This isn't really "fun", but I am angry
ShaniWulffe
Posts: 458 Member
in Chit-Chat
Okay, not gonna lie, I'm posting this because I want validation for my anger.
So, I have this friend who has had issues with depression and suicidal thoughts for years now. This week has been particularly bad for her. I have been trying to be here for her as much as possible, and she has said that it helps, at least a little bit.
Well, last night, we were chatting on facebook, and I asked to make sure that I wasn't pestering her. She responded with something to the effect of "no, you could never pester me. Even if I don't respond, I like knowing that I have someone". So, okay, I keep talking with her. I texted her a couple of times today, but she didn't reply. Okay, that's fine. I understand. I mean, yes, I was worried, but I just kept letting her know that I'm trying my best to be supportive.
Then, just as I was about to hop into the shower, her mom called me (how she got my cell phone number, I have no idea). I picked up the phone, and she proceeded to tell me that my friend has missed a few days of school (my friend is in high school) and is "practically comatose". So of course here I am panicking. The mom continues on to say that my friend has something bothering her, but she won't tell her mom what it is. Her mom thinks it's just that my friend is getting overwhelmed with responsibilities. That's a fair assumption.
But now here comes the part that makes me angry.
The mom then actually told me that my friend has been spending a lot of time on facebook and other chat sites, and that I should not try to engage my friend in conversation. She said that if my friend messages me first, I am to "be supportive, but don't lead the conversation on" because my friend "has a lot of homework that she needs to do tonight".
!!!
What the actual frick frack! I responded very politely, but on the inside I was screaming. Like, I'm sorry that I care more about my friend's mental health than her schoolwork! This just... It drives me nuts, and there is so much backstory behind all of this that it could fill multiple books, and I'm just... I am so ANGRY. Like, if your daughter is, her words, "practically comatose", there is clearly a bigger issue here!
Argh rant over, but I just... I really needed to get this out there.
So, I have this friend who has had issues with depression and suicidal thoughts for years now. This week has been particularly bad for her. I have been trying to be here for her as much as possible, and she has said that it helps, at least a little bit.
Well, last night, we were chatting on facebook, and I asked to make sure that I wasn't pestering her. She responded with something to the effect of "no, you could never pester me. Even if I don't respond, I like knowing that I have someone". So, okay, I keep talking with her. I texted her a couple of times today, but she didn't reply. Okay, that's fine. I understand. I mean, yes, I was worried, but I just kept letting her know that I'm trying my best to be supportive.
Then, just as I was about to hop into the shower, her mom called me (how she got my cell phone number, I have no idea). I picked up the phone, and she proceeded to tell me that my friend has missed a few days of school (my friend is in high school) and is "practically comatose". So of course here I am panicking. The mom continues on to say that my friend has something bothering her, but she won't tell her mom what it is. Her mom thinks it's just that my friend is getting overwhelmed with responsibilities. That's a fair assumption.
But now here comes the part that makes me angry.
The mom then actually told me that my friend has been spending a lot of time on facebook and other chat sites, and that I should not try to engage my friend in conversation. She said that if my friend messages me first, I am to "be supportive, but don't lead the conversation on" because my friend "has a lot of homework that she needs to do tonight".
!!!
What the actual frick frack! I responded very politely, but on the inside I was screaming. Like, I'm sorry that I care more about my friend's mental health than her schoolwork! This just... It drives me nuts, and there is so much backstory behind all of this that it could fill multiple books, and I'm just... I am so ANGRY. Like, if your daughter is, her words, "practically comatose", there is clearly a bigger issue here!
Argh rant over, but I just... I really needed to get this out there.
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Replies
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Okay, thanks. Good to know. [/sarcasm]0 -
That seems odd on the surface, but her mom lives with her. She may see that her daughter is just being overly dramatic and really should just be getting her homework done instead of spending her who nights chatting online. Ultimately just be there for her in whatever way feels comfortable to you.0
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Wow, I would say the mom sounds like part of the problem for her! I couldn't imagine one of my parents caring more about grades than my brother's or my well being.0
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Okay, not gonna lie, I'm posting this because I want validation for my anger.
So, I have this friend who has had issues with depression and suicidal thoughts for years now. This week has been particularly bad for her. I have been trying to be here for her as much as possible, and she has said that it helps, at least a little bit.
Well, last night, we were chatting on facebook, and I asked to make sure that I wasn't pestering her. She responded with something to the effect of "no, you could never pester me. Even if I don't respond, I like knowing that I have someone". So, okay, I keep talking with her. I texted her a couple of times today, but she didn't reply. Okay, that's fine. I understand. I mean, yes, I was worried, but I just kept letting her know that I'm trying my best to be supportive.
Then, just as I was about to hop into the shower, her mom called me (how she got my cell phone number, I have no idea). I picked up the phone, and she proceeded to tell me that my friend has missed a few days of school (my friend is in high school) and is "practically comatose". So of course here I am panicking. The mom continues on to say that my friend has something bothering her, but she won't tell her mom what it is. Her mom thinks it's just that my friend is getting overwhelmed with responsibilities. That's a fair assumption.
But now here comes the part that makes me angry.
The mom then actually told me that my friend has been spending a lot of time on facebook and other chat sites, and that I should not try to engage my friend in conversation. She said that if my friend messages me first, I am to "be supportive, but don't lead the conversation on" because my friend "has a lot of homework that she needs to do tonight".
!!!
What the actual frick frack! I responded very politely, but on the inside I was screaming. Like, I'm sorry that I care more about my friend's mental health than her schoolwork! This just... It drives me nuts, and there is so much backstory behind all of this that it could fill multiple books, and I'm just... I am so ANGRY. Like, if your daughter is, her words, "practically comatose", there is clearly a bigger issue here!
Argh rant over, but I just... I really needed to get this out there.
the mom doesn't know her the way you know her. kids hide things from their parents. if the parents are busy, they may not pick up the subtle clues that are there.
instead of getting irrationally angry (afterall the mom was doing exactly what a good mom should do), you should have calmly told her that your friend is leaning on you for support and encourage the mom to have a heart to heart talk with her daughter.0 -
Okay yeah, that was callous and inappropriate.
OP, it sounds like mom is part of the problem. I'm really not sure what you can do to help. Your friend may have some serious issues that need psychiatric help. I suggest encouraging her to pursue that route if possible. Other than that, just continue to be as supportive as you can.0 -
codependent/100
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That wasn't even that long.0 -
You did the right thing. You were polite to her and ranted here. But yeah, it's her not you.I responded very politely, but on the inside I was screaming.
Argh rant over, but I just... I really needed to get this out there.0 -
Okay yeah, that was callous and inappropriate.
OP, it sounds like mom is part of the problem. I'm really not sure what you can do to help. Your friend may have some serious issues that need psychiatric help. I suggest encouraging her to pursue that route if possible. Other than that, just continue to be as supportive as you can.
Agreed!
My mom had NO clue how to reach me. Thank goodness I had my dad and I also did one-on-one therapy. The only reason I did it was the therapist told me I could tell him ANYTHING and as long as it wasn't illegal, he wouldn't share with anyone.
In the end, he told my mom there was nothing wrong with me and that I needed attention.
I would also suggest to your friend if her mom won't listen about the therapy part - to talk to the school counselor, a family member....or ANYONE who she thinks may be able to help.0 -
Okay, not gonna lie, I'm posting this because I want validation for my anger.
So, I have this friend who has had issues with depression and suicidal thoughts for years now. This week has been particularly bad for her. I have been trying to be here for her as much as possible, and she has said that it helps, at least a little bit.
Well, last night, we were chatting on facebook, and I asked to make sure that I wasn't pestering her. She responded with something to the effect of "no, you could never pester me. Even if I don't respond, I like knowing that I have someone". So, okay, I keep talking with her. I texted her a couple of times today, but she didn't reply. Okay, that's fine. I understand. I mean, yes, I was worried, but I just kept letting her know that I'm trying my best to be supportive.
Then, just as I was about to hop into the shower, her mom called me (how she got my cell phone number, I have no idea). I picked up the phone, and she proceeded to tell me that my friend has missed a few days of school (my friend is in high school) and is "practically comatose". So of course here I am panicking. The mom continues on to say that my friend has something bothering her, but she won't tell her mom what it is. Her mom thinks it's just that my friend is getting overwhelmed with responsibilities. That's a fair assumption.
But now here comes the part that makes me angry.
The mom then actually told me that my friend has been spending a lot of time on facebook and other chat sites, and that I should not try to engage my friend in conversation. She said that if my friend messages me first, I am to "be supportive, but don't lead the conversation on" because my friend "has a lot of homework that she needs to do tonight".
!!!
What the actual frick frack! I responded very politely, but on the inside I was screaming. Like, I'm sorry that I care more about my friend's mental health than her schoolwork! This just... It drives me nuts, and there is so much backstory behind all of this that it could fill multiple books, and I'm just... I am so ANGRY. Like, if your daughter is, her words, "practically comatose", there is clearly a bigger issue here!
Argh rant over, but I just... I really needed to get this out there.
the mom doesn't know her the way you know her. kids hide things from their parents. if the parents are busy, they may not pick up the subtle clues that are there.
instead of getting irrationally angry (afterall the mom was doing exactly what a good mom should do), you should have calmly told her that your friend is leaning on you for support and encourage the mom to have a heart to heart talk with her daughter.
I agree with this.
1) The mom does not know what is going on and is not tuned in to her daughter would be my guess.
But, 2) Your friend may be hooking you in with her drama, and it may not be helping her. She needs genuine help. And you need to live your life and not be her therapist. She needs professional help.0 -
:yawn:0 -
Thank you all for commenting. I had to tell someone.0
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At my age, I avoided my mother like the plague for a while.
Okay yeah, that was callous and inappropriate.
OP, it sounds like mom is part of the problem. I'm really not sure what you can do to help. Your friend may have some serious issues that need psychiatric help. I suggest encouraging her to pursue that route if possible. Other than that, just continue to be as supportive as you can.
Agreed!
My mom had NO clue how to reach me. Thank goodness I had my dad and I also did one-on-one therapy. The only reason I did it was the therapist told me I could tell him ANYTHING and as long as it wasn't illegal, he wouldn't share with anyone.
In the end, he told my mom there was nothing wrong with me and that I needed attention.
I would also suggest to your friend if her mom won't listen about the therapy part - to talk to the school counselor, a family member....or ANYONE who she thinks may be able to help.
She could only reach me by email if she really needed to talk.. Only person that can reach me by facebook is my brother.0
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