Eating disorder help/recovery

maddieftaylor

Hi everyone,

I have been struggling with bulimia for 6 years now and really want to get myself out of the rut I'm in. I used to use myfitnesspal last year but stopped because I obviously wasn't logging my binges. I now find that if I ever feel full I want to purge - and I want to stop before it gets any worse/affects me any more than it already does. I would like to lose weight healthily and could really do with some support. If anyone has any advice it would be much appreciated.

I am currently 5 foot 4 and weigh 130 lbs. I would like to be 112 lbs. My profile picture is from my birthday last week to give you an idea of how I look now.

Thank you x

healthygreek

Are you getting professional help for your eating disorder?
Trying to lose weight with bulimia will likely make it worse.

drewp247

Im really sorry to hear you suffer from that disease! I am the oppisite I ate so much bad food i became type 2 diabetic. Usually eating disorders are triggered by depression, i do not judge you we all walk in different shoes. I also think 130lbs is a perfect weight already i dont think 112lbs is a healthy weight. Also if you want to lose an extra 10lbs i would be drinking a protein shake for breakfast and eat a light snack every 3 hours. Dont eat junk food when i do it makes me want to purge to lol.

Hi everyone,

I have been struggling with bulimia for 6 years now and really want to get myself out of the rut I'm in. I used to use myfitnesspal last year but stopped because I obviously wasn't logging my binges. I now find that if I ever feel full I want to purge - and I want to stop before it gets any worse/affects me any more than it already does. I would like to lose weight healthily and could really do with some support. If anyone has any advice it would be much appreciated.

I am currently 5 foot 4 and weigh 130 lbs. I would like to be 112 lbs. My profile picture is from my birthday last week to give you an idea of how I look now.

Thank you x

knra_grl

Are you getting professional help for your eating disorder?
Trying to lose weight with bulimia will likely make it worse.

this - and eat a healthy, balanced diet (I know same old)
but perhaps eat several times throughout the day in smaller portions so that you aren't FULL but satisfied and still keeping in check with eating healthy

But please get some support to help you get through this

PRMinx

Eating disorders are a control disorder. You are addicted to the cycle of losing control, gaining control, losing control, gaining control...etc. Having been there myself, I know how hard it is to get out of the cycle.

You should seek professional help that gets at the underlying reasons why you do what you do. This is really the only thing that will help unless you have an enormous amount of willpower.

Focusing on weight loss right now just shows that you aren't being realistic about your disorder. Not to mention the fact that 112 at 5'4 is really tiny (where are you getting that number?). I'm 5'5 and I would be emaciated at that weight. Possible? Yes. Possible without a disorder? Not likely.

Please get help so that you can live a long, fruitful and happy life without hurting yourself.

Ericancan

That is a 19.2 BMI which is the skinny healthy part of the healthy range of a BMI of 18.5-25.0. Since 130 lbs puts you at a medium healthy BMI of 22.3. I would loose the weight as slow as tolerable. Celebrate the small increments of wt loss and then pride yourself on maintaining this wt. Choose only healthy foods that don't encourage you to vomit. I used to vomit in high school because I did not approve of the things that I ate. I slowly turned that into an obsession with health instead. I hope that in the time you take to reach your goal you can channel this negative energy into something more positive. What got me to turn my disorder around was when I met my husband and he noticed my strange behavior. I had never really let anyone know and I didn't really think anything was wrong. He let me know out of love that I was abusing my body and that I was worth more than that to him. And once I got saved Jesus just blew the lid right off of the self worth thing lol. Anyways, I can eat whatever I want now and I can be the optimum of fitness and health. Bulimia is really like a self induced prison or punishment. Let me know if you want to talk or need help in whatever.

Ericancan

P.S.
I want to be at the thick healthy range of a BMI at 24.1. Mama needs some junk in the trunk lol.

micahsmom91011

I think the feeling of fullness is foreign to us bulimics. Full = too full in our minds and automatically seems to turn on the urge to purge in in our brains. It is not an easy feeling to override. The best thing I've found is to try to find that spot to where I'm not hungry, but not full. Just kind of satisfied. You may have to eat more frequently and smaller servings, but it should help to minimize the desire to purge after a meal. Give yourself a week to "eat healthy", not purge, and see what happens. If at the end of the week you've lost weight then you can look back and realize you can lose the weight without having to binge and purge. If you stay the same or gain, look at what you ate and maybe figure out a lower or high calorie count and see what happens. It may just take a couple weeks to get your metabolism working normally again. If there is anyway you can see a counselor or someone experienced with bulimia, it would be best to do so. There is a reason your eating disorder started and you will have to heal from the cause of it to really make recovery possible. Recording your binge days is hard and embarrassing. For one, do you even remember what you just consumed? I know I often don't. Two, I am friends with some good friends on here, who yes, know I am trying to recover from an eating disorder, but I would never let them see me binge and posting what I ate just makes it feel like they were there. Depending how often you binge/purge you may have to slowly ween yourself off. Having portioned healthy snacks around helps though. If I have a bag of cookies lying about and no one is around, I'll eat them, but if I have a little baggy of nuts already portioned out I have a much higher chance of grabbing them than binging.

Feel free to friend me if you like. I have a lot more weight to lose because I stopped purging (mostly) but kept binging, but I was textbook case of bulimic throughout college and a few years after so I understand how ingrained an ED can be over so many years.

Ecampbell64

I "fourth" the professional help suggestion. It is so much harder to "fix" my head than my body.

A great book was recommended on a thread here and I'll pass that along: Eating In the Light of the Moon.
It isn't just another self help book. I found it to be very accurate in talking about why so many women have unhealthy relationships with food.

The promise I made myself when embarking on MFP just 40 days ago is that I would log my binges. I knew I couldn't promise that I wouldn't binge but I finally had the willingness to be honest about it. After the first binge (which was nothing compared to my previous ingrained behaviors), I was simply amazed at the amount of calories I was putting in my body. Since then, I have been able to avoid binging and even gotten through a couple of situations that could have been major binge triggers.

There's tons of hope and success stories on these threads. I have been surprised at the number of binge eating folks who share so honestly. Eating disorders are inherently isolating, so support from others is very affirming. Also, folks here show me that a healthy relationship with food is possible. don't give up!!

crystalflame

You need some coping tools. Professional help can give you a lot of these, but here's a few I've used and some of my friends on here have used:

-Don't keep the house stocked with things you'll binge on. If the Oreos and ice cream aren't in immediate reach, I'm not going to go to the store and buy them. And if I DO bother to go the store, being out and active is often enough to shake me out of my funk and reconsider what I'm about to do.

-Have a substitute activity for purging. Get out of the house and take a 30 minute walk so purging isn't an option. Get immersed in a book. Write in a diary. Have a go-to option that you train yourself to do.

-Before you eat, write down your feelings. Recognize when you're not in a good emotional state, and either watch what you eat very carefully or decide to eat later. (But do eat later. Don't starve.)

-If you're out at a big dinner or holiday meal, choose specific items you want to eat most and eat small portions of them. Don't stuff yourself and panic. Practice doing this with everyday meals - for bulimics, intentional food choices and learning what "sated" and "overfull" are are very important things.

-When you do B/P, write about what triggered it. Try to find patterns, then ask yourself how to remedy or avoid those situations.

-My biggest trigger was my ex. Once I got him out of my life, my eating disorder got SO much easier to control. If there's a specific person who's doing damage like that, get rid of them. They aren't worth jeopardizing your health over.

-Have a specific person or group you can text, IM, call, physically go to, whatever when you feel the need to purge. Tell them you're in trouble, and can they talk to you for the next hour? (One of my MFP friends would get on here are start posting status updates... She had a large enough FL that someone was always around to support her.)

-If seeing other people post about their ED issues is triggering for you, don't be friends with them. I know you want friends who understand you, but you want people who do more good than harm.

-Reward yourself for going X amount of time purge-free.

-Be active. Exercise will help with depression issues. Lift weights - it will transform your body, and you'll like what you see even if the pounds aren't coming off.

-Overall, set the environment around you up to be as non-triggering as possible so you can focus on practicing good behaviors and tacking the issues that lead to bad ones.

Make your focus getting healthy. I know you want to lose weight, but it's SO much easier to do that when you're not constantly fighting with yourself. And (I know this is the hardest part) try to not fixate on the number on the scale. It doesn't define you. It doesn't give you value as a person. It doesn't determine if you're attractive - you already are. You will not magically become some amazing goddess when you see that number, so get rid of the scale and weigh yourself in healthiness and personal victories instead.

maddieftaylor

I'm completely overwhelmed by everyone's support so far. There have been lots of helpful tips and I think I will start to keep a diary and find other things to occupy my time with. Thank you so much everyone, I couldn't be more glad to having admitted I have a problem xx

SKINNYsupermodel

You are stunning!!! I would love to help support you if you need a friend on here. I used to be an anorexic, I am now weight restored but now I have a bingeing issue and I'm trying to fix it. I would love to help All the best with everything! You're truly beautiful and I hope you kick this disorder to the curb.

a_stronger_me13

You're at a healthy weight. Please seek some sort of professional counseling for dealing with your ED.

I'm a binge eater/bulimic in recovery, but I have realistic and healthy goals when it comes to my weightloss and nutrition now. SEeing a counselor definitely helped me get to that point. I know what you mean about the full feeling initiating the need to purge but just let it settle for a second and breathe, the discomfort will pass and you'll be better off for it.

LishieFruit89

Ill be honest I skimmed.


OP do seek help. Most colleges offer free or reduced counceling.

I also suggest reading the book Brain over Binge

denisejones123

Hiya

I had ED for few years and I made a New Years resolution to recover...
My firts goal was start exercising- I found that women that exercise look smaller
1st few week I still puked and didn't eat much...
My next goal was to eat at least over 1200 cal
Which I'm doing and trying to find healthy yummy meals
My next goal is to build muscle...
I think il have to up my activities and eat more to build
(I'm researching this as I'm so scared of getting bigger the wrong way!!!)

Set your self goals.. Find out how you would like to look and take little steps to get there,
I keep telling myself there's no easy quick way to look perfect so I give myself realistic goals and give them 3months for me to see the changes then set myself more goals!...

In a month I've loved the changes so that keep me going..

Add me if you want a chat or anything good luck!!

stefanieraya

Im really sorry to hear you suffer from that disease! I am the oppisite I ate so much bad food i became type 2 diabetic. Usually eating disorders are triggered by depression, i do not judge you we all walk in different shoes. I also think 130lbs is a perfect weight already i dont think 112lbs is a healthy weight. Also if you want to lose an extra 10lbs i would be drinking a protein shake for breakfast and eat a light snack every 3 hours. Dont eat junk food when i do it makes me want to purge to lol.

Hi everyone,

I have been struggling with bulimia for 6 years now and really want to get myself out of the rut I'm in. I used to use myfitnesspal last year but stopped because I obviously wasn't logging my binges. I now find that if I ever feel full I want to purge - and I want to stop before it gets any worse/affects me any more than it already does. I would like to lose weight healthily and could really do with some support. If anyone has any advice it would be much appreciated.

I am currently 5 foot 4 and weigh 130 lbs. I would like to be 112 lbs. My profile picture is from my birthday last week to give you an idea of how I look now.

Thank you x

This universe is amazing - when we put ourselves out there and ask for support we typically receive and you've been flooded by amazing, supportive people here.
I second the comment here about the protein shake but make sure it has enough fiber in it to keep you feeling full. I would suggest a meal replacement with at least 6 grams of fiber and 24 g of protein.

maddieftaylor

I agree I have been overwhelmed by the people who have come forward to help me and I am onto my 5th day binge/purge free since I posted this topic due to all of the tips and responses . Would you be able to tell me more about protein shakes please?

Sheila_Ann

I don't know much about binge eating but great job on being 5 days free!!! It takes a lot to admit it and you took the first step.

Good luck on your journey and I wish you a healthy 2014!

Sheila :flowerforyou:

maddieftaylor

Thank you very much Sheila! You too ! x

TaurusV

You look beautiful and cute, perfect weight. I wasted 2 years with anorexia and it was not worthy and when I see my pics now I think it looks awful,but I understand the feeling of feeling fat when you are not.

But let me tell you, if you want to get fit losing weight like crazy wont take you anywhere, you will get saggy, lose hair, get sick, so on.

If you exercise, strength train (dont even need gym, you can do it at home like push ups, squats, lunges, so on) you will get toned and look even better without losing much weight. Did you know some body builders or people that go to gym with lots of muscle are technically by weight number and height in the "overweight-obese" category of BMI? Muscles matter. So do you want to be beautiful or just scary thin?

You are beautiful at this weight!

maddieftaylor

Update:

I've told my mum and my best friend and my eating disorder and I now have their support too. I was scared to tell them because I thought I would upset them, but I am so glad I did. I am 2 weeks binge and purge free, but I'm not going to try and diet for a while because I want to give my body a break.

Thank you for all of your help so far x

a_stronger_me13

Update:

I've told my mum and my best friend and my eating disorder and I now have their support too. I was scared to tell them because I thought I would upset them, but I am so glad I did. I am 2 weeks binge and purge free, but I'm not going to try and diet for a while because I want to give my body a break.

Thank you for all of your help so far x

This is awesome to hear! And taking a break can be a big help, mentally and physically. Great work!

maddieftaylor

Hi everyone,

I'm now 6 weeks binge and purge free. I have put on weight and am up to 9 and a half stone, every day is a struggle to not purge again because I'm still really unhappy with my weight. I don't binge anywhere near as much as I used to but I often feel like I "need" something sweet after dinner, and it's hard to stop once you've started..

I'm doing Vicky Pattison's 7 day slim and have taken before pictures, so will perservere with this and see if anything changes! x

mockchoc

Update:

I've told my mum and my best friend and my eating disorder and I now have their support too. I was scared to tell them because I thought I would upset them, but I am so glad I did. I am 2 weeks binge and purge free, but I'm not going to try and diet for a while because I want to give my body a break.

Thank you for all of your help so far x

This is awesome to hear! And taking a break can be a big help, mentally and physically. Great work!

Yes this! Decades ago I had what I'd class as a mild form of bullimia. When I decided it was unhealthy and told the closest people to me it stopped. Never done it since and they did nothing other to accept me issue... which is fine. You are doing great I think :flowerforyou: