Newbie with a lot of baggage

Recovering_my_health

Hey everyone,

This is the first time I've joined a community like this and I come baring a long and heavy history.
I am in recovery from a 10 year long struggle with an eating disorder. My recovery started when I almost starved to death in the months after I gave birth to my son. I was at risk for abdominal perforation and was so mentally deficient from insuffecient caloroes I could hardly take care of him. I used to excecise 4-8 hours a day while consuming about 300-500 calories and bingeing on water. Periods of severe restriction were interpersed with severe bingeing. Since I was 14 I've yo-yoed from a size 4 to a 16 and back again. As a result of recovery and my second pregnancy I am currently 225 lbs, my highest weight in my life. It's hard on my body and it's espevially hard to hear the voice of ED in my head. I struggle just to look at myself. I want to settle on a healthy weight and stay there. I can't let my weight, high or low, control my life anymore.

I've never lost weight in a healthy way but I hope to start now. With 100 lbs to lose I know it will be a long journey. I'm not svared of the work, just of the risk of slipping backwards into disordered behaviour. Anyone else in a similar situation?

msidormasse

Welcome!

I've struggled with depression for five years, and after a hard breakup, antidepressants and some corticosteroids, I'm in the same boat you are. (There's literally five pounds difference between us) So I understand how you feel! I too feel a lot of shame, but now that I've been able to stick with this for just under three weeks, I'm feeling a bit better.

Feel free to add me if you like!