How do you get used to it?

loopybec2002

on Thursday night me and my girl mate went to bingo and while sitting on the machine a fella approached - I am very used to this with lots of skinny friends. but he turned and started chating me up. To start with I just froze I stared at the machine unable to look up and just giving him one word answers. I didn't know what to say or do... This hasnt EVER happened to me before. I told him I had a boyfriend (Which I don't) and just walked off. My friend was like whats wrong with you he was gorgeous and he was. I was just scared I didn't want to look incase he was laughing at me. I have had two serious relationships (one ending in march this year) but in both the fellas worked with me so I didn't have to think about thing to say because we already knew each other. I I have never been approached in a bar I need help advice on how not to freeze and stop thinking why is this fella talking to me and not my skinny friend? It kinda made me not want to lose weight because the more I lose the more strangers will notice me.

nikkijennings

Bless your cotton socks!!!

Don't let this put you off losing weight for yourself and your health. You have a beautiful face and smile that are always going to be attractive no matter what size you are

I appreciate this is a new experience, but if you are not ready for this (yet) then you did the right thing by saying that you were in a relationship :bigsmile:

Do you have a sparkly ring or a plain band you could wear on your ring finger so as not to break their hearts??!!!! :brokenheart:

I don't think it's about the losing weight, but the new found confidence that is shining from within you

Don't panic..... your confidence will grow enough in time at least he was gentleman enough to go away when you told him you were spoken for :sad:

Good luck..... take it as a well deserved compliment :flowerforyou:

loopybec2002

I have my old engagement ring lol it's the only ring I own and I'm not about to put that back on!!

Thanks for the compliment and I think I'll have to get used to it. I just felt so uncomfortable having to talk to a stranger and I know as I lose the weight I'll be sat there thinking if I looked the way I used to you wouldn't of approached me.

I have never been huge (even though I weigh alot) I carry it well I just think sometimes it's my confidence that lets me down and it's not getting anybetter!!

MzBug

Hun, if having a good looking guy chat you up isn't a confidence boost, I don't know what would be! Not ALL guys are blind to the beauty within. The next time one chats you up (and there WILL be a next time!) just smile and be your pretty self. If the conversation gets to the point where you think it may be beyond friendly, you can always mention that you just left a relationship and are not looking for another one just yet. It is possible to have male friends that you have no interest in romantically.

loopybec2002

Yes I have lots of male friends that I am not dating and don't find any problem with having a conversation with them. I find its me with the problem. I think I can become skinny and beautiful but if I don't find away to 'LOVE my self' then nothing will change. I see and feel a difference with the weightloss but it doesn't change what in my head.

nikkijennings

Don't worry honey..... this is something you can't force. I am a complete nightmare the other way and get over these kinds of issues instantly...... other people take an awful lot longer.

Your heart and mind will know when you are ready..... better not to rush it, you may only regret it after :-) x

NH_1970

when I had been at 156 and had gotten male attention after being overweight it was really scarey, I'm also not an attention lover. So I'm not sure how to give the best advice...but I am a lot older and wiser now then I was back then...Maybe just saying Hi, taking a deep breath and just enjoying how the person looks if they're someone you want to talk to back.

Maybe practice with a friend somewhere not in public :happy: so you don't look goofy and I'm sure you'd both get laughs at it. But that way you could just feel more comfortable if it ever did come up for you again.

Maybe look into a public speaking course?

Start talking to strangers, Male OR female of any age, I do this now. It really helps with shyness, as long as you have one genuine thing to say, even if it's that you like their shoes or they have an interesting hat on. Oh and if you're very shy/uncomfortable. Ask people a question about something, about themselves, they LOVE to talk usually about themselves, and it can be a lot of fun hearing about them too. You can learn a lot about a person about the way they talk about themselves.

Like two weeks ago I noticed a guy wearing a shirt that had a logo on it that one of my family members belong to, I said Oh you belong to _____? and then we had a 20 minute conversation that ranged about that organization our experiences with it, and then he said "Are you single?" and I was like blush red. I said I was and kind of wondered why he asked that because it wasn't pursued. My sis said I should have said "Why are you asking?"

But I saw him last week in the library and I said Oh you're that man that I talked to last week that was in Name of Organization____ and he said yes that was me and we introduced ourselves with names, and talked a bit more about our work. He was really handsome too.

I'll probably see him again at some point this week because we frequent a lot of the same public places, but It's just more comfortable now because we generally continue on with a conversation that starts with me going "So how is this week going for you?" oh yea and hint about people, if they don't ask you, tell them how you're doing back because they like the flow of conversation but sometimes they're just as clueless on how to do it too.

oh and if it's in a bar don't ever take it too seriously, and if it ever gets too uncomfortable for you in a bar if you're talking to someone, hand them a card with your number on it, That way they can call you when they're sober and you're sober, it also gives you a polite way to walk off without having to explain why you're walking off.

loopybec2002

Thank you for all your support I feel like a complete and uter numpty!! I am confident when surrounded by friends and family even with strangers I was just unsure why this fella had approached me and I think thats my mind set I feel Ugly so everyone in the world should see me as I do.