Help - eating to forget and to escape

Ahrena

I have a recently developed binge eating problem

When I was a teenager I suffered from bulimia and anorexia but fully recovered.

4 months ago my long term partner/fiancée left me. I have been very depressed since, and am still struggling with losing him. I had a very traumatic childhood and he was the only person I could ever confide in - I've been in various forms of therapy over the years and find it very difficult to open up to them, and had a couple of bad experiences when I was younger so I really struggle with doing this kind of thing.

I lost a lot of weight in the first month after he left - 35 pounds (and I was at a 21 BMI to start with..so I became very underweight). This wasn't intentional, I was just too upset and distraught to eat, the minute I tried I just felt very sick.

Then the binging started. Which was fine in a way to begin with, I gained back the weight I lost which I was pleased with because I looked a mess. I'm now back to my normal weight but the binging isn't stopping. It's very much emotional, I'm generally fine until about 5pm and then the depression and pain just becomes unbearable and the only thing that makes it go away seems to be stuffing an 8 pack of snickers and packet of biscuits (and more besides) down my throat.

I eat a balanced and healthy diet alongside, I don't log my food or count calories so I can't open my diary, as I'm not interested in losing weigh, but I have a very good understanding of healthy eating after my ED recovery and I'm not restricting my intake to compensate for the binges, although I often don't have dinner because I'm too full and sick from the binge.

It happens almost daily. Since the end of November I've managed 3-4 days without at times but it's rare.

I've tried distracting myself but it doesn't really work, or if it does, after a while I think "Ooh I distracted myself from binging!" and then the urge is back. I don't carry money around with me but that doesn't stop me, I'll go home to get it or eat random stuff in the house, anything, to kill the pain. Also a lot of the stuff I do; any films I have, and all the hobbies I used to enjoy, are associated with him because we had many of the same interests and did everything/lived together for a long time. I've tried thinking of a new hobby but there isn't anything that appeals to me and I'm already very busy so trying to do extra things results in me getting more stressed and then wanting to binge more.

I've tried managing my pain in other ways; talking to people, blogging, drawing. I've tried going running - but I only go consistently first thing in the morning because I have an active job and lifestyle (I work with and also have my own horses) so I'm shattered in the evening and if I try to run then, I end up binging in order to avoid it!

I don't know what to do because afterwards I feel even worse. Yet I don't feel good even when I do manage to resist the urge because then nothing has numbed my pain. It's gotten to the point where it's so routine to binge in the evenings, I don't know what to do when I get in from work anymore because all I know is eating until I go to sleep or how I used to spend the evenings with him.

Please help, I'm desperate to stop this cycle but it doesn't seem as simple as just NOT doing it.

jwfuller78

Your issue seems like it is all psychological. I've dealt with various addictions... food, cigarettes, etc, so in lieu of you continuing to see a licensed therapist, here's my suggestions:

I view an addiction is a combination of chemical addiction and habit. Let me explain:

Do you suffer from anxiety? Do you make a lot of nervous body movements, can't sit still? Do you seem unable to calm and relax your mind? It is possibly because you don't understand the state of content. You know happiness and pleasure, but not content. Thus, you swing between anxiety and happiness/pleasure but you are unable to moderate your mood to a state of content. I used Yoga and meditation to learn content, and I use those techniques to calm my mind and coach up anxiety and coach down over-excitement. I also try to keep healthy people in my life, and learn from them.

If you answered yes to the above, then you probably have some addictions to substances that give you pleasure/euphoric feelings. Nicotine, fats, sugars, drugs, etc all trigger euphoric or calming responses because of how our brain responds to those chemicals. Over time, the brain, being the animal instict driver that it is, will begin triggering cravings for those items.

At the same time, you have a habit of calming yourself by reaching for those substances. So not only is your brain craving those items, but you are cognitively craving them as well because they are your source of cognitive contentment. The cognitive part of our brain is rooted within society and social behaviors. So, if your environment is driving you to have social anxiety or otherwise and you are unable to resolve it, then you are going to reach for calming substances.

That makes fighting your addiction a complex, two-pronged approach. At least in my experience

So, my suggestion is that first you continue therapy in order to help root and resolve your feelings and memories. This is vital and you won't find that on the internet, typically you have to pay someone to listen to everything you have going on in your head and to get help resolving that

Second, begin using My Fitness Pal to help regulate your fat and sugar intake. Don't focus too much on calories yet, just focus on reducing over-consumption of carbs (the poor carbs, such as refined sugars) and fats. Try to get your carbs from vegetables and other natural sources.

At the same time, I recommend you begin practicing meditation and yoga. If you can't afford yoga, then try watching some internet videos and then start using the free My Daily Yoga app. The goal is to learn to self-regulate your moods through relaxing techniques, and using meditation to calm your brain and eliminate anxiety-triggering thoughts. Most thoughts that give you anxiety or depression aren't true, but you believe them so they drag your brain into pathways that don't exist except in your head. Unless you are chained to a wall or getting abused, your life isn't as bad as your head will sometimes think it is.

Lastly, try to get out more and exercise with others. Surround yourself with positive feelings. Yoga is good enough for exercise in the beginning, so if you can find a yoga group (try www.meetup.com) that meets in a park or something.

Hope this helps

lizzyclatworthy

I was just sitting here reading this thinking Yoga.
I am in no way qualified to help you properly but I loved yoga for calming the mind.
Also stupid comment I am sure but are you crying? I have been known to eat to stop the pain when actually all I needed was a good sobbing session. I am a big fan of crying, people will always say 'there there, don't cry' which is crap.. let it out!
I don't have much but I hope things improve for you xxx

David_AUS

Hi Ahrena, I encourage you to continue to look for help and support. Now this is just a layman's opinion but if I can get you to consider this and I may get flamed for this. You are an ingenious individual you mind and body work to achieve what you hold as your highest values in life. Your eating patterns support an underlying need and you are making yourself dependant on your eating habits to support this need. I encourage you to take the time to understand what is most important to you in life now you need to be honest not what is important for how you think you should be or would like to be even to be but your real values. This might take some time to get clear, but that is ok. You can then start challenging these values and see where you eating habits are supporting you by giving instant gratification. You are an incredible person and have strength beyond what you realise keep looking, get moving just waking for now and start to bring your awareness to the amazing things around you and in your life. They are there have always been there but have been veiled to you.

Ahrena

Thank you very much.

I will definitely do some yoga, good idea actually, I've done it occasionally in the past and do find it very relaxing! I get the best night's sleep ever afterwards.

I am definitely an anxious person, and find it difficult to relax. My life is go-go-go-go all the time with a full time job and 4 horses to care for (and 2 of them to ride) each end of the day so generally on the go 5am-6pm often without a break. So by the time my day off arrives I'm gagging to stop and do nothing, but then after an hour of "chilling" time, I get frustrated and bored! So I never really relax because I then wind myself up being frustrated/bored.

That's also another trigger for the binges I think, because then when I get home I still need to try and stay on top of housework ect, and obviously if I choose to sit and eat a mountain of food and 'zone' out', I don't have to do housework.

I try and avoid processed sugar when I'm not binging. I mean obviously I have "treats" occasionally, but I find sugar very triggering. Even before this, when I was recovered from my teenage EDs, I could never have just 1 bar of chocolate, if I bought it it would be a 200g bar or 2 kingsize bars or a sharing bag, and would eat it all. Never really bothered me as I have a very active lifestyle and it was only a small part of my diet, but these days it brings on a raging binge.

Thank you so much for the kind and helpful responses, I was a little concerned I'd just get told to not do it, but despite being generally a very determined person...that's just not working!