Happy for Others but not for Me

Cookie_4

I can't seem to understand why I can't be a good friend to myself. Everyday, I try to give comforting words and support to others and enjoy celebrating other people's victories, yet when it comes to me, I don't know how to deal with my own positive changes other than sabotaging it.

My weigh in today went well and showed my hard work. Instead of celebrating and fueling my motivation to continue on my healthier road, I end up binging and I don't even know why! I have a loving and supporting family and boyfriend who love me the way I am yet I have a history of self-sabotage when it comes to weight loss (hence it taking me many years to try to lose the same 30 pounds).

I can't figure it out. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice? Can anyone relate? (Please no snide remarks, I'm feeling pretty fragile today).

gabbymom2

Just gotta love yourself....easier said than done. Maybe try giving yourself small rewards....pedi...or new jeans.

imjolly

Just gotta love yourself....easier said than done.

^^^ agreed. You have to realize that you are worth the praise for your hard work. Losing weight is hard work and if you lost a pound or 10 pounds it is a great feat. Embrace your accomplishments. I can't tell you how to do that, wish I could, but I can tell you that you matter and what you are doing for yourself matters.

Do you exercise? I feel so much better when I exercise and I feel like I accomplished something for me. Find something that makes you feel good about yourself.

Hang in there!! If you had a bad day today don't beat yourself up over it, we have all been there. Every day is a new day.

jtarmom

I do the same thing….I don't have any words of wisdom. Pick yourself up and do better tomorrow, I keep telling myself. Half of me thinks that its related to (in the past) using food as a reward. Not consciously, but still a self conscious sabotage.

Don't give up!!!!! You're doing fantastic, and one bad day does not undermine all the hard work you've done!!!

emd2570

After each loss I kind of just said to myself
"Good job" and one day I said outloud " wow I AM proud
Of myself " it might help keep u on track - try it

Cookie_4

Just gotta love yourself....easier said than done.

^^^ agreed. You have to realize that you are worth the praise for your hard work. Losing weight is hard work and if you lost a pound or 10 pounds it is a great feat. Embrace your accomplishments. I can't tell you how to do that, wish I could, but I can tell you that you matter and what you are doing for yourself matters.

Do you exercise? I feel so much better when I exercise and I feel like I accomplished something for me. Find something that makes you feel good about yourself.

Hang in there!! If you had a bad day today don't beat yourself up over it, we have all been there. Every day is a new day.

Thank you, everyone for your kind words. @imjolly, I recently started exercising again and it made me feel GREAT until I pulled my back muscle two weeks ago and have been useless since. I think that is part of why I binged today. I thought I was getting better yesterday, was over zealous and hurt my muscles again.

CPlempel1013

@cookie i am the same way! ever since that weigh in a week ago, i've been obsessed with the scale and it looks like i'm gaining! it may be muscle....idk why. i haven't binged really but i'm just sad about it...i see people who are "obsessed with results" and i am too...but i'm not getting any.

i've always had trouble loving myself. i never have, but i'm on my journey to try....

we support each other! it will all be ok in the end

just think, we will be sitting here same time next year with more weight lost thinking...wow...i never thought i could do it....but i did

goood luckkk!

DirtyCurvesAhead

I chalange you to, every morning for the next week tell yourself you are worth your praise. Look in the mirror and say out loud, I am worthy of my praise.

Next week say that and then find one thing to praise your self on.

It is like any habit., you must first do it intentionally and slowly you will find that you are dong it wih out thinking.

Cookie_4

Sigh... It's hard. I've accomplished a lot of good things in my life and can be proud of those things but when it comes to physical appearance, I've always been so hard on myself. When I was younger, I grew up w sisters who were all 5'2" and size 0-2 and I somehow grew to 5'8" and a size in the double digits. I spent most of my childhood hearing about how "big" I was with people asking me what the heck I ate or if I steal my sisters' food or if I was my parents' bodyguard (Asian adults can be pretty brutal).

You'd think that those words would encourage me to be skinnier, but instead I think I just embraced the "bigness" and let it be a part of who I am. Maybe that's why I can never break free from that self image. Wow... Some pretty deep stuff coming out

cebreisch

Guess what.....you're normal, and you're human!!! It's okay to be happy for other people until you can be happy for yourself. It will come. There are things that will happen along the way on your journey that you'll be able to say, "Hey, it wasn't like this before!" and be able to celebrate the victory then.

I remember in November when I had to make a trip to Florida and had to fly. I hadn't flown in years because of my weight, and the last time I flew, I had to use a seat-belt extender. In November (and even in January when I flew again), I didn't have to. I was able to walk thru the airport like it was nothing, and I actually fit in my own seat. My family had had no idea that I couldn't fly because of my weight prior to then....or that it was a big deal to walk through the airport without having to worry about "where can I find a place to sit."....it's all stuff they've taken for granted, because they're all obese. To me it was a huge NSV.

You'll find your NSV's in time and be able to enjoy them. Try to find joy in that you're making progress and taking steps in the right direction to make yourself healthier.

imjolly

Thank you, everyone for your kind words. @imjolly, I recently started exercising again and it made me feel GREAT until I pulled my back muscle two weeks ago and have been useless since. I think that is part of why I binged today. I thought I was getting better yesterday, was over zealous and hurt my muscles again.

Take it easy, maybe start by walking rather than something that is going to make your back worse. Good Luck!!

DirtyCurvesAhead

Sigh... It's hard. I've accomplished a lot of good things in my life and can be proud of those things but when it comes to physical appearance, I've always been so hard on myself. When I was younger, I grew up w sisters who were all 5'2" and size 0-2 and I somehow grew to 5'8" and a size in the double digits. I spent most of my childhood hearing about how "big" I was with people asking me what the heck I ate or if I steal my sisters' food or if I was my parents' bodyguard (Asian adults can be pretty brutal).

You'd think that those words would encourage me to be skinnier, but instead I think I just embraced the "bigness" and let it be a part of who I am. Maybe that's why I can never break free from that self image. Wow... Some pretty deep stuff coming out

I am 5'10 and my sister is 5'7". There were many times I wished to be other than what I was. I measured my self worth against the good I saw in others. It wasn't till I realized there is good and bad that comes with every difference that I began to see the good in me. Your sister, mother, or friends are not you. You are an individual,that yes has flaws, but you also have bits of perfection as well. Embrace your uniqueness, remember that you have beauty that radiates from you. Your friends see it and this is why they gravitate to you, just like you see their beauty and want to be around them. Opera your eyes to the beauty that is uniquely you!

Cookie_4

I am 5'10 and my sister is 5'7". There were many times I wished to be other than what I was. I measured my self worth against the good I saw in others. It wasn't till I realized there is good and bad that comes with every difference that I began to see the good in me. Your sister, mother, or friends are not you. You are an individual,that yes has flaws, but you also have bits of perfection as well. Embrace your uniqueness, remember that you have beauty that radiates from you. Your friends see it and this is why they gravitate to you, just like you see their beauty and want to be around them. Opera your eyes to the beauty that is uniquely you!

Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm going to try my hardest to take your advice. How did you come to your realization or how did you get to the point of changing your thinking?

If there's anyone else out there who has the same dilemma as me, I'd appreciate any advice on how you got over it.