Frustrated w/family members...

flcaoh

Disclaimer... this has nothing to do with weight/food/healthy eating stuff...


I don't mean to use this as a complaint board, but I am really frustrated w/my family. I am the oldest child and grandchild on both sides. I come from a very very poor family. I am the first in my family to "get-away". I was the 1st to graduate high school, and when I was 20, I realized I didn't want to live my life like that, so I joined the Army and left Florida. I have since then traveled quite a bit, have gotten out of the Army, and am about to graduate college (again, a 1st for my family).

I am super frustrated b/c I thought I would be setting a good example, but all of my little cousins (7 of them aged 12-19) are headed down the same horrible slippery slope of trouble, poverty, and drugs that the majority of my family is stuck in. All but 1 of my cousins has dropped out of high school (the 12 yr old). 1 of them is about to go to prison for 1.5 yrs, and the oldest girl is pregnant and doesnt know who the father is. I have tried and tried to encourage them to go back to school and make something of their lifes, and they do nothing but make excuses. The adults in my family are no better, I face constant resentment and jeolousy issues because I 'got out of it', even by my own mother. I live in Ohio now, so I am not actually there with them all, but I do talk to them frequently through email, the phone, and myspace.

It scares me b/c I have a 10 yr old sister, and she lives right in the middle of it all. I can only hope that since she is the youngest of the bunch, she sees where their path is taking them and where my path is taking me... and she chooses the right one.

I know I can't change them or their ways, but I am so tired of trying to encourage them, while seeing them trot proudly down that sad doomed path. What can I do?

flcaoh

Disclaimer... this has nothing to do with weight/food/healthy eating stuff...


I don't mean to use this as a complaint board, but I am really frustrated w/my family. I am the oldest child and grandchild on both sides. I come from a very very poor family. I am the first in my family to "get-away". I was the 1st to graduate high school, and when I was 20, I realized I didn't want to live my life like that, so I joined the Army and left Florida. I have since then traveled quite a bit, have gotten out of the Army, and am about to graduate college (again, a 1st for my family).

I am super frustrated b/c I thought I would be setting a good example, but all of my little cousins (7 of them aged 12-19) are headed down the same horrible slippery slope of trouble, poverty, and drugs that the majority of my family is stuck in. All but 1 of my cousins has dropped out of high school (the 12 yr old). 1 of them is about to go to prison for 1.5 yrs, and the oldest girl is pregnant and doesnt know who the father is. I have tried and tried to encourage them to go back to school and make something of their lifes, and they do nothing but make excuses. The adults in my family are no better, I face constant resentment and jeolousy issues because I 'got out of it', even by my own mother. I live in Ohio now, so I am not actually there with them all, but I do talk to them frequently through email, the phone, and myspace.

It scares me b/c I have a 10 yr old sister, and she lives right in the middle of it all. I can only hope that since she is the youngest of the bunch, she sees where their path is taking them and where my path is taking me... and she chooses the right one.

I know I can't change them or their ways, but I am so tired of trying to encourage them, while seeing them trot proudly down that sad doomed path. What can I do?

bricker06

first of all congrats on all of your accomplishments. you should be very proud of yourself. unfortunately we cannot make people make the right choices in life, we can only set a good example and hope for the best. dont give up on your family. someone sometime will change their lifestyle because you have been a great example. and even if you influence only one life you will have done something amazing. give yourself some credit and dont give up. good luck:flowerforyou:

yoginimary

Spend as much time with your sister as possible. Ask if she can stay with you for the summers or whatever. I don't think there is much you can do from a distance - let them know your are available to talk at any time.

GTOgirl1969

All the hope and love in the world won't MAKE someone change their ways. That person has to realize on their own that they are screwing up.
I have been through similar things with my family...you can't change them.

astridfeline

I feel for you, my sister's branch of the family is the same way. finally after a lifetime of welfare, unemployment, or parasitizing boyfriends, she is graduating from junior college (at age 47) this Friday!! :happy: We all hope she will actually get a job w/ benefits (and keep it to support herself). Unfortunately her daughters (and their children) seem to be lost causes at this point, I hope they can also find their way. The thing is, the person has to WANT to make the change first and that is so rare.

I agree with Mary's post; see if your little sister can spend summers with you so she will experience a different, clean-living environment.

memaw66

I understand totally. I am in a similar situation. My sister didn't graduate high school, I did. I was headed down the wrong path too as I had 2 children by 2 different men by the time I was 20. My first was born when I was just 17. But I stayed in school and finished and went on to get more education. I hated the welfare system and felt degraded and ashamed by being on it. My sister has 3 kids and has been on welfare for the past 21 years. Now she knows her youngest is getting older and she needed to do something so she applied for and was approved for SSI and disability. She has NEVER worked but yet she always has her booze. I got off welfare, married a wonderful man, my children are grown and I am now a grandmother. We finally built our very own home!! My sister is sooooo jealous of me but she had the very same opportunities that I had. She just chose the easy way out.

Be proud of yourself. You can't make others decisions for them. Just keep being there for the children while they are still impressionable and hopefully some of it will sink in!!!!

Memaw

flcaoh

Thanks everyone for the encouragement.... I'm used to always being the encourager...its a nice change for once.

And I have actually already arranged for my little sister to spend some time with me! About 2 weeks ago, I bought her plane ticket to come visit me for 3 weeks this summer . I will still be working and going to school during the summer, so my mom wont let her stay all summer b/c there would be noone to watch her the majority of the time, and I understand, she is only 10 afterall.

But hopefully next year and as she gets older I can have her up here with me for the entire summer. I can't wait, I am SOOO excited! I talk to her alot on the phone, she's a smart little kid and I really think she has her head on right. I have even told her that as she gets older, if our family drives her crazy and she wants to move in with me, I have no problem with that. I'm not sure how I'll handle a teenager in the house LOL, but I am sure we'll be okay.

Once again, thanks everyone!!