Eating Disorder or just crazy...?

prdavies1949

Go to your GP and tell her everything you have put out in this thread, she will get you in touch with counselling quicker than you think.

MoosyGoosy

Def approaching an ED if not already there- sorry But realising that this is a problem means that you can get help early! Go to your GP and tell them everything. Please don't let it get worse, please. Eating disorders are hell and the longer you've had one, the harder it is to cure. You've caught this pretty early, get some help so it doesn't have to go further! Good luck

joyfuljoy65

It's not that I'm looking for something to be wrong...I would be trilled if there wasn't. But the rational, logical part of me (which normally rules most areas of my life) is saying that something isn't quite right here...it may not (I hope it's not) an eating disorder but I'm constantly looking at girlfriends, other women on the street etc who I think look good and comparing myself to them - am I bigger/smaller etc. And I do think I look fine at the moment but the impulse to get back to the stage where people said I looked really good (or too thin as I was told by many people) is very hard to fight...it seems to me like failing or something...

I don't personally think there is anything wrong with you. I feel much the same. I know I am now 'normal' but still like the idea of losing more, check myself (usually unflatteringly) against others, and am panicking about maintenance. Part of it is just how we are after being overweight. We still categorise ourselves as 'fat'. I have started a new job this month - and what have I been doing - firstly telling people that I am looking at a maintenance diet. They didnt need to know - they never knew me 5 stone heavier - but I still went right on and said it. I still think I am fat and need to explain that I am working on it.

I think there is also something wrong with the world we women live in - we are catergorised as either skinny or fat. How many times in a magazine is someone celebrated for just being normal - nope all we see is "**** has lost 6 stone in 3 months"; "**** has turned into a lardarse", "*****'s brilliant diet just for you". Where are the articles saying - hey, **** is just a normal looking person who has her life sorted". They don't sell magazines/paper though do they.

Others on here have suggested counselling. If you feel you need it go ahead, but first think what YOU want to get out of it. Just sitting there listening to someone else spout on about body image etc when you haven't thought how that affects you is a waste of time. Go with an agenda for YOU. Don't be given an agenda by someone who, though they may have your interests at heart, doesn't know what you want to achieve.

Hope this helps - probably not - but I couldnt just say *hugs and will get better soon*

futuresize8

I don't think you're crazy. I do think that you are not eating enough. And I'm not sure why 105 pounds feels comfortable to you. We're the same height. I can't imagine what I would feel like at 105...I know I wouldn't feel well.

I peeked at your food diary and you're consuming only about 800 cals a day...not nearly enough food and certainly not enough nutrition to stay healthy.

So...if counseling is an option, to talk about how you're feeling and how much time you're thinking about food and weight, I say go for it. Counseling is awesome.

And...how about talking to a nutritionist? It might help you get some ideas for things that are balanced and healthy and satisfying. Chocolate, popcorn and veggies aren't going to give you the nutrition you need to thrive.

Being underweight for too long can have permanent consequences. You're worth the time and effort to take care of yourself and I truly hope you will...

animatorswearbras

Hi hun sorry you're feeling this way, by your explanations you do show some slight signs of EDNOS but the thing that seems to come across is perhaps body dismorphia? I think you're perhaps at a precipice which could result into a serious ED considering your perceived "fat" body image even though you are very slim and at a healthier weight now. As others have suggested perhaps speaking to a doctor who specialises in EDs would be a great first step and I don't think anybody here can truly help you in the same way a specialist could.

Take care x

MinnieInMaine

The bit about control is what stands out to me. I remember reading a while back that control can be a major trigger for EDs. The person has little else they can control in their lives so they obsessively control their diet and/or exercise.

Please do follow through with seeking counseling. It sounds like you're at least aware of what's going on and that's a good first step but you need the help to work through the causes and work out a solution.

In the meantime, I think you could make some small changes if it doesn't stress you out too much. Switch to maintenance and try to eat up to your daily calorie goal on a consistent basis. Even if a night or two out causes a slight gain, remember most of that is usually water weight so just staying within your goal (not coming in so far under) will still get you back to your pre-indulgence weight, it just takes a little longer (and as you pointed out, is healthier and less extreme).

Best of luck to you!

EmilyAFraser1

It's not that I'm looking for something to be wrong...I would be trilled if there wasn't. But the rational, logical part of me (which normally rules most areas of my life) is saying that something isn't quite right here...it may not (I hope it's not) an eating disorder but I'm constantly looking at girlfriends, other women on the street etc who I think look good and comparing myself to them - am I bigger/smaller etc. And I do think I look fine at the moment but the impulse to get back to the stage where people said I looked really good (or too thin as I was told by many people) is very hard to fight...it seems to me like failing or something...

I don't personally think there is anything wrong with you. I feel much the same. I know I am now 'normal' but still like the idea of losing more, check myself (usually unflatteringly) against others, and am panicking about maintenance. Part of it is just how we are after being overweight. We still categorise ourselves as 'fat'. I have started a new job this month - and what have I been doing - firstly telling people that I am looking at a maintenance diet. They didnt need to know - they never knew me 5 stone heavier - but I still went right on and said it. I still think I am fat and need to explain that I am working on it.

I think there is also something wrong with the world we women live in - we are catergorised as either skinny or fat. How many times in a magazine is someone celebrated for just being normal - nope all we see is "**** has lost 6 stone in 3 months"; "**** has turned into a lardarse", "*****'s brilliant diet just for you". Where are the articles saying - hey, **** is just a normal looking person who has her life sorted". They don't sell magazines/paper though do they.

Others on here have suggested counselling. If you feel you need it go ahead, but first think what YOU want to get out of it. Just sitting there listening to someone else spout on about body image etc when you haven't thought how that affects you is a waste of time. Go with an agenda for YOU. Don't be given an agenda by someone who, though they may have your interests at heart, doesn't know what you want to achieve.

Hope this helps - probably not - but I couldnt just say *hugs and will get better soon*

Thank you, this has been the most useful - it's nice to know that I'm not just out of my mind - as you can relate but that there are atill issues I need to work on.

Thanks for the support, I'm not sure about concelling, I've never been much of a talker and I'm not entirely sure it would work, but I'm glad to know that other's can relate and that I'm not alone

As for the latter posts, you all mention body dysmorphia and I think that's what it is, because although I see a thin person when I'm at 105 (or lower) I don't think I see myself as thin as other people do, and I thin I still think I'm bigger than certain people when maybe I'm actually not.

Thanks for the support though, I guess that's all I wanted, was for someone to understand and reassure?? me or something...

Smashley1947

Until you can get into counseling, (counselors can be found through school (even part time), the doctor or your employers may have an employee assistance program with numbers that you can call that is completely confidential.

you could also try affirmation training or positive thinking.

it is corny, but they have done studies that prove you can change how you think, just by making the choice to me more positive.

You need to continually think and say to yourself that you are beautiful, healthy, etc. Every time you are looking in the mirror or start thinking negative thoughts. Focus on what is great about you and your looks. Your friend may have great legs, but you have great eyes.

Be sure to keep eating healthy (and the right amount of foods).

bridgew24

I was trying to be helpful I swear! Did sound a bit narky sorry.
It's just I have a similar issue, I often feel disgusted with my body etc. And a lot of that is because I used to be very thin!
But the only way to quash those thoughts I'm having is to look at the evidence.
Look at the scale, note peoples comments ('you look healthy / hot / trim'), and ignore that voice.

roxylola

yes you have some sypmtoms and signs warning of an eating disorder to be honest, not just your body image but logging religiously, following a splurge day with a couple of very strict days to make up. At 1600 calories you are already at a deficit so if you go over one day a week you really don't need to cut right back to compensate. Feeling that you do is not a good sign. And I think a good place to start would be your gp - you dismiss counselling on the NHS as it might take "ages" well it might not and you won't know unless you ask. You may have some level of body dysmorphia but that is not all this is. Sorry to be a bit blunt but you are not on the edge of a slippery slope, in my opinion you are merrily trundling down it.

You say you don't like exercise, one reason may be because you are not giving your body enough to fuel exercise too. And at this point, you will get better results from doing weightbearing exercise (not just cardio) and improving your shape with some muscle than by dieting. You _need_ to do some weightbearing to counter the fact that you are underweight and undereating as you _will_ be losing bone mass!

berlinberlinveg

And I thought people were smart enough to not diagnose over the internet... (I only read a bit of the thread and already there's ednos, bdd, ed, nothing-wrong-with-you)....
Please let professionals take care of that, and not random people over the internet I'm sure you know that already.
It's good that you post this, it means that you know this might not be good and healthy to feel like this.


Since this takes up a lot of your time/thoughts/worries, I think you should definitely see a doctor (and let them do the diagnosing, or non-diagnosing).
Since you're underweight aka, no need to worry about excess weight, it doesn't seem right that you should worry this much about calories and weight.
Tell the doctor honestly about it, print your post out to have with you just in case it suddenly gets difficult to talk about when you're there, then you have that as a back-up where you can just show them.


I hope you will see someone, it's also good if your GP knows about this so there's someone who keeps an eye on you, makes sure you don't get worse. Maybe you could get appointments there if you have to wait for another kind of help (if your doctor decides that's the way to go).

All the best

kelly_e_montana

It's not that I'm looking for something to be wrong...I would be trilled if there wasn't. But the rational, logical part of me (which normally rules most areas of my life) is saying that something isn't quite right here...it may not (I hope it's not) an eating disorder but I'm constantly looking at girlfriends, other women on the street etc who I think look good and comparing myself to them - am I bigger/smaller etc. And I do think I look fine at the moment but the impulse to get back to the stage where people said I looked really good (or too thin as I was told by many people) is very hard to fight...it seems to me like failing or something...

I don't personally think there is anything wrong with you. I feel much the same. I know I am now 'normal' but still like the idea of losing more, check myself (usually unflatteringly) against others, and am panicking about maintenance. Part of it is just how we are after being overweight. We still categorise ourselves as 'fat'. I have started a new job this month - and what have I been doing - firstly telling people that I am looking at a maintenance diet. They didnt need to know - they never knew me 5 stone heavier - but I still went right on and said it. I still think I am fat and need to explain that I am working on it.

I think there is also something wrong with the world we women live in - we are catergorised as either skinny or fat. How many times in a magazine is someone celebrated for just being normal - nope all we see is "**** has lost 6 stone in 3 months"; "**** has turned into a lardarse", "*****'s brilliant diet just for you". Where are the articles saying - hey, **** is just a normal looking person who has her life sorted". They don't sell magazines/paper though do they.

Others on here have suggested counselling. If you feel you need it go ahead, but first think what YOU want to get out of it. Just sitting there listening to someone else spout on about body image etc when you haven't thought how that affects you is a waste of time. Go with an agenda for YOU. Don't be given an agenda by someone who, though they may have your interests at heart, doesn't know what you want to achieve.

Hope this helps - probably not - but I couldnt just say *hugs and will get better soon*

Thank you, this has been the most useful - it's nice to know that I'm not just out of my mind - as you can relate but that there are atill issues I need to work on.

Thanks for the support, I'm not sure about concelling, I've never been much of a talker and I'm not entirely sure it would work, but I'm glad to know that other's can relate and that I'm not alone

As for the latter posts, you all mention body dysmorphia and I think that's what it is, because although I see a thin person when I'm at 105 (or lower) I don't think I see myself as thin as other people do, and I thin I still think I'm bigger than certain people when maybe I'm actually not.

Thanks for the support though, I guess that's all I wanted, was for someone to understand and reassure?? me or something...

This suggests that you're just wanting validation that you're okay in terms of your eating, your feelings and your goals. Any other useful advice has been discarded. You didn't want advice. You wanted to be told you are doing fine.

You're not.

You're eating 800 calories per day and you don't think 105 is thin on you. You didn't address the post about your diary. By most calculations, you are below an ideal body weight even at 115 with a small frame.

Feel free not to go to a counselor. Feel free not to exercise. Feel free not to eat. However, just know that every time you do these behaviors, you are hard wiring an eating disorder further and further into your brain. I'm not going to be "nice" and sugar coat this for you. I struggled every day with an eating disorder for 30 years, and I still struggle sometimes. Stop now. It does not get better on its own. By accepting these behaviors as normal, you are making them part of who you are and how your brain works.

deksgrl

I don't know if you have an ED. BUT, the problem with losing that much weight that quickly is you keep going on very low calories to get there. This is not healthy. Also, someone mentioned above that you keep lowering your lean body mass, this is true, and this will make you have a higher body fat percent even though you are only ___ amount of pounds on the scale. Thus, exacerbating this body dysmorphia, because you will feel fatter yourself every time you yo-yo up and down, even though your weight is low and you don't appear fat to other people. Bone density, you are decreasing your bones, and at this age you probably don't care, but as you get older, you will be at great risk of osteoporosis and other health issues due to this very unhealthy living.

I understand the not liking exercise. I never did either, and I never really needed to as far as weight goes. But as I got older it became very important, not just because it is harder to control weight as you get older, but because my life is a lot easier being stronger, and understanding the importance of preserving bone density. And, I learned to love it, because it became something important to me. I would have thought that was crazy talk all my life up until the past few years.

It becomes a quality of life issue, when you are 50 years old and you struggle to carry a sack of pet food or bird seed, and you fall and break a bone..... and end up in a nursing facility long before your peers. I'd rather be lifting some heavy stuff, eating what I want and riding my Harley.

meeper123

Poor body image is what it sounds like more than an ED but yoyoing is seriously bad for your heart

kelly_e_montana

Get real and address the fact that you are only logging 800 calories per day. Respond.

conniemaxwell5

I think you do need to talk to a professional about how you perceive yourself. I don't think you have an eating disorder yet, but the thoughts and behaviors you have could set you up for one in the future. As for not liking exercise, have you tried weight lifting of any sort? You might be happier with your body if you improved your muscle tone and added more definition.

amy1612

I think you need to speak to someone, essentially youre living on snack food in an attempt to stay under an already VERY low calorie goal and obsessing about being smaller when youre already at a healthy weight. I mean jesus, 40g of pasta as a serving!

Love4fitnesslove4food2

Yeah the last few days (although tues and Wed I planned but didn't follow, just ate a bunch of other stuff, wrnt out etc) are a classic example of my 'back on the diet' method - 3/4 days of low cal to begin with before upping to 1200 for a few days/weeks depending on weight to lose and then 100cals extra a week until I reach 1600 and stay there until all weight loss is achieved.

It's a bizarre and probably very unhealthy method but it's the way I've always dealt with gains before...

I'm no longer in Uni so there's no councelling service available to me unless I go though the NHS and that's a nightmare and would take months and months I'm pretty sure...

That you've dealt with gains by effectively starving yourself and the thought of staying at a healthier but probably still underweight weight is unimaginable for you I'd venture to say that you're somewhere on the eating disorder spectrum. You really really really need to get help because it seems like this problem has already gotten out of hand. Please stop trying to lose weight and increase your calories to a healthy amount. I'd talk to someone at school, usually they have therapists/nutritionists or talk to someone you trust that's close to you. Logging your calories and continuing what you've been doing for the past year is only going to dig you deeper into this and the longer you weight the harder it will be. Get help while you're at a HEALTHIER (though probably not HEALTHY) weight because you will need to gain it back if you lose it. 105 pounds is not healthy for you, it's just not. So please get that number out of your head. I dealt with anorexia for several years and it's not a fun disorder and it's not a game. I would hate for you to dismiss it because you think that you don't fall perfectly into any eating disorder classification so therefore you're not sick...that's not so. Please get help!

Runner5AbelTownship

It's not that I'm looking for something to be wrong...I would be trilled if there wasn't. But the rational, logical part of me (which normally rules most areas of my life) is saying that something isn't quite right here...it may not (I hope it's not) an eating disorder but I'm constantly looking at girlfriends, other women on the street etc who I think look good and comparing myself to them - am I bigger/smaller etc. And I do think I look fine at the moment but the impulse to get back to the stage where people said I looked really good (or too thin as I was told by many people) is very hard to fight...it seems to me like failing or something...

I don't personally think there is anything wrong with you. I feel much the same. I know I am now 'normal' but still like the idea of losing more, check myself (usually unflatteringly) against others, and am panicking about maintenance. Part of it is just how we are after being overweight. We still categorise ourselves as 'fat'. I have started a new job this month - and what have I been doing - firstly telling people that I am looking at a maintenance diet. They didnt need to know - they never knew me 5 stone heavier - but I still went right on and said it. I still think I am fat and need to explain that I am working on it.

I think there is also something wrong with the world we women live in - we are catergorised as either skinny or fat. How many times in a magazine is someone celebrated for just being normal - nope all we see is "**** has lost 6 stone in 3 months"; "**** has turned into a lardarse", "*****'s brilliant diet just for you". Where are the articles saying - hey, **** is just a normal looking person who has her life sorted". They don't sell magazines/paper though do they.

Others on here have suggested counselling. If you feel you need it go ahead, but first think what YOU want to get out of it. Just sitting there listening to someone else spout on about body image etc when you haven't thought how that affects you is a waste of time. Go with an agenda for YOU. Don't be given an agenda by someone who, though they may have your interests at heart, doesn't know what you want to achieve.

Hope this helps - probably not - but I couldnt just say *hugs and will get better soon*

Thank you, this has been the most useful - it's nice to know that I'm not just out of my mind - as you can relate but that there are atill issues I need to work on.

Thanks for the support, I'm not sure about concelling, I've never been much of a talker and I'm not entirely sure it would work, but I'm glad to know that other's can relate and that I'm not alone

As for the latter posts, you all mention body dysmorphia and I think that's what it is, because although I see a thin person when I'm at 105 (or lower) I don't think I see myself as thin as other people do, and I thin I still think I'm bigger than certain people when maybe I'm actually not.

Thanks for the support though, I guess that's all I wanted, was for someone to understand and reassure?? me or something...

This suggests that you're just wanting validation that you're okay in terms of your eating, your feelings and your goals. Any other useful advice has been discarded. You didn't want advice. You wanted to be told you are doing fine.

You're not.

You're eating 800 calories per day and you don't think 105 is thin on you. You didn't address the post about your diary. By most calculations, you are below an ideal body weight even at 115 with a small frame.

Feel free not to go to a counselor. Feel free not to exercise. Feel free not to eat. However, just know that every time you do these behaviors, you are hard wiring an eating disorder further and further into your brain. I'm not going to be "nice" and sugar coat this for you. I struggled every day with an eating disorder for 30 years, and I still struggle sometimes. Stop now. It does not get better on its own. By accepting these behaviors as normal, you are making them part of who you are and how your brain works.

THIS.

I'd also add that the OP knows she has a problem. What she is looking for is justification to continue on which in itself is the kind of crossroads a professional needs to address. People need to tread carefully and not be cavalier because when someone is searching for validation they will gravitate towards anything that can be construed as such while ignoring everything else that is sensible (and that they already know).

No damage was ever done by posting the suggestion that this isn't something to be handled online by strangers but by someone qualified who will know the OP. Ever.

Annie_01

Thanks for reply, but to be honest, not helpful.
I know the numbers, I know I'm at a healthy weight range and as easy as it is to say (or type) to just stop categorising myself as fat or thin is much more difficult than it would seem.

But I don't know what I was hoping for by posting here...it was an impulse I guess.

My first thought...it is probably not about what you weigh but an obsession with seeing that number go down.

With many people success is based on the number on the scale going down. It is like a pat on the back that they are doing something right. That becomes an obsession for many...seeing that number go down...even if they reach goal weight.

My thought is...try getting rid of your scale for a while...try to get over weighing yourself. Loan it out...have a friend hide it from you. If you have panic attacks about not being able to weigh...this would be an indicator.

Maybe you could also try changing your focus. Instead of the number on the scale focus on getting fit...

Get rid of the scale...