I need some help here. Anybody?

amethyst70

So I am new to the board. I'm already really discouraged. I have posted on a couple different sites and nobody ever responds. I am throwing a huge pity party for myself right now and I don't like it but can't seem to shake it.

It is a long story. I could give you all the details but I will stick to what is really bothering me this morning. 3rd week on the scales, and no change. I have been lifting weights for 5 weeks, and lost like a 1/2 inch in the chest area, the only place I don't need to lose inches, and everywhere else is the same or bigger.

I wanted a home gym. So the husband and I started one. I follow a total body workout and work my butt off 3x a week. 3 weeks ago he decides he is going to start lifting. He didn't need to lose weight really but needed to tone up. In 3 weeks he has some awesome biceps, and looks leaner and meaner and lost about 5 lbs. Yay him.

My 10 yr old is showing signs of an eating disorder and has lost 5 lbs in 2 weeks. I catch her constantly trying to go workout in the home gym and have enforced the rule of if she doesn't eat she CAN NOT work out. Period.

My 8 yr old son is overweight and no matter what I do, I can't get him motivated to care.

My 4 yr old is now claiming she is fat.

I just don't get it. I am sitting here in tears this morning. I want nothing more than to have my life fall together. I don't expect miracles or overnight success. I want to be fit, healthy and able to lead my family in the right direction, and yet I sit here not at all being able to show progress and I am bawling my eyes out.

Sorry this is all a pity party, negative post, but I am really just at a all time low. I mean, I am really REALLY trying here, and nothing. Anybody else have these days or is it just me?

BamaBreezeNSaltAire

First and foremost, it sounds like you and your husband need to have a sitdown heart to heart about your children and yourselves and what you just posted. Discuss the issues you just pointed out and then lay out a plan of how you can go about fixing this. If need be, seek outside family counseling, these are more than likely deep seeded issues and need to be worked out with some professional help. One day at a time but the first step is getting on the same page with your spouse.

And a big huge HUG OP. Things can be accomplished, you just sometimes need a little help.

Synamin

Are you logging your food and weighing and measuring what you eat?

Escloflowne

First and foremost, it sounds like you and your husband need to have a sitdown heart to heart about your children and yourselves and what you just posted. Discuss the issues you just pointed out and then lay out a plan of how you can go about fixing this. If need be, seek outside family counseling, these are more than likely deep seeded issues and need to be worked out with some professional help. One day at a time but the first step is getting on the same page with your spouse.

And a big huge HUG OP. Things can be accomplished, you just sometimes need a little help.

This^^^^


Also it sounds like diet might be the issue if you're working out, open your diary so people can help you out!

jellybeanhed313

If you have lost inches, that IS progress. Don't you feel better after lifting weights for 5 weeks? I felt better after just a week or 2 of doing it. I have been lifting for about 2 months now and not really seen any change in weight, but I feel stronger and see a bit of a difference when I look in the mirror.
The best thing you can do is lead your family by example. Eat healthy, workout and voice how great you feel as a result. Don't make it about weight at all. Make it about health. How about a family walk after dinner? I'm not sure my opinion about family is valid since I do not have children yet, but that is my view.
The only other thing I can say is don't be discouraged. You are trying to make a change for the better. Don't compare yourself to others, especially your husband. Men gain muscle more easily than women. Sometimes they lose weight more easily. Its comparing apples to oranges-doesn't make sense.
Keep doing what you're doing. You are healthier than you were before lifting.

1princesswarrior

First and foremost, it sounds like you and your husband need to have a sitdown heart to heart about your children and yourselves and what you just posted. Discuss the issues you just pointed out and then lay out a plan of how you can go about fixing this. If need be, seek outside family counseling, these are more than likely deep seeded issues and need to be worked out with some professional help. One day at a time but the first step is getting on the same page with your spouse.

And a big huge HUG OP. Things can be accomplished, you just sometimes need a little help.

This and :flowerforyou:

BoxerBrawler

Hey you... suck it up butter cup

I would suggest you take a deep breath, relax a bit and re-set. I read your post and know you want to get fit and healthy and lead your family in the right direction. You should start by setting yourself some realistic and achievable goals. Gaining muscle is nice but do you want to lose weight first? Do you want to change the way you and your family are eating? This takes time, it is always a work in progress, you won't get results overnight and it takes planning and dedication.

I can't tell you how to do it but I can tell you how I started my plan...

I made a list of healthy stuff that I was eating and unhealthy stuff. I eliminated the unhealthy stuff and what I couldn't eliminate I replaced with a healthier option. I did this just for me, leaving my husband, family and friends out of it. At first it was hard... eating differently, creating an exercise routine for myself, etc. But it only takes three weeks to form a habit (remember that). After a while it became habit and my grocery shopping changed, little by little the way my husband was eating changed as well. He looked at me and saw my results and decided to make some healthy changes for himself too.

You should start logging your food, making sure to weight it being as accurate as possible. Yup, this is a challenge at first but once you start doing it, it gets easier, especially if you tend to stick to the same food choices like me (I am just boring like that).

It's not easy but it's worth the effort.

As far as your children... well, I am not sure what to say about that but in my opinion if you change yourself in a healthy and positive way, they will follow suit. Instead of restricting them from what they can do or eat you should encourage them in a positive manner to made healthy choices. Lead by example if you can.

If you're initially looking to lose weight I'd say focus on cardio first vs. weight lifting. Also, remember that weight has a lot to do with what you're eating and not so much to do with exercise. The exercise is the added bonus of weight loss and overall health.

Please know everything I said above is my opinion, I am not a professional. But I hope something I said clicks or helps or makes you feel better somehow... feel free to friend me if you would like to discuss more.

amethyst70

Thanks for your response. Seems the girls became obsessed about weight when I started my journey to losing weight, becoming healthy and fit. The exact opposite of what I was trying to accomplish. I suppose a little background would help.

I am a big build type of girl at 5'8. My childrens father is a big guy too topping out at about 6'8. So my 10 yr old is way taller than others in her class. As it is the kids in the class like to hone in on that and make comments to her. Since she is sensitive and along with my attempt to lose weight she has taken that as her opening to do something about it. She speaks to a counselor at school that she is really close with, but no matter what she still cares more about what other kids say. It is aggravating to say the least. I spend all weekend showering her with positives, and her Dad does the same, and then come Monday morning back at school, and the kids start in on her and it all comes unraveled.

I guess this is where my feelings are coming from this morning. I WANT to show her and live in proof that you can eat healthy, and be beauitful in your own skin, yet no matter what I try I can't pull it off, so maybe I feel like not only a bit of a failure to myself but to her as well, and seriously I feel what happens now with her will set the tone of her life long self image.

Galatea_Stone

I think ^ advice is very good. Don't talk about dieting so much in front of your kids. Instead of talking about how fat you are and how easy it is for your husband/men, talk about "eating" and "training" and overall health.

Talking about food constantly doesn't always have the right impact on children. There's nothing wrong with talking about exercise and healthy food choices, but use terms like "training" and "balancing." Teach kids about the need for proteins, carbs, and fat as opposed to calories. Sometimes, when a child hears her parents say they need to eat less to be healthy or talking about calories, she interprets that she also needs to eat less to be healthy. Kids want to emulate us.

Putting restrictions on your child about exercising doesn't sound good, either. You shouldn't associate the exercise with what she puts in her mouth at this age. Keep the concepts separate.

Don't tell your son he's overweight. Make healthy foods available to him, encourage activity, and leave it at that.

clanmcfleming

First and foremost, it sounds like you and your husband need to have a sitdown heart to heart about your children and yourselves and what you just posted. Discuss the issues you just pointed out and then lay out a plan of how you can go about fixing this. If need be, seek outside family counseling, these are more than likely deep seeded issues and need to be worked out with some professional help. One day at a time but the first step is getting on the same page with your spouse.

And a big huge HUG OP. Things can be accomplished, you just sometimes need a little help.

This and maybe less emphasis on weight, starting with being too hard on yourself, and focus on the whole family eating healthy and enjoying some activity together. If you are introducing healthy family meals this may address your sons weight and encourage your daughter to also eat better, but i think you may also need additional support. Make sure you ask for help if you need it. These issues will be easier to sort out sooner rather than later.

viviyueyue

You are not alone! I have been working out 50-90 minutes per day for 2 months on a gazelle slide. I usually wet my whole t-shirt/yoga shirt after doing my work out so it's not just a mellow work out. On top of that, I've been counting calories carefully, drinking more water, and eating healthier than ever (started to measuring what I eat, low fat, low carb, little lean meat and mostly veggies and fruits.)
However, only slight change in weight (2.5 pounds) in the past 2 months, and the weight loss came last week, so it was later in the 2 months. I was really discouraged, that's when I came across to MFP.
Like you, I understand there's no miracle weight loss, but I've been kicking my *kitten* and I'd really hope I can start seeing results!
I know a lot of people say when we start working out, we start building muscles so we may not see changes on a scale but we'd definitely see changes in inches. Not so much my case, neither, I haven't noticed any difference on my body.
I know my post doesn't have any helpful tips, but I just wanted you to know you're not alone! And I'm sure with dedication and determination, we can achieve our goals. Cheer up!!

Cranquistador

I think ^ advice is very good. Don't talk about dieting so much in front of your kids. Instead of talking about how fat you are and how easy it is for your husband/men, talk about "eating" and "training" and overall health.

Talking about food constantly doesn't always have the right impact on children. There's nothing wrong with talking about exercise and healthy food choices, but use terms like "training" and "balancing." Teach kids about the need for proteins, carbs, and fat as opposed to calories. Sometimes, when a child hears her parents say they need to eat less to be healthy or talking about calories, she interprets that she also needs to eat less to be healthy. Kids want to emulate us.

Putting restrictions on your child about exercising doesn't sound good, either. You shouldn't associate the exercise with what she puts in her mouth at this age. Keep the concepts separate.

Don't tell your son he's overweight. Make healthy foods available to him, encourage activity, and leave it at that.

this.^

and be mindful about how you talk about yourself. They hear everything.

You have gotten some great responses and I really hope they help you feel better. Try to find something fun to do as a family or with your kids individually that is active and fun like roller skating, or one of those rock climbing places, or laser tag, or a bike ride

and far as food, also try not to demonize anything or call it BAD... nothing wrong with pizza or a cupcake...just that we can enjoy one and not take 7...it's all about balance.

amethyst70

Haven't done my food diary yet. All honesty this last week, I barely ate at all with everything going on. I know its an excuse but it is the one I am sticking to.

I am 43. Started atkins for the umpteenth time on 1/26. Lost 16 lbs by 2/14 and now nothing. I started exercising right out the gate and decided lifting weights was where it was at.

I suffer from PCOS. Graves Disease, was hyperthyroid for 2 years, now hypo, even though my Dr. refuses to accept I am hypo based on bloodwork.

I know it is an uphill battle for me and patience is key. I really do know this. I don't want or expect an overnight fix. I just want to see something. SOME little bit of progress. I don't compare myself to my husband in most cases, this time it is just kicking my butt as he is insanely competitive. He showed me his bicep and even though I really want to be in his corner it was kind of a punch in the gut. He isn't mean or gloating by any means, it just upsets me that I am trying insanely hard, and I am/have been the family motivator and somehow always the last to reap benefits. LOL. Geez I need to get out of this feel sorry for me.

Thank you all for responding. I really appreciate it and it helps a lot to just vent.

My goals? I would love to lose weight, but I am ok with weighing 200 if I can be firm. It isn't so much the number to me as how I look or fit clothes and feel. How I feel is a big thing to me as for the past 2 years I have felt like total crap.

Cranquistador

OH and as far as the scale would you open your food diary?

and are you weighing your food on a digital scale as much as possible? this can make a big difference in your calories. and how many calories are you using for your exercise? sometimes over estimating can be a problem.


also when you lift weights sometimes you retain water as the muscles repair themselves...be patient.




ETA...lol i did not see your post before I posted

what kind of weight training program are you doing?

SunofaBeach14

I think ^ advice is very good. Don't talk about dieting so much in front of your kids. Instead of talking about how fat you are and how easy it is for your husband/men, talk about "eating" and "training" and overall health.

Talking about food constantly doesn't always have the right impact on children. There's nothing wrong with talking about exercise and healthy food choices, but use terms like "training" and "balancing." Teach kids about the need for proteins, carbs, and fat as opposed to calories. Sometimes, when a child hears her parents say they need to eat less to be healthy or talking about calories, she interprets that she also needs to eat less to be healthy. Kids want to emulate us.

Putting restrictions on your child about exercising doesn't sound good, either. You shouldn't associate the exercise with what she puts in her mouth at this age. Keep the concepts separate.

Don't tell your son he's overweight. Make healthy foods available to him, encourage activity, and leave it at that.

this.^

and be mindful about how you talk about yourself. They hear everything.

You have gotten some great responses and I really hope they help you feel better. Try to find something fun to do as a family or with your kids individually that is active and fun like roller skating, or one of those rock climbing places, or laser tag, or a bike ride

and far as food, also try not to demonize anything or call it BAD... nothing wrong with pizza or a cupcake...just that we can enjoy one and not take 7...it's all about balance.

+1

It's critical to watch what you say in front of your children.

3laine75

Sorry to say this but I think your kids issues are stemming from you. You've said you are sitting crying because you haven't lost weight - children pick up on these things. Try not to show your obsession with weight in front of them.

It's also pretty normal that your eldest wants to 'workout' - is it not more the case that they are enjoying playing with the new toys. Don't moan at them about eating or punish them for not looking after their nutrition before 'working out' - that's your job as their mum.

As to your weight loss, if resistance training is a new thing for you then you will probably be holding onto water for repair. If not, you may not be logging accurately and not actually in a deficit.

Apologies if I've got the wrong end of the stick on any of the points you mentioned and good luck.

Phrick

You don't need to view exercise as a punishment that you're trying to spare your children from. Truth is it's good for everyone and should be a regular part of family life. So take your daughter on long walks, a hike, a short run... it's a great thing for everyone involved.

Except that is not what she said she's doing. She said her daughter is displaying eating disorder symptoms and has lost 5 pounds in 2 weeks at age 10. She said that her daughter is constantly trying to SNEAK into the home gym and work out and she said that she's had to enact a rule that her 10 year old daughter is not allowed to use the home gym unless she eats (this implies that daughter is trying to eat less/skip meals). I don't think that disallowing a 10 year old from working out unless she's properly fueled for said workout, especially if she is in dangerous territory to begin with, is a bad idea.

viviyueyue

I think ^ advice is very good. Don't talk about dieting so much in front of your kids. Instead of talking about how fat you are and how easy it is for your husband/men, talk about "eating" and "training" and overall health.

Talking about food constantly doesn't always have the right impact on children. There's nothing wrong with talking about exercise and healthy food choices, but use terms like "training" and "balancing." Teach kids about the need for proteins, carbs, and fat as opposed to calories. Sometimes, when a child hears her parents say they need to eat less to be healthy or talking about calories, she interprets that she also needs to eat less to be healthy. Kids want to emulate us.

Putting restrictions on your child about exercising doesn't sound good, either. You shouldn't associate the exercise with what she puts in her mouth at this age. Keep the concepts separate.

Don't tell your son he's overweight. Make healthy foods available to him, encourage activity, and leave it at that.

Totally agree with ^^^^^^
I grew up being overweight and stayed overweight throughout most of my early 20s due to the medication I had to take for my health issue. My father would constantly point out how fat I was, and that I should eat little. He was really concerned I would never find a boyfriend! My parents started putting me on diet since I was 12 years old. Any methods, you name it, I've done it. I know my parents me dearly and just wants what's the best for me. But instead, my father made me feel very ashamed of myself and had very low self-confidence and felt I was worthless because I was fat and I didn't deserve to find love. I started learning and reading the correct way of healthy dieting about 2 years ago when I was at 195 pounds, but more importantly, I learnt to gain self-confidence and love myself. I can't say I'm all the way there yet, but I'm proud to say I'm getting there.
So to the point, I agree choosing the correct and more positive language can make a huge difference on your kids. Introduce them the healthy way to diet and only keep healthy food choices around the house. Encourage your son, but first, believe in yourself!!

amethyst70

So seems my venting opened a complete different avenue of where I was going.

1. I don't tell my son he is overweight. I encourage healthy eating AND balance.

2. I do feel it is important to let my daughter know she isn't going to go try to lift weights at her age, or work out on the gazelle with no food in her system.

3. I don't sit around and talk about my body, my weight, or fitness in front of my children. What happens is they offer me something they have, like a snack, and I politely decline, and they get upset, so I just state I am not hungry or that my body doesn't handle that particular snack well. Such as an orange, or cereal. Any amount of carbs puts me under the table.

4. My kids are all involved in recreational sports and we talk a lot about just overall health.

I don't mean to come across as defensive in anyway. I don't have a diary done, and haven't tracked my intake as of yet. Going to buy a scale this weekend.

For the most part I stay under 20 carbs a day and usually try to stick to 10 or under. No Dr has been able to tell me why, but if I eat carbs, I can't keep my eyes open. I do not have diabetes. I am insulin resistant. My endo swears that I should be able to eat a complex carb and not have problems. If I eat a 1/2 cup of oatmeal, or a slice of whole wheat bread, 30 min later I am so tired I can't keep my eyes open and have been known to fall asleep sitting up.

I suppose it could be a unique case. It is difficult for me to find things to eat without this problem which is why I tend to lean towards LC and Atkins.
For the most part I have been eating, chicken salad. (Baked chicken, celery and 2 tbs mayo)
egg salad. 2 boiled eggs chopped with 1 tbs mayo.
1 cup salad with 2 tbs ranch dressing.
an avocado.
green beans.

Coffee with heavy whipping cream and 1 tbs torani sugar free syrup.

Most days is a combination of these items.