and every once in a while treat yourself. If you go over don't worry about it. Calories = energy. I would eat a minimum of 1200 a day regardless, and then exorcise a little bit 15 to 45 min a day. You will feel healthy and good.

Losing weight takes time, especially doing it the healthy way. Losing it too fast could make it come back all the faster making all your efforts go to waste. Do not expect a miracle and do not make yourself sick. You will get there, good things come to those who weight (hahaha, sorry for this cheesy line and spelling but I couldn't resist)

mommaski4

Stop! Remember that you have lost 66lbs so far! You are well on your way to reaching your goal. But stop letting the weight and the calories define you! Turn of some of the the nutrients that you are tracking. View only calories. Concentrate on not staying UNDER but on MEETING your calorie goals each day. Do you have the willpower to skip your weigh in this Saturday? Take measurements instead. Do not let yourelf continue to be so obsessive over this. Make this a healthy lifestyle change!

Good luck to you!

sassiebritches

I think that you are like many of us ....anxious to get the weight off. I used to do that too and in the long run I sabotaged myself, because you are putting too much into it...I followed your plan and for me it did not work. I did the same thing...and found myself so focused on what to and not to eat that I ended up MISERABLE and I quit.....I gained all the weight back and some. I decided this time I would just do what I knew I could, try and eat "cleaner" foods so I didn't have to worry about added "stuff" so much, and then my doctor put me on the Low Carb diet....Atkins is what I am doing. Now I find I never obsess over how many cals I have had, I just watch my sugar and my Carbs. Sometimes my cals are up to 1800 and other days 900 and I still lost 10 lbs in a week - and though I lost mostly water, I still feel great, the foods are great and I don't obsess over cals anymore.

Make this easy on yourself, just take it a day at a time......stress by the way can have a weight gaining effect, so just relax and stick with your program. Not an obsessed program.

:flowerforyou:

CeleryStalker

I got this way too. Totally scary OCD about it to the point that it derailed me. I would try any method I could to cheat and still hit the right numbers, even if it meant skipping meals so I could have junk instead. I figured I was good as long as I got in less than 100g of carbs a day (I was on a moderately low carb diet, with limitations of 80-100g carbs daily) I had to take a step back, stop dieting for a while, regain my composure, and tackle it again from a new perspective.

I managed to maintain the same weight for about a year now, mid-190's, without calorie counting, obsessing, or even thinking about it. I knew what food I was supposed to eat, what I wasn't supposed to, and how much of what I should be eating. It was the actual act of logging it in an online journal that sent me bonkers and made me obsess.

Now that I've got a more firm grasp on my sanity, I am back to finish what I started and after 3 days can honestly say that logging the numbers is just a tool to keep me honest with myself and isn't making me sketch out at all.

Good luck. I totally know where you are coming from, and it sucks! :flowerforyou:

kelsully

First I would say...skip the scale for a week or two...then I would say...find a dietician/nutritionist and/or a therapist. I have been down that road and while eating healthy and being aware of intake is vital to health...not eating enough will screw with your body. At 15 years old I stopped having periods for a year...started losing hair...and obsessed constantly..even binged/purged from time to time. I was afraid after that recovery to ever "diet" again for fear of having the same thing happen. This time I will make sure I hit my calorie goals. I don't pay as much attention to the other totals...I focus on calories..that way if I am at 1000 (I am trying to maintain) and need 450 more I will eat a snack...sometimes a power bar...which I hate but get me close to calorie goal of the day...with exercise I need even more calories to maintain...so before my workout I know if I need a snack and gatorade or just gatorade etc and after exercise I make a decision about dinner and possibly dessert. It is an effort but I make sure I am never 200 or more calories under for the day...I try to eat them all...

Good luck. Find an outlet to discuss this with. Don't give up the goal of health and a healthy weight but I would drop a few numbers o obsess about and just worry about cals in and cals out...and remember you can actually make losing weight harder if your body goes into starvation mode by not eating enough.

CeleryStalker

ps..... if you are worried about eating fruit because of sugars, im pleading with you to try a different weight loss approach. i see how far you have come, so its obviously been working for you in the past, but sweetie, i know your pain. how cursed does one have to be to feel GUILTY about eating something like a fresh orange?

it was that frame of mind that drove me nuts, and the reason i had to step away. i promise you, you can still lose weight on a low calorie diet without limiting one macro nutrient or another. the fiber in whole fruit offsets the sugars, so its not like sitting down eating a tablespoon of sugar. it effects your blood sugar differently.

you want to be able to consume things you KNOW are healthy for you without having to feel guilty about it. there was a time that i absolutely refused to have beans, fruit, whole grains....all because i didn't want to go over a certain number of grams of carbs. its ridiculous.

look at it as a whole. protein, carbs, fats....choose wisely where your calories come from, eat WHOLE foods, not processed garbage, and nature will take care of the rest. i promise.

funkyspunky871

Thank you guys. I don't want to involve therapy or anything yet, but I've already gotten rid of sugar and sodium on my food diary. I'm not going to weigh in this Saturday either. I'm going to work on getting to at least 1200 and I'll weigh in on September 11th. If my body hasn't adjusted to 1200 again by then and I've gained or not lost, you can bet I'll be posting another topic for your advice. Thank you; I think it really helped just to finally get it out.

Maggie1960

Thank you guys. I don't want to involve therapy or anything yet, but I've already gotten rid of sugar and sodium on my food diary. I'm not going to weigh in this Saturday either. I'm going to work on getting to at least 1200 and I'll weigh in on September 11th. If my body hasn't adjusted to 1200 again by then and I've gained or not lost, you can bet I'll be posting another topic for your advice. Thank you; I think it really helped just to finally get it out.

Just to add my two cents worth - you have done brilliantly, losing 66lbs and it's quite natural to get panicky and anxious about hitting your target. It's easy to say step away from the scales and stop weighing and measuring everything you eat, at the moment you are totally focussed on your goal so that's impossible.
However, if, after you are 120lbs, you continue to lose weight and anxiously monitor everything you eat and drink, then it might be an idea to talk things through with someone professional to get to the root of your anxieties. In the UK we have free online counselling, I'm not sure whether you have any resources like that, but it's worth bearing in mind.