Disapproval from others?

sophieamhaley

Hi all

I've lost half a stone ish since the beginning of the year, been exercising and using MFP as a food and exercise diary. I feel good about myself and weigh less than I have since I was about 17. The only thing is, my fiancé thinks I'm overdoing it (don't think I am exercise wise but I admit I am logging everyday and weighing myself most days) my boobs have shrunk a bit and he's not too happy about that, but I am pear shaped so retain weight more on my bottom and thighs, to slim them down I had to slim everything down.
He thinks I am getting a bit obsessed with weighing and measuring all my food and drink, and in turn it's making me wonder if I'm getting a bit carried away with it too but when I think about stopping I think about how easy it would probably be to put that half a stone back on and get lax with the exercise, I feel like MFP is a good motivational tool but I'm wondering if I should take a break from it?
I'm all mixed up and not enjoying the "disapproval" I feel from my other half. He says he does support me but "preferred my curves" obviously meaning bigger boobs!
Don't know what to do ????
Anyone else experienced negative comments from people or feel like they overdid the MFP logging?
Just looking for some direction I think.
Sorry for the rant
Thanks
Sophie

jelie3110

Hi Sophie!
Congratulations on your weightloss success!
I think most men start to feel a little insecure when their significant other is working on
changing their appearance, whether it be working out and losing weight, plastic surgery or simply changing the way you dress. I am sure he sees you looking great and maybe worries about you getting more attention from other men. Is your fiance in good shape himself? As far as the boobs go, they are unfortunately always the first thing to go when you lose weight:( When women lose weight we tend to feel happier, more sexy and confident, maybe he will realize/appreciate those changes and not worry so much about the boobs.
Just keep going! You look great!

sophieamhaley

Hi thanks for your reply. He's in decent shape, he does weight lifting as exercise and football once or twice a week. I've been trying to get him to eat more healthily which I can imagine is a bit dreary maybe. I am one for getting quite into something once I have it in my head, I get a bee in my bonnet!
I suppose my concern is the fact that I don't like not logging my food and exercise, I've done a couple of days where I've tried not to log but I end up putting everything in at the end of the day in question anyway.
Half of me likes the control and the whole MFP thing and half of me sometimes feels exhausted by it and wants to just drop it all!

MeanderingMammal

He thinks I am getting a bit obsessed with weighing and measuring all my food and drink, and in turn it's making me wonder if I'm getting a bit carried away with it too but when I think about stopping I think about how easy it would probably be to put that half a stone back on and get lax with the exercise, I feel like MFP is a good motivational tool but I'm wondering if I should take a break from it?

Calorie counting is a tool to help understand and make informed choices. What I see on here from a number of people is a level of obsession that suggests that the lessons aren't being learned.

Once you've been doing it for a period you should be able to understand the effects of different choices, and then take a more pragmatic approach. Of course if your diet is crucual to your sports performance then you have to be more detailed about understanding your intake, but it doesn't sound as if you're in that place.

The other aspect might be how well developed your own understanding is, and whether you're actually feeling that you can't yet trust your own judgement. In that sense the issue isn't that you're logging/ weighing/ measuring.

Notwithstanding that I'm sure there will be lots of zealots along to say you're doing the right thing, and he's wrong. It sounds like the answer is somewhere in the middle.

MeanderingMammal

..... get him to eat more healthily which I can imagine is a bit dreary maybe

This might be the issue, there is no reason to restrict diet, just make informed choices. When I started this whole process I really struggled to eat enough, or to eat what interested me. I had to increase my calorie goal so that I actualy had the flexibility.

As your diary is locked it's difficult to get a view on that, but you're right he might just find the diet a bit dull and unsatisfying while all of this is going on

AlongCame_Molly

It depends, what you should do.

Are you more interested in making other people happy with your body, or making yourself happy with your body? Not being snarky, just ask yourself that question, and answer honestly. Your answer will tell you what to do.

skinnybythanksgiving

Hi Sophie! Your post touched me I have to say. You seem like a very sweet lady. Please, learn to stand up for yourself. What you wrote is not a rant at all. It was as if you are afraid to ask for help, like you are a bother and you aren't.

You have lost 6 pounds and he's complaining. He's controlling. There is nothing wrong with tracking what you eat and exercise, in fact it's a good sign that you care enough about yourself to take care of yourself. It's what you would be doing for any health professional that put you on an eating plan. It seems to me he doesn't want you to be fit and take care of yourself. Be careful dear. If you give in on this, you will set a precedence for your future with him and for yourself. He will have the upper hand and try to control a lot more than your weight. By the way, I gave up on psychoanalyzing people that want to control others long ago. Keep up the great work. :flowerforyou:

jelie3110

I don' t count calories, i prepare a bunch of healthy foods like grilled chicken, pork tenderloin, cut up veggies and a big batch of breakfast egg casserole every Sunday. Doing that keeps me from having to count calories because any of those things are healthy low cal options. Saturday is my cheat day where i can havethat burger and french fries or ice cream if i want to. i have lost 7 lbs since january 1st doing this.

jelie3110

Hi Sophie! Your post touched me I have to say. You seem like a very sweet lady. Please, learn to stand up for yourself. What you wrote is not a rant at all. It was as if you are afraid to ask for help, like you are a bother and you aren't.

You have lost 6 pounds and he's complaining. He's controlling. There is nothing wrong with tracking what you eat and exercise, in fact it's a good sign that you care enough about yourself to take care of yourself. It's what you would be doing for any health professional that put you on an eating plan. It seems to me he doesn't want you to be fit and take care of yourself. Be careful dear. If you give in on this, you will set a precedence for your future with him and for yourself. He will have the upper hand and try to control a lot more than your weight. By the way, I gave up on psychoanalyzing people that want to control others long ago. Keep up the great work. :flowerforyou:
i can't agree more:) very well said,

megsmom2

If he us more interested in your boobs than your health, happiness, and self esteem....you deserve better than him.

sophieamhaley

The other aspect might be how well developed your own understanding is, and whether you're actually feeling that you can't yet trust your own judgement. In that sense the issue isn't that you're logging/ weighing/ measuring.

Notwithstanding that I'm sure there will be lots of zealots along to say you're doing the right thing, and he's wrong. It sounds like the answer is somewhere in the middle.

Yes, I think I am probably not trusting my own judgement to go it alone. I used to snack a lot on chocolate, I mean like three bars a day, and being a self confessed sugar addict, I don't want to end up back there!
I'm reading The Sweet Poison Quit Plan and hoping that will help.


And I feel like my fiancé has painted himself in quite a bad light maybe (or I have painted him in a bad light!) he's not a bad person and many people judge others on their choices (me included!) I think he's finding it different that I am interested more now in taking care of myself, as we gelled initially through a love of partying and not looking after ourselves I guess. I will sit down and talk to him about it all I think. He knows that I do go at things like a bull in a china shop when I get a lightbulb moment, I think he's just very aware of the fact that I log everything I eat and drink, even herbal tea at 2 cals a cup, or half a cookie at work. And to be honest it annoys me too, but it always want to be precise, about anything I do, I am a perfectionist which can be irritating as hell! I would like to loosen my own rules and regulations about MFP, but it's one thing saying it, another putting it into practice!

MeanderingMammal

Yes, I think I am probably not trusting my own judgement to go it alone. I used to snack a lot on chocolate, I mean like three bars a day, and being a self confessed sugar addict, I don't want to end up back there!

I know what you mean, when I started this I was a bit obsessive for a couple of months until I really thought about my objectives. for me it's more about my running performance, and improvement, than my weight per se. I'm now in a position where I'm comfortable with judging my intake to an acceptable level of accuracy for my objectives.

I've just come in from an 850 cal run, so for dinner I'm in the order of 2000 cals, I might be able to eat 1400 of that, so I've got plenty of margin.

And I feel like my fiancé has painted himself in quite a bad light maybe (or I have painted him in a bad light!) he's not a bad person and many people judge others on their choices (me included!)

It's a forum, it's very difficult to communicate a full picture in text, I've also noticed that many of these threads take a very similar direction in terms of how they interpret other peoples behaviour. There is little point in that, much more value in helping you to find the tools to move forward.

...even herbal tea at 2 cals a cup, or half a cookie at work.

For me there is an element of appropriateness in all of this, given the number of opportunities for error in the model.

MFP takes in some fairly simple physical measures. one of four activity bands and your forecast of where you want to get to and how fast. It gives a calorie target based on that. It's a bit crude and prone to error. We then track intake and output, again both through approximations.

If one is controlling weight through intake alone then the level of accuracy that you're indicating might have benefit, but as you're doing a reasonable amount of phys then you have a significant measurement error in your output, so the level of accuracy that you describe gives a very false impression of accuracy. For the same run, a 10Km recovery session in just under an hour, my two GPS trackers and MFP have a range of 100 cal difference in output, if I'd used my HRM that band would be wider still. Good session though.

You might want to think about where the most appropriate balance sits for you.

sophieamhaley

Yes, I think I am probably not trusting my own judgement to go it alone. I used to snack a lot on chocolate, I mean like three bars a day, and being a self confessed sugar addict, I don't want to end up back there!

I know what you mean, when I started this I was a bit obsessive for a couple of months until I really thought about my objectives. for me it's more about my running performance, and improvement, than my weight per se. I'm now in a position where I'm comfortable with judging my intake to an acceptable level of accuracy for my objectives.

I've just come in from an 850 cal run, so for dinner I'm in the order of 2000 cals, I might be able to eat 1400 of that, so I've got plenty of margin.

And I feel like my fiancé has painted himself in quite a bad light maybe (or I have painted him in a bad light!) he's not a bad person and many people judge others on their choices (me included!)

It's a forum, it's very difficult to communicate a full picture in text, I've also noticed that many of these threads take a very similar direction in terms of how they interpret other peoples behaviour. There is little point in that, much more value in helping you to find the tools to move forward.

...even herbal tea at 2 cals a cup, or half a cookie at work.

For me there is an element of appropriateness in all of this, given the number of opportunities for error in the model.

MFP takes in some fairly simple physical measures. one of four activity bands and your forecast of where you want to get to and how fast. It gives a calorie target based on that. It's a bit crude and prone to error. We then track intake and output, again both through approximations.

If one is controlling weight through intake alone then the level of accuracy that you're indicating might have benefit, but as you're doing a reasonable amount of phys then you have a significant measurement error in your output, so the level of accuracy that you describe gives a very false impression of accuracy. For the same run, a 10Km recovery session in just under an hour, my two GPS trackers and MFP have a range of 100 cal difference in output, if I'd used my HRM that band would be wider still. Good session though.

You might want to think about where the most appropriate balance sits for you.

Thanks for this helpful reply, my main objective is to stop eating crap and five or six out of seven times it works, sometimes (especially around time of the month), I totally go off the rails but I've definitely gotten better since started MFP. I want to up my fitness levels too, which I definitely have done.