I developed an eating disorder.... please help me

AcademicusMaximus

So I feel thoroughly pathetic right now. I am awake at 5am because I overeat and I can't sleep. 4 months ago I started dieting and running and I lost 30lbs. Maybe a month ago/month and a half I started binging. First it was once every two weeks. Then once a week. then Saturday and Sunday. Then Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Then into the weekdays. Now I am EXCESSIVELY overeating 4 days a week or more. I NEVER overate like this in my life. Now I literally have gained back 20lbs in a month. I am very scared the other 10lbs will come soon and then I might even get really obese. I feel like I have to stop this but I just can't seem to stop overeating right now.

To top it off I'm so embarrased to leave my apartment. Everyone saw me lose the weight and was so happy for me and made comments on how good I looked. Now I feel embarrased to even look at them. I actually avoid going to my physiotherapy because I don't want my therapist to see me. Right now I can't even follow the diet that got me here for 2 days in a row.

I am trying to just forget the crazy amount of work I've wasted by gaining back 20lbs and just go forward being happy with the 10lbs loss and use that as motivation. But really its not working. My whole life revolves around food now. When am I going to eat what am I going to eat. My performance at work has suffered. I feel hungry all the time even though I can't be.

This is totally new for me. I never ate well before as I was a bit overweight, but not like this. this relationship with food is crazy. If I don't stop I'm going to get REALLY fat. I mean gaining 20lbs in a month and a half is insane.

I can't even see a dietician because I live in South Korea and basically that not a real service here and they are all in Korean. Anyways I don't even need a dietician because I know what I should eat I just can't do it.

I just keep thinking about just letting myself go and giving up completely and getting fat. But I know that's wrong. I konw there is no secret I need to just buckle down and be strong and get some momentum going. I just need some encouragement from someone and to get this off my chest or any advice.

I think I lost my weight unhealthily fast and that contributed to me being where I am now. But at anyrate I dont know what to do

Cakewalk25

Do you have a counselling service in your city? You should see one immediately before the situation gets worse. You should also see your GP doctor if you have one and ask them for help. They may be able to set up a plan with you for the time being and refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist. The psychologist or psychiatrist will be able to set out with you a longer-term plan to regain your health.

Please don't feel embarassed about leaving your house. The thing with other people is that they are all so worried thinking about their own problems they barely notice other people's. Their imagined reaction in your head is much worse than the actual reality. 20 pounds is not a lot and most people wouldn't even notice it. If you are really self-conscious you can wear looser clothing to hide it...but trust me, you are the most critical person on how you look on any given day.

BreatheAshley

I would actually tell your friends what happened. If they are really your friends, they won't judge you for one thing and two, I am sure they will be glad to help you. They can get you out of the house or wherever you are living and you guys can hang out away from food so you will be eating less. Feel free to add me if you like. Good luck.

tears13

I know how you feel! Several years ago I started losing weight - fast. And it wasn't in a healthy way either. I would restrict and then exercise and almost faint. It was unhealthy but it gave me results. Over the years I've slimmed down but I've never had the body I truly wanted and now I binge eat and emotionally eat.

Like you, I know what I should eat and how I should exercise and I typically stick to a decent regime. But then I get these urges to binge and eat crappy food. And it feels like there is nothing i can do!

I've dealt with this for years now and it's an ongoing struggle. I don't know a 'cure' or how to fix the what i've done to myself. I've studied it and read books about it but I'm not sure exactly what caused it and why it won't go away no matter how hard I try.

The best advice I can give you is look at each day as an opportunity to make it great. Try something that will calm you, like yoga or meditation. Don't restrict or work yourself too hard. And try to accept yourself. Trust me, that's hard for me too! After a day of binging I don't want anyone to touch me and I'm in a pretty bad mood. Just try your best to accept and love yourself.

A book I read that I thought was pretty interesting and helpful was Brain Over Binge. It put binge eating disorder in a new perspective for me. I hope this helps

usmcmp

If you can't go see a specialist at least start out by figuring out your TDEE and eating at that for several weeks. Don't worry about a calorie deficit, pull yourself out of the binge and starve cycle.

http://www.niashanks.com/2013/09/20-tips-binge-eating/

FraggleRockerFitnessLover

Good for you to acknowledge your problem at hand! Now you can take that and move forward, one day at a time, better yet, one meal at a time. Everytime you want to binge, replace it with something else, piece of gum, a tic tac, see how long it takes for you to suck that tic tac to dissolve. I'm sorry you're feeling self conscious, I can relate on many levels. I too have a history of unhealthy weight loss options and have tried very hard to stay healthy. It's not easy, I battle daily with stuff I too am too embarrassed to discuss, such is life. Getting it off your chest helps, but seeking advice from a social health related media website I would not rely on. Medical professionals to help is key. Best of luck

Marcolter

your whole life revolves around food. That means it is an addiction. Your mind has to first find other things to care about. Second your diet should not be about denial because that makes you desire the forbidden. Train yourself to say, I don't want that ( high calorie portions) and say I want ( positive attitude ) this, healthy food relationship. It is not easy. But physical limitations made me say, at my age knees cannot take extra weight. Or I do not want to gasp with sleep apnea. It is the 'hassle and pain' fat brings that make you sick of the whole mess. Even sexuality as a human becomes gone gone gone.

jodycoady

Oh my gosh do I ever feel for you and I can relate somewhat!

I read someone's post above mine, I think it was Ashley-something...And I agree with what she said...Talk to your friends about it, open up. That's a smart move....

I have been bulimic for 20 years...not an everyday binger or purger, but I get in spurts; once a month I usually go off the rails for a week and then I'm "okay" again.

My closest friends know, even my sister...I confess when I do it.

You have done the right thing by talking about it here...Yeah, we are total strangers, but I think you are in a judgement-free zone right now.

Add me if you need someone to talk to.

There's more to this than counting calories and figuring out your TDEE!!!