Handling food restrictions as a +1

chunkybun

My allergist suggested eliminating dairy from my diet in order to alleviate some sinus issues I've been having.

It's unclear whether it's the dairy which is causing the issues, but it is known to induce mucus production which definitely doesn't help. I've just cut it out as a trial to see if my symptoms improve. It's only been a week, and there has been some accidental dairy in my diet (forgot the smokies in the freezer were jalapeno cheddar flavored, and my husband put whey isolate in my breakfast smoothie). So far, there has been no change in my symptoms.

We've been invited to my husband's co-workers place for dinner on Sunday night. If it were a friend of mine, I'd have no issue just asking what's on the menu and deciding from there whether to go or not. The problem is, I'm just there as a guest of my husband and he feels uncomfortable asking.

When we've been to this couple's place before, they have served either pizza or lasagna.

What should I do?
1-Should I ask my husband to decline the invite, even though he wants to go, and won't go alone?
2-Should I bring along my own salad in a small dish, and bring it out, explaining my issue at the table?
3-Should I eat beforehand, and just take a small portion of what they are serving? It's not like it's a deadly allergy or anything.

Please offer your suggestions.

Thanks!

LexiMelo

I personally would call the wife and say, "Thank you for inviting us to dinner Sunday I am really excited. It is really embarrassing, but I'm lactose intolerant. I hate to be a trouble - but is there anything I can bring?"

If the person cannot understand that you have a food allergy, then skip going. I wouldn't waste my time on people that would have disregard to my physical well being. If it's your husband's boss, and you still feel uncomfortable asking, then I would eat something beforehand and bring a salad as a thoughtful addition to the dinner.

HappyNewTamera2014

Wow there are more issues in your post than I think you realize. First of all do not read this if you are easily offended (I am just going by the minimal amount of info you have provided).

Your husband needs to either 1.stop accepting dinner plans away from home if he is not willing to ask what is going to be served. 2.Be a little more supportive that is very cowardly of him. 3. Apologize to his wonderful wife that is striving to be healthier.

I would not bring my own food that is just awkward, if you showed up at my house for dinner and you brought your own food I would ask many questions as to why. Most ppl will just be silently offended and then talk about you once you leave.

You could opt to eat pre dinner but TBH I do not know why you would even consider altering your whole schedule or day when you are the only one who is being considerate in this whole fiasco. What if it was an allergy that could kill you?

If people cannot or do not understand and support you in your choices you need not surround yourself by them. If my domestic partner ever....well never mind he would never do this he knows better. We have clear boundaries and respects them. Good luck I hope it works out for the best. Be selfish for you...

chunkybun

Wow there are more issues in your post than I think you realize. First of all do not read this if you are easily offended (I am just going by the minimal amount of info you have provided).

Your husband needs to either 1.stop accepting dinner plans away from home if he is not willing to ask what is going to be served. 2.Be a little more supportive that is very cowardly of him. 3. Apologize to his wonderful wife that is striving to be healthier.

I would not bring my own food that is just awkward, if you showed up at my house for dinner and you brought your own food I would ask many questions as to why. Most ppl will just be silently offended and then talk about you once you leave.

You could opt to eat pre dinner but TBH I do not know why you would even consider altering your whole schedule or day when you are the only one who is being considerate in this whole fiasco. What if it was an allergy that could kill you?

If people cannot or do not understand and support you in your choices you need not surround yourself by them. If my domestic partner ever....well never mind he would never do this he knows better. We have clear boundaries and respects them. Good luck I hope it works out for the best. Be selfish for you...

While I appreciate what you are saying here, I don't agree.

Here's a basic rundown of the conversation we had:
H: "we were invited to so and so's place for dinner on Sunday"
M: "Ok. Do you want to go? We already have X planned"
H: "We could cut X short, so we can still make it."
M: "Yeah, we could do that. Did he mention what they're having for dinner"
H: "No, Why?"
M: "My whole dairy issue. Do you think you could find out?"
H: "I don't know, that's kind of an awkward question to ask another guy. Won't it be seen as kind of rude?"
M: "Yeah, I guess that might be kind of awkward for you."

It was just a very casual conversation. If I told him it was important to me, I know he would do it. As I said, this is not a life threatening allergy. It is just something I'm trying out to see if it makes my life more comfortable.

It's fairly new to us, so I don't think either of us really know the correct way to handle it, so I put the question out there.

My husband definitely supports my desire to be healthier, and if I stress something is important to me, he'll make it important to him.

ddslowly

first, if it's only been a week and you haven't actually cut out dairy, of course there will be no change in symptoms. you need to pay closer attention to what you eat to make sure you're following doctor's orders.
second, if your husband makes food for you, you really need to remind him that no dairy means no dairy and remind him about odd sources. i happen to be allergic to eggs and, holy cats, did it take me and everybody else a while to remember that mayo is eggy.
anyway, whenever my husband gets a dinner invitation that includes me, it's his responsibility to let the potential host know about my dietary restrictions. i would have your husband call the co-worker and inform him/her that you can't have any dairy - doctor's orders. they can then decide whether or not they're comfortable preparing food for you. if they aren't, there's always going out for dinner, having drinks or coffee, watching a movie or whatever instead. you can offer to bring a dish to share that you know will be safe but you shouldn;t bring your own food unless you know the hosts really well and they know why you're doing it.
personally, i would not eat something my doctor recommends against no matter what but it's your health.

chunkybun

Thank you. I think the right call is to get in touch with them and let them know, and offer to bring something to add to the meal for everyone.

My husband didn't realise that whey protein was a dairy product, so that's why I referred to it as "accidental". It's really not easy to eliminate a whole food group, especially one that is in so many unassuming places, and in some cases forgotten. (The smokies I had were from the butcher, so the ingredients are not on the package.)