In A Funk

PhoenixWithoutAshes1

Okay, it hit on Sunday, after doing a bunch of hanydwork around the house. See, my Dad died a couple of weeks before Christmas, and I thought I was doing okay with it, but doing some minor carpentry work just drove home how much I miss having him around. He was always my go to guy for questions about such things as home repair, and boy did I have questions over the weekend. But Dad was not there to answer them. And really, it was more about him answering a quuestion than the question itself.

Anyhow, since then I have had to force myself to get on here, I really have not followed the plan, and Mr. Yeungling has been my friend at dinner every night. Life is so busy, when is there time to grieve? He died, we had the services, then it was Christmas then New Years and then it's back to work and somewhere in all of that was cleaning out his apartment and taking care of all the nuts and bolts stuff that comes with someone passing. There's no time for sitting shiva!

I'm not looking for sympathy, not looking for answers cuz it was my Dad and it's my loss and no one really knows how it feels for me except me, but maybe some suggestions on how to get back in the groove.

Anybody?

neandermagnon

you could see if there's a support group in your local area for people who have been through bereavements, especially at difficult times like Christmas.... a lot of people find this kind of thing helpful

sorry I can't offer more suggestions, I've not been through this myself but didn't just want to leave your post with no replies on it. Totally understandable that you'd be finding it hard to do anything right now!! Look after yourself.

kickivale

I'm so sorry for your loss, truly.

My husband's mother died a couple years ago on New Years Eve, followed a few months later by his father. Both passed young, and not quite peacefully.
The only advise I can give is from the other side.
Let yourself be open in grieving. The people who love you most want you to pick up the phone, meet you for coffee…maybe someone else who also loved your father (a sibling? A friend of his?) would like to have a beer with you, help you with some woodwork, just stand by you even if you don't feel like saying much.

If you don't have anyone god forbid, there are grief counseling meetings all over the country
http://www.griefshare.org

Hang in there, the ones we lose want us to go on and find joy :flowerforyou:

jjking54

Let yourself be open in grieving. The people who love you most want you to pick up the phone, meet you for coffee…maybe someone else who also loved your father (a sibling? A friend of his?) would like to have a beer with you, help you with some woodwork, just stand by you even if you don't feel like saying much.

Hang in there, the ones we lose want us to go on and find joy :flowerforyou:

Good stuff here, and likewise, I'm terribly sorry for your loss.

I went through something similar in 2009 ... lost my fiancée in an accident, two weeks before Christmas.

Yes, let yourself be open to grieving, and understand that it's ok to do so WHENEVER you need to. I was prone to crying jags at work when I finally went back to the office afterward.

And don't be ashamed or afraid to seek out the help of others, particularly family and friends nearby. They love you and want the best for you. It's not good to isolate, even though you feel you want to.

As for how to get back in the groove ... all I can say is, it'll come. For me, it took a month, maybe a little bit longer, and I realized I HAD to do something to distract myself. I started riding my bike indoors on a trainer. For me, the act of tiring myself out physically gave me a purpose, at least for that moment each day.

Eventually it became sort of a tribute to her. I knew she'd want me happy. And working out made me happy. So in the end I was doing something to honor her and benefiting myself at the same time.

Francl27

I've been there. Maybe try to find a better outlet to grieve (go for a walk? Start kickboxing?) than food and alcohol. But you have to grieve.

TheWorstHorse

Anyhow, since then I have had to force myself to get on here, I really have not followed the plan, and Mr. Yeungling has been my friend at dinner every night. Life is so busy, when is there time to grieve? He died, we had the services, then it was Christmas then New Years and then it's back to work and somewhere in all of that was cleaning out his apartment and taking care of all the nuts and bolts stuff that comes with someone passing. There's no time for sitting shiva!

I'm not looking for sympathy, not looking for answers cuz it was my Dad and it's my loss and no one really knows how it feels for me except me, but maybe some suggestions on how to get back in the groove.

I am sorry you lost your Dad. And you *are* grieving, whether or not it looks like what people tell you it is supposed to look like. I found that the first step to getting back in the groove was to take a step in the right direction every single day, no matter how I felt at any given moment, and not to worry too much what my "program" looked like. Some of those steps like reaching out to friends, finding a grief support group, or allowing yourself to sit down and have a good cry might not be "loggable" but every one of them matters.

It really is one day at a time, one thing at a time, right now.

CarlaRG

I've lost my dad and my son. I know about grief. I know that it's different for everyone and what worked for me may not work for you or anyone else. One of the things that helped me was to write letters in a manner that was just like speaking to them. I'd tell them about the important things as well as the mundane. I don't need to do it as much anymore, but sometimes it just helps to pull them out and re-read them. Also, you need someone in your life that will let you talk about your dad, good or bad, as much or as little as you want. A friend told me "cry when you have to, laugh when you can and don't feel guilty for either"

Hope this helps....love and hugs to you my friend

PhoenixWithoutAshes1

Thank you all for your input. I'm past the funk and looking at this more positively.

PhoenixWithoutAshes1

Thanks Carla! It was your post about the loss of your son that first got us connected on here, so I know you understand loss. A friend of mine from high school told me that the next time we get together I have to tell him a story about my Dad. I've been having fun going through stories in my head, remembering crazy things he did such as running new gas lines in the house and checking for leaks with a lit match instead of soapy water!