Frustrated with nonMFP people!!!
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...is food really that big of a deal?!
Some people have no issues with food and eating as a group is an age old form of bonding and can be a great thing. So yes, to many it is a big deal.. Im in the same boat as you.. I need to lose weight and to reign myself in so I miss out on some of the outings/potlucks at work because I cant do it RIGHT NOW. I will when i have better control of myself and am at a more comfortable weight, in the meantime I wont begrudge or resent anyone else their enjoyment.
...and no offense.. but you sound kind of whiny..first they all tease you about eating healthy..then you think they might not be inviting you to help you..maybe they just dont like you?? sounds like YOU might be the problem, adjust your attitude and maybe they will.
'No offense' oh ok... I'm not a whiney person at all and it's been a year and it's just getting to me now so... thanks for insinuating my coworkers don't like me, I think they like me just fine thank you, I'm just trying to think of a way to express with them that it's ok for them to ask me. I think I'll take the CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISM and invite myself net time... no need to be a jerk! :huh:0 -
It wasn't until I changed the way I now eat to realize everything everyone does involves food.
My wife is pure Italian and I can't go over to her moms house!! She is now eating like me due to a heart attack and has a hard time with family get togethers. They always bug here into "just a bite if this".
lol0 -
That's the thing, I've never turned them down because they never asked since I started losing. They make the decision for me... I think they believe they are doing me a favour but it's ticking me off now.
Here's a thought OP, take some initiative and ASK THEM where they are going for lunch that day. ASK to go, SUGGEST a place that has choices you will be able to eat and they will like as well. Maybe they think you don't want to go anymore because of your new habits. I agree with another post that said you were whiny, you kinda have the Woe is me attitude with this! If you don't like being left behind, take some initiative and be the one to ask what the plans are. Nothing will change with your coworkers unless you do I!0 -
...I miss out on some of the outings/potlucks at work because I cant do it RIGHT NOW. I will when i have better control of myself...
See, there's another thing. Signalling "I can't control my eating" is like shining the Bat Signal over your head, only in a negative way that says "I'm not in charge of myself". That's not a...positive. Especially as it is coupled with an implicit rejection of your peers.
The best course of action here is to find the discipline to go AND to control yourself.
I choose not to.. RIGHT NOW.. Im bringing my own food to eat at work and enjoying it.. my co-workers are great and reject me in no ways..lol, I have no idea where your "Bat signal" and "rejection of my peers" idea come from. , I just choose to make my lunch and log it the night before as I get myself into a better physical place. I guess I haven't been through the same psychiatry classes as you have. I dont see where knowing your triggers and avoiding them while working on a better lifestyle is suddenly a negative. I call it taking charge of your life and changing habits no matter the method, whether it is just not going to the red velvet cake and ice-cream birthday celebration in the front office, or strutting in there and refusing the slice passed to me or even taking a bite and putting it aside. . But hey, you and I are different. Congrats on showing everyone how "stong" you are. I have demonstrated my strength by bringing my lunch and politely declining something that would not help me in any way right now.
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Invite them to lunch...
I have lost almost as much as you in the course of a year and it doesn't stop people from asking me because I ask them.
I have cake at birthdays...when we do go out I order what I want (ff and chicken fingers) with gravy...people see me eat all food as nothing is bad....
I haven't advertised I am counting calories they just see me getting smaller...no idea how (I actually think they believe I work out all the time)0 -
...is food really that big of a deal?!
Some people have no issues with food and eating as a group is an age old form of bonding and can be a great thing. So yes, to many it is a big deal.. Im in the same boat as you.. I need to lose weight and to reign myself in so I miss out on some of the outings/potlucks at work because I cant do it RIGHT NOW. I will when i have better control of myself and am at a more comfortable weight, in the meantime I wont begrudge or resent anyone else their enjoyment.
...and no offense.. but you sound kind of whiny..first they all tease you about eating healthy..then you think they might not be inviting you to help you..maybe they just dont like you?? sounds like YOU might be the problem, adjust your attitude and maybe they will.
'No offense' oh ok... I'm not a whiney person at all and it's been a year and it's just getting to me now so... thanks for insinuating my coworkers don't like me, I think they like me just fine thank you, I'm just trying to think of a way to express with them that it's ok for them to ask me. I think I'll take the CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISM and invite myself net time... no need to be a jerk! :huh:
You are right.. I deleted my last bit.. you just sounded "all over the map" sorry! You are frustrated and I apologize for reading it wrong.0 -
That's the thing, I've never turned them down because they never asked since I started losing. They make the decision for me... I think they believe they are doing me a favour but it's ticking me off now.
Here's a thought OP, take some initiative and ASK THEM where they are going for lunch that day. ASK to go, SUGGEST a place that has choices you will be able to eat and they will like as well. Maybe they think you don't want to go anymore because of your new habits. I agree with another post that said you were whiny, you kinda have the Woe is me attitude with this! If you don't like being left behind, take some initiative and be the one to ask what the plans are. Nothing will change with your coworkers unless you do I!
Have to agree take the initative... because maybe its not about the food! If were me id be WTF..and make them tell me to my face they dont want me around.0 -
Maybe they just aren't that into you.0
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I observe daily the communal eaters that have clearly bonded to form their own groups of which I'm not a part. Maybe it's my slightly introverted and independent nature but personally I'm not bothered in the least. I view these groups in the same way as do the smokers or after-work drinkers (never smoked and recently stopped drinking). I have more important issues to deal with in my life and when it comes to my diet I have no intention of being derailed by peer pressure (real or perceived).
Frankly because I understand their position and vice-versa I have no problems with these people. We still talk and sometimes I will still get asked to go to lunch with them but invariably politely decline. Many of them are pizza eating gym fanatics but rarely rib me on my eating habits. In fact, some of them have started eating similarly (porridge with blackberries, apple, and cinnamon is now very popular in the office).
The only negative since I started to approach my target weight is that I'm now sensing some co-workers think I need feeding up. Today being a typical example - chocolate bars, savoury snacks, mini-mars, coconut & chocolate biscuits, home-baked treats all either appearing on my desk or being offered. The home-made ones are of course the hardest to decline.0 -
Not sure who has a bigger case of insecurity here, or FOMO.0
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Ask them.0
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But hey, you and I are different.
That much we can agree on.0 -
So where I work EVERYONE is super skinny and eats and drinks non stop but few have kids and all work out like crazy! I have lost close to 60 pounds over the last year and have completely changed my mindset and plan to keep going, this is who I am now. I am told often how great I look by coworkers but the fact that I get teased all the time because no one wants to work with me because I never want to eat out or have treats is getting old. Lately people are choosing to work in our other office when they can and make a big day of it and eat all day long... the constant digs are annoying...is food really that big of a deal?!
What kind of work do you do where you can just eat all day long?0 -
Really disheartening to be told 'people aren't that into you' or I'm a whiner or maybe they just don't like me. I'm really glad I'm a strong person and know different. A lot of you should be ashamed of yourself. If I was lacking self esteem and confidence and was feeling really low about this, imagine who that would make you feel, what a bunch of bullies.If you don't have anything positive to say, why bother typing?! Is your life that unsatisfying? What if you found out you said this to someone and they internalized it so much they gave up and started eating everything and gained a bunch more weight? would you care? isn't the point of MFP to encourage and support one another?
I'm 36 years old, I don't really care who likes me and who doesn't. My post was to see if anyone else is feeling the same way and what they did to change it. My coworkers do in fact like me, they show me that in many ways. I just happen to have been told they prefer to work in another office because it is in a location with better restaurants and the receptionist there makes them yummy things to eat all day, it just sucks that I have to sit alone a lot because of it and it shocks me food is so important. It was more of a vent than anything.0 -
So where I work EVERYONE is super skinny and eats and drinks non stop but few have kids and all work out like crazy! I have lost close to 60 pounds over the last year and have completely changed my mindset and plan to keep going, this is who I am now. I am told often how great I look by coworkers but the fact that I get teased all the time because no one wants to work with me because I never want to eat out or have treats is getting old. Lately people are choosing to work in our other office when they can and make a big day of it and eat all day long... the constant digs are annoying...is food really that big of a deal?!
What kind of work do you do where you can just eat all day long?
Medical office... it's pretty slow...0 -
This is funny. Not funny cause this is happening to you, but funny that this type of stuff happens. It reminds me of the Friends episode where Jennifer Aniston (Rachel) starts smoking because all of her co-workers smoke, but as we know the office dynamics dont stop at lunch, on break etc. So she winds up missing out on all of the other work/bonding experience because she doesnt smoke. Heres a clip.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtBtvJWOqDM 0 -
just approach them and say "guize...lemme come to lunch with you"
you can even do it in a joking way to lighten it up a bit...
"i know i eat pretty healthy, but i DO eat, and i'd love to come to the restaurant brainstorms" (or something)
i like this approach
Me too!0 -
This is funny. Not funny cause this is happening to you, but funny that this type of stuff happens. It reminds me of the Friends episode where Jennifer Aniston (Rachel) starts smoking because all of her co-workers smoke, but as we know the office dynamics dont stop at lunch, on break etc. So she winds up missing out on all of the other work/bonding experience because she doesnt smoke. Heres a clip.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtBtvJWOqDM
It's completely like that! lol!0 -
That's the thing, I've never turned them down because they never asked since I started losing. They make the decision for me... I think they believe they are doing me a favour but it's ticking me off now.
That doesn't sound consistent with your earlier statement..."...no one wants to work with me because I never want to eat out..."
If you aren't turning them down because they aren't asking, how would they know you "never want to eat out"?
Seems to me they're getting a solid "don't ask me!" signal from you.
^ThisReally disheartening to be told 'people aren't that into you' or I'm a whiner or maybe they just don't like me. I'm really glad I'm a strong person and know different. A lot of you should be ashamed of yourself. If I was lacking self esteem and confidence and was feeling really low about this, imagine who that would make you feel, what a bunch of bullies.If you don't have anything positive to say, why bother typing?! Is your life that unsatisfying? What if you found out you said this to someone and they internalized it so much they gave up and started eating everything and gained a bunch more weight? would you care? isn't the point of MFP to encourage and support one another?
I'm 36 years old, I don't really care who likes me and who doesn't. My post was to see if anyone else is feeling the same way and what they did to change it. My coworkers do in fact like me, they show me that in many ways. I just happen to have been told they prefer to work in another office because it is in a location with better restaurants and the receptionist there makes them yummy things to eat all day, it just sucks that I have to sit alone a lot because of it and it shocks me food is so important. It was more of a vent than anything.
Wat? Maybe put on your big girl pants before asking for advice on a public forum. I didn't read anything that anyone should be ashamed of and none of the answers qualified as bullying. I thought whiny was kind of jumping to conclusions but after the above statement, it seems like nail meet head. You sound really whiny and very insecure. No one here knows why they're not inviting you, although your statement about not wanting to eat out sounds plausible. Maybe you should ask them. And maybe take note of when they do or don't talk about food. It's possible that your "discipline" seems to them more like unnecessary restriction and is a total buzz kill for them.0 -
Well said....is food really that big of a deal?!
Communal eating is a cornerstone of human culture. Always has been, probably always will be.0 -
What if you found out you said this to someone and they internalized it so much they gave up and started eating everything and gained a bunch more weight?
If they internalize it to the point of gaining back the weight they lost, that's their damn fault. Seriously, that's just weakness. Filter out the bull**** and carry on your merry way.0 -
It's also possible that you've said no enough times that they just don't bother to ask anymore. My husband is dealing with something similar at his new office. No one really teases him about his food choices, but a lot of his coworkers go out together for lunch. Not only is it about making new work place friends for him (since he's new), but socializing is also a career thing -- if he never socializes with anyone (over lunch and occasionally happy hour), no one will think of him when projects or career opportunities come up. Work environments can be quite complicated socially.
His solution is to expect to give in once and awhile so that he can avoid a reputation as "that guy". He plans to go out for lunch with the people on his team once a week. Other days he just tells them that he brought his lunch that day, or that he doesn't feel like Indian food (or whatever they're going for). And he always plans to go for any happy hour event when it involves coworkers from out of town that he would normally only see over the phone. He always takes the stairs down (he's on the 24th floor and can't quite make the entire climb up yet, but he's working on that too).
If it is coworkers bringing food to the office, think about bringing your own healthier options to share with people, as a sort of social peace offering to the group. You may still get the comments, but these are probably not given maliciously. If a gathering is around food, then the easiest small talk is around food. They probably only mean it as some light-hearted teasing. Try not to look at it as annoying, but maybe as some crazy form of endearment. You might become the office "health nut", but so what? Own it. As long as you aren't judgmental about the people who are living/eating differently from you, then it will just be a characteristic that your coworkers assign to you.
I know the self-control can be hard, but remember that you can be with them while they're stuffing themselves without partaking yourself. Just don't make a big deal out of it and no one else will either.
It sounds like your coworkers like you pretty well since they are still commenting on your changes and inviting you to some things. Maybe you are just taking it all more seriously or personally then you should because the weight loss is something very important to you.0 -
What if you found out you said this to someone and they internalized it so much they gave up and started eating everything and gained a bunch more weight?
If they internalize it to the point of gaining back the weight they lost, that's their damn fault. Seriously, that's just weakness. Filter out the bull**** and carry on your merry way.
Seriously. That person was probably going to JSF anyway.0 -
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I think more is coming out of this than I meant to. I only work with 3 people so it's not that big a deal. I was just wondering if anyone else was experiencing it as well. I think I'm just really shocked at how much food rules people's worlds. I think maybe I was like that before and seeing it now just drives me crazy! I don't for a minute think my coworkers don't like me so that's a moot point. I can also see that a lot of people are commenting before reading all of what I wrote.. I never say no and I have full control over my eating now so going out isn't a big deal at all, maybe I just need to prove that. I'm going to arrange something
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I'd definitely keep going out, just pick healthy options. The treats, well... yeah I'd have to say no but it would suck. I think I'd be happy they decided not to work with me anymore to avoid the temptation, lol!0
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I think more is coming out of this than I meant to. I only work with 3 people so it's not that big a deal.
3 exclamation marks told us otherwise.
you also capped EVERYONE when referring to 3 people.
happy to hear it's no big deal though! should be super simple to handle now. :flowerforyou:0 -
His solution is to expect to give in once and awhile so that he can avoid a reputation as "that guy". He plans to go out for lunch with the people on his team once a week. Other days he just tells them that he brought his lunch that day, or that he doesn't feel like Indian food (or whatever they're going for). And he always plans to go for any happy hour event when it involves coworkers from out of town that he would normally only see over the phone. He always takes the stairs down (he's on the 24th floor and can't quite make the entire climb up yet, but he's working on that too).
It sounds like your coworkers like you pretty well since they are still commenting on your changes and inviting you to some things. Maybe you are just taking it all more seriously or personally then you should because the weight loss is something very important to you.
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Sounds like good wisdom and advice0 -
I think I'm just really shocked at how much food rules people's worlds.
You do realize you're posting on a calorie-tracking site....?0 -
So you never eat out anymore. Restaurants always have healthy food and if they don't you can ask them do "special order"for you. Side dish does not much calorie as main dish. I hate to say this but you are obsessing with being healthy that it's damaging your social life.0
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