Negative people AFTER your success??

Jessicalg1981

Has anyone had negative encounters with people AFTER you were successful losing weight? Don't get me wrong, I'm THRILLED with my results and I'm SO much happier and healthier now. I just really wasn't expecting as much negativity from this. A lot of people have flat out avoided mentioning my transformation (which is crazy because I lost nearly 100 lbs and went from a size 20 to a size 6 so it's not like it was a subtle transformation) and then the other day while I was having a conversation with someone about weight loss I was accused of being a bully because I made the comment that in a lot of cases (not all) being overweight is a result of choices people make (be it food choices or general life choices).

annie61702

Yes, I think it comes from jealousy. It's a reminder of how they have not changed. I have experienced this, also. Wow, what a great job! That's a huge lifestyle change. Well done!

mactaffy84

Congratulations on your success! Awesome job! Don't let anyone get you down. Jealousy causes strange behavior at times. And given that many people are insensitive and downright stupid, cut them some slack. You are better than that!

Brina4777

Maybe they are just plain jealous.I think your weight loss is inspiring and helpful to others. Losing weight is very hard in today's society and I agree that it has a lot to do with the choices people make. You don't have to eat those fries or drink that milkshake. People tend to have addictive personalities and it can be very hard to change those choices. I wouldn't worry about the negativity, you have accomplished something amazing.

Jessicalg1981

:blushing: Thanks guys!

lisalsd1

I got this a LOT. Sometimes I still get bs like, "you can stay in shape, b/c you don't have a job." I am a stay-at-home mom with a 3 & 5 year old...so I do plenty of physical work. I've also got the "bullying" comments, if I refused food...if I made any remotely "negative" comments about food...the list goes on.

Oh well, I feel good about myself, so I don't let the idiotic comments bother me anymore. I chalk it up to insecurity or jealousy or maybe I am a bully and I don't know it.

rowlandsw

I agree. I think a lot of it comes from the fact that they either realize they can't do what you did or they're just jerks and found a new reason to be annoying.

acogg

Yup, it's jealousy and their own insecurity. I lost a couple of "friends" when I lost weight. You are beautiful, the negative people are not.

Jessicalg1981

I got this a LOT. Sometimes I still get bs like, "you can stay in shape, b/c you don't have a job." I am a stay-at-home mom with a 3 & 5 year old...so I do plenty of physical work. I've also got the "bullying" comments, if I refused food...if I made any remotely "negative" comments about food...the list goes on.

Oh well, I feel good about myself, so I don't let the idiotic comments bother me anymore. I chalk it up to insecurity or jealousy or maybe I am a bully and I don't know it.

I can really relate to this! There is one lady I work with who always says things like, "Oh, it must be nice to have the time to run." Like she doesn't realize I force myself out of bed most days, sometimes when the sun isn't even up yet so that I can get a run in before my husband and kids wake up.

Another big one is if I make the choice to have any sort of fatty snack while celebrating or something I usually get a comment something like, "well, the people I know that are thin eat healthy ALL the time." Like they're just waiting for me to pack on the pounds again. I've maintained for about 6 months now with ease, I think I'm doing ok.

Jessicalg1981

Yup, it's jealousy and their own insecurity. I lost a couple of "friends" when I lost weight. You are beautiful, the negative people are not.

:blushing: :blushing: thank you!!

derkin2005

Yes I have, Most have been supportive but there are some that accuse me of taking drugs and or surgery. Neither of which is true, reality is results take a LOT of hard work and sweat equity period.

JMel86

I got this a LOT. Sometimes I still get bs like, "you can stay in shape, b/c you don't have a job." I am a stay-at-home mom with a 3 & 5 year old...so I do plenty of physical work. I've also got the "bullying" comments, if I refused food...if I made any remotely "negative" comments about food...the list goes on.

Oh well, I feel good about myself, so I don't let the idiotic comments bother me anymore. I chalk it up to insecurity or jealousy or maybe I am a bully and I don't know it.

I can really relate to this! There is one lady I work with who always says things like, "Oh, it must be nice to have the time to run." Like she doesn't realize I force myself out of bed most days, sometimes when the sun isn't even up yet so that I can get a run in before my husband and kids wake up.

I can totally relate to this. I too, am up before the sun or after everyone is in bed to get my jogs in. My exercise doesn't cut in to anyone's time or my mommy & wife responsibilities. It cuts into my sleep, if anything I think people really are just jealous. It's sad coz when others have huge life changes, I am happy for them & proud.

Amazing weight loss, btw! You're awesome!

Jessicalg1981

I got this a LOT. Sometimes I still get bs like, "you can stay in shape, b/c you don't have a job." I am a stay-at-home mom with a 3 & 5 year old...so I do plenty of physical work. I've also got the "bullying" comments, if I refused food...if I made any remotely "negative" comments about food...the list goes on.

Oh well, I feel good about myself, so I don't let the idiotic comments bother me anymore. I chalk it up to insecurity or jealousy or maybe I am a bully and I don't know it.

I can really relate to this! There is one lady I work with who always says things like, "Oh, it must be nice to have the time to run." Like she doesn't realize I force myself out of bed most days, sometimes when the sun isn't even up yet so that I can get a run in before my husband and kids wake up.

I can totally relate to this. I too, am up before the sun or after everyone is in bed to get my jogs in. My exercise doesn't cut in to anyone's time or my mommy & wife responsibilities. It cuts into my sleep, if anything I think people really are just jealous. It's sad coz when others have huge life changes, I am happy for them & proud.

Amazing weight loss, btw! You're awesome!

Yes!! I said that exact thing to my husband! He was like, "yeah, you didn't think anything like that would happen?" and I said, "No! I would NEVER react like that over someone's weight loss! I would only be truly happy for them whether I was fat or not!" And THANKS! :blushing:

BurnBabyyyBurn

Yeah...ignore them!!! That negativity usually comes from what kind of people? People who are less fit than you are. So...yeah... Continue doing your thing, girl!

Jruzer

This can be difficult because you are dealing with issues that are very personal. Some people carry a lot of pain around due to their weight. Be aware that almost anything you say to them can cause them to feel insecure or uncomfortable. If you've lost weight, and they haven't, it can feel like a slight.

I see a lot of people in multiple threads who will call these people "haters" and suggest you ignore them. Just remember that no one is perfect, and that it's possible that you really have offended them in some way. I have done this myself, certainly without intending to do so.

True story from today: My wife and I just ran into an old friend who appeared to have gained all the weight that I have lost. She was certainly very positive toward me, but my wife, in an attempt to make her feel better, said that "It's much easier for men! They just think about losing weight and the pounds drop off!" Now, I literally worked my @$$ off, and work hard to keep it that way. At first I was kind of angry about this - that was belittling my achievement! Is my wife a "hater?" Of course not -- she was just trying to be kind to our friend. I know that in fact she is very proud of me and supportive.

I've had a lot of these kinds of incidents as a formerly fat person. I guess what has worked for me is to be as generous as I can toward others, and to NOT bring up the topic of weight loss and fitness unless I'm explicitly asked.

sue_langley

This can be difficult because you are dealing with issues that are very personal. Some people carry a lot of pain around due to their weight. Be aware that almost anything you say to them can cause them to feel insecure or uncomfortable. If you've lost weight, and they haven't, it can feel like a slight.

I see a lot of people in multiple threads who will call these people "haters" and suggest you ignore them. Just remember that no one is perfect, and that it's possible that you really have offended them in some way. I have done this myself, certainly without intending to do so.

True story from today: My wife and I just ran into an old friend who appeared to have gained all the weight that I have lost. She was certainly very positive toward me, but my wife, in an attempt to make her feel better, said that "It's much easier for men! They just think about losing weight and the pounds drop off!" Now, I literally worked my @$$ off, and work hard to keep it that way. At first I was kind of angry about this - that was belittling my achievement! Is my wife a "hater?" Of course not -- she was just trying to be kind to our friend. I know that in fact she is very proud of me and supportive.

I've had a lot of these kinds of incidents as a formerly fat person. I guess what has worked for me is to be as generous as I can toward others, and to NOT bring up the topic of weight loss and fitness unless I'm explicitly asked.

sue_langley

yes I agree, were so excited we think they will want to know but it doesn't seem to be welcomed unless they ask

rkkid

I don't get much of it because I tend to intimidate people too much for them to outright say it (in all my 5'6" glory) but I do get the passive aggressive comments like "why are you losing weight?" "you shouldn't lose so much" and these weird glares. I lost weight because I was fat, goddamnit, I'm allowed to do what I want with my own flubber!
On the other hand too much positive attention also makes me uncomfortable. There's a few people who are always on about it while bemoaning that they can't lose it themselves and harassing me for weight loss tips. I wish they would back off a bit, I'm not really up to discussing this stuff.

firelight4321

Girl, the haters are flat out jealous. Just let them know that with some hard work they can look as good as you!

Jessicalg1981

This can be difficult because you are dealing with issues that are very personal. Some people carry a lot of pain around due to their weight. Be aware that almost anything you say to them can cause them to feel insecure or uncomfortable. If you've lost weight, and they haven't, it can feel like a slight.

I see a lot of people in multiple threads who will call these people "haters" and suggest you ignore them. Just remember that no one is perfect, and that it's possible that you really have offended them in some way. I have done this myself, certainly without intending to do so.

True story from today: My wife and I just ran into an old friend who appeared to have gained all the weight that I have lost. She was certainly very positive toward me, but my wife, in an attempt to make her feel better, said that "It's much easier for men! They just think about losing weight and the pounds drop off!" Now, I literally worked my @$$ off, and work hard to keep it that way. At first I was kind of angry about this - that was belittling my achievement! Is my wife a "hater?" Of course not -- she was just trying to be kind to our friend. I know that in fact she is very proud of me and supportive.

I've had a lot of these kinds of incidents as a formerly fat person. I guess what has worked for me is to be as generous as I can toward others, and to NOT bring up the topic of weight loss and fitness unless I'm explicitly asked.

well put. I really do try not to say anything to anyone most of the time because I know this is a hard road to travel. Usually nothing gets to me. I was just really upset about someone telling me I was a bully when we were discussing the issue. I mean, I know none of you know me personally but I am so far from that type of person. It just really threw me for a loop.

GaleHawkins

Negative people will always find something/someone to be negative about. When we eat/live in a way that reduces health risks like strokes, cancer, heart attacks, Type 2 diabetes, Alzheimer's, and on and on the list can go that is great for us and our families.

I just read where developing Type 2 Diabetes triples our risk of cancer. Showing our kids how to prevent diabetes by example is being a good role model for an example.

@Jessicalg1981 keep up the great job and being a role model for other true friends and family members.

jgnatca

From what I can see except for the most generous of people, and they are gold, people react badly when you make this sort of life transformation. I chalk it up to two things; projection and changing your social status without their permission or knowledge.

Projection because weight loss and fitness is a major achievement that many people don't get past just dreaming about. You've actually done it. That pretty well blows away any excuses they may have been harboring. You are living evidence of their failure.

Social status because body image is a big thing in our society. As much as we deny it, people's status and whether we pay them any mind at all depends a good deal on how they look. Don't believe me? Watch nearly any one of Melissa McCarthy's movies. The big girl is to be sweet, generous, and never complain. Otherwise she'll have no friends at all. If you change your status, people have to adjust their way of dealing with you, how much attention they give you. This is distressing for many. You would make their lives a lot easier if you went back to the way you were.

I worry about my sister-in-law, a weekend alcoholic. All her friends and her social outlets revolve around the bar. Take away the bar and what has she got? She would need a whole new set of friends. That's pretty drastic and I can understand if she doesn't want to face that change.

Keep all your generous friends.

@GaleHawkins have you ever read the routine list of complications from uncontrolled type 2 diabetes? Heck, cancer is so far down that list it doesn't even rate. Let's talk about increased risk for a heart attack, loss of sensation in the extremities, limb loss, blindness...

I am pretty sure Alzheimer's is totally unrelated to weight loss or diet.

KANGOOJUMPS

for sure,,, but you are doing it for you,,, not for anyone else. BE HAPPY.

GaleHawkins

jgnatca wrote: »

@GaleHawkins have you ever read the routine list of complications from uncontrolled type 2 diabetes? Heck, cancer is so far down that list it doesn't even rate. Let's talk about increased risk for a heart attack, loss of sensation in the extremities, limb loss, blindness...

I am pretty sure Alzheimer's is totally unrelated to weight loss or diet.

@jgnatca my objective was to point out when others may put us down for losing weight that we really are doing it to live longer. Diabetes and cancer are common diseases with tremendous impact on health worldwide. Epidemiologic evidence suggests that people with diabetes are at significantly higher risk for many forms of cancer.er healthier lives so such comments must be ignored. Obesity does not insure one will develop Type II diabetes but per the group below it can be a risk factor. While I can not speak to the validity of this organization please read the first paragraph on the second page for the connection with diabetes and Alzheimer's.

alz.org/documents/greaterillinois/ad_diabetes.pdf

jgnatca since some report, "Obesity is responsible for approximately 20% of all malignancies, although its influence is gender and site specific." and obesity can be a factor in developing type 2 diabetes was the medical connection I was trying to make. See the below for the above quote.

Obesity as a Major Risk Factor for Cancer
hindawi.com/journals/jobe/2013/291546/

Diabetes and Cancer
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2890380/
"Diabetes and cancer are common diseases with tremendous impact on health worldwide. Epidemiologic evidence suggests that people with diabetes are at significantly higher risk for many forms of cancer."

Diabetes and Risk of Cancer
http://www.hindawi.com/journals/isrn/2013/583786/
2.1. Hyperglycemia and Cancer Risk
"Several prospective studies reported an association of elevated blood glucose with increased overall cancer incidence........Ten-year Korean prospective cohort study enrolling 1,298,385 subjects (64% men) showed a significant increase in all-cancer incidence for DM patients......."
2.3. Diabetes and Risk Ratio to Cancer
"In last decades diabetes have been consistently associated with increased risk for broad variety of malignancies."
6. Mortality
"....... In addition to increased incidence of cancer, DM diagnosis has also deleterious effects on cancer prognosis."
7. Discussion
"Diabetes significantly increases risk for several cancers, as well as it negatively affects the prognosis after cancer diagnosis. Relative risk imposed by DM is greatest (about 2-fold or higher) with regard to liver, pancreas, and endometrium cancer and lower for cancers of kidney, bladder, breast, colorectal, esophagus, biliary tract, and lymphoma."

Based on the above I think anything we can do to prevent obesity or type 2 diabetes in our bodies is worth the effort. If one with diabetes has a 2x greater risk to developing cancer I think if they had this info many would work hard to reverse type 2 diabetes by diet more often.

jgnatca

@GaleHawkins nevertheless diabetics are much more likely to die of complications of their disease; heart attacks the most common.

GaleHawkins

jgnatca wrote: »

@GaleHawkins nevertheless diabetics are much more likely to die of complications of their disease; heart attacks the most common.

@jgnatca last fall I had three local guys die ages 58, 62 and 69 from diabetes complications that did not include cancer so I am in agreement with your point. Maybe it is just a guy thing to not focus on managing diabetes with meds and diet.

jgnatca

My optometrist checked my eyes for damage a couple years back and they are clear. No scarring of the fine blood vessels. This is after a decade of type 2 diagnosis for me.

She told a story of a prior patient who denied the optometrist's diagnosis, even though she could see the damage. He insisted he did not have diabetes. A few months later he came in, chastened. He'd lost a few toes to the disease.

Denial is a handy mask for fear. It won't save anyone the consequences though.