What I learned from failing & gaining back more weight...

liftsforchocolate

When I was at my goal weight (~118 lbs, toned, abs):
-gym every morning at 4:30am
-35 min cardio, 1 hr lifting
-some abs and stretching, sometimes sauna
-1 or 2 rest days a week
-1650 cals a day (only tracked protein and cals)
-always ate only from 12-8am, protein oatmeal before workout, greek yogurt and eggs/chicken afterwards
-ate peanut butter, almond butter, dark chocolate EVERY SINGLE DAY

During the 2-3 months I gained back a lot of weight from binge eating, I tried to lose weight FASTER by:
-water fasting (got to 6days)
-fasting multiple days a week to make up for bingeing (would be extreme, ~6,000 cals a day).
-protein fasting, "RFL" "PSMF" (tried two times and made it to day 4 both times)
-keto (high fat, high protein, low carb) and ended up eating peanut butter and chocolate way too much
-eating 1200 cals and burning off ~600 cals everyday

^that is why I'm fat again. I though maybe I should try the PSMF again today but I knew better. If I did it again even for a week, and lost some weight, I would probably binge again from primal hunger and get freaked out from gaining carb/water weight back on a normal diet. No more low carb/high fat, keto, detoxes, etc for me. I've accepted its going to take me 4-5 months to get back to 118 pounds w/ a muscular/toned look and I'll just have to accept being fat and tight in all my clothes. The past two days, were horrible binge days, and I've learned I don't really binge for any other reason but to get away from studying when stressed out, and out of habit. I know if I put my mind to it, I can stop it. I also know once the weight starts coming off, I wont think "I'm fat, let me just binge because its going to take me half a year to be @ goal weight anyway"

Starting today:
-1450-1650 cals per day
-35 min cardio, + lifting etc like before
-doing pretty much everything like before

In case you're wondering how I ballooned from 115 lbs to 140 lbs:

Up till high school I was "skinny" (around 120 lbs, 5'6'') but I was constantly called fat by my family so often dieted/starved etc, in high school I was "chubby" (around 130-140 llbs) mostly from bingeing. I would unhealthy but under my calorie limit for the week and then binge on the weekends. In my first year of college I got up to more than 160+ lbs from just eating way too much, multiple dinners etc. Second year of college, started lifting weights, cardio, eating around 1600 cals and got down to 130 lbs when my parents got me a gym membership (forced me to kind of, I didn't want it) and then started lifting more hardcore and got to 115lbs (but toned). During this time, I was the happiest I had ever been in my entire life, I was a different person, I was optimistic/"cheery" etc and my parents/friends noticed how different of a person I was (also more confident). Then the bingeing came back slowly before the end of the semester (2 days a week), and my weight creeped up to around 125ish pounds. Then it became full blown binge eating from dec to feb (now) and I'm 140 lbs. I would go to the gym in the morning and have ate around 6000-7000 cals by the evening and then repeat for 2-3 days until I realized I cannot fit into anymore of my clothes. Eat normal for a day or two, try a low carb diet or something and then binge again.

Feel free to add me on mfp if you'd like and also my tumblr:

http://liftsforchocolate.tumblr.com/