Recovering Orthorexia/anorexia survivor

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madisonpaige2411
madisonpaige2411 Posts: 11
in Introduce Yourself
My name is Madison. I never took much notice of my body type till freshman of high school. i was very thin until then. my weight went up to 130-near 140. I was severely bulimic for my entire first semester of junior year then even more so my second semester of being a senior. bullying was a big part of it, but that's not what this is about. I'm not going into the details of the past 5-6 months, other than to say., the awful apartment my "friends" let me stay in had one main rule: "pay me your share of the rent; food wise, take care of yourself." so due to that and my depression, I went from 140 to 118. me being 19 years old and 5'5'', i understand weight fluctuates but i still feel the need to be thin. and I am. I am currently battling orthorexia with some anorexic tendencies, and weigh 103. my problem is not enough energy taken in to burn. i want to remain thin. this is my struggle. any and all support/advice/tips are appreciated.

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  • MelissaPhippsFeagins
    MelissaPhippsFeagins Posts: 8,063 Member
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    Figure out your total daily energy expenditure - there are a lot of good calculators out there - and eat i everyday. That's all you have to do to maintain. You are thin at 103 and 5'5". Anyone who says you aren't thin is so drunk they are seeing double.
  • kickivale
    kickivale Posts: 260 Member
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    Hi Madison,
    I think its awesome that you are putting yourself out there and working out your trauma. You should be really proud of yourself for being brave enough to share :)
    My advice is to lean on the structural element of logging food and exercise. It makes it all seem less "out of control". If it says eat 1700 calls, eat them!! You won't balloon up or shrink down or yo-yo if you just work with it. I think thats a very calming thing, at least for me personally.
    And once you're getting enough cals, you can get to the gym regularly and start seeing how STRONG YOU ARE. :)
    There's no better way to feel confident about yourself.
    Best of luck!
  • stines72
    stines72 Posts: 853 Member
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    I don't think you should be focusing on burning any energy if you're in recovery. "i want to remain thin" is disordered thinking. Sorry if that doesn't answer your question, but it sounds to me like you're asking for tips on remaining ill.
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
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    This isn't to be mean, but seek professional help. They are the ONLY ones who can help you. No one here can.
  • TheGymGypsy
    TheGymGypsy Posts: 1,023 Member
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    This depressing me because I'm 5'5 and 130 pounds and apparently that's fat now. :noway:

    But that aside, you need to see a professional. It's great that you want to recover, and are taking it into your own hands. However you need to be under a doctor supervised eating plan and seeing a psychologist.
  • madisonpaige2411
    madisonpaige2411 Posts: 11
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    I should clear up a little on this, my apologies.. I know that I am thin, that's no problem. the problem is my obsession with it. countless times a day, every day, i will put my hands on my hips and waist to feel how thin i am and to reassure myself of it. i do around 3 minutes of minor morning cardio each morning after i wake up be it sit ups, bicycle crunches, reverse crunches. i walk to campus quite a bit to avoid bus fare that could be saved for rent (i realize this may sound cheap but i have to do what i can to get by financially) it's around a 30-40 minute walk one way. some days, i do round trip. i have always walked a lot, so this is no problem for me. however, i am slightly skeletal looking. i am low on energy a lot of the time. fatigued, even. this all comes down to me working off energy I've not yet taken in. so i suppose I'm working toward remaining thin, eating healthily as i do, but doing so wisely and not working myself (quite literally) to death....
  • madisonpaige2411
    madisonpaige2411 Posts: 11
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    @stines72, it does answer my question, it's an answer I don't need to ask to know the answer to. I'm aware i need professional help. and I'm actually making a list of numbers to call and ask if they take my cigna insurance
  • MelissaPhippsFeagins
    MelissaPhippsFeagins Posts: 8,063 Member
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    @stines72, it does answer my question, it's an answer I don't need to ask to know the answer to. I'm aware i need professional help. and I'm actually making a list of numbers to call and ask if they take my cigna insurance

    I've been a recovering bulimic 22+ years. you probably do need professional help to beat it, but I assure you that recognizing that you have a problem will go a long way to solving it. The difference in my alcoholic dad and me is that I have to buy food and eat it; he could just quit buying alcohol and going places he knew it would be. OTOH, his detox was much much worse than my learning to eat. I understand you want to recover eating healthy foods, so stock up on nuts and dried fruit. they pack a good punch for the calories and you can keep them in your back pack to snack on after your walk to school. Good luck and I'm here if you need a shoulder to lean on.
  • tropicaltiger
    tropicaltiger Posts: 254
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    I wish you a lot of luck-just remember my friend there are no professionals on here-an I do understand what is like to not feel good about youself when your thin-I think it is amazing that you put yourself out there-you can add me for moral support-I have been where you are at-I have also been over 100 pounds heavier then I am now-so good luck to you-I truly hope you get the help you you need-:smile:
  • alwaysenpointe
    alwaysenpointe Posts: 6
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    Hello,
    I was orthorexic/anorexic in high school years ago. I never got professional help but my boyfriend/husband literally made me quit the behavior. But it doesn't go away because years later I found myself at the other end of the spectrum. Disordered eating and thinking needs intervention. I know this doesn't answer your question but I empathize.

    Nicci
  • madisonpaige2411
    madisonpaige2411 Posts: 11
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    I'm sorry, I still don't quite know how the reply option works (if you're seeing them or not). But I really do appreciate the "Advice" (in quotations because I already know I need professional help. but I'm poor and cannot afford to pay 500 a month for rent, buy groceries and survive AND pay off college things AND pay for psychiatry. this is why i need my insurance to cover all of it. which it wont). that said, i repeat; my issue is finding BALANCE, and I'm getting better at it, slowly, but better. i also want the clear up that this is not a hateful reply; i am very gracious that people are listening and giving advice; i honestly believed I wasted my time typing this but I'm glad I was wrong.

    I'm working on it; thank you..

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