blah relationship stopping me from being more active...

Options
greekgyrl02
greekgyrl02 Posts: 123
in Health and Weight Loss
So what do you do when the person your dating is your complete opposite...doesnt like to be active, doesnt care about there health...and gets upset if I go workout instead of spending time with them. Im a personal trainer so not only am i very busy..im very active...on my off days i like to be outside playing sports..taking the dog swimming or hiking etc...im always doing something...the person im dating likes to go out to eat and lay around....i dont know what to do...ive tried talking about it but nothings really working...any suggestions on how to motivate...or should i end it...

Replies

  • greekgyrl02
    greekgyrl02 Posts: 123
    Options
    So what do you do when the person your dating is your complete opposite...doesnt like to be active, doesnt care about there health...and gets upset if I go workout instead of spending time with them. Im a personal trainer so not only am i very busy..im very active...on my off days i like to be outside playing sports..taking the dog swimming or hiking etc...im always doing something...the person im dating likes to go out to eat and lay around....i dont know what to do...ive tried talking about it but nothings really working...any suggestions on how to motivate...or should i end it...
  • banks1850
    banks1850 Posts: 3,475 Member
    Options
    re-assess. Are they going through a phase? Were they ever active and are now just at a place where it's not enjoyable to them?

    Is it the idea of activity that bothers them? Or is it the activity that you are doing/suggesting that they don't like.

    For instance, My wife is a gym nut, loves it there, loves the people, loves the environment...etc. I, on the other hand, HATE it. My hate stems from the college football program I was in, where they FORCED you into the gym for 3 hours a day in a dirty, nasty college gym and there was no fun involved, it left me never wanting to go back to a gym again.

    If it's just a matter of finding the right activity, maybe you need to figure out what they will enjoy and, even if you don't like it very much, try to engage in it with them a little, I'm not saying give up what you do to do what they like, just maybe 1 day a week or something like that.

    If they have no interest in the thing you love the most, and aren't willing to compromise, then you might have to think long and hard about whether this is the right person for you. I guess talking to them about it is the first step, then if you think there is any middle ground at all, you go from there. If not......
  • sportsmomof2
    sportsmomof2 Posts: 136
    Options
    ok..so I was where you are...only 10 years ago...lets see...I gained 70 lbs from the relationship...however, I am still married to him today..and have realized..I accept him for who he is...he has to understand how important this is for me. He has since started getting off the couch. I think he realizes that Im going to do this with or without him..he better come along or get left behind.

    Keep in mind sometimes its the differences that complement each other...you will eventually rub off some healthy vibes..and maybe he will rub off the relaxing vibe...I guess what it boils down to is whether or not you two can accept each others differences..if you can then move forward..if you cant well maybe it isnt meant to be. Relationships are all about comprimise.

    Please just dont give in to his behavior or you will end up working 10x harder in 10 years...I know trust me! But maybe take one day a month and lounge with him.and hopefully one day a month he can train with you....

    I wish you the best of luck no matter what happens!

    :flowerforyou:
  • teetsel4
    teetsel4 Posts: 288 Member
    Options
    Ok, this is all based on your post and profile so take it for what its worth:

    You are too cute! And you are young! As a personal trainer you know you can not motivate someone to do something they just don't want to do. If they are in a gym training with you, then they WANT to be motivated and pushed by you. If this person just isn't into it, you can't make them. Personally I say end it, only because if it is a struggle now..... Just think about a few years from now... Just think about be ing with someone with health issues and having to care for them UGH! Be with someone who values you and what you love in life!:flowerforyou:
  • greekgyrl02
    greekgyrl02 Posts: 123
    Options
    Thanks everyone, Im only 24 Im def not ready to be the boring stay at home couple...I just feel like if its a nice day and i have free time i wanna be outside...if he has free time and its nice out he wants to sit in and open a window haha...its just not the same...I cant go out to eat all the time and eat that junk and thats all we do...Looks like i need to have a talk and see where it takes us...thanks for your advice..
  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
    Options
    Sending you prayers and good thoughts. I hope he responds to it. :smile:
  • Shannon023
    Shannon023 Posts: 14,529 Member
    Options
    My husband & I are like that too. He's a exercise fanatic & for me it's a means to an end. A perfect day for him would be riding his bike up the steepest mountain pass all day. Now that I've lost 50 pounds, he's convinced I'm going to want to do the same things.

    :noway: :noway: :noway:

    Fare thee well, dear! I'll be waiting for you at home. :bigsmile:
  • evjazz
    evjazz Posts: 28 Member
    Options
    I have the very same relationship with my boyfriend, he is a couch potato, avid TV fan and loves to eat. I am the exact opposite. I am a full time mom, with a full time job and go to the gym daily! I watch only about an hour of tv at night before I fall asleep. I eat healthy and only have healthy food in my fridge. My boyfriend apparently doesn't eat anything we have in the fridge as he is gaining weight almost daily. I have spoken with him and as with all of us, it needs to be an individual choice, his choice is to get fat and be unhealthy. I told him, thats fine, just make sure that I am the benificiary on all your policies and 401K. He laughed, but I am serious. His choices do not affect my choices. Good luck!
  • ali106
    ali106 Posts: 3,754 Member
    Options
    You know what so many couples, young and old get into ruts where they just hang out at home and munch or eat poorly, substitute food and tv for activity and conversation...

    I am soooo proud of you that you realize its not healthy and are not thrilled w/ it...and I wish you all the luck in the world trying to get things to even out....alittle tv watching and pickies are okay...just not all the time! lol

    hugs :flowerforyou:
    Ali
  • lessertess
    lessertess Posts: 855 Member
    Options
    Is this someone you're thinking of spending the rest of your life with? You've told us what about your relationship does not work. What is working? Why are you together? With the exception of this issue do you have a great relationship and feel loved and valued?

    If there are aspects of your relationship that are good and you're happy together then I would say, compromise or accept that this is one area where you'll differ.

    You post makes it sound like the two of you don't really have much in common. I'd worry about someone who is exerting control over your activities and thinks their own wishes are more important than yours.

    Good luck!
  • abbychelle07
    abbychelle07 Posts: 656 Member
    Options
    You shouldn't make him exercise when he doesn't want to--but that doesn't mean you should be sitting home with him!

    Explain that him expecting you to spend ALL of you time with him is a little demanding. Plan to do things together, and plan your active things apart.

    My husband, when he was my boyfriend, was the same way. I was so in love, we did everything HE wanted to do. Unfortunately (for him) it is not that way today. :laugh:
  • dulceluva
    dulceluva Posts: 728 Member
    Options
    So what do you do when the person your dating is your complete opposite...doesnt like to be active, doesnt care about there health...and gets upset if I go workout instead of spending time with them. Im a personal trainer so not only am i very busy..im very active...on my off days i like to be outside playing sports..taking the dog swimming or hiking etc...im always doing something...the person im dating likes to go out to eat and lay around....i dont know what to do...ive tried talking about it but nothings really working...any suggestions on how to motivate...or should i end it...

    *sigh* I unfortunately broke it off with him. He was too much of an obstacle and man oh man his look of disgust and confusion toward my new way of life was just heart breaking. He thought I was f'n nuts to be trying to eat so healthy. He couldn't understand why I just dont eat what I want.
  • KrisKabob
    KrisKabob Posts: 1,250 Member
    Options
    I would either let him go or let him know!!! He definitely needs to know the kind of person you are and that you enjoy being active. If he can't hang then see ya!!! I really wouldn't take him being angry with you because you want to workout and stay healthy! You are young and now is the time to live it up! Do you invite him to come along with you to work out or be active outside???

    O' and just a side note: even when you do decide to get married/settle down, you definitely don't have the be "the boring stay at home couple". My husband and I are very active. We go to the park or just play outside with our son. We love to go hiking and camping, etc. Just so your know... marriage doesn't always equal weightgain and laziness. (Unless you make it that way)
  • greekgyrl02
    greekgyrl02 Posts: 123
    Options
    The relationship is fine besides this issue...we have never been in a fight with eachother and we have fun..its just lately the laziness is getting ridic...plus we meet at the beginning of winter so staying inside was fine and now thats its spring maybe im seeing the true colors...its starting to effect the relationship because of the difference in things we want to do and par take in. I dont beg him to workout or anything but going for a walk or a hike once in a while with me isnt too much to ask in my book...its just totally diff lifestyles...im at a steady 8-4 job and i train ppl with workout sessions from 7-8 am and then 4- whenever at night...hes a bartender...i dont know ill let everyone know how our talk goes! I do love him i just dont know...

Categories