Question/Advice: Commenting on Food Diaries

_errata_

So, if you have a friend on your list that is consistently eating below 1000 calories, is it wrong to tell them to eat more? I was just called an *kitten* who lacked some sort of filter and tact, and whatever else you can imagine, which is all true by the way, but still...

Do we have an obligation to hold each other accountable?

And I'm not talking about telling people to not eat 1200 calorie diets... but 700 or 800? That's pretty damn low.

What would you do?

RaggedyPond

I usually delete them if it is consistent.

_TastySnoBalls_

No, it's not wrong. If they want to delete me cause of it, then that's their problem.

arrseegee

I think it's quite appropriate to point out on a health forum, where people add friends for support and/or advice, if someone is acting in an unhealthy way. MFP wasn't developed to enable people to develop, track or maintain unsafe methods to lose weight. I find it a little hard to stomach seeing multiple likes and 'way to go!' comments when someone's diary entries are so restrictive that I suspect they've got an eating disorder.

However I prefer to delete those people rather than trying to engage them in a conversation which, in most cases, is pointless given that they will be getting the 'based on your calorie intake you are eating too few calories' message from MFP every time they complete their diary for the day.

melaniecheeks

I'd comment, but I'd try to phrase it diplomatically - "Any reason you ate so few calories today?", rather than a stern "You're not eating enough!"

But yeah, I've deleted friends who were following paths that I couldn't in all honesty support.

mrsamanda86

I say something, and if it continues, I delete them. I'm not for supporting eating disorders. I do hope they get help or figure things out and start eating more though.

elyelyse

If it's once in a while I ignore it, but if it's consistent, I'll send a message, usually with info on the negative aspects of such extreme restriction.

Because desperation is stronger than common sense sometimes, seeing people eating so little on a regular basis makes me feel like a failure...like, why don't I have that much willpower? Even though I KNOW it's not healthy, it's tempting, so I can't watch other people do it.

metulchik

The whole point of adding friends on this site is to create a support network. If someone can't handle others commenting on their food dairy, then they should keep they're diary private! But yeah, 700-800 cal/day is ridiculously low unless maybe they are sick or something. I have a hard time staying under 1400 and it's not like I eat a lot.

askeates

If they are really not looking for help, and don't like the fact that you are trying to help them... delete them!

wolverine66

when i started, i had no clue what i was doing, and honestly, still don't by and large. i got a lot of good info from people helping me through looking at my diary.

MizTerry

If they don't ask, don't volunteer the info.
:bigsmile:

MinnieInMaine

I normally don't review diaries unless asked for advice but recently I noticed someone on my FL was losing really quickly so out of curiosity I took a look at her diary and saw that she was custom set to only 1000 calories per day and most days she wasn't even reaching her goal. So I sent a private message with some tactful concern (mostly because she had admitted to dealing with ED in the past) and encouraged her to get help as her health is in danger.

She didn't reply or delete me. I haven't seen her post recently so just checked in and she hasn't logged in for a few days and hasn't logged her food for a while.

All you can do is express concern, help them understand and be as tactful as possible. OP, sounds like you weren't too tactful so that's probably a good reason why you didn't get a great response. Dieitng is a very emotional thing for many people so it pays to be as gentle as you can be. Don't just make a snide comment, offer help, provide information to educate, etc. Otherwise they're never going to learn...

_errata_

If they don't ask, don't volunteer the info.
:bigsmile:

But by opening your diary to your friends list, aren't you tacitly approving people to look at and comment on your food intake?

The comment I made was, "Eat more." I don't know. I think I did the right thing. I would rather someone hate and unfriend me than go on thinking they don't have a problem.

j_bark

You can always be the responsible one and say something, though tone goes a long way. There are way too many scientific studies that show what starvation does. And for any of my MFP friends, why do I want that to happen them. So heck yeah I will say something.

seltzermint555

My diary is private, because I am afraid that I would become ultra competitive and/or restrictive if I knew others could see it - and that probably wouldn't be a sustainable lifestyle change for me.

That said, I don't look at others' diaries often. I will take a glance if someone asks for advice in the forums. But it seems like 99% of those people have incomplete logs or lots of missing days, so it's pretty pointless.

The only diaries I really look at are 2-3 of my longtime MFP friends who have lost a large amount of weight. I check those out 1-2 times a month and it just helps me to feel like I am on track when I see that they are eating quite similar to me (mostly healthy stuff, but some treats and small amounts of processed/packaged foods almost every day).

On the rare occasion I check out an MFP friend's diary and see that they are eating under 1200 calories I don't really care. If they want to starve themselves with 650 cal days it's sad but I doubt my advice would help at all. Many of those people weigh like 112 and they don't want 199 lb people advising them to eat more food...

ElizabethFuller

I have an MFP friend who started using meal replacement shakes for two meals then a very small evening meal, rarely hitting 1000 calories. I commented that it's very hard to get adequate nutrition on those sort of calories and the weight will drop off quickly but you'll feel deprived, hungry and miserable. She didn't reply but if it's a long term thing I'll delete her, I know that sounds harsh but I've spent years losing weight on VLC diets to just put it all back on again. I've now, through MFP, found a way of eating and exercising that works - not a diet, a change of lifestyle and I need to have friends that are motivated in the same way.
So I don't see that your comment should have been a problem, having an open diary is an invitation to look, isn't it

grillnchill

I usually delete them if it is consistent.

^ this exactly.