stress/depression & starvation

muth3rluvx2

I need someone to talk to and I don't know who it should be - and I'm not looking for anything other than to find a place to put my thoughts.

It's after 4 and I haven't eaten at all. Not since about 6 pm last night, when life was still fine. I can't eat when I'm tremendously stressed out or depressed and I've done *almost* nothing but cry for the last 15 hours. My boyfriend of 4.5 years and I got into a.... uhm... rather intense disagreement. Frankly, I think it got out of hand because it was a holiday and he'd had 1 too many and took things in directions they weren't intended. Even so, we barely spoke this morning before he went to work at 1:20. I was up by 6. Didn't sleep well at all. I guess I must have passed out sometime around 1-ish and decided I just couldn't lay there any more. I worked out (walking/running) hoping it would help my state of mind.

I cried through almost the whole thing.

The big point of contention, when it really comes down to it, is me. I don't have the right beliefs, I don't have the right job (none, actually as I'm getting my Masters full time), I don't live in the right part of town, I don't have the right house, I have kids...... as an example, his dad's 2009 xmas eve status was "... waiting for (son, my bf), the boys (mine) and the liberal (me). I'm so glad it's going to be a quiet and peaceful christmas like xxx and xxxx."

Apparently, all the friends think I'm a b*** too.

Here's the deal - they call come from suburbia, private schooling, parents well-to-do, and never really had to struggle for much.
Me? I'm the opposite. I was kicked out at 15 and had my own place by 17 & before I graduated h.s. I've had to fight tooth and nail for everything my entire life. I have boundaries, rules and I expect you to behave like a reasonable human being when you come to my house - don't come over here so damn drunk you can't even stand.

*sighs*

I love him a great deal - he is a fantastic human being and like everyone, has issues. Some more serious than others and its not like I'm any better in that regard. But he has to play buffer between me and everyone else in his circle of friends & family and I'm getting hurt in the process. Its breaking my heart... all of it. I'm not a bad person but no one that's he's brought into my life accepts me. This can't possibly be good for either of us.

So here I sit... my heart shredding and my stomach in knots and no idea who I can/should talk to at this point - which is how I'm ending up saying it all here.

Note: obviously some details are being left out for sake of length or privacy.

andreahanlon

Hang in there. Unfortunately, relationship friction is part of living life as a human, but you seem like a really hard worker and overcomer, and you can overcome this episode too. Maybe a nice walk in the fresh air or lighting a candle and enjoying the scent could help your mood... those are things that help me anyway. Life sucks sometimes, and we just push through till we see the good side again. The bright side of life will show its face again. Keep pushing through.

feisma

Reading between the lines here...if there is abuse, get out. Plain and simple. IF not, then disregard this first part.

That being said...regardless of what is going on around you, you HAVE TO take care of you. Not just for your kids, not just for anyone else...but FOR YOU. If there is that much turmoil because of the relationship, perhaps it isn't a healthy one to begin with. We all want to love and be loved, BUT sometimes we just aren't with the right person for us and we need to have a good cry and then move on. Until you let go of this, you will never find the someone better. That isn't to say he is a good or bad guy 'cause I don't know him. But you know in your heart if he's right for you, or if the relationship isn't healthy.

Whatever choice you make, please, please, PLEASE take care of yourself. That means getting enough sleep and getting enough to eat. Praying for you! :flowerforyou:

muth3rluvx2

Reading between the lines here...if there is abuse, get out. Plain and simple. IF not, then disregard this first part.

That being said...regardless of what is going on around you, you HAVE TO take care of you. Not just for your kids, not just for anyone else...but FOR YOU. If there is that much turmoil because of the relationship, perhaps it isn't a healthy one to begin with. We all want to love and be loved, BUT sometimes we just aren't with the right person for us and we need to have a good cry and then move on. Until you let go of this, you will never find the someone better. That isn't to say he is a good or bad guy 'cause I don't know him. But you know in your heart if he's right for you, or if the relationship isn't healthy.

Whatever choice you make, please, please, PLEASE take care of yourself. That means getting enough sleep and getting enough to eat. Praying for you! :flowerforyou:

Rest assured - and others may inquire due to the language of "1 too many" and "out of hand" - but that's not what I meant - no abuse. It just got far more dramatic than it should have, which meant longer and more intense argument.

DancingDreamer

ok i know this hurts ALOT but here's some things you need to look at.

1) NO ONE should make you feel bad about being a full time student ESPECIALLY getting a Masters in Ed. my mom did that and she did it PART time and it still took up all her home time, yes i was depressed because i never got to see my mother and when i did she was EXHAUSTED and had hardly any time for anything but sleep but i was still SUPER proud of her and supported her in furthering her carreer because thats what people who love you do when you're trying to get a better job/life for yourself.

2) NO ONE who loves you will tell you that you have the WRONG beliefs. they may not agree with you and thats their own opinion, and that they are allowed to have. but they can not tell you that what you BELIEVE is wrong. thats ignorant, mean, and just plain cruel.

3) if his family doesnt like you and his friends dont like you why doesnt he stand up for you or at the very least tell his friends and family to shut the hell up and be nice because you're his girlfriend and he loves you. thats what a good boyfriend should do. (as an example my BF stood up for my religion around his mom and cousin who were making fun of it....i wasnt even there and he was still offended for me.....he is not the same religion as me)

4) the part of town you live in is irrelevant, thats his issue, ignore it.

5) you have kids, he knew this when he started dating you. if thats a problem for him NOW again this is his issue. and he's a jerk for making it one.

i cant make your decision on what to do about this for you, and i'm sure i dont know all the details but it sounds like you are one awesome strong woman and it sounds like he doesnt appreciate that one bit. he sounds like an ungrateful jerk to me. even if you love him....sometimes an ungrateful jerk needs to be left, because its possible to love someone who you really shouldn't be with.

i hope this helps and i hope you feel better and make the right choice for you and your children. take care of yourself hun and remember that you can do the right thing. :flowerforyou:

AND GO EAT SOME FOOD!

masie56

Hi, my name is Kathy. My heart goes out to you. I'm 54 yrs old and know what it is like to struggle. I want to begin by saying it isn't good for you to skip meals. I should know. That also can add to your depression. And it's good to exercise for depression also. I keep telling my sister that and she just won't listen. I can tell you something that I have told my daughter and my grand daughter. There are all kinds of love. And just because we love someone that doesn't mean it's good to be with them. It you are not happy, and it sounds like you are far from it, you might want to cut the ties. If people can't except you for who you are then bump them. Good friends will like you for who you are. If someone loved you as much as you do them, or even close, they would respect how you feel. Never change your ideals for anyone. That's there to help you find who is right for you. Decide how you want to live your life and what makes you happy and don't drop that bar for anyone. Except me for who I am or move on kind of attitude is a good thing. If someone thinks your a b~~, oh well. At least you will be a happy bi~~. I don't mean to say it's okay to be mean to someone. Just don't lower how you feel for anyone. You will be teaching your children how to be strong people by living your life the way it's meant to be for you. I wish you all the best. Reach for the stars!!

muth3rluvx2

Thanks everyone for all the supportive words and thoughts and advice.

He isn't the problem - btw. It's his family & friends and he does defend me - that's part of the problem. He's having to constantly go up against everyone and everything he knows. And their harsh words hurt my feelings. Let's face it, mean hurts, no matter who you are or what face you put on it.

As far as not letting it all get to me, you all are right - I shouldn't let it. I mean, he grew up with things like that being said to him every day. It's his dad that's the jerk. DBF does the best he can to be a reasonable and sane human being, but his parents definitely left their mark on his psyche, just as mine did. Although different means, the scars are remarkably similar. We just took different paths to get away from it. His is escapism (hence "one too many") and mine is to get angry and make myself better than they are so I can have my chance to look down at them and say "Got sumthin' to say NOW??" I can't wait to be able to do that.

I chose to separate from my mother because of how much she hurt me growing up. He doesn't understand that - but this is EXACTLY why. I never will be able to understand how someone can be so awful to their own child! It not only hurts my feelings how everyone treats me (but without the guts to do so to my face) but that they put him in the middle. Ever hear the saying that if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all??? Whatever happened to that rule? It kills me that I can get them to leave him alone. If you have something to say, seriously, at least have the g*d*mned balls to say to ME.

I think that's part of it. I feel so helpless. I can't defend myself, I can't stop them, I can't... DO anything to fix this... I can't change how I grew up, I won't change my tree-hugging peace-wishing views - so dad can just suck my lilly white and get over himself, and I can't afford to move. Other than DBF's income, I'm living off of student loans.

Anyway... thanks for letting me spew.

I can't eat until something happens with all this - all goes well, I'll be fine tomorrow. If not, it'll be a few weeks. I physically get sick to the point of debilitating pain if I try and eat when I'm all knotted up like this. It's not that I don't get hungry eventually; the hunger is less painful than the cramping and sharp pains if I do eat. In worst cases, add vomiting to the mix and food is a BAAAD idea.

btw - we did talk a little via phone (he's at work). I'm a little less prone to instant and immediate tears every 30 seconds.

Nina74

*** Hugs*****

My one comment is that you mention YOU don't have the right job, background, life, family, etc. Maybe YOU aren't the problem at all. You aren't the one with the problem about you- he and the people in his life are. He either needs to get on board and on your team!

Hang in there!