Bit of a Rant: Criticising Father

frando

I had up until before dinner, been having a great day. Living at home I was sitting at the kitchen table after a long shift at work whilst my sister (who had had the day off) was making dinner, I was taking the time to work out my calories for the next day as we were making something special for Chinese New Year. My father comes in and starts being critical about my counting calories.

True, I've not lost weight for a while- a mixture of my contraception and focusing on developing a bit more muscle, but that's not good enough for him. No. As I'm not doing it the way he did- it's wrong. My father, a few years ago, was told he needed to loose weight to avoid becoming diabetic. So he cut back to 1200 gross and exercised alot- ie he didn't eat back any burnt off calories- he lost a lot and quickly but it was only temporary. He's pretty much gained all he lost, plus some, since he finished the diet.

Anyway, on this occasion he was referring to the day before. Saying that it looked 'more' then what we usually have- so my calorie count for the day was out. As he made it (both my sister and I working till 7pm), I asked if he used the ingredients in the book with the right measurements for each one. To which he said he had- but still insisted as it looked more then usual it was therefore more calories.

I asked again; 'did you use the amounts of ingredients that the book stated?'

'of course I did or it wouldn't turn out right!'

'so how can it be more calories? if you didn't use any more then the recipe says then how can it be more calorific- that's the whole point of getting cook books with the calories already worked out.'

He stormed out saying I was unreasonable and no wonder I was still over weight. It just reminds me of the time where he criticised me for using cous cous for lunches during the summer- saying that the calories on the back were before it was prepared- then I pointed out to prepare it it's just hot water. Yet again he got all heated about it all.

Sorry about the rant I just needed to get it out. I'm frustrated with his attitude towards so much- if it's not what he would do it must be wrong. I wish I could move out but I'm not exactly on the living wage and just trying my best to make teh best out of this situation.

Rant over

SuperstarDJ

Is your dad critical about everything you do or is it just around your weight?

If it's just your weight, then it sounds to me like he's possibly worried for you and doesn't want you going through what he had to go through (1,200 kcals for a man must have been hell!), but is like many men of that generation: awful at expressing love and concern in an appropriate fashion!

frando

Is your dad critical about everything you do or is it just around your weight?

If it's just your weight, then it sounds to me like he's possibly worried for you and doesn't want you going through what he had to go through (1,200 kcals for a man must have been hell!), but is like many men of that generation: awful at expressing love and concern in an appropriate fashion!

Everything, out of the four children (I'm second oldest) I kinda didn't do what they wanted me to do; i.e. my older brother joined the arm, younger brother is studying for his doctorate and my sister has a steady long term relationship whilst working and doing a part time degree. Whilst I'm a full time sales person with little chance of promotion due to the structure in the business :B

Yeah, he was uber crabby when he was on the stupid amount. I kept saying cutting down to something reasonable would be more liveable but he wouldn't take it. I know he loves and cares for me but I don't think he always sees what his actions cause me to feel.

1PatientBear

I had up until before dinner, been having a great day. Living at home I was sitting at the kitchen table after a long shift at work whilst my sister (who had had the day off) was making dinner, I was taking the time to work out my calories for the next day as we were making something special for Chinese New Year. My father comes in and starts being critical about my counting calories.

True, I've not lost weight for a while- a mixture of my contraception and focusing on developing a bit more muscle, but that's not good enough for him. No. As I'm not doing it the way he did- it's wrong. My father, a few years ago, was told he needed to loose weight to avoid becoming diabetic. So he cut back to 1200 gross and exercised alot- ie he didn't eat back any burnt off calories- he lost a lot and quickly but it was only temporary. He's pretty much gained all he lost, plus some, since he finished the diet.

Anyway, on this occasion he was referring to the day before. Saying that it looked 'more' then what we usually have- so my calorie count for the day was out. As he made it (both my sister and I working till 7pm), I asked if he used the ingredients in the book with the right measurements for each one. To which he said he had- but still insisted as it looked more then usual it was therefore more calories.

I asked again; 'did you use the amounts of ingredients that the book stated?'

'of course I did or it wouldn't turn out right!'

'so how can it be more calories? if you didn't use any more then the recipe says then how can it be more calorific- that's the whole point of getting cook books with the calories already worked out.'

He stormed out saying I was unreasonable and no wonder I was still over weight. It just reminds me of the time where he criticised me for using cous cous for lunches during the summer- saying that the calories on the back were before it was prepared- then I pointed out to prepare it it's just hot water. Yet again he got all heated about it all.

Sorry about the rant I just needed to get it out. I'm frustrated with his attitude towards so much- if it's not what he would do it must be wrong. I wish I could move out but I'm not exactly on the living wage and just trying my best to make teh best out of this situation.

Rant over

Just smile, tell him "Thanks Dad" and go back to whatever works for you. Based on your story, he doesn't know what the hell he's doing so don't get bent out of shape if he tells you you are doing it wrong.

MysteriousMerlin

Aye, brings back memories of my dear old dad. Who's not dead, btw.

If you disagreed, you were arguing, and if you continued, you were wrong. No matter the subject. You could have a doctorate in whatever he was talking about, but he'd still know more than you.

I no longer discuss much with him, certainly not my diet or weight loss. He goes on crazy diets to lose weight, which work, but sure enough, as soon as he goes back to what he was doing before....boom. Fat daddy again.

frando

Just smile, tell him "Thanks Dad" and go back to whatever works for you. Based on your story, he doesn't know what the hell he's doing so don't get bent out of shape if he tells you you are doing it wrong.

I may do now, I'll practise my nonchalant 'what ever you say' xD

Aye, brings back memories of my dear old dad. Who's not dead, btw.

If you disagreed, you were arguing, and if you continued, you were wrong. No matter the subject. You could have a doctorate in whatever he was talking about, but he'd still know more than you.

I no longer discuss much with him, certainly not my diet or weight loss. He goes on crazy diets to lose weight, which work, but sure enough, as soon as he goes back to what he was doing before....boom. Fat daddy again.

At least I'm not the only one to have a dad like this then- comforting in an odd way. I love him and all but damn he can annoy and upset me o-o

I try and not to talk about it- since he put the weight back on the doctors are more concerned about things and when Mum tries to talk to him about he he gets huffy again :B

SuperstarDJ

Is your dad critical about everything you do or is it just around your weight?

If it's just your weight, then it sounds to me like he's possibly worried for you and doesn't want you going through what he had to go through (1,200 kcals for a man must have been hell!), but is like many men of that generation: awful at expressing love and concern in an appropriate fashion!

Everything, out of the four children (I'm second oldest) I kinda didn't do what they wanted me to do; i.e. my older brother joined the arm, younger brother is studying for his doctorate and my sister has a steady long term relationship whilst working and doing a part time degree. Whilst I'm a full time sales person with little chance of promotion due to the structure in the business :B

Yeah, he was uber crabby when he was on the stupid amount. I kept saying cutting down to something reasonable would be more liveable but he wouldn't take it. I know he loves and cares for me but I don't think he always sees what his actions cause me to feel.

Lol, we have very similar stories! I am the eldest of four children. The other three are basically geniuses: music, academia, sports... Whereas I 'only' work in healthcare. They wanted me to study medicine, which I *did* get into but didn't complete (much to their disgust). I have anorexia and it got really bad back then. I was taken out of medicine after 9 months as the pressure resulted in me starving down to 63lbs and was found collapsed in my bedroom. Still, all they seemed to be worried about was when I could recommence my studies :-/ I did the following year, and repeated the same behaviours, ending in a TIA - or 'mini-stroke' - just into the last semester, aged 19). I've never made them happy.

One thing I have noticed is, like all kids, we want our parents to be proud of us. We never achieved that (because we didn't live up to their standards - not our own by the way!), which I still, as an adult, have a hard time dealing with. Therefore, I am super sensitive to any criticism from them.... and more likely to over-analyze or over-react to anything negative that they may say.

Is it possible you're doing the same? I'm asking this gently, not saying it in an accusatory fashion - I don't know you from Adam - just something to think about? I still disagree with the way that he spoke to you by the way!