Food is love

Hey all!

I am dabbling in to writing territory at the moment, and my blog post today was talking about the complicated relationship you can have with food and love. Specifically for me, my childhood which a fantastic grandma who just wanted me fat and happy.

I know this is probably a sensitive issue considering most of us are here for weight management, but I would really love to hear how other people feel about this issue. Did you have a particular family member who just loved to feed people, have you become that person in adulthood?

Thanks everyone, and happy eating! :drinker:

Replies

  • jlshea
    jlshea Posts: 494 Member
    I was raised the same way and love baking, its one of those things that I know I'm good at and really enjoy doing for others. Its hard because its what I'm known for amongst my friends and family so now in trying to lose weight its a struggle. I've been trying to find more healthy recipe alternatives so I can still bake/cook.

    And I definitely grew up associating sugary/junk foods as "happy/reward" foods. Its a struggle trying to change that notion.
  • When I have friends over for a meal I typically do a main and a dessert, I've founds sending my friends home with the dessert left overs not only makes them feel super special but stops me from gorging on delicious sweets when I drink my tea.

    There are few things I enjoy more than feeding people, to be honest with you. And I think it mostly comes from me trying to replicate in others the feelings of love and happiness I felt whenever my Nanna cooked something just for me.
  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
    It is a really hard mindset to get over. Both my parents and grandparents grew up in a place and time where food was wealth. There just wasn't much of it around. They therefore saw giving food to children (often having to deny themselves) as an expression of love. My grandmother often told me the story of selling my mother's one and only doll to buy sugar so they could have some Christmas cookies. Today we have too much food and do not appreciate it.
  • fannyfrost
    fannyfrost Posts: 756 Member
    It is more than family trying to feed you and keep you fat, there are other connections. Family gatherings are often about food. Holidays center on food. Some examples:

    Hannukah at my uncles meant his homemade Potato Latkes. So for me Latkes are always associated with my uncle :)
    Chicken soup = Grandma :)
    My grandma also made a special barley dish that was awesome :)

    Being from a Russian Jewish background also meant lots of starches were included in all meals because these were the staples.

    So it isn't just about being fed, its about certain foods that equate to the people we love or the special events. The food or the smell of these foods can trigger a happy memory, so we want them. Just like baking with Grandma, its not just that they fed you the cookies to keep you fat because they loved you, when you taste or smell the foods, you remember how it felt to be loved by grandma or whoever made them for you.

    My dad loved food too, so many of the special times with my dad were about food as well. Having breakfast together on a Sunday morning. Making milkshakes and of course Hot Dogs and Onion Rings after the park every Sunday.
  • Pearsquared
    Pearsquared Posts: 1,656 Member
    For my family, the automatic response to a compliment for a meal was "Have some more!" There was also a great concern from my mother: "Did you get enough to eat?" was a common question.

    Also, Friday is Taco Day and Saturday is Homemade Pizza Day. It's been that way for years and years. I don't live at home anymore, but I still come over for pizza. Fortunately, we eat make our own pies, so I lighten mine up.
  • xscat
    xscat Posts: 80 Member
    Everybody in my family used to force feed me. Grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, even my grandparents' neighbors... And for my parents, "no" was not an acceptable answer to food offers... My parents would take that as an offense as if I was rejecting them. And up until now my father still thinks the mere idea that I care about my weight is "shallow and beyond ridiculous". He is skinny and athletic himself so he just assumes I have "all the good genes", which unfortunately I don't.

    I was my grandparents' fav cuz I was the "eater" among the kids. At the age of 12 or 13 I could eat more than any adult male members in my family.

    And yes food is love.... Cooking is soothing. I'm still obsessed with food. I just don't eat as much anymore (now that I know portion control). It's like a relationship with TV, or even a person. It's not always the more the better :)
  • I had two opposite ends of the scale. My grandma who just loved to feed me as much, and anything, that I wanted and then my mother, who was controlling and would tell me that if I was fat boys would never like me.

    I think food can be used as punishment as well, my mother sent me to weight watchers when I was 9 for the first time. She used to force me to eat cornflakes with low fat strawberry yogurt for breakfast and to be honest, I hated both of those foods and she knew it. In her way she was trying to help me, but she really went the wrong way about it. She was a terrible role model for both food and health, I watched her yo-yo diet my whole life and whenever she put weight back on she would get so horribly depressed by the way she looked. I think she expected me to be ashamed and embarrassed by being fat, which I never ever was, not even now.
  • I was raised in the deep south where bacon grease accompanied every vegetable and a few extra pounds was never a big deal. Food was associated with happiness, social acceptance, and pure pleasure. Growing up, I never had a problem with weight, so this unhealthy way of eating and living never really struck a chord with me. It was later into my adult years, after having kids and educating myself about food and good nutrition, that I realized the way I grew up was not healthy. It was fun. It was flavorful. But far from healthy. Now that I'm in my late 30's, I realize it has taken me YEARS to break the bad eating habits. I look around, and within the last 10 years, I know more than a dozen people who are battling or they have lost their battle to some form of cancer. As I have educated myself on nutrition, I realize we ARE what we eat. And while genetics also plays a role in people getting cancer and chronic illnesses, our diet plays an even bigger one. There are some family traditions worth continuing, but unhealthy foods that feed emotional eating is not one of them. Food is not a reward system. It is a fuel system. I have learned to not only like, but enjoy the healthy foods that now take the place of the bad foods. I applaud anyone who recognizes these unhealthy habits and sets out to change them.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    no, food is just food for me... never had any feeders in my family...
  • xilka
    xilka Posts: 308 Member
    Yes, my grandmother loved to feed everyone too.
    She was very overweight and I became so too when I lived with her for two years in my teens.
    That was the first time I had to lose weight.

    Now, my 11yo son has found his passion in cooking and baking.
    He loves cooking for us and finds so much joy in making people happy with his food.
    We all gained a few pounds when he started his young chef career,
    but I'm teaching him about nutrition and he's starting to incorporate it in his cooking.
  • vanguardfitness
    vanguardfitness Posts: 720 Member
    My grandmother. Always making rice and beans every night with beef/pork/chicken. Really damn good (spanish food) and I gobbled it all up like a piggy.

    but I usually skipped breakfast half the time and mostly skipped lunch to hoard my lunch money for video games and condoms
  • My grandmother. Always making rice and beans every night with beef/pork/chicken. Really damn good (spanish food) and I gobbled it all up like a piggy.

    but I usually skipped breakfast half the time and mostly skipped lunch to hoard my lunch money for video games and condoms

    Hahahaha, my kind of guy!
  • crepes_
    crepes_ Posts: 583 Member
    My grandmother lived in a small village in Colombia, during a time when hunger was a definite possibility. Sharing food and giving food to the children was always her way of showing love. However, when she and my family came to the US and food was more plentiful, it became an anxiety/hoarding mindset. More food = more stability = more love. When I was a baby, she would feed me oatmeal in my sleep, which I think is beyond nuts and probably didn't set me up for weight-related success. We're currently dealing with her daily grocery shopping that consists entirely of sugar (peaches in heavy syrup, cakes, loaves of bread) for a house full of diabetics.

    I definitely adopted -some- of this mindset. I find cooking to be a form of expression. I think of feeding people as being an act of love. I'm caring enough about these people to create something specifically for them. I think of food as being a gateway to culture, as well. I feel like I can come close to exploring the globe by trying cuisine from each country. Now I'm learning how to properly portion this. I think food can still be love, even when losing weight. I think love shouldn't smother you, and food should make you feel good and healthy. Find a balance and continue to show love in the most delicious way! :wink: