"Skinny" girl in the group

mschicagocubs

Hi everyone! I just wanted to share my story and see other people's opinions on it. Maybe if other people have similar situations.

At my heaviest, 170, I lost about 45 lbs on Weight Watchers/Exercising. I've kept the majority of it off, gained about 20 of it back over the course of 2/3 years. I am now trying to lose the weight I gained back. Not only that, just getting the excess flab off me and trying to build muscle so I don't have that "skinny fat" look.

My main circle of friends currently, are all heavier than me. Anywhere from 20lbs to 60lbs (guesstimates). We all decided to try and lose weight together. I go to the gym with a few of them. I try to encourage some of them because I have had success losing a good amount of weight and they haven't ever really succeeded or tried. I'm insecure with myself, which is something I am trying to work on, but recently a few of my friends feel offended by things I say.

One example, getting ready to go out one night, I didn't like an outfit that I was wearing (typical) and said something along the lines of "feeling fat in this." I was more thinking aloud than anything. So I changed. Another example, is my friend was talking about wanting to lose weight in her legs so I was encouraging and said some things that I found successful, but I added, "You have always had thicker legs, everyone's body's are different, so don't get discouraged if they don't look like a models."

Apparently those things bother my friends. They don't feel like I have the right to comment about being "fat" or not looking good in something because they see my weight as something they wish they had. Also, I feel like I am constantly getting rolled eyes when I suggest things that worked for me in the past as if I am "bragging" about my accomplishments.

Now I realize I should probably be more sensitive to the things I say because these are my friends, I don't want to make them feel worse about themselves. But I am also a woman who has insecurities and sometimes I speak them aloud. And I am also proud of where I have gotten over the years. So when I am offering advice, I am just trying to help.

Does anyone else feel like they can't contribute to weight loss groups because they aren't looked at as overweight? I am well aware of things that I need to change, like I said, but I also feel like I can't talk about my weight loss achievements because I am going to make them feel worse.

Thanks for the contributions

MinnieInMaine

I've been on both sides of this...

For 20+ years, I was the big girl and it sometimes bothered me to hear my slimmer friends complain about their cellulite or fat butt or teeny tiny muffin top (that to them seemed huge and gross). I felt like saying "if you're supposedly fat and wearing a size 4, what the hell does that make me at size 26?" But for the most part, I got that everyone has their insecurities and if you can't vent to your girlfriends about feeling fat, who can you vent to?

Now, although I'm still the bigger of my close friends, I'm the smaller girl in other groups (some co-workers for instance) and although I get a lot of positive feedback, there are certain people who I don't make comments to anymore because I know it bothers them. And I get it because I was there before.

My advice would be to try not to make these comments around the people you know are bothered by them. Just let them vent and maybe offer help, but don't give it unless asked.

mschicagocubs

Thanks for the input. I too have been on both sides, so I understand. But It's like it was my idea to do this support group and no one wants my support But like you said, I guess I just need to be more sensitive about certain things I say.

It's good to hear feedback from other people. Sometimes you need outside help!

VelveteenArabian

One example, getting ready to go out one night, I didn't like an outfit that I was wearing (typical) and said something along the lines of "feeling fat in this." I was more thinking aloud than anything. So I changed. Another example, is my friend was talking about wanting to lose weight in her legs so I was encouraging and said some things that I found successful, but I added, "You have always had thicker legs, everyone's body's are different, so don't get discouraged if they don't look like a models."

This came off as: Your legs were always kind of blah and will never be amazing so don't keep your hopes up.


You also can't spot reduce, so telling her she could was not good advice.

And yea... most people don't want to hear about someone skinnier than them complaining about their weight.

ME0172

Honestly sounds like they're self conscious about not losing the weight you've been able to do. Sure, be a little sensitive, but I'm of the opinion I can be honest with my friends and they can be honest with me. If I say, "This makes me feel fat" and my friend got offended, I'd be shocked. Friends should still support you with your success and your continued goals, even if you're the smallest in the group. It doesn't mean all of a sudden you have to be the one giving every else support and not being able to get any in return. I have a sister that's 60 pounds overweight and I lost 32 pounds last year. She hasn't lost any and keeps saying things about how she needs to start working out. But she also tells me every time she sees me how incredible I look! People that care about you will give you support no matter what. I will say, though, I wouldn't offer advice unless specifically solicited. My same sister has thick legs too and when she makes comments about them I just remind her how beautiful she is and how strong she is. No advice, just support. I guess this was a long way to say if they're offended it's their jealousy and maybe you need to talk to them about it. It isn't fair that they get to hurt your feelings just because you've lost weight. They should make you feel good about your progress not guilty.

train_01

Also keep in mind that you might be the "skinny" one but that doesn't always have to do with weight. I have a good friend who is larger (size 24) so being at a size 16 myself, I'm the "skinny" one. But come to find out that I actually weigh MORE than she does. We are the same height but I'm built stockier than she is. Shocker for both of us. If you want to support your friends, help them embrace the body they are born with while getting healthier. (I assume that was your intent with the legs comment to the one friend). Good luck!