Am I a bad friend?

DamePiglet

OP,
My opinion is this:

Tell the friend that you will get Vivian back for being bat *kitten* crazy every time you have to socialize with her and her husband by putting nasty stuff in her drinks (pee, boogers, whatever)

You will be happy. Friend will be happy. Hubby will be happy. Mr. Pokey & Mrs. BSC will be happy.

Win / win / win.
oh and win.

SueInAz

Meh....don't worry about Vivian. Phil has wandering eyes and they will soon be splitsville. Just tell your friend to chill, wait it out and Vivian will be out of the picture. Then she can go back to sleeping with phil again for a few months before he finds someone else.

This! And that last bit would be funny if it wasn't probably going to be true.

OP, you aren't a bad friend but your best friend has very bad judgement. You warned her Phil was a player, she chose to play around anyway. She then went back to him after her dumped her the first time. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!"

I'd just tell her that you only see Vivian when necessary, don't plan on her becoming one of your best friends and you're waiting for the marriage to end, which it inevitably will. Guys like Phil don't stop playin' just because they're married. It just depends on whether or not Vivian plans to put up with it for very long.

BinaryPulsar

I have no answers....I'm stuck with the Fresh Prince theme running through my head now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVbQo3IOC_A

Here you go...

Here is Jimmy Fallon singing it as Neil Young: http://youtu.be/yCLn1EYQql0

LOL, can't believe I forgot about this version....

My favorite is The Doors singing Reading Rainbow: http://youtu.be/eBRYsAfchkY

RonnieLodge

Now hear is why I'm asking if I'm a bad friend. Vivian found out about Phil seeing my friend on and off and did some really childish things and said some very hurtful and immature things to my friend. She created a fake Facebook page to send her insulting posts.

Now I kept my self out of this 100%. I was not the one sleeping with Phil and I have nothing to do with this. My best friend seems to think that I should not be friends with Vivian. That if I valued our friendship that I would of told Vivian that what she did was wrong and that I should not speak with her. However, remember that Phil is my husbands friend. He is now married to Vivian. So am I seriously in the wrong because I have always tried to be politically correct in this scenario.

None of this was ever any of my business, it still isn't. Does this make me a bad friend. As my friend says "my loyalty should be with her" really what the f does that even mean? I'm not 12.

You are not 12 and you should be able to tell your friend that you do value her friendship, your loyalty IS with her and you will make the effort to not mention Phil or Vivian around her (and you will never speak of her to P&V), BUT she can't realistically expect you to not to speak to Vivian when you are both out with your husbands.

It wasn't your business, you kept clear.

Who you choose to hang out with isn't really your best friend's business either.

mrsjones2point0

So this woman made your supposed best friend's life hell, stalked her on FB and said horrible things to and about her, and you did NOTHING? Yeah, you are a sucky friend. SUCKY!

If someone did that to my best friend, you can bet your butt I would have something to say about that.

You should apologize to your friend for being so sucky.

And you should tell your husband that you would prefer not to socialize with Phil and Vivian. . . when you have no other choice but to run in to them you should always be pleasant, but you should avoid them as much as possible, because they are horrible people who clearly don't know how to treat people. Your husband should understand your stance, if he knows the kind of person Vivian truly is - and he can choose to see Phil all by himself.

AnninStPaul

If Vivian is the kind of person who makes fake Facebook pages to torment others, why would you want to be friends with her?

^THIS

ElizaB84

Normally id say tell everyone its not your concern. However this

Now hear is why I'm asking if I'm a bad friend. Vivian found out about Phil seeing my friend on and off and did some really childish things and said some very hurtful and immature things to my friend. She created a fake Facebook page to send her insulting posts.

Yeah fark that crazy lady. Don't be friends with crazy. Crazy is not good. Crazy will eventually turn on you.

dumb_blondes_rock

Both women sound stupid. If you are a booty call, know your role....and that other woman should never have went back to him, knowing he's a cheater.

Anyways, to answer you question, you are an adult and you can be friends with whoever the frack you want. I have a gf that gets mad because I like people she doesn't like, but I don't see the point in disregarding my friendship with people JUST because one of my friend's doesn't like them

dumb_blondes_rock

But, Phil must be amazing in bed, since he has been able to keep these women obsessed with him over these years. When him and his wife divorce, tell him to call me

awtume9

This is why I don't have friends. Nobody got time fa dat!

devil_in_a_blue_dress

I don't think you are a bad friend -- but I am not sure you are a good one either. Vivian created a facebook page to harass your best friend. If somebody did that to my best friend, I would not, under any circumstances, socialize with that person.

thekacks

So this woman made your supposed best friend's life hell, stalked her on FB and said horrible things to and about her, and you did NOTHING? Yeah, you are a sucky friend. SUCKY!

If someone did that to my best friend, you can bet your butt I would have something to say about that.

You should apologize to your friend for being so sucky.

And you should tell your husband that you would prefer not to socialize with Phil and Vivian. . . when you have no other choice but to run in to them you should always be pleasant, but you should avoid them as much as possible, because they are horrible people who clearly don't know how to treat people. Your husband should understand your stance, if he knows the kind of person Vivian truly is - and he can choose to see Phil all by himself.

Yep ^^^ this. Except I wouldn't be pleasant to her at all if I ran into her. That is a bit two-faced and I am a very blunt person. I would give her the cold shoulder all the way around and if anybody had anything to say about it, I would very clearly (and none too quietly either!) announce exactly what she did to your best friend and state that I don't feel the need to be pleasant with a psychotic *****.

bd0027

If I were you, I would have told Vivian that it was a bad move on her part. You don't have to get in the middle of it, but your best friends dignity was ruined. You should have at least stood up for her.

walterm852

Now hear is why I'm asking if I'm a bad friend. Vivian found out about Phil seeing my friend on and off and did some really childish things and said some very hurtful and immature things to my friend. She created a fake Facebook page to send her insulting posts.

Now I kept my self out of this 100%. I was not the one sleeping with Phil and I have nothing to do with this. My best friend seems to think that I should not be friends with Vivian. That if I valued our friendship that I would of told Vivian that what she did was wrong and that I should not speak with her. However, remember that Phil is my husbands friend. He is now married to Vivian. So am I seriously in the wrong because I have always tried to be politically correct in this scenario.

None of this was ever any of my business, it still isn't. Does this make me a bad friend. As my friend says "my loyalty should be with her" really what the f does that even mean? I'm not 12.

You are not 12 and you should be able to tell your friend that you do value her friendship, your loyalty IS with her and you will make the effort to not mention Phil or Vivian around her (and you will never speak of her to P&V), BUT she can't realistically expect you to not to speak to Vivian when you are both out with your husbands.

It wasn't your business, you kept clear.

Who you choose to hang out with isn't really your best friend's business either.

I agree with this.

There are many family situations like this that your friend should be able to understand your predicament (you dont have to like your sister in law but you have to be nice at Thanksgiving dinner).

walterm852

But, Phil must be amazing in bed, since he has been able to keep these women obsessed with him over these years. When him and his wife divorce, tell him to call me

I was sort of thinking the same as Bat S*** crazy Vivian. It probably wasnt her example of integrity and coping skills he hope his future kids to see as a model.

rml_16

You're in a rough spot. You have to get along with Vivian under the circumstances, but I think what she did was pretty awful. I think as long as you're not having "girl time" with Vivian (aside from when the four of you are together), then you're doing all you can. If you were acting like Vivian's BFF and hanging out and going shopping, etc., your friend might have a point, but it sounds like you're just trying to keep the peace, which is understandable.

Briargrey

Friendship shouldn't mean 'unequivocally standing by' like that. You all warned friend A from the outset what Phil was like. You happen to be friends with his now-wife. I think his wife was out of line coming back to friend A and harassing her. But, I understand wanting to just stay out of it entirely.

Friend A doesn't get to dictate if you are friends with Vivian or not. You do. It's okay to have different friends who don't get along with one another. Just ask them to leave you out of drama between the two of them. Remind them firmly that you are friends with both, will see both, and will be a friend to both, but that the damage to a friendship will occur when one of the parties either a) acts like a douche that would normally make you rethink the friendship, regardless of who the target is, or b) refuses to leave you out of the middle and respect your decision.

So Vivian would have (to me) violated requirement A of friendship, and I'd be talking to her explaining that it doesn't matter WHO she harassed but that it was immature and ridiculous and behaviour like that just jeopardizes friendships. And Friend A violated requirement B, and I'd explain that to her.

vjohn04

meh.

ThriceBlessed

Are all these people still in High School or something? What's with all the drama. BOTH women who are seeing this flake are asking for trouble, they both know it and are choosing to see him anyway. Its not your fault if your friend wants to be stupid.

I think its a situation you can't win, if you shut out Vivian, your husband's friend is going to feel slighted, and if you welcome her, your best friend will be.... of the two I think the guy deserves to feel slighted, but then again the women are being idiots so they're kind of asking for it.

No, you're not a bad friend, you are being put in a situation where people are trying to pull you into their childish drama. I think I'd get a good book and retreat to my room whenever any of them came around.

sloth3toes

meh.

You were screwed from the start of this scenario.