ladies, late 20s childless? feelin pressured/stress?

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  • uncharted01
    uncharted01 Posts: 105 Member
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    i don't feel pressured but i want to have a child so badly! i'll be 28 in september and would love to be pregnant by then. i'm working hard to get myself into shape so i can be at my healthiest when i do get pregnant. now i just need to convince my hubby that now is the time!!! :wink:
  • rdeysher
    rdeysher Posts: 22
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    I had my one, and probably only, at 29. She is a little over a year old now and I feel that I would have plenty of time to have another one if I wanted too! I am also already back to my pre-baby weight (had a difficult birth and other health issues during her first year - much better now!) and I have better muscle tone than I used to. My husband and I were married 7 years before we chose to have her and boy were we feeling the pressure for years! Don't let anyone tell you what to do! We are both really glad we waited and did what we wanted to do. Kids are a handful and they change your whole life (for the better for the most part).
  • toiletski
    toiletski Posts: 126 Member
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    I'm 31, and have come to terms that MAYBE it won't happen. I'm still on part one of this process: find a good fella! I do get pressure from some members of the family. I pretend to get offended because my three "furry kids" are often ignored. :angry:
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,592 Member
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    im 25,single and most likely will never want kids
  • bperkins88
    bperkins88 Posts: 357 Member
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    in 25 and want children some day too, but I don't feel pressured to go knock some girl up right away. I'd like to at least take her out for dinner!! LOL
  • uncharted01
    uncharted01 Posts: 105 Member
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    in 25 and want children some day too, but I don't feel pressured to go knock some girl up right away. I'd like to at least take her out for dinner!! LOL

    screw the formalities! hehe jk! :tongue:
  • elleloch
    elleloch Posts: 739 Member
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    I started when I was 28. I turn 30 next weekend and I am now in the best shape of my life.

    We will start our family in the next year or two, but I COMPLETELY relate to the "pressure" and dilemma you feel.

    If you want feel free to add me as a friend on here! It helps to surround yourself with like minded people :) Listen you can do this. You can do ANYTHING you want if you put that nose to the grindstone. You got this.
  • mteague277
    mteague277 Posts: 145 Member
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    I started young, had my daughter at 22. My husband and I are going to start trying in 2-3 months for another and I will be 24 in a week. As far as getting my "body back" that will never happen because my body underwent permanent physical changes (my hips are wider, nothing you can do about that!) but that doesn't mean I can't still have a great body ;) I got back to my pre-pregnancy weight pretty quickly. I had ZERO problems healing and was going for light walks the day I got home from the hospital. I am glad I had my daughter when I did.
    My mom didn't start having kids until 33, had her last at 40, and if she could do it again she would've had kids earlier. My little sister is still living at home and my mom is almost 60. She feels out of touch and like she can't relate. I also don't want to put a time stamp on women but there is only so many child bearing years we have before it gets really difficult to conceive and risk for mother and baby increase. Now, I don't think everyone should have kids as young as I did (that is a terrifying thought, most 22 year olds are not close to being ready!), but I do think there is only so much waiting "until things are perfect" you can do before you have a kid. Things will NEVER be perfect, there will never be an ideal time, so if kids are something you really want I would start thinking about it now. There will never be enough money, space, time, etc.
  • michellemybelll
    michellemybelll Posts: 2,228 Member
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    ... I still NEVER WANT CHILDREN, despite all those people my WHOLE LIFE saying "one day you will" well guess what, not every woman on earth wants children.

    ^^^THIS x a googolplex.
  • Jade0529
    Jade0529 Posts: 213 Member
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    I met my husband later in my life so my son was born when I was 35. I can tell you that for me personally, it was a very difficult being pregnant and for labour. I had complications and they do consider 35 "high risk" Don't let anyone tell you that there isn't more risk the older you get, there is. Don't believe the Hollywood myth of perfect pregnancy in your 40's. Yes it can happen and some women are lucky that way. It is def harder all around the older you get. Having said all that I cherish my son and wouldn't change a thing

    If you and your partner want kids great. If you don't want kids great too. The only people that matter in that decision are the two of you.

    We did felt a lot of pressure because of my husbands heritage, but between us we knew what we wanted to do
  • lmd_1979
    lmd_1979 Posts: 130
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    I haven't had any children yet because I'm a man.
  • PatheticNoetic
    PatheticNoetic Posts: 905 Member
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    *currently childfree, but wanting children*

    I'm 28 and I want to have kids when I get the pounds off that I gained last year. However, I don't know how long it'll take and if I'm even ready... and I feel at 28, that I need to hurry up! Especially if I'm planning on having 2! I just feel like 28 years stuck up on me. The thought of waiting or having a child at 30 (my first) scares me. I know women do it more and more these days though.... I think if I knew I could handle it and get my body back, I wouldn't be so scared. Anyways, just a random post about my current dilemma.

    I had both my kids in my early 30's. Currently working on getting in shape again. Just about all of my work outs include taking them with me but I'm able to do something every day. It can be done. I started about a month ago and I've lost 4 kilos already.
  • ElizaB84
    ElizaB84 Posts: 105 Member
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    No need to feel pressure to have kids before 30. I know couples that waited til their 30s to have kids, everything turned out fine. One of my best friends and his wife have decided to remain child free, and that's awesome too. Not everyone wants too or is able to have kids while they're "younger".

    I'm going to be 30 this year. I have two kids. The bad news is, even though I'm done having children I still have friends, family members, and even our usual cashier at the grocery store telling me I need to have more. Evvvvverybody thinks your uterus is their business. The pressure doesn't stop even when you have some kids lol.
  • liesevanlingen
    liesevanlingen Posts: 508 Member
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    I have four children, but I'd just like to mention that my last two were conceived when I was 32 and 34 and I got pregnant within TWO weeks of trying for both of them, and they were both healthy, normal babies with no medical issues. And my mom was married at 30 and had eight kids in the next ten years (all of whom were healthy, normal babies as well.) So I'd say you still have some time, OP.


    Edited to add: you won't get your old body back. Ever. But you can get a strong healthy, good-looking body after having children. I'm 42 and I constantly get told how I don't look like I have four kids, or how I look like I'm in my late twenties. So it's not impossible.
  • Faye_Anderson
    Faye_Anderson Posts: 1,495 Member
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    Had my first at 21, had my 2nd 3 weeks ago at 34, I am managing a lot better this time around, so much so I'm planning another, this time I won't wait 13 years to do it again!
  • fannyfrost
    fannyfrost Posts: 756 Member
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    You need not rush, women have kids as late as 40, although I wouldn't recommend waiting that long.

    I have friends who had planned for children and those who didn't (like myself). The reality is that you are never really ready. Babies are hard work and no one really tells you how hard it will be. Kids don't come with instructions, they scare the crap out of you, they make you smile, they worry you and bring joy. Most all once you have kids you will never get enough sleep ever again as long as you live. Mine is now 19 she is in college. A couple weeks ago phone rings at 1am, she is hysterical, why? she realized what the date was and she misses her Pop-Pop, my dad who had died 3 years earlier, it was his birthday. This was on a weekday at 1am, I had to calm her down and then of course I was sadder and missed him so couldn't fall back to sleep.

    So you will never be prepared for kids and what they throw at you. also the weight, you can do whatever you want, I bounced back after the baby, I slowly gained the weight after that because I had to eat fast or I didn't get to eat dinner, or I had to grab whatever cause baby crying, running from work to a play date, running from work to dance, etc. So don't obsess over losing it before (btw if you are heavier you are less likely go gain as much), focus on learning healthy eating, especially while pregnant and try to keep that focus after the baby, you habits will teach the kid their habits.

    If you want a baby, just go for it. Weight or not, scared or not, just grab for it. You will never be ready, but everyday is worth the journey and all the pain and discomfort is worth when your child says "I love you" or in my case while I was in Greece "I miss you". Honestly is the hardest and most rewarding thing you can do.

    FYI, I don't think you must be a mom to be complete. I don't think anything should be forced. Make the best of the journey and just enjoy it all.
  • AJMB704
    AJMB704 Posts: 590 Member
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    I'm 30, happily married for nearly 6 years - we are definitely ambivalent about kids. I personally have never wanted them, and my husband always assumed he'd have kids because "that's what you do." (Yes, we did talk about it before getting married!)

    For now, we absolutely love our life as-is, and agree that they are a no for us, with the caveat that we reserve the right to change our minds at any time. We are giving ourselves until about 35 to really make a final decision, knowing that we might not be able to have kids if there are fertility issues. It's a risk we are willing to take at this point.

    Luckily our parents had us in their mid 30s and so understand how we feel right now. They also know better than to pressure us - I am one of the most stubborn people on the planet and would NEVER have a child just because someone else thinks I should or wants me to. That's about as bad of a reason to have kids as to try to improve or save a relationship. Kids make everything harder!

    My best friend's mom pressures her constantly. I want to smack her mom. They got married 8 years ago, at 22, and her mom is dying for grandbabies. Guess what? My BFF just announced her plan to divorce. Glad they didn't cave to family pressure just to make mom happy.

    Have kids IF you want them, WHEN the time is right for you & your husband. Do consider the fact that you do NOT have to have children to be happy or fulfilled. It isn't the right path for everyone. Nobody else is going to raise the kids or pay for them - they're just going to bug you about it! (And I hear that even if you have one, you'll immediately be asked when the next one is coming. People just don't know when to mind their own business!)
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    ... I still NEVER WANT CHILDREN, despite all those people my WHOLE LIFE saying "one day you will" well guess what, not every woman on earth wants children.

    ^^^THIS x a googolplex.

    Yep yep. I am 37 years old and my husband and I opted for permanent sterilization because we both have always known that we NEVER wanted to become parents.

    And BTW it is only "childfree" when you make that decision as your lifestyle. It's "childless" when you DO plan to have kids later on or if you really want them but can't have kids for some reason.

    ETA: It does not get easier as far as the Q's about "when are you gonna have kids?" I still have people telling me it's not too late and I have plenty of time, even though I am clearly in my mid 30s and there would be risks (if I had ANY desire to have kids, which obviously I do not). Women in my demographic are popping out babies 24/7 at this age. I kind of thought once I hit my 30s it would stop but nope...
  • MelissaPhippsFeagins
    MelissaPhippsFeagins Posts: 8,063 Member
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    I have four children, but I'd just like to mention that my last two were conceived when I was 32 and 34 and I got pregnant within TWO weeks of trying for both of them, and they were both healthy, normal babies with no medical issues. And my mom was married at 30 and had eight kids in the next ten years (all of whom were healthy, normal babies as well.) So I'd say you still have some time, OP.


    Edited to add: you won't get your old body back. Ever. But you can get a strong healthy, good-looking body after having children. I'm 42 and I constantly get told how I don't look like I have four kids, or how I look like I'm in my late twenties. So it's not impossible.

    This - I was 24 when #1 was born, 27 when #2 was born, 30 with #3, and 37 with #4. With #3, I got gestational diabetes. With #4 I was on a diabetic diet the whole time and had more issues with swelling and just plain being exhausted. It's harder the older you get, but I don't look like I've had four kids and most strangers think the 20 yo is is my sister. LOVE IT!!!! Just the same, I'll never be a dancer again, I'm a mom and my hips don't flex the way they used to. It's a fair trade. I love being a mom as much as I love looking like my daughter's sister. :-)
  • wndrwmn86
    wndrwmn86 Posts: 507 Member
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    I'm 27 and I hear ya! I can't tell you how many times my mom has told me she is ready for grandkids so I need to get out more. I want kids too but I'm still single and want to make sure the guy I pick is right before anything else. I suck at dating so it may never happen for me lol but that's ok I figure if it's meant to be it will happen when it's supposed to.

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