Working on My Self Image

msmith101

I have been on here since July of this year, so I am new but not that new I just never introduced myself.
My name is Mary and I have been trying to make positive changes in my life. I need to loose a lot of weight but I also need to work on my Self Image...
I have battled with my weight and self image my whole life. Over the last several years I have really let my self go and lost myself. I am now working real hard on getting back the person I was but also trying to improve on that person by having a better self image and a more positive attitude. I have hated so many things about myself for so long that this is probably one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I let my weight creep up to over 300 lbs...I truly wanted to die the day I first realized that I let this happen. That and everything else that was going on in my life contributed to the huge spiral downward. I let all of the day to day things get to me and interfere with what mattered most to me, my relationship with my Husband & my Children, my own health & wellbeing. Some very terrible things have happened and I have had to re-evaluate my life, what I want, what my dreams are for the future, where I want to be and who I want to be in my life. I have come to the conclusion that I need to love myself so that I can Love my Husband & Children the way I should, the way they deserve, the way I deserve. I am working so hard on changing the way I think about myself... It is so hard when you have spent so much of your life always thinking the worst about yourself, never feeling like you deserved the good things you had, always waiting for them to be taken from you... Now that my worst nightmare has happened to me I realize that I did it to myself by constantly thinking that way. I deserve to have the things I want... I deserve to love and be loved by the man of my dreams (My Incredible Husband)... I deserve to have a great relationship with my Husband & my children... I deserve to be healthy and to have all the things in my life that make me Happy... I deserve it because I am a good person with a good heart that always tries to do the right things and doesn't intentionally try to hurt people. I will get there but it is a battle almost every moment of everyday but I will get there because I am worth the effort, I am worth the work it takes to get there. I am now under 300 lbs, exercising mostly every day and watching what I am eating. I have lost over 38 lbs and starting to feel so much better. I can breathe better and move better and wow just everything is slowly getting so much easier physically. Now I need to put just as much effort into the emotional & psychological part of me. Doing both together is going to be hard but honestly they do go hand in hand and it must be done or all of the work I am doing on myself physically will not stick. I can do this...We can do this...
My husband told me the other day that he was proud of what I have accomplished so far and that I should be proud of myself for what I am doing... He will never know how much that meant to me... I Love you my Wonderful Husband & Children and we all get through this difficult time and be stronger and better for having been through it. It will help us to appreciate everything we have and cherish it so much more.

gnrshelton

I'm sorry that you have had so many struggles but you just need to know there are loads of people that are working through struggles also. it sounds like you are on the road to happiness and success and I am happy for you. I have only struggled with my weight since adulthood. I used to be a skinny girl but like a lot of people let myself go. I am working like you to get back to the self I want to be. You can do it and you have already come a great way. You have lost quite a bit. Be proud and keep up the good work. YOU CAN MAKE IT ALL THE WAY!! I'm rooting for you.

baldwink

What a wonderful testimony!! You're right, you are worth the effort and deserve to have that peace of mind that comes from truly loving oneself!! Keep up the good work!!

loopybec2002

Reading that made me well up!! I have the same problem I don't have enough self worth and i don't believe becoming skinny will give me that. I can so relate to once you have a good thing your on the look out for it being taken away. I think when you begin to love yourself the journey will become easier. Good luck x

mmheartspb

Reading this really helped me realize I'm not alone. I have self image issues as well. You have been working so hard and it has been paying off girl...keep on going :0)

teasdino

I feel for you.
My whole childhood (since I was ......5) was spent hearing my mother say 'IF you would only lose..x..then I would buy you nice clothes'. As I growing up it became if I would lose pnds then I would have a boyfriend, dont be so loud everyone will look at the fat girl. You name them, I got called them. The thing is, looking at pictures of me..I wasnt fat! What the heck kind of childhood is that? To go through your childhood thinking you are way big. Then to look back and find out that you were not fat. I was not a toothpick, but I had a nice body as a teen. I had a chest and a butt. Well now I have more of that after 4 children and meds for a back problem.
I work out because of mfp. Everyone is really lovely. They give you an extra lift just at the right time ;-] If you wish to add me do it. We can all inspire each other ;-]
jac