Severe Depression AFTER Large Weight Loss....

fozzy33

When I started my journey in October 09 I never really believed in myself.....I thought I'd try and then I figured I would give up in a week or two because that is what I usually do.....but this time I didnt....I have stuck with it nearly a year and have lost a total of 105lbs. I did a clean diet and exercise....no pills, fad diets or nada. I actually became completely obessed with working out and now that all my weight is off but a few pounds (Which I can live with) Im not sure what to do now.

I havent worked out in over a month.....not sure where all the desire for it went....
Im still eating a clean diet but Ive cheated more than a few times. And the odd thing is...I have lost two pounds in a month and Ive done nothing. I havent even been on MFP for over a month. I havent logged my food or calories or anything....

Things became odd at my job when I lost all the weight....I was still treated like the scared fat girl and I wanted more respect than that now that i had a new outook and body.....I still didnt get it so I moved on and got a new job. The odd thing is now I want to go back to my old job because I miss it. I dont get it.....

I went home to see my family in August. Im from Chicago IL but now live in Phoenix AZ.....my family didnt even recognize me. Again with all the questions of why what and how....Im tired of those quesitons and in fact im starting to resent being asked them. I feel different, I dont feel like myself anymore. I look in the mirror and still feel like a 230lb woman when Im not.

My stomach and breasts are nothing but loose skin and it makes me sick. I was really top heavy before the weight loss and now Im not but I dont even have breasts anymore they are just loose skin blobs and I hate it. I have been in a relationship for 13 years and over the past year my sex life has become well nothing. Im very scared to be looked at our touched.

I was just wondering if anyone else out there has lost a lot of weight and your now asking yourself where the old you went...I think we all believe that once the weight comes off that we are going to have the perfect life. Its far from it and in fact I feel worse now than I ever did when I was obese. Anybody out there? Anybody.....

MIchelle

Allie_Dreams

That's one thing I am scared of. I think that is part of my self sabatoge.

deloresAcox

This breaks my heart. I am so sorry. I think you look great BTW. I wonder about my saggy skin too. I still have many lbs to lose before I know what mine will look like. Keep your chin up.

Dom_m

Firstly, to go from 230lb to 130lb is an incredible achievement. But more importantly, if you're not feeling well about yourself my advice is to see a psychologist. You could see a GP and ask for a referral but I think you can probably see psychs without going to a gp first.

Sorry I can't offer any help directly, but I really can't comprehend what you're experiencing, except that it sounds like it would be much easier to resolve if you had someone experienced in these kinds of issues to talk with.

Hope you can pull through it without too much trouble!

paulabarnes

Hi, Michelle. I wonder if you've done any journaling,about this to see what you might learn about what's going on deep inside. Or do you have a trusted friend with whom you can be honest, and he/she will be honest and supportive in return? Would some ongoing conversation with that person help you get a better handle on your feelings about the new you vs. the old you, and just which one is the real you, or is the real you just a fledgling work in progress? I hesitate to suggest a therapist because there are good ones and bad ones and indifferent ones and picking one seems like it would be a roll of the dice.

All the loose skin has got to be doing a number on your self-esteem. On the one hand it's a constant reminder of your outstanding success. On the other hand, it's not the most attractive thing in the world. I have just a little bit of that going on myself, after about 60 lbs. Do you have any idea how your partner feels? Is the lack of intimacy your preference or his/hers, or both of yours?

I will be thinking of you and wishing the very best for you. I sure don't have any answers, but you've done a wonderful job of describing your situation, and I do, truly, feel for you. Keep in touch.

sbilyeu75

Well, obviously there's something more than weight loss. Maybe you thought that losing weight would fix everything else and it didn't. You should possibly seek professional help. I could help you figure out what the real problem is. As far as the saggy skin, maybe you should look into building muscle. It would help you fill out the saggy skin, but in a good way.

rymattsmom

wow, a lot has changed for you, but remember, its been for the better overall, you got your life back!
maybe since you have been sooo focused on your wtloss you did not deal with other things that were there all along and now its time. just b/c you lsot the wt, you are essentially the same person, only better now!

i don't know about you, but exercising has been my antidepressant and therefore, not working out actually makes me feel very down, blue and overall ****ty. maybe this is happening to you since you stopped also? its amazing what working out does for you mentally, not only physically.

so, these issues besides losing wt have been here all along, maybe its time you deal with them via someone professional to talk to, someone who understands what your going through, someone objective that can guide you in the right direction. that is always good to have.

hope you come out of this rut, and don't give up on yourself, you have come soo far and have enhanced your life physically, now its time to work on the mental aspect of this maze called life.

good luck to you!
hang in there, and remember RESPECT YOURSELF!!!!

vkpmusic

Are you active in a church? Do you have a pastor you could talk with? They can often refer you. You are healthy. You are capable. You are deserving of respect. Don't accept less b/c of the voices inside. Hang in there.

sandara

When I was preparing for gastric bypass many years ago, they required psychological counseling. It is very common for people who have made such a life change as yours to go thru these types of problems. Please go and see a counselor. You have made such amazing physical changes in your life. Don't let them all slip away without at least trying to work on the rest of you too. You are still the same person you have always been on the inside. You may just need a little help or another opinion to accept the new outside you.

Disciplined74

This post is my worst nightmare.

I have 200 pounds to loose and am pretty happy with my 12 pounds I've lost so far.

My problem is that I'm not loosing the weight for me. I am happy with my weight, 384 starting. My weight doesn't bother me because when I look down I see boobs and not belly.

I'm not expecting my weight to fix anything but I don't want to loose my boobs (I actually weighed them the other day (7 punds each)) and kind of did a ulagie to them becuase I know I will miss them.

i am sorry that you are having a rough time. I wish I could give words of encouragement but will you please keep us posted because I want to know how things come out becuase I think I will go down the same road.

Thank you for having the courage to speak up.

workoutqueen628

It's hard getting used to a new you if you have been heavy for a long time, but keep your head up!! It will take time, but eventually you will learn to LOVE the new you who can do ANYTHING you set your mind out to do!! You may want to see a psychologist to talk about these issues you are facing. You may also want to get some plastic surgery to get rid of lose skin (if it really bothers you). Life is all about change and sometimes its so hard to embrace it! Good luck on your journey- it has really just begun.

patkendall

Don't give up on yourself...your weight loss has revealed that there are things you need to deal with that have nothing to do with your weight...find a counselor or trusted friend...someone who can help you face your fears and struggles. You have an incredible amount of motivation and strength of character, or you wouldn't have been able to lose the weight...the weight loss is only one part of your transformation...I'm rooting for you. pat

lrodriguez8014

I know exactly how you feel. I had a gastric bypass done and I lost over 150 pounds. I thought that once all the weight came off everything was going to be wonderful! But it was quite the opposite. All the loose skin that was left over made me feel very ashamed of myself. I was also very big on top and what was left was pathethic. The loose skin on my abdomen was an ugly site and I never really felt thinner.

I just want you to know that you're not the only one. I think to a point it is normal to feel this way. After such a tremendous weight loss, I felt there was no way I was the same person I was before. Although I was very disappointed to look at myself naked, I was very happy with what I saw when I was dressed. I know all the questions can be quite bothersome, but believe me, eventually they stop asking and people will get used to the "new" you.

As for me, since my weight loss I have had a breast lift and a tummy tuck to get rid of the loose skin. The surgeon's nurses told me I broke a record for their office with the amount of skin they removed from my abdomen. I still have a lot of loose skin on my arms, which prevents me from wearing any sleeveless shirts/dresses. Don't know if I'll ever do anything to fix that...I guess I can't be perfect and that's ok with me. I love my "new" self and would never want to go back to the person I used to be.

Please don't think that I'm implying you get plastic surgery to feel better. Having cosmetic surgery was a choice I felt was needed in my situation. I just wanted you to know that you're not the only one out there...I hope you talk to a counselor/therapist to feel better and embrace your "new" self.

KimSchnizleinWECHANGED

When I started my journey in October 09 I never really believed in myself.....I thought I'd try and then I figured I would give up in a week or two because that is what I usually do.....but this time I didnt....I have stuck with it nearly a year and have lost a total of 105lbs. I did a clean diet and exercise....no pills, fad diets or nada. I actually became completely obessed with working out and now that all my weight is off but a few pounds (Which I can live with) Im not sure what to do now.

I havent worked out in over a month.....not sure where all the desire for it went....
Im still eating a clean diet but Ive cheated more than a few times. And the odd thing is...I have lost two pounds in a month and Ive done nothing. I havent even been on MFP for over a month. I havent logged my food or calories or anything....

Things became odd at my job when I lost all the weight....I was still treated like the scared fat girl and I wanted more respect than that now that i had a new outook and body.....I still didnt get it so I moved on and got a new job. The odd thing is now I want to go back to my old job because I miss it. I dont get it.....

I went home to see my family in August. Im from Chicago IL but now live in Phoenix AZ.....my family didnt even recognize me. Again with all the questions of why what and how....Im tired of those quesitons and in fact im starting to resent being asked them. I feel different, I dont feel like myself anymore. I look in the mirror and still feel like a 230lb woman when Im not.

My stomach and breasts are nothing but loose skin and it makes me sick. I was really top heavy before the weight loss and now Im not but I dont even have breasts anymore they are just loose skin blobs and I hate it. I have been in a relationship for 13 years and over the past year my sex life has become well nothing. Im very scared to be looked at our touched.

I was just wondering if anyone else out there has lost a lot of weight and your now asking yourself where the old you went...I think we all believe that once the weight comes off that we are going to have the perfect life. Its far from it and in fact I feel worse now than I ever did when I was obese. Anybody out there? Anybody.....

MIchelle

Michelle ... You've caught me at a really bad moment in time ... But I could not read your letter, and then just close the page and walk away ... I'm not built that way!! God has given me a purpose, and though I don't always know exactly what to say ... He usually does. That being said .... I just want you to keep reading because I'm not here to preach or convert ..... Only to say words that I hope will be uplifting.
First of all ... I think that you need to discover who the new you is ... Inside and out. If the whole working out thing is no longer taking up the bulk of your time then you should spend a little time thinking about the things you enjoy .... Or enjoyed before weight loss was your main hobby. No disrespect is meant there, because to call your successful journey a "hobby" might seem belittling. I only meant that in the frame that this journey to better health can be all time consuming, and drive other things and pleasures from your mind temporarily. Besides that there are a whole new world of things in the exercise area that will be very good for your body and your mind .... Yoga, pilates, and Tai chi are 3 that come quickly to mind. Second ... Don't give MFP up for lost quite yet. Come on back .... Track your food, and add some exercise back to your life. You're only 31 yrs old, and you can't fix the loose skin with exercise, but you can regain some tone and add a little muscle. Take some time and look into what the cost might be to get the loose skin surgically removed. After all the great accomplishments that you've made on this road you planned out to better health I'd guess that your mental health should be a part of that! Back to MFP for a sec .... It sounds like you could use some friendly reminders that you are doing an AWESOME job!! I've been at MFP for about a month, and my friends are my lifeline. You know that there are people here that either have or are experiencing some of the things that you are now. Part of the problem is that once a person has been "Big" it becomes very difficult to get a self picture in one's mind of someone who is not obese! This is not an easy time for you because your journey isn't over. A new stage is just beginning, and if you could try to imagine how exciting it could be then you might start to pull out of this funk. It's really not that much different than an anorexic who weighs 80lbs looking in the mirror and seeing a fat person. This syndrome can be more overwhelming if one has been heavy for a long time. As for the questions ... Well IMHO all I can say is that the shortest answer is often the best. Just tell whoever makes a point about your weight loss that you wanted to improve your health, and that's really all there is to the story. It might also be helpful to look into the possibility of a therapist ... Maybe just for a short time. People don't see therapists because they're crazy ... A therapist would help you to direct your emotions and your thoughts down a path where they would come together, and you'd be more capable of sorting it all out to some end. If you really want that old job back ... Then go for it!! What can you lose by asking? I haven't lost my weight yet ... Once many ions ago I lost it the wrong way, and put it all back on plus a few pounds .... I know ... old story. The other thing that I think is important is to realize that YOU haven't gone anywhere! YOU .... The essential person that you are .... Is still alive and well and her name is still Michelle! I don't know if this has helped ... Considering how wordy it is I'd like to think some of it has. I'm just having a hard time myself right now because of some issues in my life, but I'd be honored if you'd add me as a friend!! You have done such a great job reaching the goal you've set for yourself. Take some time to become the Michelle who is different to look at, but no different in her essence.

KIM

lynnie30

I am so sorry that you feel this way. I guess the journey is never really over- it's just always changing directions. I agree with what every one is saying- I have heard and seen people have different issues after losing weight. Maybe the weight isn't our only problem. maybe it is intertwined with a whole bunch of other issues too. Definitely find support, either here or elsewhere and maybe even think about how working out made you feel before and try to get back into it. Not for weight loss this time- but for you. Sometimes a walk makes all the difference.

xbeingawesome33x

This is how I actually feel right now and I swear that I almost cried when I read your post.. and I'm a boy.. 16 yrs old who just lost 80 lbs in 1 year..

dcyr009

I read about your depression and I also lost a lot of weight but the there is a trick to the entire puzzle I want to point out. We tend to be emotional eaters. When you take that away you brain doesn't know where to turn to to get that feel good feeling.

You completed the 1st mission - you lost the weight. You may know most of the below, but it helps point out what could be your problem.

STEP 2 - Mission:

The next part of your mission is preparing yourself mentally.

As long as you are eating throughout the entire day you should be feeding your body the right amount of food it needs. In the past, your body and mind was use to eating whenever and whatever you wanted. You'll need to train yourself to deal with false hunger pains.

Most of us are emotional eaters. Emotional eating feeds and medicates the mind, but only for the moment. The more processed foods loaded with sugar makes it that more difficult. So to prepare your mind, you'll want to downsize on the amount of processed sugars you eat, and eat more foods with protein. Fiber foods have carbs but are not included in the carbs to stay way from. Fiber foods do not store energy or raise your insulin levels. You can eat carrots and other raw vegetables as a snack. Stay away from fruits high in natural sugars. Example: Good fruits are berries.

If your mind tells you that you are hungry and you know you just ate, then have water, coffee, tea, or a sugar free drink. You'll need to treat your stomach like a two year old child who is always throwing temper tantrums. You can't give in to those temper tantrums or your child will get out of control. Tell your inner stomach-child that it will need to wait until the next approved eating (meal) time. This is the hardest part of your life time diet as you will need to gear the feel good emotional need away from food an onto something else.

What ever the something else should be, it has to be a new healthy habit. You'll need to discover new ways to make yourself happy to fill that emotional need. I did it by bargain shopping. I made a game of it. How can I stretch my dollar (like my calories) as far as it can be stretched? Quality of food items must be best - no poor substitute.

Coupons
Bargain stores.
2nd hand stores - antique shops
Wholesale foods
On-Line shopping - no shipping costs - always look for promo codes
Keep updated on all the flyers for Shoprite, Stew Leonards, Wholefoods, Stop and Shop, and Walmart. Buy sale items in bulk.

Stay away from the mirror if you are trying to lose weight - unless you are prepared to only say good things about yourself. No time for putting yourself down. If you fail your mission by eating something you shouldn't have forgive yourself immediately and get on with trying again. You've failed your mission only if you harbor negative thoughts.

STEP 3 - Mission:

Once you started on mission one and two, you'll also want to start on mission three: Organization and Routines.

It is much easier if you follow a daily routine. Eat at the same time everyday and with the same amount of calories. While you are working on your daily routine get your life organized if you haven't already done so. Make each day a mission.

Here is mine for example:

Shower at 5:00 AM
5:20 AM Wake my son to get ready for school
Run downstairs and take the clean laundry out of the dryer and start a load of wash.
Take the bag of clean laundry bring it upstairs and put on bed to fold later after dinner.
Put dishes in dishwasher away and add what is in the sink to the dishwasher
Eat cereal and log food into myfitnesspal.
Get lunch and snacks prepared the day before and pack it for work.
Have coffee and take my son out to the car to wait for the bus.
Eat Snack when I get to work - chicken, berries, and nuts.
Walk at noon time.
Eat lunch when I get back - salad and fish
Eat a snack - chicken, berries, and nuts.
work until 4:30 PM and go home.
Prepare and eat dinner at 5:00 PM
Don't eat after 6:00 PM - only exception - you haven't had dinner (don't skip it)
Fold clothes and put away
Prepare and make lunch for the next day
Add dinner dishes to the dishwasher and start it
Make sure bills are up-to-date
Spend a little time with the family
Relax and go to bed.
Get 8 hours of sleep.

Weekends: Run three miles - Get your shopping done and prep salads for the week. Make yourself busy with things you like to do.

Once you get into a routine your mind will be trained to not think about food as much and all of the sudden your life will become organized. Becoming organized then leads to step 4......


STEP 4 - Mission:
Stress free life. The time will go by fast because you have not allowed time for your mind to become board. The weight will fall off before you know it and your life will become extremely organized. The less stress you allow in your life the happier you'll be.

You will also find yourself feeding your family healthier foods and healthy living habits. They will learn from your example.

icimani

I hear you. I'm listening. I've lost almost 100 pounds (with about 80 more to go) but it's been over the course of 5 years or more so it's been very slow, and even that is hard sometimes. I've also gone through a lot of changes dealing with PTSD and depression.
It's a lot to take in. And you've added the huge change of switching jobs on top of it.

Change is hard - even if it's a change for the better.



Congrats on your weight loss.
Feel free to add me as a friend.

dp1228

I think I kind of know how you feel. I lost almost 100 pounds in the past two years. I would say for the past year I have been feeling more and more unhappy with myself and my body. I was really big before but I remember being happy for the most part. I used to love taking pictures and all of that. Now I am frustrated with the way that I look. I hate taking pictures and I detest certain parts of my body. I look in the mirror sometimes and I get so dissappointed. Like others have said, I'm okay with myself when I'm clothed but when I'm naked.... to be honest i feel downright ugly sometimes. I dont know why. I dont know where the confident big girl went but I'm definitely not as confident and I'm definitely not as happy. Maybe I was happier and more confident before because I was in denial... i dont know. Maybe I'm so unhappy because I have this perfect version of myself (based off of other perfect bodies) in my head and I'm trying very hard to obtain it but it feels like I'm not getting any closer. I also have lose skin on my chest and I have to get surgery to fix it. It looks like theres some loose skin on my stomach as well although not very much yet. When I hit a plateau, I hit them hard and they stay around for a while and that just feeds more into my disspointment of myself. I try to stay positive but it is hard when you start to feel like this. I still feel like the 260+ pound womanas well. I'm 93 pounds down and I feel HUGE. I want to look a certain way and I feel like I am not going to feel really happy again until I do.

Just know that you're not the only one. I thought everything would be perfect when I lost all the weight. I still think that because I don't feel like I'm even close to my goal. We just try to have to adapt as best as we can to this change. I hope you can talk this out with others and feel better.

toscarthearmada

Reading over these comments are kind of disturbing. I would really consider seeing a professional. =/

lr5172

Michelle,

Congratulations first of all and I think its natural to grieve some for the loss of the old you. There are really incredible laser treatments out there to tighten up skin that are less invasive then surgery and cheaper. I would recommend you look into those or contacting centers that have people lose lots of weight and deal with loose skin.

Also, have you talked to your partner its a known fact that woman are much harder on their bodies sometimes then the men they are with are...

Anyway you look at it you have beat the odds and done something few can. Keep reaching out and trying suggestions until you find the one that works best for you!!!!

Lisa

ninerbuff

This isn't uncommon which is why now we in my Wellness Center really emphasize that parents get their children to learn immediately how to control their appetites and have better eating choices.
Lots of people who gain a lot of weight use food as comfort, so just losing the weight didn't address the initial issue of why they were eating so much. And now the problem is compounded by low self esteem because of their bodies not looking the way they thought it would.
See a professional. It's important that you identify on what's the cause of your depression.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Trophywifey28

Hi Michelle,

I can relate. I lost 105lbs in just under a year in 2007. It has taken me this long to finally be okay with my body. I got pregnant in 2009 and gained back 80lbs, and have lost 50ish of that again. It take a while to get your mind caught up with your body. For me, it's a constant battle. Gaining back the weight will not make you feel better, it will make you feel like a failure. Get your behind to therapy ASAP.

XO

jimmyduyon

Hi Michelle,

I am right there with you. After 18 months I've lost close to 145 pounds. I thought everything would change for me also, but it's as if I don't even recognize who I am anymore. Same problems with the excess skin, which has left me feeling disgusting and even worse than I did when I was over weight. Relationships with girls is non existent because I am subconscience about my looks.
I do journal some my feelings and thoughts but feel there is very few people that relate to me and embarrassed to talk about it since all of my friends are "in shape" of fit. I am looking into body contouring surgery which the skin can be removed but the costs are great along with the pain and recovery time. I encourage you to find someone to talk to and know that you aren't alone. I don't have an answer for you, but hope you can find some comfort in knowing there are others in your situation. Hang in there!

ohtobe140

It's very normal to have these feelings after losing a lot of weight. I have been through it myself and over time your head will adjust, I can't guarantee everyone else will also. Just keep moving forward, if you have to, in 15 minute increments. Use kind words when you think of your body, use kind words when you think of yourself. Be gentle. If only one kind word a day is all you can do, then do that, start small. It is so very difficult for people to accept change of any kind, when it our self or when it's someone else.

There are weight specific therapists out there, body image and self image are two things that are difficult to deal with.

Keep moving forward. My favorite line from The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel is "Everything will be alright in the end, if it's not alright, it's not the end" hugs. This is hard, but it will be okay.

neandermagnon

You need to learn to love yourself for the person you are. A lot of people when obese, lose the weight in the belief that it will make them like themselves more, or that people will respect them more, and so on.... but in reality it's not like that. You're still the same person, and if you couldn't love yourself before, then you haven't suddenly learned to love yourself now that you're lean. No-one has the perfect body, even the top models and actresses, their pictures are photoshopped, sometimes an awful lot. They don't even look like the image you see of them. When you were fat you didn't like yourself because you're fat, now you don't like yourself because of things you see as imperfections in your lean self. Learn to love and accept yourself for who you are, imperfections and all, because we all have them. Even the celebrities whose imperfections are photoshopped away, their real bodies still have those imperfections.

You described yourself as the "scared fat girl" - you said you still feel that way and are still not respected.... maybe some assertiveness training will help. Being confident does not come from how your body looks, it comes from how you feel about yourself and also some tricks you can learn to get your point across, or get your fair share in negotiations, without coming across as either scared and timid, or aggressive and domineering. Some of the most confident people I know have really out of shape bodies, but that's not what you notice about them, what you notice is their personality and what they have to say. Learning to love and accept yourself for who you are will help you to be more confident, but some assertiveness training would help as well.

With the exercise, it seems to me like your sole motivation to exercise was to lose weight, so you lost it now, you don't have any motivation to continue.... find new reasons to exercise. Make your health a priority and exercise to be healthy. Find an exercise you enjoy and exercise for fun. Exercise to have skills you didn't have before, or achieve levels of fitness and/or strength you've never achieved before. Focus on what you can do, not what you look like. this article is good: http://articles.elitefts.com/training-articles/a-lion-in-iron-ladies-measurements-dont-matter/ Also, you mentioned depression, I've had a lot of issues with depression and anxiety in the past, and I find exercise to be the best thing after therapy and counselling that has helped to reverse it and give me my life and mental health back. It's really hard to still believe that you're a weak and scared person when you can deadlift more than your bodyweight. That's my experience.

And if you find it hard to make these changes in how you think on your own, or you feel like the depression is getting the better of you, then find a really good therapist/counsellor that you can relate to, and get to the root of it and tackle it.