Dating assistant prof?

liftsforchocolate

Soooo...

A friend informed me he thinks I'm cute (they are friends). Apparently he talks about me to her. I see him a couple times a week in class, he's more and more friendly now. I never noticed him before, until my friend told me this but I'm beginning to like him, noticing his "good" qualities, though we are really really different (music, politics, etc). At my school the t.a.'s ARE allowed to date students but he would have to tell my professor to grade my assignments.

If he is supposedly attracted to me, do you think he will ask me out eventually? If I'm alone we usually talk, but otherwise in a group he just picks on me. I've never really dated a t.a. before so have no idea what to do. I don't think I would ask him out, but I'm just curious. Just because someone likes/is attracted to someone else, what does that really mean? He just likes my physical appearance and me getting all my engineering work correctly during class but not really "me"? I never really talked to him when he graded my work, but I guess he "liked" me all that time.

also, he's helped me many times by pointing out incorrect answers before I turn them in. He also stops by if I'm sitting alone to talk, but I can't tell if he's just being friendly?

Sinisterly

You could ask him out?

liftsforchocolate

But what if he only likes me for my "looks", which I don't really understand because I talk in class a lot (to my friends) and am friends with the professor. But we're so different, its hard for me to understand why/how we would get along.

Not to mention he's white and I'm tan, green-eyed, dark haired, "ethnic" looking. We're just soooo different.

tlcarolinagirl

Opposites attract and all that. If you like him, don't play games and you shouldn't want him to play games with you. Games suck. If you like him, ask him out. The worst that can happen is he says no. Good luck!

wolverine66

when i met my wife. i liked her for her looks, and it made me want to get to know her. That's how it (usually) works. you may not be compatible, but if you could tell that before going out with someone, then no one would ever break up.

there are plenty of people who are different but get along (I don't know why but James Carville and Mary Matalin pop into my mind).

I don't know what skin tone has to do with anything.

or you can not do anything because you are so sure. it's up to you.

Slacker16

I've been a TA. There's always at least one cute girl in each class and it doesn't necessarily mean much.

The general consensus is that, if you're attracted to one of your students, then you wait until after the end of the semester to approach her. That way there is no appearance of impropriety, no pressure on the girl to respond and no awkwardness in the classroom if it doesn't work out.

I say wait and be friendly. If he's really interested, he'll make his move.

liftsforchocolate

One thing I don't like and noticed is he fiddles? (don't know the word) with anything on my desk. He'll be listening to someone else 's question on our table and will start playing with my (off) laptop or binder while he's standing right in front of me. I always thought this was weird/awkward.

But thanks guys, seems like I might be looking too much into atm. I will just continue to be my normal self (I HATE games) for now. I do truly think he is unlikely to make a "move" anytime soon especially because he's reallly close to the professor and it would also be extremely awkward if he did ask me out and it didn't/did work out, he would still have to see me and check our group work. My friend that is friends with him would know (she's in our group) as well as the professor. This could be either good or bad for him, idk. But it just shocks me he talked to her about me. Guys actually confess these things to girls lol? He didn't think she would tell me?

12 more weeks until the semester is over! We'll see what happens haha.

JefferyArnold

If you are in the class... To keep all parties involved safe and free of issues... I'd say wait until class is done.

concordancia

If he can't wait until the end of the semester to get to know you, he isn't worth it.

TAsunder

Which is it? TA or Assistant Professor? Assistant professor and TA are way different. A TA is usually a grad student. An assistant professor is usually someone with a PhD who was hired by the university on a tenure track job but has not yet achieved tenure.

I would say it's not ok for either to date a student while they are in class, but it is especially bad if it were actually an assistant professor (i.e. the professor in charge of a class). I would be wary of an assistant prof for sure.

threefancy

Wait until your class is over. If it is real, it will wait. Don't rock the boat and create a potentially uncomfortable situation in class.

concordancia

If he can't wait until the end of the semester to get to know you, he isn't worth it.

For the record, I don't mean that in a cheesy, prudish sense: he really isn't worth the drama.

liftsforchocolate

Hmm, I'm not so sure if ta or ap now. He is working on his phd, and gets paid for instruction though.

Yup, I agree with waiting. I myself will not do anything. I don't want to jeopardize my grades, make it awkward/uncomfortable, and especially ask him out if he doesn't even really like me. I don't know the details of what he said (don't want to ask her).

I think when someone tells me a particular person likes me, I start to see the good qualities in that person. I would have honestly never thought of him as someone I could date if my friend never told me. I think I'm just interested/excited in him being faculty and admitting he likes me. I've never been in this situation before, though I am aware of some negative consequences.

Slacker16

Hmm, I'm not so sure if ta or ap now. He is working on his phd, and gets paid for instruction though.

TA. Getting paid for instruction and working as a teaching assistant is part of a doctoral student's funding package.

By the way, 20$ says that he told your friend he likes you hoping that she would pass it on to you. Same thing with fiddling with stuff on your desk: he's trying to let you know he likes you without having to tell you and create an awkward situation.

I think your plan is solid.

An assistant professor is usually someone with a PhD who was hired by the university on a tenure track job but has not yet achieved tenure.

Off-topic, but assistant professors can be tenure track, visiting faculty, temporary faculty or postdoctoral fellows.

I never dated any of my students, but as a grad student I definitely would have (nearly did, in fact). As an assistant prof, I'd be hesitant. If I had a tenure-track position, I wouldn't. It's hard enough to find one...

Hauntinglyfit

But what if he only likes me for my "looks", which I don't really understand because I talk in class a lot (to my friends) and am friends with the professor. But we're so different, its hard for me to understand why/how we would get along.

Not to mention he's white and I'm tan, green-eyed, dark haired, "ethnic" looking. We're just soooo different.

lulz.

zyxst

Don't do it! Remember what happened with Buffy and Riley.

Iknewyouweretrouble

enjoy the flirting
flirt back
and wait for him to make a move (most likely he will)
find something on his desk to play with :op
happy valentines day!

Mr_Bad_Example

Does he keep trying to get you to read Guyton and Hall's textbook though? That's the real question.

mockchoc

Sorry but you remind me of the female engineer that I worked with. Drama queen +10000.

So what if someone fancies you.. you can ignore it all if you think it's not ok or brag about it all on here right?!

Fozzi43

Sorry but you remind me of the female engineer that I worked with. Drama queen +10000.

So what if someone fancies you.. you can ignore it all if you think it's not ok or brag about it all on here right?!

ROFLMFAO :bigsmile:

liftsforchocolate

Thanks to everyone with helpful responses, and glad I could get a personal pov from waster01 I think that could be it, I'm wondering now if he knows I know haha. It definitely is kind of different when he talks to me with the friend there. Tense is not the word, but maybe like he wants to say something but can't/doesn't.

Anyways again don't want to overanalyze, I'm not going really do anything. It's all him.

liftsforchocolate

For mockchoc, forgot to quote

Why would you even take the time to post that in here? Do you think anyone cares about your opinion, especially when it's not even revelent?

The point of the post was to get some povs from people who might have been in a similar situation or could offer help based off their experiences/knowledge. If I knew I didn't like him for sure, why would I post this thread? I'm unsure of what to do/expect.

Btw if anyone else is curious, would like to know what happens eventually, at the end of the semester (if anything) you can add me or I'll update the thread..

A couple of months ago, I met a really nice guy at the gym and was too scared to ask him out despite the fact that he was really friendly towards me also and often went out of his way to help me. (We were in the same college class also) but I asked on here what to do, and I ended up texting him at the end of the semester how I forgot to say bye to him bc I was in such a rush, and how his final went etc. To my surprise (I wasn't sure if he liked me or was just super friendly) he ended up asking me out and went on a hike date. Almost went on a second 'date' but I felt like we didn't really have romantic chemistry even though I thought he was cute, so we are still good friends to this day. Basically, it's bc of this site/community and the people that encouraged me to talk to him that I even got the 'date' (as well as many others). I'm way too chicken to decide for myself what to do sometimes, and I don't think asking for advice is 'bragging'.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but pretty sure the mfp'ers posting about advice want to help right? It's not like someone's forcing them to open this thread and type out a response.

pawnstarNate

next time you see him...try this. You'll know after if he really does like you.