Messing with phone scammers

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  • willrun4bagels
    willrun4bagels Posts: 838 Member
    We get weird numbers that call my office during the day, caller ID always says "800 Service" when they call. We used to try to be polite, but now I'm at the point where if I happen to answer, they'll say they're looking to speak with someone (they'll either give me a random name, or they'll say "I'd like to speak with someone in charge" WHICH IS ME), but I'll say "oh sure, just hold on one second, let me get someone for you" and put them on hold forever until they hang up.

    My next step should be to change our hold music to something awful. Need good suggestions...
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    My boyfriend acts like he can't hear them, then he says....... "What do you want to sell me? Viagra? Okay I'll buy it, but on one condition, I'll have to try it out on your wife first."
  • RockWarrior84
    RockWarrior84 Posts: 840 Member
    i wonder how the telemarketer would react to

    "Help, I killed her, I don't know what to do!!! Where do I hide the body? HELP ME!!!"
  • tracieorama
    tracieorama Posts: 7
    Another from my dad!

    Merchant Services has been asked many times to take me off their call list but here they go again.

    “this is Ben From Merchant Services, may I speak to the owner or manager please?”
    Me: This is Murray can I help you?”
    Ben: :We are currently offering the most competitive rates on Visa and Master Card services, that we’ve ever had.”
    Me: “We’re pretty much set here but I may be interested for a little business that I recently opened up for myself.” Ben: “Excellent! Excellent! Let me explain how it works and then we’ll have one of our sales associates go and meet with you!” Me: “No, this is a home business. My company is called Hot Poppas and we provide extremely mature male dancers for private bachelorette parties. Perhaps you’ve heard of us?”
    Ben: “No, I don’t think so?”
    Me: “Really? Your voice sounds familiar. Didn’t you used to work for me?”
    Ben: (laughing) No….NO……No sir!”
    Me: “Well anyway, I currently have only one employee, Carl, he says he 66 but he looks way older. We don’t pay Carl up front, I keep the booking money and Carl keeps the tips. I just give Carl bus money and the address to the gig but it’s up to the dancers to get there and back. You sure you’re not looking for work?”
    Ben: “No thank you sir, I’m happy here. When would be a good time for my salesman to be in your area?” Me: “I only ask because we had a problem with Carl last week. You see, we sent Carl to a bachelorette party at a Sports bar and Carl got a little confused and went into the Chucky Cheese next door. The song Black Betty by Ram Jam was playing and coincidently this is Carl’s dance music. Well, old Carl climbed up on the stage by the musical puppets and started taking his clothes off and shaking his old wrinkled booty all over the place. The kids were screaming and crying, the staff was pissed and the parents were horrified! Eventually a couple of the staff hustled Carl out of the restaurant and into the parking lot and I haven’t heard from him since. I felt so bad that I had my secretary make him a gift basket filled with his favorite things. Metamusil, Bengay and hard candy. If he ever comes back I’ll give it to him.”
    Ben: “if I could just get your address and a day and time when you’re in your office I could…”
    Me: “Sorry to cut you off Ben, my secretary just walked in. Can you hang on for a minute?”
    Ben: “Sure”
    Me: “Gotta run Ben! Carl just turned up at someone’s funeral in the west end. I can only hope that they’re not playing Black Betty as the send-off music!”
    click
  • toiletski
    toiletski Posts: 126 Member
    LOL! Your dad is awesome!
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    My grandpa would answer the phone "Kelly's pool hall! Cue ball speaking"...
  • JTick
    JTick Posts: 2,131 Member
    One of my favorites: "I did what you asked, but there's blood everywhere".

    I have been answering unknown numbers on my phone here lately for several reasons...if I pick up and the caller is foreign or obviously a telemarketer, when they ask for me I'll say "I'm not available, can I take a message". They always hang up right away. :)
  • TrevNiel22
    TrevNiel22 Posts: 182
    did not read any posts.

    When you get called

    " im naked and touching myself, what are you doing right now?"

    it works every time.

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