No Family Support-Not sure what to do...

dollarstitch

I live with 4 of my kids and my husband, and everyone eats at different times, and goes out to eat on a normal basis, when I try and turn down food, it's pushed so hard on me (by everyone) I get frustrated and give up. It's not like normal pressure to eat it's like "come on mom, you look fine mom, just try it mom" or they will get literately mad if I don't go out to eat with them. Tonight I did, we went to Apple Bee's (this was after spending an hour telling them no I didn't want to go. (over and over and over again) I finally gave up and went, I had the under 550 category, dinner and my husband and I split the bbq wings, Then we had dr peppers. I am now 660 over my calorie limit. and I feel pressured beyond pressured all the time to eat. Any Suggestions?

Swinggrrl

Have you tried sitting down & talking to them about what you need from them, why you are doing this & how it makes you feel when you're pressured? Also, have a plan of attack when you eat out. Drink lots of water to help keep you full, eat slowly. Replace salad dressings with just balsamic vinegar or, my parents love to order fresh cut salsa on the side instead of dressing. On those days when I really want pop, I'll order soda water with a wedge of lime. Still get the cold bubbly but zero cals!

I totally hear where you're coming from, and not having family support is so hard. I think, as always, communication is key!

gigglesinthesun

why do you want to lose weight?

My family became supportive over night when I explained about having high cholesterol and a family history of early heart attacks and what it means.

Qskim

I cook, I buy the food. I order the food. I eat the food. It came down to I.

Or 1.

Sky_Of_Aegis

They should respect you as their mother. I do the opposite. I encourage my mother to eat better and take better care of herself. Statistics show that people tend to live longer when they eat home cooked meals at least 5 times a week. I would bring this up to them. It is your life, and no one should force you to do anything you don't want to. Your husband should be helping to put a stop to this behavior, not being an enabler by standing by as it all happens. It's your body and your health. Looking fine and feeling/being fine are two different things, and we all know that eating out all the time is NOT going to make any of us feel better.

cmriverside

What?

You order your food at Applebees, then eat it.

Done and done.

Every person here has had people in their life say, "Oh, come on, eat".

You either please them or please yourself.

You either live or die.

You either stay over weight or you don't.

Your choice.

KarenJanine

There's no reason to get into arguments and not go out. You said the menu had 550 cal meals, you could have just had one course from there, with diet soda or water. No one force-fed you the rest.

Ciniharts

I see that on your profile you say you want to lose weight because you don't want to end up with heart failure like your mother did. Does your family know this? Because I know that if my mum or significant other told me that, then I would understand and fully support them 100%

Look, families are a toughie, especially when they LOVE eating out (like mine does) but you've got to show them you mean business, if that means staying home to have a healthy dinner while they go to Applebees then so be it. It's hard but not impossible, I know because I have done it. I have said no over and over and over again. Yes, its exhausting and yes, I have eaten more meals by myself then I ever have and you know what, if that's what it takes then that's what you do.

I will give in occasionally (but ONLY if it fits into my calories) and that's okay to do every now and then; but if they are fundamentally ruining your progress then you need to toughen up and say no. I get that its hard, I've almost caused fights over refusing to give in, but I stuck to my guns.

Now its six weeks later I'm down 23 lbs and they're starting to very, very, slowly come round to my way of eating instead. So don't give up! Decide how bad you want it and then refuse to settle for anything less. The only person who will ever truly look out for your best interest is you. So take a stand and do what is best! Its scary but I promise you CAN do it and that it is SO worth it!

If you need some support from someone who gets it, then feel free to add me. Good luck!

dollarstitch

You know, the rest of these post were helpful, yours just made me angry. 1. I can't drink diet soda, I almost died from it. The aspertame in it is a poison. (do research) I just started this whole thing so I am not sure what calories are okay going out yet. I will learn, but thanks for the encouragement and positive ideas

astrampe

You know, the rest of these post were helpful, yours just made me angry. 1. I can't drink diet soda, I almost died from it. The aspertame in it is a poison. (do research) I just started this whole thing so I am not sure what calories are okay going out yet. I will learn, but thanks for the encouragement and positive ideas

If that makes you angry, you will have to get used to being angry...

The poster did not know you have issues with diet soda (aspertame, btw, is NOT a poison - some people are sensitive to it - that's all....) Don't drink diet soda then - drink water or soda water with lemon. You know Dr pepper is full of sugar and empty calories - why did you drink it?

Don't split the wings with your husband next time - just eat the 550 cal meal you ordered - that is not bad for dinner anyways....
Applebees have healthy choices - so do a lot of other restaurants - look at the nutrition online before you go and decide what will fit in your calories...

Like others said - tell your kids that you are doing this for your health - mine are typical know-it-all teens, but they know why we all eat healthy, and they have no problem with it...

YOU are still the parent - it's your heart, your health, YOU order the food and eat it and make the choices....so take responsibility for it and tell them to deal with it....
Good luck...

dollarstitch

I just added you I sat down and talked to them last night, Last night I shouldn't of ate the wings but I had no idea 4 bbq wings at apple bees would be almost 500 calories. (crazy) So I know not to do that next time. (skip wings have salad LOL) It is very hard with my family, it's not that they don't care, it's that they think I am going without, and they care "so much" they don't want their mom going without anything. I am very blessed that my kids are like that with me, but when it comes to eating, cursed LOL.. I did talk to them last night and I think I got through to them how important this is to me. Everyone that posted on this thread helped a lot, I need to do this for me, and I am going to I need to look up online the places we go to eat, and just find the lowest calorie item and order that, that way I am still with them as a family, but I don't go overboard on calories.

dollarstitch

I know the poster did not know I was very sensitive to aspertame, but I wasn't looking for "it's your fault" I was looking for other members that have this same problem with their families, and how they cope or deal with it, because honestly I was ready to just give up. I can read, or take positive criticism with the best of them, (without getting angry) but I dunno that post just hit me wrong. It was like saying "its your fault, deal with it" when that wasn't what I was looking for at all. I woke up this morning and found that my husband was looking for low cost gym memberships this morning, that made my heart happy because it's something I really want, I think I am getting through little by little, it's just a constant battle sometimes, and drives me insane LOL...Today I am starting over, and going from here.

dollarstitch

Thank you I did talk to them and I think I got through last night. I asked my kids to stop bringing me food home, when they go out, and just to respect my boundaries. That I wanted to feel good and not have 174 pounds on my 5'2 body. That I hurt all the time and I was tired of hurting. I honestly think I got through to them, and even my husband is starting to understand how important this is to me because he was looking up gym memberships this morning

llWishfulShrinkingll

This doesn't really relate to the no family support. I did notice you post something about not knowing the wings were 500 calories. It is very helpful to do your research before hand. Most restaurants have their nutritional facts online. I always read those and decide what I am going to order ahead of time.

kk_140

I have a similar problem with my fiance and family. They all love to go out and tell me things like "you're beautiful, it is just one meal out." or "one time wont hurt."

To avoid caving I remind myself that if I eat like "it is just one meal out" every time they go out then I'm doing it 4 times a week! I have compromised by preparation! I tend to skip one of my 100 calorie snacks on the day we're going out to give myself some wiggle room, then I get grilled chicken or salad, or if I order something bad for me (a fuddruckers hamburger for example) I will eat half of it slowly instead of the whole thing super fast. It makes a 690 calorie burger a 345 burger. (I make half of it more filling by adding incredibly amounts of tomatoes, lettuce, and onions!).

I am glad to see you talked to them, I hope it gets easier. But keep in mind that dieting is changing everything. I have found myself ordering things from restaurants that normally I would never get in a million years, and they're delicious, they jsut happen to be good for me too!

p.s the lemon parmesan shrimp at Applebees is my favorite thing ever, 490 calories!

beertrollruss

I just have a wife and a son. My wife is a bit of a foodie and my son likes the typical junk an eleven year old likes. I eat the same breakfast lunch and snacks every day and I leave dinner flexible to accomodate my wife and son. If I know I could end up having a high calorie dinner, I may eat lighter during the day or skip lunch. Extra exercise also gives some leeway.

I feel for your situation but agree with others that you may want to sit the family down and let them know what you want to do and why. It would also be good if they helped with exercise by going with you on walks or something else you might enjoy as a family.

If and when you sit the family down, try to put a positive spin on things and focus on the expected benefits for yourself and your family.

OceanBlue17

I have found that as I lose weight people became saboteurs of my weight loss. I don't think it's a jealousy issue as these people love me, but maybe subconscious. Talk to them. Tell them you're struggling. I hope they understand.

SkimFlatWhite68

I advise you to take some time today to review your goals. Short term and long term and the reasons WHY you want to achieve them. Then sit down with your family and explain to them and ask for their support, the same as you give to them.

If you need some help, here are some tips on setting goals (thanks to Tom Venuto, Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle), best book ever. http://www.burnthefatblog.com/

1. Set SPECIFIC goals. Exactly how many kilos do you want to lose in the next 12 weeks and over the year ahead? When do you want to achieve your goal? How much body fat do you want to lose? What do you want to weigh? What measurements would you like to end up with? What size clothes would you like to wear?

2. Set MEASURABLE goals. You can measure your success with the bathroom scale, measuring tape, clothing size, mirror, photos. All these things can be measured along the way and compared with your starting point.

3. Think BIG!! Don't let fear of failure or the feeling of discomfort prevent you from going after what you really want. Think BIG!! Shoot for the stars. Don't be afraid to think big and set your sights high, because you can only hit what you aim at! You can always adjust your timing along the way.

4. Have a REALISTIC deadline. Your goal can be as BIG as you like, but make sure the deadline is realistic. For the length of this challenge half a kilo a week weight loss is realistic for most of us (depends on your goal). A kilo a week is possible if you have more weight to lose, a kilo a month might be more realistic if you are close to your ultimate weight goal.

5. Set LONG TERM and SHORT TERM GOALS. It's a good idea to also have a yearly goal, 6 months, 3 months, 4 weeks, weekly and daily goals.
Daily goals could be to fill in your food and exercise diary and stay within calorie allowance, eat at macro targets, take 10,000 steps, etc... and will work toward fulfilling your weekly goal.

6. Prioritize your goals. Make sure that they don't conflict with one another!! Pick the goal that is most important to you over the next 12 weeks and make that goal your focus. Keep your eyes on the prize. Think about this goal every day and visualise your success when you have reached it!

7. WHY do you want to achieve this goal? Uncovering the reason you want to achieve something adds emotion to it. The more emotion involved, the more motivated you will be to succeed. What's important to you about reaching your goal? Why is that important to you? What impact will achieving this goal have on your life (How will your life be different and better after you've achieved it)?

8. Write out your goal list as an AFFIRMATION in the present tense. For example:

It is now, 1 April 2104. I step on the scales, look down and see that I weigh xyzkg. I look in the mirror and see that I am trim taut and terrific and have a huge smile on my face. My waist measurement is xyzcm. I look good and feel great!

9. Read your goals and affirmations every morning and night, and throughout the day. This will keep your mind focussed and keep our eyes on the prize.

10. Believe it. Visualise your success. Over and over you will hear champion athletes saying that they saw themselves win ABC or XYZ a million times before they actually did win. See your goals coming true in your head and you WILL reach them!!

When you have your goals firmly in mind, you will find it easiere to say no to things that are not going to help you get where you want to be.

Good luck. You can do this!!

Dandman1990

I have a bit of a reverse situation. My mother offers me food everytime I go back home when I'm off university for a few weeks. Literally everyday we'll go through the "do you want such and such for dinner?" and every day my reply will be "no thanks, I'll make something later". Everytime she then tries to make me feel guilty by then telling me how she won't have anything because I refused it etc etc. It's exceptionally irritating but there just has to come a time when you put your health ahead of peoples' expectations of you.

wshultz14

Hi Dollar Stitch.. In the end we must love and respect ourselves to do what we have to do.

I find that when I am trying to loose weight that Wayne buys a lot of snacks. Then he sits back and does not eat them.

Nuts to this... Sooooo.. to my own self be true.

I am a 65 year old woman, who has a host of health issues due to my 5'3' frame trying to support 212 lbs. I have returned to MFP myself. I was here last year at this time, and had success. Then summer came, and a lot of outdoor events, and before I knew it I too had fallen off the wagon... I have returned, now in two weeks I am finding daily success in some of the things I am tracking, carbs, sugar, salt etc., as I get use to being back on this program. I am a show and tell person. If I can see what I am eating in print it is easier for me to make the changes that are required. I get a thrill out of seeing my daily success. In time I will be successful in all areas, but I am not going to beat myself up if I slip up. I sent you a friend request, I will help support you. . Have a Blessed Day/Evening.

JordanInMT

I have had similar problems.

Now I plan my own meals. I cook for myself and I rarely go out to dinner.

megsmom2

Until you can say NO...and mean it, and stick to it, this will continue. No one can do this to you without your consent.

dollarstitch

That is what I do now and all of my family (no joke) is doing this with me I am one happy camper