Lost and confused...

callmestephanie

Long story short, I was working on my life style and then I got pregnant. I stopped counting calories while pregnant but kept with eating better so I only gained 10lbs by the end. I had an 8lb baby so after a few weeks my "pregnancy weight" was gone. I intended to start back up after my daughter was born but between getting used to having 2 young kids and her constantly nursing, I kinda just didn't.

Anyway, she's 6ms old and I got back into it... I joined a local support group and let MFP do my numbers. After about a month things weren't going as well as I had hoped and someone suggested I wasn't eating nearly enough. Gaw, it's so confusing... I used the Tsomething calculator and it's got me at like 2500! It seems like way too much...

In the group, people have been fussing me saying I HAVE to get proper sleep or I won't lose weight... is that true? There is simply no way I'm going to get "proper" sleep, my 6m old still wakes every 2 hrs to nurse. >_< Also, I'm lucky to eat 3 times a day, usually it's more like 2 between dealing with both kids, house chores, errands, or me trying to nap to get a bit of sleep. x-x

Which brings me to another point. We just can't afford for me to be eating so fricken much. I've been eating salads with a bit of extras on it (boiled eggs, chicken, cheese, wheat germ, whatever) or wraps with a lot of veggies and what not... but that's not a lot of calories so I have to eat more. But I'm full and can't afford to eat allll that plus tons more in one day! People tell me to eat fruits/veggies and lean meats so I do but it's just not enough. But I'm warned away things like bread and rice too.

It's so confusing and frustrating, every where I turn I'm told something else! T_T I wish it were as simple as eat as little as possible and lose weight... I know it's not and I know why, but it's wishful thinking lol.





TLDR:
1: How many calories should I be eating? I'm 256lbs at 5'6". I'm currently still breastfeeding full time which means I need to add 500cals. I'm a female and a big couch potato. I want to change that but one step at a time.

2: Do I have hope to lose weight without proper sleep and without eating small meals throughout the day?

3: What are some "healthy" high calorie foods that aren't too expensive besides nuts and avocado?

dmpettit

I would say that you definitely are not eating enough, although 2500 calories seems like WAY too much. When you don't eat enough, your body holds on to what you do eat because it doesn't know when anymore is going to come again. Try adding good fats into your daily foods like avocado and if you cook with coconut oil that will add more calories. You definitely need to try your hardest to eat at least 3 meals a day; if nothing else, grab a small snack before you run your errands and eat it on the way or something. One thing that's helped me a lot is that I meal prep a lot more than I used to. Sunday is when I try and make food for a couple days, so then I can just grab and heat up if I'm in a hurry. I know that will be difficult with two young kids, but if you do it a little at a time on sundays, that should make it easier. So you could turn your oven on and season some chicken, then let it bake for 30 minutes or so. That way, while it's baking you can do something with your kids. Planning is KEY.

Good luck! I hope you can start to find some balance and time to prep!

CompressedCarbon

May I present to you this which I didn't link properly but copy and paste will be your friend here: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants

I have no independent expertise or knowledge but have friends who do. Most of what I've read in the forum world repeats this: if you are gaining/maintaining weight you are eating too much. If, however, you eat too little, you will lose weight but some of that will be your lean muscle and that is bad. If 2500 seems to be out of line for you, try 2300. See what happens after some time on it. If that doesn't work, try plan C. Then D. Then keep going til you find the right combination for you. It seems to be all about finding the balance. There are a ton of people and resources who will/that can help you tweak the right balance for you.

The one thing that seems to be universal is that not ever giving up will provide your ultimate success.

Start with the thread I posted, wander through the sticky notes in the "Getting Started" and see if that helps you. Don't worry about being lost and confused, that's how 99% of us start.

Adding:

2. Sleep is good. Sleep with an infant in the house is impossible. Weight loss is possible without 8 hours of sleep. You'll be tired and cranky some times, but totally possible.

3. Exercise is good. Start with walking. Walk for 5 minutes. Put the baby in a stroller whenever you can and go!

4. The question you didn't ask but the advice I'm going to give anyway. You have a brand new little life right there in your arms. That is your most important goal. Nothing else in the world you have ever done or ever will do is as important as being a parent. So do what you can to improve your body, because you'll be happier which will make everyone in the house happier, but if you have to put fitness on hold for a while, that's fine too. That's not giving up, that is prioritizing.

MelissaPhippsFeagins

Congrats on the new baby. You've come to the right place for help and it's okay to be lost and confused. I didn't stalk your diary, but I do what's it's like to be a busy mom with small kids. They aren't so small anymore; my youngest is 7, but I do know what it's like. The crock pot is your friend. It's very hard to mess up a crock pot meal and you can make some very nutritious ones then portion them out for your spouse and yourself to have for lunch and dinner is cooking while you're doing the errands and napping. Also, I haven't eliminated any food to lose weight that I don't intend never to eat again. I just eat less of everything - from shepherd's pie to grilled chicken salad, moderation is key. I made a pear crisp today because I wanted something sweet.

My suggestion for a quick breakfast that keeps me full for a while and would be really inexpensive: put a slice of bread in the toaster, whisk an egg and 1/8 c. of shredded cheese in a microwave safe bowl and cook for 1.5 - 2 minutes, depending on how you like your eggs cooked. The toast and egg will finish close to the same time. Put the egg on the toast and you still have one hand free to help feed your kids.

Unfortunately, you may be like me and not be able to lose until baby sleeps through the night. At six months, she should be starting "solid" food so that should happen soon. I just couldn't lose when I wasn't sleeping at least 6 hours straight. Don't stress over it, just form the right habits and don't quit. You will have to do some trial and error to find the right number of calories for you to lose, but you will find it eventually.

callmestephanie

dmpettit: I cook dinner almost every night so I do eat that, but too often I end up with like 1k cals to eat in the evening x-x

What are some good high cal snacks besides things like crackers and what not? I feel like I eat too many carbs with pasta, rice, cereal, bread, crackers... but they are so quick and easy and high in cals x-x

forrl: Thank you, I've read that before but a refresher is never a bad thing. I think I'm going to use MFPs calculator... the TDEE told me this amount to lose weight (plus the 500cals for breastfeeding)... but yes, it is excessive and I can't eat this much without a lot of empty calories to fill in the gap. >_<

Thanks for the sleep advice. I'm so tired of people telling me to change things I can't... I wish they'd give me advice/support with what I CAN do.

I'm not worried about losing the weight over night, but I would hate to be doing it "wrong" for months before finding out better. haha

MelissaPhipps: I do use the crock a lot, in fact I have food in it right now haha. I guess I had got myself to the point of making just enough for dinner because food was going to waste (DH didn't want to help eat left overs @.@ ) but I may have to try to make an extra portion for lunch the next day.

I sometimes microwave eggs for myself or eat a bowl of cereal but sometimes I'm just so dead tired I get my oldest her breakfast and lay back down for a bit >_< I'll have to force myself to actually start eating. I have always had a hard time eating breakfast, I'm rarely hungry in the morning.

Yup we just started solids with her. May take a few days before I see a change but I hope I do see one. It's exhausting being up every 2 hours.





I think I just need to ignore the nay sayers in my local "support" group. She's read a lot and is doing Paleo... and isn't being very supportive of people who are just going by the "calorie deficit" idea... I just keep getting advice from all sides and it's all different and it's frustrating. x-x

Mr_Knight

After about a month things weren't going as well as I had hoped and someone suggested I wasn't eating nearly enough.

SMH.

In the group, people have been fussing me saying I HAVE to get proper sleep or I won't lose weight... is that true?

No, it is not true. Sleep is extremely important, but lack of sleep will not stall weight loss for someone in a caloric deficit.

Also, I'm lucky to eat 3 times a day, usually it's more like 2...

Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

But I'm warned away things like bread and rice too.

More SMH.

How many calories should I be eating? I'm 256lbs at 5'6". I'm currently still breastfeeding full time which means I need to add 500cals.

Your BMR is going to be about 1400ish. Add in the 500 you specified for breastfeeding and you're at 1900ish.

callmestephanie

Mr Knight: I guess I shouldn't listen to them then. I told them as long as calories in < calories out that I'd lose weight and they all jumped me

I thought 1900 was right. That's much more manageable. I still have to force myself to eat that much but it's much more attainable than bloody 2500 that someone else told me >_<

I need to find more calorie rich healthy foods than just nuts and avocado. I get tired of nuts and I don't much like avocado. I guess I should lay off the "low fat/low cal" subs I've made too. Hopefully that'll help. Because I'm having this much trouble WITHOUT adding exercise... I don't know what I'm going to do if I start adding exercise and burning like 100+cals. >_<

AliceDark

In the group, people have been fussing me saying I HAVE to get proper sleep or I won't lose weight... is that true?

Not true at all. Sleep helps, some people more than others, but not getting a full night's sleep isn't necessarily going to shut down weight loss. Get what you can when you can get it, and keep in mind that you're sacrificing sleep to feed your daughter, which is way more important than losing just a little bit more weight per week. That schedule won't last forever. (Plus, I'm of the opinion that anyone who tells mom with an infant how much she needs sleep deserves to get slapped. That's just one of the meanest things to say! It kind of sounds like your "support group" is full of mean girls.)

In terms of high-calorie, nutrient rich foods, do you like dairy? Whole milk, yogurt and cottage cheese are all fairly high in calories and won't make you feel stuffed. My other thought was oatmeal. You could make it in the microwave with milk instead of water, or even add powdered milk for some extra calories, and then stir in chopped nuts, dried fruit or whatever. Oatmeal's pretty kid-friendly, too, so you could make it for yourself and your older daughter.

tegalicious

Can you have peanut butter? Or almond butter or nutella? You could have some of that on toast in the am with a banana. There is also sunflower butter if you have to be nut free for baby. The really big loaves of whole wheat bread and some nut or seed butter on that with a banana would be a quick higher calorie breakfast that your older kiddo might like to have as well. You could also have it with a glass of whole milk. That would give you lots of calories in the am for a little bit of food. And making one extra portion in the crock pot for your lunch the next day is also a great idea. That way you have something you can quickly microwave and eat while still being able to take care of your kiddos. 2% Greek yogurt mixed with some frozen or fresh fruit is also a great quick meal. You could add ground flaxseed or chia seed or both as well and that would be a quick nutritious snack or breakfast. Add full fat cheese or hummus to your wraps. Add sunflower seeds and/or pumpkin seeds to your salads. Dried fruits are also pretty calorie dense for a small serving that is quick and easy to pop in your mouth while watching your kiddos.

callmestephanie

Thanks ladies. A lot of those suggestions I've done but maybe I just need to push it a bit more and be a bit more creative with mixing seeds/nuts and fruits. I had oatmeal this morning with chai seeds but I should have thrown dried fruit in too, I have some. I need to stock up on some better food options for the house.

I think I'm just having the wrong mentality, I've been focusing on foods with a low amount of calories since they are equated with "diet"... but I'm not on a "diet"... and I need to choose foods that are WORTH the calories in it (ie; low sodium/sugar peanut butter vs a snack cake).

Yeah, some of the ladies in the support group are a bit know it all, I'll just have to ignore them.

gigglesinthesun

keep in mind that your hormones are still all over the place so if I was you I would not weigh myself at all, but rather plod along with some reasonable calories that you can live with. The reason why I am suggesting not to weigh yourself is because of your hormone fluctuations. As you are still nursing pretty much full-time you are carrying a lot of water with you at any given time and it'll show in the scales and if you don't lose you will feel all depressed and sad as if you are not achieving anything. Eat relatively healthily and do some exercise when you don't feel like you are going to keel over from lack of sleep, maybe go for a walk. I found that lack of sleep did affect my weight loss in that I was craving sweet foods much more when I was tired.

Good luck :flowerforyou: