The smaller I get, the worse I feel about my body
samn17
Posts: 3
So far, I've lost 80 lbs and have a goal to lose 20 more by the summer. That being said, I realise it's not just a numbers game and it will take a long time to build muscle and have the physique I want buuut I've noticed over the last year or so that as the number on the scale drops, I end up feeling worse and worse about myself.
I've finally reached the "average" size and body fat for a woman of my height so I am no longer technically overweight but every morning I get dressed, I'll put on something nice, hate the way it looks then change into something baggy and think, "I'm going to look like crap anyway, may as well be comfortable".
Am I alone in feeling like this? Will it ever get better?
I've finally reached the "average" size and body fat for a woman of my height so I am no longer technically overweight but every morning I get dressed, I'll put on something nice, hate the way it looks then change into something baggy and think, "I'm going to look like crap anyway, may as well be comfortable".
Am I alone in feeling like this? Will it ever get better?
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Replies
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First off -- congrats on the amazing weight loss! You should be really proud of yourself. And second, I've lost 55 pounds and when I look in the mirror, it's really hard for me to see the difference. You are not alone... you've drastically changed in appearance and maybe it will take some time to see you as how you really are. Maybe you should hang up a before and after shot somewhere you can see it daily to see how far you've come? :flowerforyou:0
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Wow; that's sad. I've lost 15 lbs and gained some tone and definition I haven't had in a long while. I was excited about the strength and balance I've gained, but I've noticed that when I see my naked self in the mirror, those new muscles and definition are kind of ugly. I'm hoping that once I get some sun on those arms and legs this summer, they might not be so icky-looking. Maybe you just need to find clothes that fit better for you. I learned a couple of things this year:
1. Turn your hangars backward in your closet. Whenever you put something on and don't like it, put it back in the closet backward. If you like it and end up wearing it, it goes back later on the hangar turned right-side. At the end of the season, discard any items left in your closet backward. You don't like them and there's a good reason for not letting them take up valuable real estate.
2. Never wear clothes that you don't feel good in. That means those baggy ones, too. Wear things that make you feel happy; for me that means feminine and even a little sexy. When I was bigger I liked ruffles - now I hate them because they're really just a mechanism for me to hide behind when I don't feel good about my body image.
3. Cut myself some slack. I'm not where I want to be yet, so I work with what I've got. If I don't like what I see in the mirror, but it's better than it was before the body overhaul began, then I'm in a better place and tell myself to keep up the good work and be patient.
Best of luck on your journey. Take a walk and you might feel better/happier. Winter sure does suck the happy out of us sometimes.0 -
Yeah, what she said.. I've had others notice my difference in appearance, but I have not, so I found an older picture of me, took a new one and sure enough side by side I saw the improvement!
Also keep in mind that you are now healthier than you were, that'll be true no matter what you wear!
Finally, the clothes you're putting on, are they your new size, or from a previous weight? It could be that the older clothes just don't look good because they don't fit like they should.
Be confident & happy with the new you!0 -
It can take awhile to adjust to the new you, especially if you were the kind of person who was constantly down on yourself at a higher weight or just never looked in the mirror or thought about it.
What kind of exercise are you getting? Do you include any strength training? Muscles can help keep everything where it is supposed to be.
Do you have loose skin? To some extent, that will tighten up with time.0 -
Congrats on your amazing loss! It's going to take your mind some time to catch up to that new slammin' bod you've got
Maybe you could go shopping for a couple of new awesome outfits? Get some new stuff that definitely fits your new body and hits all the right places. If you've got loose skin, grab some spanx for the time being. They'll help you feel good while your skin catches up.
Congrats! And don't beat yourself up. You've done an awesome job!0 -
Have you been lifting weights during your weight loss? If so, what are you doing (program, exercises, sets, reps etc)?0
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I definitely know how you feel.
My self-esteem was actually really good before I decided to lose weight. Since losing weight, it's become much more rocky.
I think, for me, one of the problems is being in a constant state of change for so long. At my largest, I knew my body's shape and how to make it look its best. But since I started losing weight, my body has been continuously changing and shrinking, and after more than a year, it's kind of a strange feeling. I'm also nowhere near finished (20 pounds to go plus working on body composition), so I have no idea when I'll reach my ultimate goal or what my body will look like when I get there. It's difficult to mentally keep up with dramatic physical adjustments, especially when they happen relatively quickly.
The other issue is that now that I've started on this road to self-improvement, I'm constantly looking for things to improve, which means I'm automatically more critical of myself. It's kind of a mind-freak sometimes. I just have to tell myself that although I'm not completely happy with how I look right now, I'm much happier with how I feel, and that's the most important thing.
My hope is that as I get closer to my goal, I'll become more accustomed to my new body, and I think I'll feel a lot better when I don't have to keep buying new clothes to fit me. I also occasionally look at similar bodies at mybodygallery.com to keep my perspective in check and make sure my expectations are realistic. 0 -
I've felt similarly at losing weight. I think my problem is part of the reason I wanted to lose weight was for health reasons. I was having trouble with my joints. However, another part was to feel more attractive, and losing weight doesn't really accomplish that goal. Attractiveness is built on self-esteem and losing weight doesn't magically improve self-esteem. It may be you had some non-weight related goals that you thought would accompany weight-loss and since you don't see those effects you feel bad.0
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Congratulations on your success!
The only contribution I have to make here is that when I have browsed the success story photos one thing becomes clear: losing weight by dieting and/pr cardio alone tends to give one a smaller version of the same body. The success stories that I have seen here wherein people have truly CHANGED the shape of their body all came from people who incorporated heavy lifting.
Maybe for your final 20 pounds, you can incorporate a heavy lifting program. There are many out there, online, DVDs, gyms, whatever it is you have access to.
Nonetheless, you should be proud of your accomplishment and dedication. You are already a winner!0 -
Sometimes i feel like that. I've noticed for me though its, directly tied into if i've worked out or not. If I have and given it all i've got, I'll end up thinking I look good in the clothes I picked out for the day. If i havent or half assed it, I end up feeling yucky and jiggly. I know its all mental because right now I'm trying to build muscle as I lose these last 24 lbs. I've already lost 50 and my biggest concern is someone will tell i look skinny instead of healthy and fit.0
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It takes time to get acclimated to the "new you." Do your best to keep positive. IT GETS BETTER, I PROMISE!!! I still struggle with the same problem and I am currently in maintenance mode.0
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I very much understand. My experience is similar to yours. I've lost a good amount of weight and would like to lose about 13 more lbs, but I am at a normal weight for my height. I've put on a good deal of muscle that is visible in my upper body but harder to see in my thighs and core (where most of my weight was) because of loose skin. I know I'd never be comfortable in a bikini unless I had surgery, and I've weighed the options of surgery and its just not worth the risk and the money to me, not to mention the recovery time and time off work I'd have to take and my kids, etc. And I tend to focus on the bad stuff vs. the good stuff - we all do that. Celebrate the fact that you have accomplished losing a GREAT deal of weight!
I would focus on what makes you feel good and always buy/wear clothes that you feel great in. I did a lot of shopping the first year out and wasn't picky enough -- I now know that it has to look great, make me feel great, and be comfortable to make it out of the dressing room. If something doesn't do that for you, get rid of it. Its better to wear the same five things over and over again if you feel great in them than to have a closet full of clothes that are so-so.0 -
It takes your mind time to catch up with your body. I have a coworker who's been losing weight a bit faster than me and we often compare notes. The biggest problem both of us face is when we have to go clothes shopping especially my coworker. She keeps going to the size she was wearing 60+ pounds ago and can't comprehend in her head that she's several sizes smaller than that.
I'd suggest (especially since you're going back to the "tried and true" baggy clothes) to go out of your comfort zone, at least once a week. Meaning, wear something that you don't like how it looks on you (because you still have the fat person you were in your mind and don't see the new slimmer person in the mirror) and if you cannot find a physical reason not to wear it (ie it's still too tight and will pop open on it's own accord, or some similar reason, so a very physical reason not to wear it) and wear that outfit, do not opt for the baggy outfit. I'd also suggest that you make it a day that you're going to get honest remarks from friends, coworkers or someone else you see regularly. This is so you can see yourself through their eyes until you retrain your own mind.
That suggestion will do two things, it'll slowly move you away from your baggy clothes and it should increase the wardrobe you're willing to wear because you received compliments making you want to wear it again (or it might decrease your wardrobe because even they say that it's too big, or doesn't fit right, although that doesn't happen as often).
Other option is to ask a good friend who's brutally honest with you to come over and give his/her honest opinion about how everything in your closet looks on you. Call it a closet cleaning, and give away everything that does not look good on you. But only do this with the opinion coming from someone else not yourself.0 -
Congratulations on the weight loss! It's something to celebrate.
As the others have said -- be kind to yourself on this. It takes a while for your mind to catch up with your body. I dropped 60 initially, and expected to have the physique I always wanted just because I had lost the weight. I had a similar problem to what you're going through with clothes and self image during that time.
It took me about three years, and a lot of self-reinforcement to realize and accept the following:
1. This is the body I have -- even when I don't feel like I'm looking my best, I should appreciate it and keep it healthy.
2. I will have to work for the tone and shape that I want.
3. I'm 60lbs lighter, I do not look the same as I did 3 years ago. I look and feel better, and will wear clothes to show off all the work I put in.
Hope this helps!0 -
I deal with this after losing 73 pounds and I also have close to 20 more to go. For me it is the getting dressed part, I admit I have purchased clothes all along the way (I work in a profession environment) and despite the cost I don't regret it, I would hate to have gotten used to seeing myself in baggy ill-fitting clothes. I am also a seamstress and I have taken up many items but it still fills like from Monday to the next Monday clothes don't fit the same way. Right now I am trying to hold off on buying much for the next 20 and I am also starting strength training soon so hopefully with some toning I will feel better about my body. I believe it will get better as time goes by it just when it's the other way around we are trying to hide and cover things but this way is totally different.
This may sound like a strange suggestion but it's something that I do :happy:
Go try on some nice, well-fitting clothes and take photos, having the photos act as motivation for me, even not buying the clothes you can at least really see how much better your body looks and it can help motivate you to keep going, it may help you accept the interim.
Also, If you have a friend that can sew, see if they are willing to alter some items for
you.
Last but not least - Congratulations on your weight loss!0 -
You don't have any pictures posted, so it's hard to tell, but it's possible your body shape has changed as you have lost weight. So perhaps the clothes you are accustomed to wearing and looked good for your previous body shape are no longer the most flattering for your new body shape. You could try some body type calculators with your new measurements and see if there are different styles and cuts of clothing that would be a more flattering option.0
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It took me a while to readjust my view of myself, even with smaller, better fitting clothes. Maybe 6 months to realize that I really am back to an average weight and a year to fully embrace it. You get accustomed to looking at yourself in a certain way AND you have trained everyone around you to be that way before you lost weight
Congratulations. Just note the changes will be less dramatic as you get closer to your goal AND when you reach your goal, your body may take another 6-10 months to adjust. Maintenance is an interesting experience in and of itself.0 -
Congratulations on your success!
The only contribution I have to make here is that when I have browsed the success story photos one thing becomes clear: losing weight by dieting and/pr cardio alone tends to give one a smaller version of the same body. The success stories that I have seen here wherein people have truly CHANGED the shape of their body all came from people who incorporated heavy lifting.
Maybe for your final 20 pounds, you can incorporate a heavy lifting program. There are many out there, online, DVDs, gyms, whatever it is you have access to.
Nonetheless, you should be proud of your accomplishment and dedication. You are already a winner!
What she said....0 -
You are experiencing the harsh reality that losing weight does not equal eternal happiness. We constantly think, "if I just lose x amount of pounds, I would be soooo happy!" It's just not true. I wish I had more helpful advice, but I can tell you you are not alone. Feel proud in your accomplishments, but don't let your weight or body image define you.0
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I have definitely been strength training, though only recently and not as much as I probably should as I do have a bit of a problem with excess skin (side question- Is surgery the only answer for this or will it eventually bounce back with continued strength training? I'm 25 if that makes a difference)
I have been doing kickboxing and jillian michaels videos (using 5lb weights) and was lucky enough to score a free gym membership for the last 3 months so I've been lifting a bit.
Since that free membership has just expired, I signed up with a new gym and have 3 personal training session to show me how to lift properly and show me techniques to condition my body.
I'm just feeling like no matter what I look like, I'll never be happy..
I'm going to post pictures in a few minutes.0 -
I'll put on something nice, hate the way it looks then change into something baggy and think, "I'm going to look like crap anyway, may as well be comfortable".
First congrats, thats a major accomplishment for your health! No matter what I hope youre proud of at least that!
Second, look inside, because that comment above is all that I could see.. You will look like crap anyways. No you wont. Crap doesnt take life by the balls and say 80 pounds?! Yeah I got this.
You are not your body, or your looks. Your body is simply a way to move through this world, THATS why its so great you lost the weight, you get to keep moving and living.. What matters is whats inside you.
How you treat people, no matter how they treat you. How you forgive people, how you show compassion, how hard you love, and how deeply you feel.. I have a feeling you do all of these things..
See the beauty in that when you look in the mirror.. That is the only true way to measure beauty in this life. You wanna walk around in sweats all day? So be it, you wont look like crap. Because the love you have within you.. it radiates out to others.. The smile you give them as you hold a door open thats what theyll notice..
By all means be comfy, but dont ever think you look like crap.. you look like pure love.. We all do in a way.. At least thats what I see.. I see lights, and i see dimming lights.. But I never see nothing at all.. i never see crap..
Keep your chin up.. 0 -
I'm just feeling like no matter what I look like, I'll never be happy..
I'm going to post pictures in a few minutes.
This. Try to disassociate happiness with a number on the scale. Reaching a goal weight doesn't automatically make you feel fulfillment. Try to find fulfillment in other areas of your life, and take your weight loss success as a catalyst to finding (or in some cases eliminating) those things. It's certainly not easy, because many of us have convinced ourselves that we are happy with everything around us/about ourselves other than our weight.0 -
Wow; that's sad. I've lost 15 lbs and gained some tone and definition I haven't had in a long while. I was excited about the strength and balance I've gained, but I've noticed that when I see my naked self in the mirror, those new muscles and definition are kind of ugly. I'm hoping that once I get some sun on those arms and legs this summer, they might not be so icky-looking. Maybe you just need to find clothes that fit better for you. I learned a couple of things this year:
1. Turn your hangars backward in your closet. Whenever you put something on and don't like it, put it back in the closet backward. If you like it and end up wearing it, it goes back later on the hangar turned right-side. At the end of the season, discard any items left in your closet backward. You don't like them and there's a good reason for not letting them take up valuable real estate.
2. Never wear clothes that you don't feel good in. That means those baggy ones, too. Wear things that make you feel happy; for me that means feminine and even a little sexy. When I was bigger I liked ruffles - now I hate them because they're really just a mechanism for me to hide behind when I don't feel good about my body image.
3. Cut myself some slack. I'm not where I want to be yet, so I work with what I've got. If I don't like what I see in the mirror, but it's better than it was before the body overhaul began, then I'm in a better place and tell myself to keep up the good work and be patient.
Best of luck on your journey. Take a walk and you might feel better/happier. Winter sure does suck the happy out of us sometimes.
I like your hangar idea... And OP I hope you purchased the dress your wearing because its very flattering and looks very nice on you.0 -
Sometimes i feel like that. I've noticed for me though its, directly tied into if i've worked out or not. If I have and given it all i've got, I'll end up thinking I look good in the clothes I picked out for the day. If i havent or half assed it, I end up feeling yucky and jiggly. I know its all mental because right now I'm trying to build muscle as I lose these last 24 lbs. I've already lost 50 and my biggest concern is someone will tell i look skinny instead of healthy and fit.
Elyse! I see you working out, and what you eat... you may not be the exact weight today that you'd like to be in the end, but I think your healthy and have great healthy habits right now, at the weight you are right now. I'm going to be one to tell you, how proud I am of you, and how healthy and fit you look...0 -
You look amazing. I looked at you before and after, you are beautiful. You should be proud of all the work you have done. Ditch the baggy clothing because you have an amazing hour glass figure in your profile picture. Show it off!0
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Exactly.. Skinny does not equal happiness. Be happy today. At the weight you are today. Knowone knows how many days they have left. And we don't want to spend our days feeling crappy about weight and the scale readings.You are experiencing the harsh reality that losing weight does not equal eternal happiness. We constantly think, "if I just lose x amount of pounds, I would be soooo happy!" It's just not true. I wish I had more helpful advice, but I can tell you you are not alone. Feel proud in your accomplishments, but don't let your weight or body image define you.0 -
Let me say first off, WOW. You have done a tremendous job towards your goals.
Secondly, you don't *need* to lose weight, it's about how you feel. Right now, as a man who dislikes the skeleton look, you are virtually the ideal body shape! I don't know about other guys, but that's how I feel. My girlfriend isn't a twig, and I love her that way.0 -
I've gone through my clothes closet twice now, several months apart. I try each piece on, and evaluate whether it flatters me or not. If it doesn't, I just let it go. Sometimes the answer is not quite so obvious, so I keep those pieces. But if it doesn't look good on you, and doesn't fit, I don't see a reason to hang on to it, personally. I don't keep clothes in multiple sizes (i.e., "in case I gain")--that's just a temptation to not stick with your goals. Good luck! Getting clothes right is not all that easy, I found.0
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You look absolutely beautiful in that dress. I wonder if you just need your mind to catch up with your body:flowerforyou:0
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you look HOT ! (tssss, ouch) sorry thinking out loud again.
strength training and proper diet will pull all those loose skin back.
patience is your friend.0
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