Any depression sufferers out there?

ollieashford

Hi everyone, my name is Ollie. Hope you're all having a good day. I've only just joined, so this is my "first day".
Firstly, I suffer from depression. It's been going on for around 14 months, and at times has been pretty debilitating, to the point where I've completely lost control of many things in my life. One of the biggest things for me is comfort eating, trying to use food to fill the hole inside, to cheer me up. As we all know, that doesn't really work well at all. I had a mini-breakdown and couldn't handle my job anymore, which was a very active role (mucking out horses, riding, walking miles on end daily), so I left and became quite sedentary. Add together lack of exercise and comfort eating (Just to give you an idea- a whole tub of Ben & Jerry's in one go. An achievement in itself, but not one that will make you happy) and I've put on weight, lost muscle and gained fat.
I usually have more bad days than good days, but during one of the good days I realised there are many things in my life I can't control, but there are some I can. I want to get better, I want a better life, so I've got to make a change- no one else can do it for me. Diet and exercise are the first two things I'm tackling, I'm trying to get those under my control. If I can do that, I can start to rebuild my life. That's the plan, anyway!
I'd like to know if anyone else is in the same boat or can relate, suffering from depression but still trying to remain healthy and fit. Any tips, any pearls of wisdom you can impart?
Thanks for listening!

LaraRN

Hi Ollie,
I'm sorry to hear you are suffering with depression, but on a positive note - I'm hearing a little bit of hope. First of all, I wanted to ask if you have seen a professional or gone to therapy? The only thing I would suggest right now is to move. Even if its a 10 minute walk that you completely dread, make yourself do it!! Then turn that 10 minute walk into 15 when you feel like you are ready. It's really a double-edged sword - one of the best things for depression is exercise, BUT its usually the last thing a person can bring themselves to do while they are in a depressive state. Remember to love yourself first, and know that you deserve to get up, get out and feel good!! You may also want to try hard to stay away from sugar, even if your not ready to turn your whole diet around, make that your baby step. Sugar will only worsen your depression.
Keep is posted!
Lara

Jkn921

Hi,

I've been through depression for 12 months in 2012 to 2013. I've managed to get out of it and I always used to think why exercise was so pushed on people, I used to despise it. Exercise is actually the thing that keeps my mood stable as it gives a sense of accomplishment and endorphin release which junk food never did give me, it was filling a void and made me feel guilty even more. Comfort eating and stress is a vicious cycle but you need to take baby steps to slowly get out of it and one day you will get there where you may be exercising each day.

The second thing I'll advise is work on the problems causing your depression, that's how I solved my excess of junk food intake. Because that's what it is - emotional eating and what you need to do is take control of your emotions which is caused by a problem that you need to somehow overcome. Depression is awful, I cannot forget how hard it can be but you can get through it. Also give yourself a break and if anyone is pressuring you or making you feel bad - get away till you feel better about yourself. There's nothing harder than getting out of depression while everyone is on your case (which is why I could never get out of it at home)..You really need to take good care of yourself and you'll become amazingly strong once you do get through it. If you want to talk, feel free to message me.

Best of luck x

Hearts_2015

Welcome to MFP Ollie!:flowerforyou:

As time permits I'll be back to catch up a bit more.

Hearts

observatoer

Reading your post is like looking back in my life. I'm in the same state of trouble as you are and startet a few month ago with very small steps. I started with diy soylent (just google) to remove the power of food and useless eating. Now I started with short walks around the block.
Breaking the circle of depression, eating, getting fat is tough, but you can do it. Trust in yourself and make (very, very) small steps.

all the best to you. Chris.

JesterMFP

Hi Ollie, I've had depression and anxiety on and off all of my adult life, ranging from mild to severe. I've also been an emotional eater since childhood, so I can definitely relate to using food/over-eating as a coping mechanism.

A few things that help me manage my moods are:
*Food: getting enough to eat (I didn't do very well having too big of a calorie deficit), getting enough fat and carbohydrate in my diet (low carb does not work for my state of mind), getting a good balance of nutrients by eating lots of fruit, vegetables, nuts, seeds, lean meat, oily fish etc. I also supplement with omega 3, vitamin D and 5-htp. Sugar is something to look at. I know that a lot of people say they feel better once they cut it out. I personally couldn't be so extreme, and haven't found the need to be, but I do find that eating too much sugar throughout the day can make me a bit moody, and when I keep it to after dinner, I'm ok. I think because I'm already tired and winding down by that point.

*seeing a good therapist has been invaluable, but I've also done a lot of self-help stuff out of books and from websites. Cognitive behavioural therapy (cbt) has been very helpful, as has dialectical behavioural therapy (dbt) and mindfulness.

*getting enough sleep

*having routine though my days and weeks

*maintaining good relationships with friends and family as a support system

*meditation - didn't really believe it til I tried it, but downloaded some "teach yourself" podcasts and never looked back.

*setting achievable goals. Depending on how severe the depression is, these could range from basic things like getting out of bed, getting dressed, leaving the house, having a 10 minute walk to bigger goals like finishing my degree etc. Obviously, you need to match the level of goal to what you can cope with. I try to have goals each day though because it makes me feel like I've accomplished something, and gives me a feeling of control (I find depression and anxiety can both make me feel out of control)

*seeing my GP regularly when things are at their worst. I tried a lot of different anti-depressants, and none of them really worked for me, (but they do help a lot of people) but even just seeing my doctor and checking in with her every so often really helped.

*exercise. I can't recommend it enough for managing depression. To be honest, I only really noticed a significant effect after a few months of regular exercise, but now I wouldn't be without it. Even just walking helps, but for me the best result has been from vigorous cardio. Strength training has the same effect for others, and strength training is also really good for feeling powerful and in control of things. I can definitely notice a change in my moods if I go too long without exercise.


Now, as for the emotional eating side of things, I'm not going to pretend that it's easy, but it is definitely possible to change things, and it's also possible to lose weight while you're in the process of changing it. Take each day at a time. Just try and meet your calorie goal for each day. If you go over, you go over. Tomorrow's another day. Try not to beat yourself up about it, just focus on making progress.

Reaching for a tub of Ben and Jerry's when you've had a bad day is a habit, one that's probably so ingrained that it almost feels like instinct. You can break that habit though. Before I started on MFP, I couldn't keep chocolate etc in the house, and if I ever bought some, I'd eat all of it, no matter how big the packet. I would be amazed to think that now, I have chocolate, ice cream, lovely homemade bread etc in the house, and I do not feel compelled to eat any more than the small portion that fits into my day. I'm not saying I'm never tempted. I do get cravings, but they pass. I'm in control, not the food. Some people find it helpful to not buy any food that they feel tempted to overeat, especially in the beginning. Eventually though, it's more helpful to learn to incorporate those foods into your diet without needing to overdo it. Counting calories can be a really good tool for learning moderation.

As you said, eating does not fill the emotional void inside. The chemical response to overeating can temporarily make it feel like you do, but it's so fleeting. You know this logically. It helps to find other ways to cope with the feelings that you're trying to cover up with food. Both learning to live with the feelings (and knowing you can handle it), and finding other ways of alleviating them. Find other distractions. Just as one example, I know that if I'm feeling particularly stressed/anxious/down and can't stop thinking about food to the point where I know I'm vulnerable to compulsively overeating, I will either go out for a walk, or have a bath. Both of those things calm me down and usually the cravings disappear.

I'm not a binge eater as such, but I found the book "Overcoming Binge Eating" by Christopher Fairburn really interesting and helpful. One thing I took from that is that one of the major causes of binge eating is dieting, both for physical and psychological reasons. That is one reason why it's a good idea not to cut calories too low, and not to be too restrictive with the types of foods you're eating. Make small changes that you know you can live with long-term and aren't going to make you want to "fall off the wagon" as soon as you hit a bad point. And if you do slip up, be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself and move on. Don't aim for perfection, but just being consistent over time.

hope9891

hi Ollie,

I suffer from depression as well and know how you feel. Unmotivated to get out the house, never mind get on a treadmill. And binge eating is part of it for me. I have had a rough patch and my weight has gone up but what help for me is the portion control. When I am done eating my plate, I need to stop. It's hard but in the past I have seen success. Best of luck to you.

wendyg311

Yup, me too. Meds don't help when it comes to weight. I will sit around all day if allowed. What I can manage is a slow, plunking walk around the neighborhood. I usually feel better about it afterwards, but getting out in the first place is like pulling teeth. Just try a walk. Not a speed walk, just one foot in front of the other. Check out what's going on in the neighbors yards, that takes my mind other places besides on how yuckie I feel.

And, of course, stay in touch with a doctor if you are feeling this bad. I've been in this boat for most of my life. I think that's why it's they call it "suffering" from depression.

ShellMarie35

Unfortunately I know how you feel. I have had depression for a couple years. Just exercising alone helps me with my depression and makes me feel better; along with eating better foods like fruits and vegetables. I've found that when I get really depressed talking to friends I trust or going for a walk helps a lot too. Good luck to you.

malibu927

Depression and anxiety here too. Mine was so bad at one point that in a six month time frame I switched majors in school, transferred departments at work, and went from living alone to moving back in with my parents. About once or twice a month I'll reach a point where everything gets to me and I shut down, snap, and don't want to deal with anything. This is also a reason why I knew I needed to begin working out and eating better. I'm a psychology major, so I know the benefits of exercise on the brain.

misscem94

Hi there Ollie,

I suffered from moderate-severe depression this time last year, and like you, I lost control of loads of things, my weight included. I am better now, but I totally understand where you are coming from. I used to eat a whole bowl of sweets most evenings and I lived off fast food and ready meals. I could only tackle the weight once I had dealt with my mental health, and now I am in a better state of mind, I have been successful. Take it one day at a time and enjoy the journey. Watching yourself transform is so rewarding.

neutralmente

I suffered from major depression for years. I got a prescription for an antidepressant from my family NP which helped me cope but didn't do much to alleviate the depression. I finally got fed up with it all and scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist, and he's the best thing to ever happen to me. He increased my dose quite a bit, and I was finally able to pick myself up and out of my funk.

Before and along with the dose increase, the following things helped me immensely:

1) Keeping a regular sleep schedule. Go to sleep early at the same time every night!
2) Vigorous morning exercise always improves my mood for the rest of the day.
3) Lots of sunlight. If you can't do that for some reason, maybe invest in a mood lamp that mimics sunlight.
4) Avoiding eating simple carbs by themselves. The mood crash afterward is not worth the temporary mood increase.
5) Maintaining or making new friendships. Your social network is very important for your mental well-being.
6) Avoid too much alone time. Get out and do things to keep your mind engaged.

My psychiatrist also recommends high doses of fish oil for major depression. I did that for awhile but got tired of so many pills. Now I just avoid vegetable oils and cook only with olive oil or ghee.

I've read a LOT of self help books over the years. I would recommend that if therapy isn't your thing. I tried therapy a couple times, but it felt silly and like a waste of my money. My psychiatrist was pleasantly surprised at how I improved without it.

Kimbie500

Hi Ollie,

Some really good advice on here. I find that exercise, routine, limiting sugar, and a consistent sleep schedule help me manage mine. I've also started journaling and find it helps me get the thoughts that are spinning in my head under control and organized, so then they have less power over my mood. I found a fabulous therapist that helped me learn to identify erroneously negative thought patterns and reframe them more accurately. If you've not tried therapy, give it a try. If you've tried and didn't care for it, try someone else - the relationship with the therapist is critical and you might have to hunt to find someone you click with. Although I now manage my depression without them, I also did medication (wellbutrin) for a long time. It was hard to start taking the medication. I felt like I had "failed" somehow. My therapist asked me if I would feel that I had failed if I were diabetic and had to take insulin. Of course I wouldn't. She said depression is similar - it's often caused by a neurotransmitter imbalance in the brain that we have NO CONTROL OVER, so not being able to work through it without medication is not a failure but simply reality.

With regards to eating, I found that thinking of how I am going to eat "forever" or "for the rest of my life" is really overwhelming. Instead I focus just on today or just on the next meal. I plan to make the day or the next meal healthy in quality and quantity and then have a small celebration when I follow through on my plan. It can be as minor as making a written plan or list and then crossing off the item I've accomplished in a colored marker and thinking of it as a success. Small successes all strung together lead to bigger successes. Celebrating (or at the very least noticing) the small successes helps elevates my mood and makes it more likely I'll succeed at the next small thing.

Small things really help - exercise is probably the biggest thing that helps me manage my depression. There are times when the last thing I want to do is move, let alone exercise. If I can make myself do a small thing - take the shortest walk or just do 10 minutes on the exercise bike - I find that I frequently end up doing more than I had planned and feel better for having done it.

You can get through this. It's not easy but it's definitely worth it....

Kim

SezxyStef

Here as well.

My first bout was in High school...gained a tonne of weight then lost it.
Again in College after I had my son...this one lasted about 5 years...lost the weight..gained it back
Again about 10 years ago...lost the weight...gained it back

I have yo yo'd for 20 years....

The one thing that got me this time cause it tried to take hold was the exercise...it makes me feel better...I wont say the weight loss hasn't but to be frank the exercise does. I sleep better, I don't "hurt" anywhere (hips, knees etc), the exercise helps me sleep better as well...

I am not going to say it's a total cure, I am lucky enough that I don't need meds and it can be controlled with positive thoughts (fake it till I make it), exercise and recognizing when it hits, why it hits and I know what I need to do.

I don't eliminate foods or anything just everything in moderation, I know my limits and don't go over them.

You are not alone in this Journey...there are lots of us here...

Good luck.

Skarlet13

I'm bipolar so I understand depression. I also quit a very stressful job a few years ago. Something you may want to do is take a lower paying retail job perhaps that is not so stressful. Just getting out of the house and interacting with others at work did wonders for me. I'm now ready to go back to office work after about a year of working in retail. It certainly wasn't my dream job, but it was relatively low stress and kept me active and engaged. I'm also planning on going back to school online. Making goals like this is great for depression.

Eating also releases chemicals in the brain that make us feel good. That is part of the reason why some of us binge. Just knowing this fact has helped me immensely. I now only eat when I'm truly hungry.

Good luck.

ollieashford

Thank you all so much for your support, advice and sharing your stories, it really means a lot. I think just knowing you're not alone and that there are people out there who understand completely, that goes a long way. It's so easy to feel totally isolated and cut off.
I've had two (even three!) good days in a row, yesterday was probably the best I've had for ages. I went out with people, exercised, had a genuine good time and didn't feel the need to comfort eat. I'm feeling a bit down today but I've still done my morning workout, so it's far from a bad day!
I'm not receiving any professional help, I haven't been to see the doctor. Even the thought of going to a doctor terrifies me, it is a real phobia. If I could afford counselling/therapy I would have it, but as it is I'd need to go to the doctor first and then get a referral for counselling on the NHS. It's definitely something I'm working myself up to, I know it's sensible to go, but it's certainly easier said than done.

arrseegee

Hi Ollie,

I've suffered moderate winter depression every year for the last decade so a lot of what you wrote rings a bell for me. Hope you are able to pull out of it, I know it can be a long road and also a very frustrating one. This winter is the first that I've been able to avoid it, and I'm feeling pretty good about that. I started running when the days got shorter, and have maintained this for the last three months, which definitely helped to clear my head and I even started to enjoy it and look forward to my runs. The other thing I did was invest in a lamp which I sit in front of for 45 mins a day and that has really helped my sleeping, which usually gets pretty terrible when it gets dark.

I would highly recommend both to you if your depression gets worse in winter - it sure beats having to take medication.

Welcome, and good luck.

JoRocka

one in four people suffer from clinical depression- it's surprising how common it is- you are NOT alone. I know for me- I felt alone even if I was surrounded by people- it had nothing to do with people- how many or what I was doing.

I had severe depression in college- I still have issues in winter time.

I get very depressed and irrational when I have low money and it's super cold and not sunny- I worked construction so winter was synonymous with NO MONEY.

Finding things that made me happy and helped me pass the time were important. Finding things that triggered my emotional response- that's really important.

Having someone to talk to- best friend is helpful- support net work- and knowing it's a real issue and not something you are making up. Seeing a therapist will help tremendously.

having a SAD light thing- can be useful_ i'm really wanting to get one- but some of them are very expensive!!!

You can do it- I promise we are here to help- and no you aren't alone- even though it feels like it- you aren't.