scared of success???

Sinope82

Hi all,

I know this may seem like a really weird question but please stick with me

I've been on & off of a weight loss journey for several years now. I'm not bad at losing weight, will power isn't a problem im as stubborn as they come. I don't mind hard work and actually quite enjoy the feeling you get after a good work out.....However everytime i get near to what would be a healthy weight i seem to sabotage myself & end up putting 20 odd lb back on and having to start again and so the cycle continues.

Anyway im back to being good losing weight and training for my first half marathon and i REALLY do not want to do this anymore. This time i want to get fit lose the weight and most importantly keep it off so i've been thinking about why i keep stalling and then putting weight back on and something struck me.

I think i'm scared of actually getting to my goal. I've always been over weight, i cant imagine what it would be like to be a healthy weight and if i get there what would i do then??? I'm so used to identifying myself as the fat one in my group and i get such a buzz from doing well with my weight loss that im scared i wont know who i am anymore and i'll have nothing to aim for. Even more scary is the thought what if i still dont like myself at a healthy weight. If it wasnt being fat that made me hate myself what was it???

I know this is crazy but has anyone else ever felt like this? I'm so confused. For the 1st time in my life im actually more worried about not being overweight and what i'll do then than i am of being overweight. Why does acheiving the goal i've wanted so much for so long scare me.

nenshali

Hello Sarah!

First of all I want to tell you, that it's actually not that 'weird' or strange at all to think like that! I (personally) find it quite understandable.

See it this way: You always "knew" what was holding you back- your fat. You had something you could blame, you had something you could hate, you had something you could use as your excuse.

And now you're getting to the point where you have to question something you never questioned your whole life: Is is really the weight that has been the problem?

It's because you're getting closer to the point where you would actually overcome this point and you would have to realize, that it is NOT your fat, what is holding you back. You yourself are!
'being fat' itself isn't that horrible and it propably is neither the reason you hate yourself nor it is a reason for things you were denying yourself. And (just my personal assumption) I think this is the point where you have to go on.

It is not about losing weight. If it was until today, this is the moment where it changes. It is not about your weight.
This is about you. This is about why you are a lovely person full of worth, awesomeness and you deserve to be loved by others AND you deserve to love yourself. The last part is the important one.
You deserve to love yourself.

Your body is not an enemy you have to fight against.
Try to figure out what you are REALLY scared of. What are your real feelings? What do you feel for yourself (or against yourself), what can you change (if you want to), what is holding you back?
Treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated- in the very best way.

Good luck!

FromHereOnOut

I know where you're coming from. I think that sometimes fat/pudge is linked to a sense of security. I've pondered this in the past and it popped up into my mind again recently. I think the worse part of the feeling is the strong CONSCIOUS desire to have the goal body seems to get overruled by some SUB/UNCONSCIOUS feelings underneath--which, in a way, can feel like I'm not the one really in control. I don't have an answer to this, but I'm going to keep working hard. I hope we all get there. :flowerforyou:

liftsforchocolate

Hello Sarah!

First of all I want to tell you, that it's actually not that 'weird' or strange at all to think like that! I (personally) find it quite understandable.

See it this way: You always "knew" what was holding you back- your fat. You had something you could blame, you had something you could hate, you had something you could use as your excuse.

And now you're getting to the point where you have to question something you never questioned your whole life: Is is really the weight that has been the problem?

It's because you're getting closer to the point where you would actually overcome this point and you would have to realize, that it is NOT your fat, what is holding you back. You yourself are!
'being fat' itself isn't that horrible and it propably is neither the reason you hate yourself nor it is a reason for things you were denying yourself. And (just my personal assumption) I think this is the point where you have to go on.

It is not about losing weight. If it was until today, this is the moment where it changes. It is not about your weight.
This is about you. This is about why you are a lovely person full of worth, awesomeness and you deserve to be loved by others AND you deserve to love yourself. The last part is the important one.
You deserve to love yourself.

Your body is not an enemy you have to fight against.
Try to figure out what you are REALLY scared of. What are your real feelings? What do you feel for yourself (or against yourself), what can you change (if you want to), what is holding you back?
Treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated- in the very best way.

Good luck!

God, such an awesome/motivating response ^

Also, I do think I am the same way about losing weight near my goal. I just love the feeling of losing weight, the progress, the results/transformation that I feel like I know better but sometimes self-sabotage myself.

blainepoe

Great post Nenshali.

Sarah:

I can relate with you, but you'll have to decide if the reasons are similar. I have had similar feelings, and that is partly why I have tried and failed at this off and on over the last decade or so. I was always the fat kid and came to associate it with my identity. It made me a stronger person as I battled the adversity of childhood. Now I am a well adjusted and confident person despite my obesity. I have learned from my many weight loss failures and can see that I will reach my goal this time. Will I be the same person when I get there? How will it affect my social life? My marriage? This is uncharted territory for me. I've never not been fat. Not even as a little kid. It is fear of the unknown and giving up part of what defined who I am today. It scares me, but it won't stop me from finding out this time.

~Joe