help me get my mom to cancel lapband surgery :(

kikiboniki

My mom is getting lapband and it makes me feel so sad for her. She has tried every crash diet out there, and of course none have had lasting results. She quit smoking a year ago (yaye) but says the cravings are out of control and she can't curb her appetite. She says she can't exercise off the excess calories she eats b/c of arthritis in her feet and ankles.

I know she is at a desperate place, but I feel like there have to be other ways. I don't want to appear disrespectful by throwing arguments to her, but I know so many of you have been in her situation and lost the weight without surgery... I don't know how to help her. She already has a surgery date set for a few weeks from now.

besaro

its my understanding that even with surgery someone would have to alter how/what they eat, so why not try doing that without the surgery and see how it goes? Maybe find out what her typical diet would be afterwards (post recovery) and compare it with what she could eat to lose without the surgery. It might be one angle to try.

whitneyas

Do they allow you to schedule just like that? (I mean they must, since she did... but...) I have known a few people to get surgeries and they were required to keep food journals and exercise for an extended period beforehand- and then go to counseling as well. After they had lost weight so rapidly that they had sagging fat everywhere because they didn't strength train and tone anything as they were losing. It's hard when you feel like you have tried everything and want a quick fix. I would think getting your eating in check and exercise started (even if it's just walking short distances) will at least help with the recovery... best of luck!

usmcmp

Highly unlikely you will get her to change her mind in a few weeks. Your best approach would be to go over her diet post surgery.

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/patientinstructions/000334.htm

You will eat only liquid or puréed food for 2 to 3 weeks after your surgery. You will slowly add in soft foods, and then regular foods.

When you start eating solid foods again, you will feel full very quickly. Just a few bites of solid food will fill you up. This is because your new stomach pouch holds only a tablespoonful of food at first, about the size of a walnut.

Your pouch may get larger over time. You do not want to stretch it out, so do not eat more than your doctor, nurse, or dietitian advises. When your pouch is larger, it will not hold more than about 1 cup of chewed food. A normal stomach can hold up to 4 cups of chewed food.

You may lose weight quickly in the first 3 to 6 months after surgery. During this time, you may have body aches, feel tired and cold, have dry skin, mood changes, and hair loss or hair thinning. These symptoms are normal. They should go away as your body gets used to your weight loss.

tapirfrog

I ... I honestly don't think this is the kind of thing you should ask Internet strangers for help with. I think you should go find out what the pre-surgery counseling is like at her hospital, what the post-surgery support is like, what lapband patients have to go through just to get scheduled, things like that. It might be that your mom has been evaluated by professionals much more thoroughly than you think. I just don't think that the decision to have, or not to have, this surgery should be influenced by a bunch of people on the Internet.

kwest_4_fitness

Is there any place close that she can sign up for an aquatics aerobics class? My aunt, bless her heart, at 5 ft 450 lbs, went to a local community center in her city that had an Olympic sized pool and did her aerobics in the water. Little to no knee and ankle strain. Is there a soft surface, like a dirt road, she can walk on for 10 to 20 minutes a day and build up from there?

You might also warn her of the dangers of the lap band itself. I was talking to a doctor about some weight loss options some time ago and he said that quite a few of these surgeries end in failure because the band is forever slipping.

So sorry you have to struggle through this. :frown: Best wishes to your mama and I hope she comes around to your way of thinking.

acogg

If your mom was here I would tell her that she does have control, she is choosing not to use it. Since you are her daughter, I just suggest love and patience. This is another method of "crash diets" so be ready when she fails and don't follow in this part of her steps.

CyberEd312

I don't hold anything against those that choose the surgery route if they know going in that it is not going to fix the reasons that led them to being obese. You have to find the reasons that led you down that path and deal with them and come to an understanding of how to work your way out of it... I knew even as bad as I was back in 2009 that no surgery was going to fix what was broken in my head and that I must come to terms with those issue before I could make my way back. Now the rest of it was no walk in the park, losing 312 lbs. was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life but the satisfaction of my success is reward in and of itself. It has redefined me as a man and allowed me to see just how strong of a person I actually am... The bad part in this equation is as bad as you may want to help her, this is ultimately her path and you can encourage but she has to live her own journey..... Best of Luck...

kikiboniki

I ... I honestly don't think this is the kind of thing you should ask Internet strangers for help with. I think you should go find out what the pre-surgery counseling is like at her hospital, what the post-surgery support is like, what lapband patients have to go through just to get scheduled, things like that. It might be that your mom has been evaluated by professionals much more thoroughly than you think. I just don't think that the decision to have, or not to have, this surgery should be influenced by a bunch of people on the Internet.

i definitely understand what you are saying here. and I'm just reaching out, i know I don't fully know the depth of the situation and what she is going through, i just wanted to see if there was any advice. I'm just interested to see what people have to say. not viewing this as a be all end all. I do appreciate your perspective sincerely.

kikiboniki

and she has less than 100 pounds to lose. probably 70

lmhbuss

The choice is hers, but she should know that the lap-band procedure and all gastric bipass procedures frequently fail. The reason is simple. Having a smaller stomach will reduce hunger but it won't reduce cravings...the desire to snack when bored, the desire to eat when sad etc. The tiny pouch they create can easily be stretched right back out to the size of a normal stomach or close to it and if the patient is filling that stretched out pouch with calorie dense food, they will gain the weight back.

SunofaBeach14

It's her decision about her body made under the care of a doctor. At some point, respecting a loved one's decision about her own body is the right thing to do, whether you agree with the decision or not.

HawkeyeTy

and she has less than 100 pounds to lose. probably 70

I would assume she is not a candidate for lap band surgery then...

usmcmp

and she has less than 100 pounds to lose. probably 70

I would assume she is not a candidate for lap band surgery then...

You would be surprised
https://www.lapband.com/learn-about-lapband/lapband-is-for-you

You can have as little as 30 pounds to lose and get lap band.

RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle

It's her decision about her body made under the care of a doctor. At some point, respecting a loved one's decision about her own body is the right thing to do, whether you agree with the decision or not.

^ I agree. Also, there's really nothing you can do. I wish I could help my mother change some of her behaviours that are putting her at risk for a second heart attack, but it's out of my control. You just need to think about other things and support her where you can:). I know it's hard to do. (((Hugs)))

BENNYDOOR

I had lap band surgery 11 years ago. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. There is nothing wrong with the surgery. All it does it force you to eat smaller portions. This is not like gastric bypass where they reroute your intestines and create malnutrition. the Lap Band is safe.. the only issue with a lapband is indeed slipping, but that is 100% user error... people are taught how to eat properly, chew small bites, avoid breads/pastas and do it anyway... they barf and slip the band, its a no brainer... however, its easy to cheap with a lap band.. you have to be determined to make a change.

Lap bands are a godsend.. I wouldn't be were I am today with out mine

onionparsleysage

I think the best way to help your mom right now is to research how to support her before/during/after the surgery.

Can you find some good healthy smoothie recipes to share with her that fit the requirements post-surgery?
What about care immediately after she gets done with surgery and is woozy/painful/stressed?
Think about setting up a walking schedule together. Maybe twice a week you can drive over and go for a walk together?