really annoyed

violetcole
violetcole Posts: 8
in Health and Weight Loss
So I have been working reallllllllly hard to get to where I am now and I still am working hard to get to my weight loss goal. My mother and sister who have never spent a day in their lives trying to lose weight are constantly telling me how I need to do this. Also despite the fact that over the past few years I've lost the body weight of a whole person every time they see me they say that there is no visible difference. AHHHHH I know it's crap because im probably the most critical person of myself and even I can see it ....but it's discouraging. ...just needed to vent it out . :(
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Replies

  • amyllu
    amyllu Posts: 432 Member
    I can imagine Violet.. how soul destroying is that!?!
    As long as you can see and feel the difference that's the best thing.. keep going it's well worth it.
  • Lauren8239
    Lauren8239 Posts: 1,039 Member
    Tune them out. Once you're good at it, you won't even hear the "blah blah blah". People are such downers when someone else accomplishes something that they themselves cannot do. Keep up the good work! :flowerforyou:
  • wyattj99
    wyattj99 Posts: 454 Member
    Make sure your taking before and during and after photos...sometimes photos tell the story and maybe they need to look at them for an eye opener but yes they are sabotaging you! DON'T LET THEM!
  • puppup73
    puppup73 Posts: 75 Member
    So I have been working reallllllllly hard to get to where I am now and I still am working hard to get to my weight loss goal. My mother and sister who have never spent a day in their lives trying to lose weight are constantly telling me how I need to do this. Also despite the fact that over the past few years I've lost the body weight of a whole person every time they see me they say that there is no visible difference. AHHHHH I know it's crap because im probably the most critical person of myself and even I can see it ....but it's discouraging. ...just needed to vent it out . :(

    Family can be the toughest critics. You'll probably find they are jealous of your determination to stick at something. You usually find it's the people closest that sabatoge us. They want you to change but are scared you will leave them behind.

    Be proud of your achievement.
  • norcalskater
    norcalskater Posts: 194 Member
    Make sure your taking before and during and after photos...sometimes photos tell the story and maybe they need to look at them for an eye opener but yes they are sabotaging you! DON'T LET THEM!

    Yes ^ . When I lost weight I didn't realize how bad it got until I saw photos of myself from before.
  • grrawritsjordi
    grrawritsjordi Posts: 14
    Violet, I do not know your family situation, or if your mother or sister are overweight, but it seems like they may just be jealous. Even if they aren't overweight, they may be jealous of your perseverance and strong will to make yourself healthier.

    Don't let them get you down. The best action, if you have a good relationship with them, would be to ask them why they feel they need to bring you down. I am one for talking through things, though. Some families like to bury things down deep.

    Don't get down on yourself. You have done an amazing job!
  • Sweetpea6896
    Sweetpea6896 Posts: 66 Member
    Sounds to me like there's two whole people worth of dead weight you can stand to lose too! Shame we can pick our friends but not our family! Surround yourself with amazing friends and you'll be just fine! :)
  • arwacky
    arwacky Posts: 1,653 Member
    Aww I'm sorry OP it's tough if people aren't experiencing what you're going through but just think about the end result and keep doing what you think is best for you. -hugs- :flowerforyou:
  • violetcole
    violetcole Posts: 8
    Thanks everyone!!! Before I joined this site I was close to 300 pounds ... When I joined I was about 180 ...currently 161 ... I just always feel like today will be the day they will be like WOW ... but I appreciate all of the support!!
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
    Your mom and sister suck. Sorry you have to deal with that.
  • motivatedmartha
    motivatedmartha Posts: 1,108 Member
    Looking at it with my 'generous' hat on - maybe to them you are just 'you' and they cannot remember when you looked bigger. I lost a lot of weight a few years ago and some friends who saw me regularly said that they could not remember me ever being big (sadly i am again now!). Everyone is right - take some photos as you go along and dig out some from when you started. You are doing really well and, if you can see it and feel it in yourself it doesn't really matter what others think! :flowerforyou:
  • Nanba007
    Nanba007 Posts: 77 Member
    I agree with this statement. Shed the dead weight and your weight will fall right off. Good luck and stay strong. :)
  • lisaboutilier
    lisaboutilier Posts: 1 Member
    Yeah...139lbs lost would look a little different...DON'T LISTEN TO THEM. Keep going!
  • youngdreamer
    youngdreamer Posts: 65 Member
    My goodness. 300lbs - 161lbs?? You should be SO proud of yourself. I would suggest that you post your progress pictures on here if you were comfortable enough. The MFP community would FOR SURE be able to tell how much you've accomplished. But, ultimately, it is more important that you can acknowledge it for yourself. Technically, that should be sufficient. Ugh... But I do know what it's like not to have that support. Especially from family. Chin up, darling. You are doing AMAZING.
  • AreUjoking2
    AreUjoking2 Posts: 142
    Wow! I'm sorry you are being treated like that. And you have gone from 300 to 161? Ya, you have worked hard, and should be very very proud of yourself. Don't let the negative nancy's get you down.:smile:
  • WBB55
    WBB55 Posts: 4,131 Member
    I don't know if they're overweight. And I know this is a snarky thing to do. But take a picture of yourself standing next to them. Then a year later take another one. Show them both pictures. If they're like my family, in that year, they gained 10 lbs, while you lost 30 lbs.

    Maybe they'll start asking YOU for advice.

    But in any case, you look at those pictures yourself to keep yourself motivated. And ignore them.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    Thanks everyone!!! Before I joined this site I was close to 300 pounds ... When I joined I was about 180 ...currently 161 ... I just always feel like today will be the day they will be like WOW ... but I appreciate all of the support!!

    Congratulations on your weight loss. You are doing a great job!

    I would not normally say something like this, but your mom and sister are just mean. If I were you, I'd limit my interactions with them and make sure I am around people who are supportive of my weight loss journey. If you have to be around them, tune them out because their negativity is worthless.
  • jmath911
    jmath911 Posts: 57 Member
    Congratulations on your weight loss! Your hard work is paying off! You've improved your health, your looks,and discovered lots of cool stuff about yourself along the way.
    About your family- I totally understand. You must be my long lost sister. I always wanted a sweet supportive mother like I read about in books, saw on TV, witnessed at my friend's house. It never happened and never will. Don't talk to them about your diet, your exercise, or your weight loss. They are using it as a passive aggressive tool. Don't take the bait.
    oh and by the way, I know I will never have the Mom I wanted, but I can be the right kind of mom to my kids- and it is wonderful!
    Be proud- You've done a Great Job!
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    Looking at it with my 'generous' hat on - maybe to them you are just 'you' and they cannot remember when you looked bigger.
    That is WAY too generous, in my opinion, considering the OP said that her family says they don't notice a weight difference and that they are...
    constantly telling me how I need to do this
    .

    :smile:
  • Annie_01
    Annie_01 Posts: 3,096 Member
    Thanks everyone!!! Before I joined this site I was close to 300 pounds ... When I joined I was about 180 ...currently 161 ... I just always feel like today will be the day they will be like WOW ... but I appreciate all of the support!!

    They are your family...not much that you can do about that. Just find a way that you can deal with it. Maybe you could sit down and tell them how you feel. If that doesn't work...just say..."Sure...thanks for your input"...then go about what you are and have been doing...taking care of yourself.
  • violetcole
    violetcole Posts: 8
    Right now I can only use my phone for WiFi...however when the opportunity presents itself I will upload pics from my heaviest through my progress..because believe me ...im almost half my person ...i got pulled over and the police yelled at me and told me I HAD to get a new ID because my picture compared to me was apparently not acceptable anymore. Again thanks everyone ...i feel a lot better.. I was beginning to think maybe I was just expecting too much ..but I think you guys are right !
  • Nerdycurls
    Nerdycurls Posts: 142 Member
    My mom always takes the time to tell me how fat I am, so honestly I am used to it. Once I accepted I can never please her, or anyone else life became a lot easier. I ignore her most of the time, say something sarcastic or better yet say something shocking and that works to keep people quiet :)
  • violetcole
    violetcole Posts: 8
    I just dont see them that often ...and when I do they are always together ...like a skinny tag team...they stop by unannounced really brief ...and then they leave and im standing here like a tornado just swept through my apartment haha
  • lilbearzmom
    lilbearzmom Posts: 600 Member
    Jealousy is a *****...even people who are supposed to love you unconditionally can be guilty of this. You have done fabulous!!!!
  • Nerdycurls
    Nerdycurls Posts: 142 Member
    I just dont see them that often ...and when I do they are always together ...like a skinny tag team...they stop by unannounced really brief ...and then they leave and im standing here like a tornado just swept through my apartment haha

    I think it's time to set some boundaries. Why are they coming by unannounced? It's almost as if it's a control thing by doing that, just like it's a control thing to tell you how to be healthier.
  • DanerTee
    DanerTee Posts: 263 Member
    So I have been working reallllllllly hard to get to where I am now and I still am working hard to get to my weight loss goal. My mother and sister who have never spent a day in their lives trying to lose weight are constantly telling me how I need to do this. Also despite the fact that over the past few years I've lost the body weight of a whole person every time they see me they say that there is no visible difference. AHHHHH I know it's crap because im probably the most critical person of myself and even I can see it ....but it's discouraging. ...just needed to vent it out . :(

    Family can be the toughest critics. You'll probably find they are jealous of your determination to stick at something. You usually find it's the people closest that sabatoge us. They want you to change but are scared you will leave them behind.

    Be proud of your achievement.

    This. Exactly.
  • Sheri3851
    Sheri3851 Posts: 70 Member
    Sounds like they are threatened by your success. All that matters is that YOU have done an amazing job and as long as you are happy, that's all that matters. Don't let them or anyone else bring you down. I am so encouraged by your success and dedication. Job very well done! Hang in there and just keep doing what you are doing.
  • Nerdycurls
    Nerdycurls Posts: 142 Member
    Why ARE the people we're close to so scared we'll leave them behind? Leave them behind for what, and who?? I don't get it.
  • marmosetdalek
    marmosetdalek Posts: 7
    Being as mean as they are to you, do this next time they show up unannounced. When they knock or ring the bell, yell through the door or intercom : "I'm not home right now. Please call ahead if you'd like to visit." Then do not answer the door no matter what they do. Unless they are complete morons, this should help send a message.
  • walkdmc
    walkdmc Posts: 529 Member
    I'm on a "mental illness" kick now, having recently discovered many in my family are afflicted with personality disorders. Of course, one cannot make any diagnoses over the internet but it sounds like they have some mental issues, possibly illness. I know my narcissistic personality disordered parents act the way you're describing.

    I recently set firm boundaries with them (call before you visit, we will be phoning you once a week, not multiple times a day, etc). They didn't like my 'rules' so they stopped coming around altogether. Prior to that, they'd show up, not say a word about my weight loss (of about 90 pounds at that time) but go on and on about how pretty my neighbor is and so on. It's called, EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION, look it up. To me, their refusal to acknowledge your stunning weight loss is a form of emotional manipulation.

    Anyway, no way one wouldn't notice going from 300 pounds to 161. That's freaking amazing and many congratulations to you!!!

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