NOW you like me???

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Replies

  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
    bump
  • Derp_Diggler
    Derp_Diggler Posts: 1,456 Member
    I think people are missing her point. I get that most people only give a crap about you if they are attractive to you. Its life. She gets that too. Its only disheartening when its someone you've known for ever that's just now noticing you. Most of you are arguing that maybe he liked her personality stayed away because she wasn't hot. Then why would she want him if she knows that's the kind of person he is.

    I'm grateful to have found someone who loves me for me. He loves me at my worst and at my best. And that's what she deserves.

    @salembambi "Back up off my biscuit" is hilarious. I'll have to borrow that one day.

    What kind of person is that? The kind that has no control over what they are physically attracted to? That describes all of us.


    And not being physically attracted to someone =/= to not giving a crap about someone.

    To be fair though I think given the OP's state of mind regarding this individual, any relationship with this person would be doomed from the start, which I totally understand.

    But in his defence, you are pretty hot Jersey :love:
  • PghPensFan69
    PghPensFan69 Posts: 2,393 Member
    I am not totally against dating outside your food group, but I think in your case you should stick with a guy within the fruit group.
  • heydanno
    heydanno Posts: 16
    well it's easy to go after people who suddenly like you after you lose weight but i would take it as a total compliment, i don't know if it would ever get old but i feel like i would never get tired of people saying nice things. if we get upset with people who like us after we lose the weight, we should ask ourselves why we're doing it? i think a lot of the reason we lose the weight in the first place is that we know people will like us more and in turn we'll feel better about ourselves. so we kind of already know in advance that yes we're trying to lose weight and why. they might like us more with the weight gone but that's also the reason so many people are doing it in the first place. can't get mad at one without realizing the other.
  • Phaedra2014
    Phaedra2014 Posts: 1,254 Member
    So, my sister and I were having a conversation the other day...

    I was joking with her about how my brother's childhood best friend has been coming on to me lately via FB. He's suddenly telling me how beautiful I am...how amazing I am...yadda yadda yadda...

    My sister was OUTRAGED for me. "NOW he likes you?? He's known you since you were 10 years old and NOW he likes you??? You're the same exact person that you've always been, but suddenly NOW that you've lost weight he likes you NOW?!"

    I understood exactly what she was saying. Honestly, I've seen this a disturbing amount since I've lost all my weight.

    Getting hit on by people you've never met = Nice compliment.

    Getting hit on by people who've always known you but never seemed interested before = "Oh yeah, you must REALLY like me for who I am on the inside. (Rhymes with) Sucker."

    I understood her outrage because it hit me the same way months ago when it first started happening. Now, it's a little annoying, but I get a little amusement out of shooting those guys down.

    Has anyone else run into this? Do you feel the same way?

    Live in the now. Right now this person finds you attractive for who you are. You can either enjoy it or walk away from it. But to overanalyze the past and get all emotional and angry (like your sister) is of ZERO use.

    Choose to make this opportunity a very cool one if you wish. If not, smile, wish him well, and walk on by.
  • sentaruu
    sentaruu Posts: 2,206 Member
    thinking about it, TBH your sister kind of sounds jealous. probably why she's making a big deal of it.
  • DebbieLyn63
    DebbieLyn63 Posts: 2,654 Member
    thinking about it, TBH your sister kind of sounds jealous. probably why she's making a big deal of it.

    Yep, that is my take as well. You didn't seem to be offended by it until your sister told you that you SHOULD be. She just rained on your parade. I have a sister like that as well.

    Plus, high school is a completely different world. Status holds a higher place than personality or even looks to some extent. I knew plenty of thin, pretty girls in HS that didn't get the guys hitting on them simply because they weren't cheerleaders or hanging with the A class. Then once HS is over, BOOM, all the guys come sniffin around.

    And in your case- the whole brother's best friend thing has a lot to do with it.

    BTW, I actually got way more attention from guys after HS, when I weighed 10-15 lbs more, and thought I was fat! lol.

    Don't sweat it too much. And quit listening to your sister!
  • moya_rargh
    moya_rargh Posts: 1,473 Member
    I used to be skinny when I was young. Really dweeby looking. I'm only 5ft 8 too. I was ignored and friend zoned for years. It was only after I started hitting the gym that people started noticing me. The same thing happened in 2007 when I lost weight and got in shape. People notice people more in 'that' way when they look after themselves, one of life's harsher realities. I could have resented them for not wanting me when I looked at my worst, but that's just how life is. I chose to enjoy the attention for what it was.

    Now I'm back in shape again......but this time nobody notices me because I'm old! Make the most while you can! :smile:
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,785 Member
    Ask him why now. Ask him why all of sudden he finds you attractive. Remind him to be truthful with his answer and remind him you were once fat and that at some point in your future the weight may return and how would he feel if it did. We do tend to gain as we get older and not all of it from overeating. You have babies, you get less active, life happens and you forget about you because others are your priority.
  • heydanno
    heydanno Posts: 16
    very true moya!
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,585 Member
    Some houses on the market are move-in ready, and some need work.

    When I see significant excess fat I see issues that need work.

    Plus, honestly, obese is not attractive.

    fat cannot hide a beautiful face no matter what ..person is still beautiful..they are just also fat just like some people are always going to be ugly..no matter how much weight is lost.

    you may not be attracted to *obese* bodies but you cannot speak for everyone, in fact there are lots of people who are only attracted to bigger obese people
  • sentaruu
    sentaruu Posts: 2,206 Member
    Ask him why now. Ask him why all of sudden he finds you attractive. Remind him to be truthful with his answer and remind him you were once fat and that at some point in your future the weight may return and how would he feel if it did. We do tend to gain as we get older and not all of it from overeating. You have babies, you get less active, life happens and you forget about you because others are your priority.

    lol, he's showing interest in the lady, not asking her to marry him.
  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
    I look SO different. Like unrecognizably different. I wouldn't have dated me when I was heavy. And superficial or not, physical attraction is very important in a relationship. It's not just the inside I look for in a person, it's the whole package.

    Right now, there's no way I could date an obese person. I simply would not have any attraction to them.
  • Blue801
    Blue801 Posts: 442
    Some houses on the market are move-in ready, and some need work.

    When I see significant excess fat I see issues that need work.

    Plus, honestly, obese is not attractive.

    fat cannot hide a beautiful face no matter what ..person is still beautiful..they are just also fat just like some people are always going to be ugly..no matter how much weight is lost.

    you may not be attracted to *obese* bodies but you cannot speak for everyone, in fact there are lots of people who are only attracted to bigger obese people

    Yes. I was definitely generalizing when I said "obese is not attractive". There are people out there with all sorts of odd fetishes. Nevertheless, being obese in western culture still suggests "issues". While everyone has some sort of issues, if someone is obese it is highly visible and can be easier to avoid getting involved with.
  • _JPunky
    _JPunky Posts: 508 Member
    Oh, good God.

    I'm not actually ANGRY that this person is showing interest (although, yes, my sister was pretty irate). I found it interesting because 6 months ago, I probably WOULD have been angry...I've become *slightly* more comfortable with my new body, though, and more in tune with what I now want...so I understand not wanting to be with someone who is less active than me.

    My original point about why my sister found it so offensive (and why I probably would have in the past) is that this happens when it's NOT someone who hasn't seen you in years and they try to pretend that it's not about physical attraction.

    Oh....and I never had any intention of dating this person. He's my brother's best friend. My brother would kill him. And then my brother would kill me. And I'm too pretty to die. :laugh:

    And, honestly, (as funny as this is considering the conversation) I've never found him attractive. lol
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
    Would it be any different for a smoker who quit smoking?

    Many people say that they WILL NOT date a smoker. That its a deal breaker. And many think that is perfectly understandable.

    How is smoking different from unhealthy eating patterns or fitness perspectives?

    Just curious... If you were the type who wouldn't date a smoker, even if they seem great and awesome and sexy... Would you consider dating them once they quit?
  • _JPunky
    _JPunky Posts: 508 Member
    Would it be any different for a smoker who quit smoking?

    Many people say that they WILL NOT date a smoker. That its a deal breaker. And many think that is perfectly understandable.

    How is smoking different from unhealthy eating patterns or fitness perspectives?

    Just curious... If you were the type who wouldn't date a smoker, even if they seem great and awesome and sexy... Would you consider dating them once they quit?

    THIS is probably the best argument anyone has made yet. :flowerforyou:
  • nieem2
    nieem2 Posts: 4 Member
    I have experienced this before. Its funny how people see you one way and once you make changes in your life, they act differently. Its like when you gain weight, no one says anything, but once you lose weight, the same people want to give unsolicited compliments. They may even go out of their way to treat you better or to "now profess their interest". Take it with a grain of salt.
    Sometimes, its a huge source of amusement. :)
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Losing weight boosts confidence. You may be very different now from who you were before in many ways.

    And even if not, attraction is important, especially in the very beginning of a romantic relationship.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    It is possible that he just wasn't attracted to you before. People cannot help what turns them on, so this doesn't necessarily make him a shallow jerk. However, I don't know him, so I could be wrong.
  • liftsforchocolate
    liftsforchocolate Posts: 273
    Especially when they're guys you treat like your brothers, becomes super awkward. Even more awkward is when family friends and cousins do it. It's sickening. It's hard for me to trust anyone anymore.

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