phase 2

pattycakes80

as of wednesday, 2/19/2014, i lost 100 pounds. i know my little ticker says 90, but i lost 10 prior to start MFP.

initially i was elated, still am. it is a major accomplishment. but to be honest, it wasn't that hard. i don't mind working out and i felt that i was still eating enough food.

the more dominant emotion is definitely fear. with the hurdle of 100 down, i would really like to reshape my relationship with food and implement much healthier choices, not just for the sake of the scale, but for the long term. despite losing weight, i still have issues with binging. i am still very afraid of certain foods and i still find myself unable to stop thinking about certain foods.

i know that i am insane for feeling bad when people are so inspired by my transformation - i did accomplish something huge for myself, but i guess i just wish i was left feeling more empowered with food. i have been celebrating with people, fancy dinners, sneaking candy, all under the excitement of losing 100 pounds. however, i know myself i can see how this could spiral into something dangerous.

i know it takes work to retrain your brain but i am willing to do the work. i do not eat many vegetables and i putting in effort to change this so that when i hit my next goal, i can celebrate wholeheartedly.