Breakups and effect on eating

squirrelzzrule22

Hello friends-

A few months ago I went through a difficult breakup. I am working through it and trying to move on and I have my ups and downs. Occasionally the whole situation is really upsetting to me still and I break down for a couple hours.

I've noticed lately that I have a tendency to eat much, much less when I am feeling upset about my ex. Other disappointments in life don't effect my eating in this way, only the sadness and hurt feelings I experience related to our breakup.

I'm in the high end of a normal weight range and my goal is to get to the middle-low end of a healthy weight range, a 15-25 pound loss. I run and lift weights. I'm trying to get more protein. But when I'm feeling really down about my ex and skip a meal or eat less, I get a temporary positive feeling, a weird combination of punishing myself for my screw ups and simultaneously feeling stronger for having that control. But I never eat under 1200 cals and I still routinely have big meals out with friends, have three meals a day (usually), etc so I don't believe it's necessarily unhealthy. But it is self destructive in a way....I find myself having thoughts that maybe my ex would have cared more if I was thinner....which is not at all true, just where my brain goes.

Obviously eating habits are related to emotions. It's how many of us got overweight in the first place. I'm looking for input from people who have also experienced intentionally eating less during similar struggles and what you did to make sure you kept healthy habits. I just feel very very sad and low right now.

Thanks for your kind and informed responses!


ETA: most days I eat OVER 1200, usually 1500-1700

melb_alex

there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you are doing; you need to focus on what is important to you!

Breakups are like deaths; people either revert to eating or (like me) eating literally nothing.

We cope with stress in different ways and emotionally affected in different ways as well.

You don't have an eating disorder don't worry it's more you're using lack of food as a coping mechanism which is normal!
You are using your 'restriction' as a catalyst to help you get over your ex and you are reconfiguring your brain to go back to that state of normality. Like me, you sound like a regimented person; you haven't just resorted to eating everything in sight.

I went through a similar experience. Lived with him and actually moved interstate because of him. My friends had to literally beg me to eat because food was the last thing that I wanted to look at let alone eat; I dropped 10 kilos very quickly.

I think what you need to do, redirect this focus of this goal you have about eating less to a vice that you may enjoy. For me it was gym which meant that I HAD to eat in order to sustain the energy levels required.

Make it more about 'you' recovering and less about critiquing your eating habits because they seem fine.

haroon_awan

I agree with the above poster. Things like this do happen, people get their heart broken and then have struggle with eating or struggle with not eating. For me, it's a bit up in the air, sometimes I can't stop eating and other times I can't eat at all, not in the context of a rough breakup but just difficult moments in life. The real trick is to find some sort of constant, or coping mechanism, as Alex said. It can be the gym, it can be be through school work, through a new language, or even through a new or old friend.

More than ever, you need to find your constant. Someone, or something, that will always be there for you, no matter what happens. A day from now or 10 years from now, your constant has to go with you forever. When I was in law school and finding it hard the gym was my constant. It was always there. At 5 in the morning or 10 at night. It never judged me and it always listened. I know it sounds pretty crazy but the whole idea of a constant has been around for years. Psychologists call the person a confidant. Someone who you trust your most intimate secrets with. For men, it's generally their partner, but unsurprisingly for women it isn't their partner. I didn't have someone that I could talk to, but you might have your mum, dad, brother, sister or best friend or whoever. But never let your constant be drugs or alcohol, or something that will harm your mental and physical health. My university had a counselling service but I only found about it one month after I graduated and my doctor said it was a great place to go. I'm sure your university has one so please have a look at their website for things that they deal with.

Even now that I've graduated, I look back and I've realised that just because someone goes to university, it doesn't make them intelligent. What makes someone intelligent is being able to cope with all of the pressure, the struggles, the emotions, the late nights, the depression and the pain, and then make it out on the other side. That's the impressive part. This is what you need to do, you need to cope with all of it.

For now, jsut eat instinctively and naturally. Don't beat yourself up if you go over your caloric limit if that even happens and as you say, try to stay above the 1200 threshold and get plenty of water in you.

Hope that helps.

lauren3101

We cope with stress in different ways and emotionally affected in different ways as well.

This is very true. And you've hit the nail on the head in your own post; it's because not eating gives you that feeling of control that you don't have over your ex.

I cope with stress by ramming as many packets of crisps and tubs of ice cream in my face as possible. I sometimes wish it could be the other way round! :laugh:

Don't worry about it for now, it doesn't sound like your eating habits are unhealthy. Concentrate on getting what happened and moving on with life. Good luck. :flowerforyou:

rml_16

Sounds normal to me. After my worst breakup, I didn't eat for two straight weeks. Even the idea of food turned my stomach. Then we had a relapse and a second breakup and again I didn't eat for two weeks. Lost about 20-25 pounds and it stayed off, too.

Anyway, even two years later, I was still having bad moments where I would be fine one day and then spend the next day crying then be fine again on day 3. It took a long time to feel normal again, but now I look back and wonder why! lol

It takes time, but you'll get there. Short of taking antidepressants, there isn't much else you can do.

msf74

Loss of appetite / lack of hunger is actually the natural response to high stress. You have properly functioning hunger cues.

It only seems strange because we live in societies that promote over consumption and over riding natural cues when it comes to eating and hunger. Abnormal is the new normal.

Don't sweat it.

cebreisch

I've heard that "life happens when you make other plans." Heartbreak and other emotional things can definitely take a toll on people who deal with those emotional things by eating or in some cases not eating.

In the last year, I had skin removal surgery that the recovery really threw me for a loop (was a little more difficult than I expected). I did have trouble eating. (For me that was particularly hard, because you don't get to be close to 400 pounds without liking to eat.) Then, I lost my father last month after a 2 year fight with a few different types of cancers. With this loss, It's been a little of both - either wanting to eat everything in sight, or not wanting to eat at all.

Cliché coming: It is what it is.

Just take it one day at a time and start adding things you know you're supposed to do little by little. It'll get easier as you go through the motions.