No more than 20lbs at a time, thoughts?

ddrhellbunny

Okay, so I don't know exactly where to put this topic but I thought it interesting.

I've just recently thought about lifting weights and doing routines from NROL4W. So far I've started basic training 1 and am kind of liking it so far. I don't have a lot of weights yet and am unfortunately stuck at home doing most of this til I can get the courage to join a gym and feel comfortable if I am performing the exercises right.
So! I talked to my boyfriend about it last night ( since he's been lifting weights for 10 years) and just asked him his thoughts about me trying to lift weights and such, not to get big, but to gain strength and get some decent definition to my body. I like my weight now but I could be a bit leaner and stronger.

His response was he doesn't think I should be lifting more than 20 lbs at a time... Just more reps and never increasing the weights....I thought this rather silly. He thinks a women who has a well defined 6 pack is a turn off. I think he's under the notion too ( even though he " knows what he's doing") that if women lift, they get bulky. I tried to explain to him that's it's almost impossible for women to get THAT big. I've been lurking on this board long enough and read every thread I could think of to gain more knowledge about this subject. I've read books and articles on this and I tried to explain to him, but apparently he still knows more than me, which he probably does. ( been exercising longer than me lol)

It's just sort of frustrating because he wants me to join his gym and do his routines with him. But there are problems with that....
1.) he goes like 5 to 6 days a week, I'm not that crazy dedicated lol
2.) he goes for 2 to 3 hours at a time. No thanks...:noway:
3.) went to the gym he goes to once with him to do a body fit class... Can you say bro? I'm already self conscious enough haha
4.) I've seen some of his routines, they would probably kill me at my stage of fitness


I want to join a gym eventually, especially if I want to improve, but his gym wouldn't be right for me. I really like the idea of lifting though and getting stronger, but it's just kind of discouraging my boyfriend thinks i shouldn't do it when he knows the benefits from it.
I just don't really know what to do at this point? I'm going to continue NROL4W but I think the hopes of being able to lift with my boyfriend are a no go cause apparently I will get huge lol. I kind of wanted him to coach me and all that :blushing: :blushing: , but if all I'm ever going to do it max 20lbs then that seems boring haha

So what are people's thoughts on this? Think there is a way to convince a stubborn Russian set in his ways? Lol or do I have no idea what I am talking about?

Yanicka1

Lol show him wrong. Do the program and don't mind him.

Good luck

jimmmer

He's been lifting for 10years+ and still doesn't seem to understand how it works? Just do your own thing.

rduhlir

Join his gym...prove him wrong and left heavy and do it in a fraction of the time he is doing it...and then spend the rest of the time in the sauna or hot tub (if they have one) relaxing and enjoying the benefits of a hard workout, while he continues to curl in the squat rack.

ddrhellbunny

Haha it seems like the course of action huh?:laugh: I may just bruise his ego if I did that lol. It's not easy to convince him to change things so I may just have to do my own thing and hopefully show him my progress it working

WalkingAlong

If he's spending 2-3 hours in the gym 5-6 days a week, not socializing, sitting around or sightseeing, do him a favor and pick him up a copy of New Rules of Lifting.

ddrhellbunny

Oh no he doesn't just sit around at the gym, when he's not lifting he's doing cardio as well, he loves to run and do the stair master haha, probably where he may spend a lot of time.

goodmary

He's been doing it for 10+ years so he probably DOES know what he's doing. He knows what works...for HIM!

You do you. The female form is so different from a man's. And if you want a well defined six pack, go for it! Pfft if he doesn't like it on women in general. If you like it, go for it! He can do what he wants to his body, you do what you want for yours :-) You can do it!

ddrhellbunny

I don't think I want a six pack :laugh: maybe a 4 pack....I'll even settle for 2. Lol I think I can convince him this is a good idea if I can just show him I can still be attractive and have some muscles and not look like a dude lol, it's just gonna take awhile.

Mr_Knight

He thinks a women who has a well defined 6 pack is a turn off.

Lots of men share the same aesthetic.

Ultimately, there is no wrong answer. it's your body and your decision on how to balance the various competing needs.

That said, 20 lbs is a pretty low limit...

roz250

Echoing the others on this one; he may have been lifting for 10 or more years, but he doesn't seem to have a firm grasp of how it works. Definitely not enough of a grasp to be helping someone else.

First off, lifting is not going to make you big at this point, no matter how much weight you are picking up. To get big (even for a natural female) takes years of dedication in the gym, the right foods and careful planning. It's not going to happen from lifting more than 20lbs (seriously made me lose a lot of trust in his advice when I got to that part).

You said you don't want to join a gym until you know you are doing everything correctly? How are you going to know if you aren't getting good advice from other lifters? Most gyms offer some sort of discounted first workout with a trainer, take advantage of it if yours does. There's a lot to learn and most trainers know enough to get a newbie on the right track (helping you meet goals is another story). Even if your gym doesn't have trainers, most lifters will be happy to help you get through an exercise safely and effectively, you just have to ask

You shouldn't have to show him that this is a good idea, especially if he has any knowledge about the hormones involved in muscle growth. Do what makes you the healthiest/strongest/happiest version of yourself and let him worry about his insecurities.

Good luck

mustgetmuscles1

10 years in the gym and he still doesnt know anything. Sad.

You do not gain knowledge simply through osmosis from being in the gym.

You can try to educate him or ignore him or follow his outdated ignorance.

Your choice.

KMasz

I think he's just worried you'll get stronger than him!! haha

I've been doing NROL4W for a couple months now, and I love it!! it is something you can do yourself, just look at videos on youtube if you are unsure about form. there's also a couple groups here on MFP for it, search it. there's a lot of good information from other ladies in there.

Good luck! and have fun!

FrankiesSaysRelax

Definitely agree with everyone else here. Someone who has been lifting for 10 years thinks you're going to get bulky lifting over 20 lbs? I did NROLFW for awhile, lifted well over 20 lbs and am not bulky in the slightest. I would hire a PT if you can for a session or two to teach you proper form and then just follow the program as is. You don't need your boyfriend to agree with the workout or help train you. The book gives you everything you need to know so you should be all set Good luck! I loved the results I saw following that.

ddrhellbunny

Thanks everyone for solid advice thus far, I think I'm just going to keep doing what I am doing. I'm also going to try to look into a decent gym around my area and hopefully I'll find a place I can be comfortable with and can afford ( money is kind of tight around this time of year) nothing to it but to do it and all that jazz

roz250

If you can't find a gym with trainers available, watch some form videos on YouTube then video yourself doing the exercises and compare your form. It's how a lot of us that train solo ensure we're lifting properly without an extra set of eyes.

ddrhellbunny

If you can't find a gym with trainers available, watch some form videos on YouTube then video yourself doing the exercises and compare your form. It's how a lot of us that train solo ensure we're lifting properly without an extra set of eyes.

That's an awesome idea, thanks! I'll give it a shot, luckily I just found my video camera again

amastre

Don't listen to the boyfriend's notions on what you oughta be doing. Unless you are a statistical outlier in terms of testosterone production, or on 'roids you won't become super bulky. Also, six packs are very hard to achieve as a female, due to the very low levels of body fat required to make them show up.

Regardless, if thos are goals of your's that's cool too!

New Rules of LIfting is a good program for beginners, but can require a decent amount of equipment, especially as the program progresses.