Nutrition Help on behalf of boyfriend please!!!

lrdtrck

Hello,

I'm asking for some nutritional advice on behalf of my boyfriend who has some very unique (to say the least) eating habits. Long story short, he is extremely selective in what he eats, and he claims that it is based on the sole fact that he simply doesn't like a majority of foods. He gravitates towards food that is predominately carby (white pizza, soft pretzels, french fries, turkey burgers with nothing else on it, beef burgers on very rare occasions, pancakes, french toast, corn chips, plain crackers, and stuff like that). He drinks a lot of milk, soda, and sports drinks, and sugary "fruit" drinks. He also snacks on sugary candy like Twizzlers and things like that. The only vegetable I think I have ever seen him eat is baby carrots, and I could probably count the number of times I've seen that happen on one hand. As far as fruit goes, I think the only fruit he'd willingly eat is apples. Basically, the blander, the better, as far as he is concerned.

I've been dating him for roughly 2 years at this point, and besides his very strange eating habits, he's a wonderful boyfriend. He's very intelligent and kind and while I don't want to diminish these qualities in comparison to his dietary habits, it's not what this post is about. I have expressed concern at his eating habits in the past, and he has responded with nothing but calm denial at the unhealthiness of it. He is very aware of his individuality as a person, and is resistant to people wanting to change him, and I think he would be most hurt (for lack of a better word) that I, as his girlfriend, would try to change him as well, because it would make him question why exactly I like him, or if I really like him at all since (in his mind) his eating habits are part of what makes him him.

He is a bigger guy, in multiple ways. He's 6'2", and he is overweight at roughly 230 lbs, and this is obviously due to his poor eating habits in combination with the fact that he has a job focused around computer work, so he is basically immobile at work. He has apparently had these eating habits all his life, but as a younger person living at home he had a physically active job which apparently counteracted his eating habits since I have seen pictures of a younger him and he does appear to be very lanky and fit. Throughout college, he didn't work that job as often and was able to eat whatever he wanted whenever he wanted which lead him to gain weight throughout the four years, and now into his after-graduation life.

Basically, I'm asking for any educated advice for my boyfriend who I love very much. I am terrified that he'll fall into one of those statistics of unhealthy, overweight desk workers who suddenly fall victim to a heart attack or some other such tragedy. And the irony is that he is very adamant about doing fun, active things in his free time such as mud runs, rock climbing and other such outdoorsy things, and when we do that together he can never keep up with me, and I can see that he's disappointed in himself. He halfheartedly states now and then that he needs to get back in shape, and once in a while, he seems to go on stints that last a couple weeks where he'd run on the treadmill, but they're always short-lived, and I guess I just hope that he'll make a lasting decision one day, but I'm getting more and more concerned. I don't want to push him because I don't want him to become resentful of me. When I have asked him about the origin of his eating habits and expressed the fact that I'm simply perplexed at how limited it is, he would respond that he is equally puzzled that that he simply doesn't like a majority of food. He'd say that he can't eat spicy food and tomatoes, which I understand because I know that a lot of people can't stomach spicy food and some people can't eat tomato-based food because of the acidity level, but to be honest, that is the limit of my understanding.

So I guess I'm just looking for advice. Honestly, the longer I'm with him, the more scared I'm getting for him. I want to be with him for a long, long, time, and I want him to take care of himself. Has anyone had experiences with someone else who has such an extremely limited palette? Any advice or inputs would be GREATLY appreciated. Thanks in advance for your help!

lattarulol

Have you talked to him? Only he can change his eating habits and he has to want to. I suggest starting small...add in one veggie a day and then increase after a month or so. Do you do the cooking? Experiment with different ways to make things.

lrdtrck

Hi, thanks for answering. We don't live together quite yet, so more often than not he's on his own for what to eat, which is mainly processed foods or takeout. I have talked to him, but like I said in my post, he just sort of calmly denies the seriousness of it. I have been tempted to get more aggressive in expressing my thoughts on how unhealthy his eating is for him and his future, but I'm apprehensive.

fatbutgettingthinner

I wouldn't get aggresive - it's likely to make him deny the problem even more.

I'd hazard a guess that he knows it's unhealthy but possibly feels like its too big a challenge to manage to change. He's probably addicted to the sugar, and, let's face it, it's more interesting than cabbage. Try asking him to change 'one' thing - maybe replace a bag of sweets with some blueberries or something. Small steps etc.

lrdtrck

Thanks for the advice. I'm pretty sure you're right at least in part about how he'd think of the task of adding variety to his diet would be an enormous undertaking, and adding variety to his diet seems like a really good idea, but I can't stress enough how much he HATES most other foods other than the ones I listed. He'd say something like "If I'm out at a work lunch (or something like that) and I'm forced by social obligation to eat something I don't like, it feels like my stomach is shrinking..." or whatever. I guess I'm just baffled at how someone can have such a limited palette, but I'm trying really hard to understand it, mostly to no avail.

For instance, I don't like onions. The taste of them just turns me completely off, and I have no rational explanation for it. Everyone has a food they just don't like, period, and the thought of eating it makes them recoil. I'm just wondering if it's possible that my boyfriend just has that inexplicable hatred of so many foods, or if it's psychological and he just needs to be a functioning adult and make himself get over it for the greater good of an improved quality of life.

Ugh, I just get so frustrated sometimes.

lrdtrck

And I guess another question I'd like some advice on is when I feel brave enough to confront him on it again, how does everyone think I should go about it to actually get my point across in a way that's not accusatory or belittling, but in a way that might make him see things from my perspective? I know I'm not the first one to attempt a conversation like this with him; what can I do to make it different and leave a lasting impression?

Flab2Fab27

What advice are you looking for? How to trick him into eating his veggies like you would a child?

lrdtrck

Obviously not. Please be respectful. I think I've made my questions very clear.

Flab2Fab27

Sorry, I think I was mistaken. Just to clarify, you aren't looking for advice on how to change him or force him to eat food he doesn't want to eat?

And this is after you've already brought it up to him before?

If you want him to resent you, keep nagging him about it.

nomeejerome

He will make changes when he is ready to make changes.

jlahorn

Do not have this conversation again. It will not go well. He's (presumably) a grown man, and if you've already voiced your concerns once, then it's up to him to decide if and when he wants to change his habits.

If you're going to do anything, try to find an fun, active hobby that both of you can do together... hiking, ballroom dancing, kickball league, martial arts, or something.

lrdtrck

As I have clearly mentioned before, I'm not trying to "force" anything, and I never mentioned nagging. My intention is to talk to him out of care and love with a clear intention to avoid resentment.

Just to clarify to any new potential responders: has anyone had to have a potentially difficult conversation with a loved one about poor eating habits based on real concern of their well-being? I can't be the only one.

creativerick

Tell us more about you

jlahorn

has anyone had to have a potentially difficult conversation with a loved one about poor eating habits based on real concern of their well-being? I can't be the only one.

Many people have tried. 99.999% have failed to effect any lasting change on another person. Almost everyone on this board has probably had a friend or family member approach them about changing our eating habits and fitness levels.

We did not change until we were ready.

ETA: And those conversations? They made us feel really crappy, regardless of how well-meant and carefully phrased they were.

foreverslim1111

My husband has similar eating habits. He eats lots of cookies and sweets inbetween meals. Once in a while, he will eat veggies if I cook and serve him a meal that includes them. The difference is that he is slim and active. I figure its his body and his choice what he eats. And I don't try to make those decisions for him. He is quite healthy by the way inspite of the junk he eats. So, when I cook our meals which is about half the time, I always try to include a veggie or two and most of the time he eats it. If I were you I would just try to serve veggies and fruits if and when you cook for him and leave it at that. I think it would just backfire on you to confront him about it.

glassyo

New responder with no advice whatsoever on how to bring it up again (sorry!) but I just wanted to add that you might not have mentioned nagging but if you keep bringing it up, that's what it's going to look like.

This is really one of those things that has to be on him to change altho asking him to change just one thing at a time is an excellent idea. And if he doesn't or won't, I'm sorry to say it might take something drastic for him to eat healthier.

We've all had our "aha" moments and you might just have to wait for his.

lrdtrck

Thank you for the helpful input!

BeachGingerOnTheRocks

Tell us more about you

Seriously.

OP, don't micromanage the guy. You've gotten onto this health kick and that's great. You want others to join you, but you can't force anyone. If you try, he will end up resenting you for treating him like a 3 year old who won't eat his brussel sprouts.

If you want this "boyfriend" to eventually be "husband," back off.

Flab2Fab27

As I have clearly mentioned before, I'm not trying to "force" anything, and I never mentioned nagging. My intention is to talk to him out of care and love with a clear intention to avoid resentment.

Just to clarify to any new potential responders: has anyone had to have a potentially difficult conversation with a loved one about poor eating habits based on real concern of their well-being? I can't be the only one.

Of course your intention is to come off as being caring and loving but in reality, you'll come off as nagging. You've brought it up in the past, you said he doesn't like people trying to change him and you think it would bother him that you're trying to change him too.

You've already answered your own quest for advice.

Leave him alone, lead by silent example and when or IF he decides he'd like to stop eating so much delicious food, he will.

chezjuan

As many have said, he is going to have to decide to change for himself. I was that person for the longest time (although I have always enjoyed a varied diet and generally tend to make healthy choices, I would just eat too much of it...).

In my case, friends and family (and even my doctor) would mention it to me, and I would smile and nod and generally ignore their advice because I thought I had everything under control. It finally took my blood work and BP going wonky after being normal for years for me to actually get motivated to fix things. In my case, since I do generally eat a fairly balanced diet, it was actually eating at a deficit and incorporating exercise.

My advice to you would be to not push anything, and just try to involve him in your activities rather than bug him about nutrition. You can also try to introduce new foods that are similar to what he likes when you cook, but be prepared for him to not eat it.

rml_16

He's n adult. He's happy. Leave him alone.