Anyone else in this situation?

jbella99

I have been seriously trying to lose weight for about 5 years now. I was down quite a bit and lost motivation when I met my boyfriend. We have been together for a year now and he loves junk food, fast food and generally anything unhealthy, He's not very supportive of my weight loss efforts and sometimes makes rude remarks about my body. Last weekend a light switch came on and I have some new found determination. I am looking for some advice on how to deal with living with someone who seems to think "joking" about my weight is funny. I know it's my own self confidence and determination that will change my weight but its so hard when I don't have that support at home.

tuckerrj

Is this the same guy that sat at a table with one of his buddies (and you) and commented on all the women's bodies as they walked by???

I'm thinking either counseling or the infamous "Just Break Up"!

jbella99

Is this the same guy that sat at a table with one of his buddies (and you) and commented on all the women's bodies as they walked by???

I'm thinking either counseling or the infamous "Just Break Up"!

Same guy. I have actually thought about counseling. I know there are people out there who find solace in pointing out other peoples flaws and perhaps I've landed in a relationship with one.

tuckerrj

Taking pride in pointing out others faults is a character flaw, that if not addressed, can doom your relationship. My wife and I have supported, encouraged and stood by each other for 33 years. There is no shortage of flaws (especially with me) that could be pointed out continuously. But what a miserable existence that would be. . .

JoRocka

using insult based humor is one thing- if you are both on the same page... but ultimately if it's something that deeply bothers you or you are struggling with- they should be supportive.

A year needs a serious talk about such things. You aren't so entrenched I would go to counselling- least to me... but worth a serious talk.

My BF has a nasty habit of being rude to his family and after one really awkward moment at their house- we sat in the car and I said NO MORE.

"If I knew you behaved that way before I met you I would have never dated you- that behavior is despicable and disgusting. I find it rude- and unattractive and I do not want to associate myself with someone like that."
<stutter but you don't know them you don't bla bla bla>
"I don't care. I am not asking you to like them- but you need to be civil and if you can not at least do that I'm going to be seriously re-evulating this because I don't have time for someone who is that rude and nasty for no reason."

And I was absolutely willing to leave- that's a huge character flaw and I'm not willing to stand by someone side who has no integrety or honor or respect or civility.

Time for a come to jesus talk me thinks.

jbella99

using insult based humor is one thing- if you are both on the same page... but ultimately if it's something that deeply bothers you or you are struggling with- they should be supportive.

A year needs a serious talk about such things. You aren't so entrenched I would go to counselling- least to me... but worth a serious talk.

My BF has a nasty habit of being rude to his family and after one really awkward moment at their house- we sat in the car and I said NO MORE.

"If I knew you behaved that way before I met you I would have never dated you- that behavior is despicable and disgusting. I find it rude- and unattractive and I do not want to associate myself with someone like that."
<stutter but you don't know them you don't bla bla bla>
"I don't care. I am not asking you to like them- but you need to be civil and if you can not at least do that I'm going to be seriously re-evulating this because I don't have time for someone who is that rude and nasty for no reason."

And I was absolutely willing to leave- that's a huge character flaw and I'm not willing to stand by someone side who has no integrety or honor or respect or civility.

Time for a come to jesus talk me thinks.

You are right. I spent too many years in my previous marriage being afraid to say what I felt. I said I would never do it again, yet here I am.

Jaxsonjess

My husband eats crap nonstop and does not have a clue about weight loss. He is always thinking one piece wont hurt. But he has NEVER said anything rude about my weight and I am 100 lbs heavier than he is...I met him at 195 and I am 267 now! NEVER ONCE has he said anything that we don't joke about together. This is serious. Not even the weight issue but the part of him treating you like crap. I agree you should have a talk and let him know this bothers you cause some people just don't think what they say can have an effect.

Unknown

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Cozmetick

If my boyfriend said anything negative about my weight or appearance...joke or not...

I'd pistol whip him.

I don't have a pistol but I would illegally purchase one just to do so...

Cozmetick

Done. Out. Dealbreaker.

He's an insecure jerk and doesn't deserve to be with you.

You want advice on how to deal with him? Leave him and be with someone better, yourself.

Yes.

yogioats

I have been seriously trying to lose weight for about 5 years now. I was down quite a bit and lost motivation when I met my boyfriend. We have been together for a year now and he loves junk food, fast food and generally anything unhealthy, He's not very supportive of my weight loss efforts and sometimes makes rude remarks about my body. Last weekend a light switch came on and I have some new found determination. I am looking for some advice on how to deal with living with someone who seems to think "joking" about my weight is funny. I know it's my own self confidence and determination that will change my weight but its so hard when I don't have that support at home.

Done. Out. Dealbreaker.

He's an insecure jerk and doesn't deserve to be with you.

You want advice on how to deal with him? Leave him and be with someone better, yourself.

+1

OP, you can try having an honest conversation about how his comments and behavior make you feel. See if he is willing to change his attitude. If not, he should go out the door. I dealt with a similar situation and for me the relationship was not worth fixing. Ultimately that decision is yours to make, but you deserve someone that supports you and appreciates you. Don't give a person the power to tear you down. They will continue to do so.

Cozmetick

Is this the same guy that sat at a table with one of his buddies (and you) and commented on all the women's bodies as they walked by???

I'm thinking either counseling or the infamous "Just Break Up"!

Same guy. I have actually thought about counseling. I know there are people out there who find solace in pointing out other peoples flaws and perhaps I've landed in a relationship with one.

DAFUHK
GIRL I'D MURDER HIM. GET RID!

lilRicki

Never! As much as I just *****ed about my fiance, he has NEVER said anything derogetory about my weight. He doesn't joke about stupid stuff like that. Once he said "when you were chubby" and I told him instantly that he can't tell me how fat I used to be because it still hurts my feelings, and he hasn't done it again. It doesn't sound like he has any respect for you, and that he thinks HE'S the one settling. Get out, you don't deserve crap like that. If you don't have respect for yourself, nobody will have respect for you.

SexKittenlovesitrough

[/quote]

You are right. I spent too many years in my previous marriage being afraid to say what I felt. I said I would never do it again, yet here I am.
[/quote]

there is your answer right there...

you said you would never do it again.

so stop. You have X number of days in this world. Do you want to spend them miserable wondering if there is something better out there?

or chasing better?

to me...for me....in MY life...being alone was the best thing I did for me....dumping MR negative and being by myself...

and then taking the time to learn to say "I need" not so that I could run or own the next relationship, but so that I could verbalise what I needed to feel safe and secure...

being able to say I Need...and having been patient enough to find someone to listen to that is the best thing I ever did.

bumblebreezy91

I have been seriously trying to lose weight for about 5 years now. I was down quite a bit and lost motivation when I met my boyfriend. We have been together for a year now and he loves junk food, fast food and generally anything unhealthy, He's not very supportive of my weight loss efforts and sometimes makes rude remarks about my body. Last weekend a light switch came on and I have some new found determination. I am looking for some advice on how to deal with living with someone who seems to think "joking" about my weight is funny. I know it's my own self confidence and determination that will change my weight but its so hard when I don't have that support at home.

Done. Out. Dealbreaker.

He's an insecure jerk and doesn't deserve to be with you.

You want advice on how to deal with him? Leave him and be with someone better, yourself.

This.

No way would I be with my fiancé if he decided to pull that. Negatively comment on my body and then turn around to admire other women's figures? Nope. You don't have to settle for that bull, OP.

Sarahndipity30

Drop him. Focus on you and eventually someone who values, respects and supports and encourages you will come around. After 8 years with someone..and many..many..MANY talks I finally got a clue. Doesn't matter how much you care about someone..you cant make them who they aren't. And you don't deserve that girlie!

sassyjae21

I recognized your picture and post from the other day about him making comments about other young girls and how they were dressed, etc.

Why do you let him put you down so much?

I said it before, and I will say it again. Get your self esteem in order. Have some respect for yourself. If he's hurting you, you need to speak up. If he continues to do it, you need to reconsider your options. Dealing with him doesn't have to be one of them.

I wish you the best of luck.:flowerforyou:

JoRocka

You are right. I spent too many years in my previous marriage being afraid to say what I felt. I said I would never do it again, yet here I am.

then there should be no question.

DON"T BE THAT GIRL. YOU CAN DO IT!!!

It's painful- but being adult isn't easy. no one said it would be. You'll feel much better afterwards!!!

deksgrl

I think you need to make some decisions about whether he is good for you. If he is acting like this now when you are dating, do you think things will ever change or get better if you were to be together long term? Also make sure you want to really lose weight for YOU not because of him or because you think he will treat you different if you lost weight. It seems obvious between this and the other topic that he doesn't have much respect for you, so work on your self respect.

cebreisch

All you can do is tell him. "Honey.....sooooo not helping."

Be prepared to let him know what he can do to help in a more productive way.

callyart

My partner also loves junk food and eating lots. My difference is he's never said a bad word about me, and loves me for who I am. When I told him 5 weeks ago I wanted to do this, he stuck by me 100%, but said he wouldn't change his eating habits. If I didn't have his motivation though, and he was mean/horrible to me, I would question why I was with him - no one should be treated that way in a relationship. But I would never make him change his diet for me either.

It sounds selfish, but you need to come first when it's something like this.

Since starting my healthy journey, I admit that I have been focusing on my self more than anyone else, giving myself more time to exercise/ relax, and focusing on my weight loss and over all health.

I don't feel guilty about doing this like I used to - and I can tell occasionally that my partner can realise I put his needs 2nd sometimes, but this has only helped our relationship bloom more so, time spent with him is much nicer when I am away from the house a bit more!

My advice is, don't listen to him, and go for it. If you're determined, no one is going to stop you. I cook 2 separate meals for half of the week (he eats what I eat too sometimes, but wont eat fish/salad etc so has fry up/pizza instead) and I have not let it get to me.

I hope this helps - if it makes sense lol!

arrseegee

I have been seriously trying to lose weight for about 5 years now. I was down quite a bit and lost motivation when I met my boyfriend. We have been together for a year now and he loves junk food, fast food and generally anything unhealthy, He's not very supportive of my weight loss efforts and sometimes makes rude remarks about my body. Last weekend a light switch came on and I have some new found determination. I am looking for some advice on how to deal with living with someone who seems to think "joking" about my weight is funny. I know it's my own self confidence and determination that will change my weight but its so hard when I don't have that support at home.

Done. Out. Dealbreaker.

He's an insecure jerk and doesn't deserve to be with you.

You want advice on how to deal with him? Leave him and be with someone better, yourself.

+1.

Having been in a relationship like this once upon a few times, then gaining a bit of wisdom in hindsight I can see the stark difference between them and my current (fantastic, supportive) partner. If this is the ONLY thing he's doing that makes you wonder what planet he comes from then hopefully a serious talk (or series of) can change his behaviour. If he knows damn well how it makes you feel and persists, then you need to decide whether it's really worth it.