No Good, Very Bad Day

desireebeam

Today....elch....today is another one of *those* days. Meaning, today was one of those days that, by the end of the day, I wish I didn't start this journey to begin with. My day started great! I got up, hit the 200 mile mark on my elliptical (200 miles in 2 months!), AND punished my mileage by going 7.75 miles in 74 minutes! I know, right?! Go me!
Then I came home, my olman came home, the kids have been home for a week now (due to the snow), and my mother-in-law came for a visit. So, at what point did my day go sour? Sigh, it went sour as I was cooking dinner and my MIL (who hasn't seen us since Christmas) says, "Boy (insert hubby name) is really looking good!" And of course, my passive aggressive self complied, but not without resentment and disdain. In my head I'm thinking, "How in the all the ****ery of the world is his 10 pound loss SOOOOO noticeable, and my (almost) 30 pound loss is going UNNOTICED?! I do NOT get it!!!!!!!!!! It's driving me to the point of madness. Then, to top it off, I was sitting and talking with my husband about his day/evening and he started talking about his progress in weight loss. But let me preface by saying this: my husband (and both my sons) are "cutting weight" to compete in a national Brazilian Jiu jitsu competition in PA next weekend. Clarification: husband is cutting weight, not the kids. Either way, his goal was to lose 10 pounds. Well, guess what happened? He met his goal, and now he's trying to lose 5 more pounds -- which will put him in a different weight class.
So why does this bother me so much, you ask? Let me explain. I've been working my *kitten* OFF eating correctly, working out 6 days a week (for NO LESS THAN AN HOUR, mind you) doing the elliptical, walking, and weight training, watching/counting calories, using deficits to my advantage, drinking more freaking water than a sperm whale, sweating, and pushing myself to TEARS everyday (except Sunday, day of rest) since September 29, 2013, and I have successfully lost (almost) 30 pounds and over a foot in inches -- WITH NO RECOGNITION. Not even my own MOTHER has noticed. My husband is all like, "hey look at all this weight I'm losing", and I'm over here like, "hey, look at my success thus far!! Anyone? Hello??" *Crickets*
Any my husband, being the incredibly oblivious man to my feelings at this point, finally starts to realize that while he's talking to me, I've began to distance my efforts within our conversation. Meaning, as he's talking about his weight loss, inches lost, how good he feels, how good people are saying he's looking, yada yada yada yada....I'm sitting there like, falling down a rabbit hole....I can hear him going on and on about his self, but I'm not listening (or interested?) because once again, I fall in the beneath the shadows. (Shadows being my husband and all his excellencies.)
Y'know, you can take this blog however you chose. But know this: everything I've said is real talk, real raw emotions, unfiltered and uncut. When I talk to my best friend about this, she seems to do the same thing my olman does: go into auto-pilot and go "Oh yeah? Wow, good." (I hate that, by the way -- at least act a little interested in me or what I'm saying,) I find it sickening that I am able to decipher the body language, manner of conversation, quality of the conversation, all by the tone of a voice. When my husband realized that I wasn't as engaged with the conversation as I was early this evening, he changed up...began asking me, "You did your work out today?" (I answer with a 'Yes'). "Good", he says. "Yep", I say, "I hit the 200 mile mark on my elliptical today." He says, "Oh yeah? Wow, good." (Remember this statement from earlier?!!!) And the tone of his voice as he's saying all this comes from a place of guilt. I think he saw that the entire conversation we'd been having was about him and his successes (and it has been this way for a month now), while I'm sitting there just getting further and further away from our conversation. Great distance now separated us within this conversation, and he recognized it and tried to do recon on the situation. Um, yeah, not gonna work today.
It's days like today (and lately, really) that I just want to throw the proverbial towel in, call it a night, and forget I even started. I am, by nature, a natural supporter, encourage(r), motivator....for others. I try to uplift people with encouraging words and actions, in hopes that the same will be bestowed upon me when I need it. And so far, sadly and rather disappointing as it may be, I'm 3 months into my journey and while I'm ready to give the eff up -- I can't. My bitterness, anger, resentment, jealousy (yeah, I'll admit it) is in some weird sick way my motivation. I want to quit, really I do -- but I can't because I like the endorphin high I get ALLLL day from working out everyday. If it wasn't for the fact that I want to look GOOD in Jamaica in May this year, I'd throw the dirty sweaty towel in and eat a frickin cheesecake.

Anyone else face this problem?

*Cheers*

ashenriver

Can't say I have days like that,

but keep up the good work, and I am sure you will look amazing for Jamaica.

This is something you are doing for you in the long run. You have made amazing progress so far.

cardbucfan

I get zero support at home and actually it's to the opposite extreme with my husband often offering tempting treats and saying I look so good, I don't need to go work out! (Translate-stay here in bed with me OR get up and make me breakfast!) Most of my real life friends don't get my healthy lifestyle.

So I don't count on them. I have an awesome friends list of peeps on here who cheer me on, give me kudos and smack me upside the head when I need it. I have the endorphin rush I get from working out and the personal satisfaction from knowing I treated my body right by not eating every single tempting morsel that crossed my path. I've got a closet full of clothes that look good on me.

Find some MFP friends with similar goals, age, life circumstance and let them be your support network. Accept that your husband probably can lose weight more easily then you (mine sure can!) and do this got yourself!

Iwishyouwell

I'm assuming you're a very overweight or obese woman, but your husband is not? If that's the case it explains why 10 lbs look noticeable to people on him, but not so much you.

I get your frustration, but people notice what they notice. I started off at 320lbs and nobody really noticed any weight loss until I'd lost over 40 lbs. Nowadays, after losing over 120lbs, 10 lbs shifts make a big visual difference.

Meanwhile my sister just had gastric sleeve surgery in Dec, has lost 30 lbs, and I can't tell.

Keep going, keep working hard, keep whittling down that body, and people will notice.

But you know what guarantees they never will? Giving up, turning back to your bad habits, and getting even fatter. By then they will notice, just not the weight direction you want.

You've got to refocus, become your own best cheerleader, find inner resolve, STOP bitterly competing with your husband, stop thinking the world owes you recognition, and KILL this weight loss. Trust me, everyone else will respond in time.

nomeejerome

Wait. So, you go on auto-pilot in conversations, but get upset when other people do it to you?

sjmitchner

When I get super angry these days, I run. I used to eat. Now I get myself up and move. I get to work off the frustration without adding calories and without giving up. I understand wanting more support. My hubby can lose weight with out much effort. It's irritating. It takes months of work before anyone notices a change in my appearance (usually about 20lbs) and it can be hard to not be discouraged by that. But I try to think of it as a chance to make them notice, to lose enough that they have to see it. It sounds to me like you've been doing well. Remember why you are doing this, if this reason isn't enough, look for another reason. Some times our motivators change as we do. Good luck.

Confuzzled4ever

No one noticed my 30 pound loss.. they notices around 50.. which is utterly ridiculous since I looked very different even after 30lbs.

My advice?

Stop caring what other notice or do not notice. Celebrate your husbands accomplishments with them, remain humble and keep at it. You aren't here to please anyone but you and while recognition is nice, expecting it or getting upset when you don't get it is counter productive to your goals.. as you clearly point out

Just smiling and keep at it.. Because in the end how you feel about you is really all that matters.

seattle_hd

You have to do this for yourself. I have learned that this time around. My husband told me the other day he loves/likes me no matter my size.

Hard that no one notices though - I totally get it. No one notices me either and I sometimes crave that someone will notice at home. In fact just yesterday my hair dresser commented on how good I looked. I told hubby and he looked at me like he didn't get it. My daughter asked me why I'm wearing my wedding ring now when I never did before so I told her it fit now. She looked at me sideways and told me I look exactly the same, she couldn't tell. But I think the change is subtle when you see someone everyday, then you don't notice it as much. Even I don't see it unless I look at photos or pull out clothes that are now to big on me.

So do this for yourself. Your husband is doing it for himself, and he's being his own cheerleader, which is probably why his mom is telling you she's impressed. You should try cheering yourself on as well, and instead of sitting quietly while others talk about their accomplishments, shout out yours too and join in. Tell them all with enthusiasm and I'll bet your husband and MIL will notice and you can all celebrate together.

Katla49

Desireebeam: You’ve lost 25 pounds thus far according to your ticker, which means you are succeeding. Yet you seem angry and bitter. Congratulations on your hard work and your success. :flowerforyou: From experience, I can say that no one noticed my weight loss until about 30 pounds were gone, and only DH who commented, bless him. My kids and friends didn’t notice a thing or say anything until more than 40 pounds were gone. Perhaps you need to celebrate your success, and are in need of rewards. My best rewards have been activities such as a trip to the beach, a movie or lunch with DH or good friends, and new clothes in smaller sizes. Fresh flowers go on my list, too. How would you like to celebrate? Make sure you do something nice for yourself on a regular basis. You deserve it! (No fair using food as rewards or treats. Find better things.)

Good luck to you.

Katla

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.” Thomas A. Edison

tabatharose60

Sometimes it's really hard not to care what other people think. I understand that. I have done this with my husband. Sometimes he really doesn't notice when I lose some weight. That's ok. It really is. It doesn't mean that he loves me any less or cares for me any less. It means he just didn't notice.

It's clear to me that you are able to do this without their support and accolades. Be creative and find some other people to support you.....like some people on MFP.

Remember that you are responsible for your own happiness. Love yourself and carry your self with confidence. You are getting healthier...you're doing great.